Drops of Jupiter

-Taylor Swift Cover-

Now he’s back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in his hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there’s time to change, hey, hey
Since his return from his stay on the moon
He listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all fadeing
And that heaven is overrated?
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar,
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Now that he’s back from that soul vacation
Chasing his way through the constellation, hey, hey
He checks out Mozart while he does tae-bo
Reminds me that there’s room to grow, hey, hey
Now the’s back in the atmosphere
I’m afraid that he might think of me as plain ol’ Jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance to dance alone in the light of day,
And head back to the Milky Way?
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find?
Did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you’re wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had, and me?

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance alone in the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you’re wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had, and me?

❤ ❤ ❤

God Gave Me You.

My current laptop background:

I Love It. :)

❤ ❤ ❤

Friends Who Love.

"Theheartfelt counsel of a FRIEND is as sweet as perfume and incense" -Proverbs 27:9

Friends. Friends are absolutely incredible. I have missed these friends. You know you have been blessed with great people in your life when...

:: you leave their house and you are feeling fantastically encouraged; you get into your car and end up blasting the PRAISE station the entire way home, feeling like nothing could ever bring you down.

:: you're sitting together at the coffee house, just in complete awe of how amazing Jesus is. "Think about your favourite person here on the earth...think about the person you love more than anything and anyone...the person who makes you laugh and smile like nobody else. Jesus is like that person, only an infinite amount of times BETTER."

:: you bond over Taylor Swift's Speak Now concert DVD, singing at the top of your lungs.

:: you can talk about those problems in the past that were once so hard to deal with...all the fights, the bad relationships, and the bad choices, all-the-while now wearing a smile on your face.

:: the talking lasts for hours...when it only feels like minutes.

:: you both inspire one another to do better, to set -small- goals, to move on, and to keep on trusting in the Lord with EVERYTHING.
God has been good to me, and He has blessed me with the most amazing friends ever! It's gonna be hard going back to school 7 hours away and not taking these girls with me, but God puts certain people in my life in certain places for certain reasons.

God, thank you for sending me angels. You know exactly how I have been feeling these past few days, and you sent these girls to me to encourage, inspire, and remind me that I am LOVED.

❤ ❤ ❤

Babies.

A great friend of mine just had her very first baby, so I went to go visit her in the hospital today.

As I entered into the hospital parking lot I saw the words EMERGENCY ROOM and saw a few ambulances outside the building. This caused me to realize...I don't actually like hospitals. This is weird...I'd rather not be here...I am creeped out for some reason...maybe I have seen to many movies and doctor shows...all I know is that I am expecting to see corpses being rolled down the hallway in stretchers and being passed by doctors with bloody hands. GAH. It just is funny that I never realized how much I disliked hospitals until today. (and it didn't help that we entered through the sketchy basement entrance either!!)

It was such an amazing experience for me though; before this I had never visited someone in the hospital after they had given birth, so it was a first time thing for me! And wow, was he the cutest baby EVER! Trust me, I didn't think it was even possible for babies to look so cute after emerging from the womb that soon! Haha!

When I saw the tiny baby in the father's arms I thought to myself: wow, how incredible would it be to hold something that you and your spouse created together? An actual human being composed of both your DNA's. He has his father's nose, and he has his mother's lips...it is just so amazing.

So I was in an emotional dreamland of: Hmm...a baby...I want one. UNTIL the brand-new-parents started talking about the whole 22 hour labour, c-section, epidural experience and I thought to myself: Hmm...a baby...NO WAY. Sounds absolutely horrible!!!

Now don't get me wrong, I fully believe that babies are definitely God's little miracles and that parenthood is absolutely wonderful and Biblical, but I also believe that there is a time for everything. And now is NOT the time for me to have a baby. One day...far, far, far, faaaaar away. :)

Set Me Free.

"I just need to get away from me,
I just need to find some peace of mind,
Caught in this game of unmet expectations,
I wanna leave it all behind...

So in that moment when i lose myself,
Let the world fade away from me,
Give me a moment to just seek the silence,
I just wanna be set free.

I wanna be small,
I wanna be just like a child,
I wanna be quiet in your arms,
I wanna be small,
I wanna be just like a child,
I wanna be Quiet in your arms."

Amanda Falk's lyrics portray exactly how I'm feeling. I am caught up in this world again. I find myself desiring approval from this world, and when I don't get it, I doubt myself...I doubt the capabilities I have been given...I doubt the woman God created me to be. And then the lies begin to set in: you'll never be taken seriously, you are not capable of anything, you'll never be considered, you'll never be heard, the choices you make will never be good enough...

Your opinion matters so much to me; your approval is all I'm longing for. But why? What good would your words of acceptance do for me? You didn't create the world and you certainly didn't create me. You are merely just human. You are just as lowly as me. You are not perfect and you are not my idol.

If you would give me your nods of approval and your words of affirmation, I would feel absolutely great and proud, but only in the moment. For matching up to your standards only offers me a temporary high.

I don't want to believe any of those lies...and I know that if you knew how I was feeling you wouldn't want me to believe them either. I practically kill myself wondering WHAT IS IT GOING TO TAKE FOR THE WORLD TO SEE AND BELIEVE THAT I AM JUST A GIRL WHO IS LETTING GOD LEAD HER LIFE AND THAT THIS GREATLY EFFECTS MY CHOICES? I am just trying to live my life the best way I can. I am a big girl and I am trying my best to live my life the way God wants me to.

All I want is to be set free from these lies and from these chains. 1 Corinthians 7:23 says "you were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men". I hold this verse close to my heart because I don't want to be a slave, I don't want to waste my life away on my hands and knees begging for the world's empty approval.

I have a high conscience of morality and I just want to do the right thing. God, thank you for this desire to want to live for you. Help me to love fearlessly, even if I feel like I'm not good enough for the world. I want to truly feel and believe that You are enough for me, and that You are all that I need.

"Do you want to be free?
Lift your chains,
I hold the key.
All power on Heaven and Earth belong to Me...
You are FREE."

-Casting Crowns-

Home For Christmas.

Wow. It is half past midnight and Christmas Day has already come and gone. It's funny actually--every year until this one, I have always dreaded the day-after-Christmas. I would just drown in sadness that all the anticipation for Christmas had just officially ended: no more Christmas music, no more lights, movies, gatherings, presents, or Christmas food.

But this time around, this Christmas 2011, things are different. Being busy in school with six exams and papers all throughout the month of December, I never even had time to think about Christmas. Sad, I know. I couldn't let myself think about Christmas! If I did, then I would have lost all motivation to study and finish my semester strong! (So yes, I am definitely that girl who finishes her Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve). The moment I left my dorm room and arrived home seven hours later was when it finally began to feel like Christmas, and that's when I just "went to town" with it!

Christmas Day is over, but I'm not sad at all! In fact, I feel like all the festivities have just begun! Over the next few weeks of Christmas break I have plans of family gatherings, attending my home church, visiting with old & good friends, and just enjoying time with family.
I have missed home...alot. It has been a tough semester in all areas, and I know that the only reason I made it through was because of God. I'm really grateful for this college I'm going to, but I realize that I need to be more grateful...

God has brought two girls into my life there who have been my angels through all of this, and I am so excited to see them again in January!! We do everything together, from studying for Anthropology and History, praying together, working out together, eating tuna together, and watching "awkward-romantic-comedies" together. I love them. :)

Another blessing is that my boyfriend and I attend school here together. The fact that we applied separately while just in the beginning of our relationship is a total God-thing, because we originally live far apart, in different countries. It's like God completely opened the door for us to grow in our relationship at this school and I am totally grateful for this. AND our one-year anniversary is approaching quick and I'm so excited!! :)

Also, have I mentioned the AMAZING weather we have had so far? Today is December 26th and it is plus 6 outside right now. I LOVE IT! And even while I have been at school the winter weather has been so mild, and it definitely makes me a happier person. Haha. Although people keep telling me that January and February are going to be the cold months...hope not!

I am also really happy to have a different major right now. I have switched from Humanities to Christian Ministry (Family Studies & Missions) with a minor in Psychology, and I am now taking classes I am interested in! Ironically enough, English class, my favourite & forte in high school is now my least favourite and definitely NOT my forte in college. What happened? I don't know. What am I going to do with this new major? I have no idea. Although Focus on the Family is still in the back of my mind...

This has been a great Christmas break so far and everyday I am here with my friends and family I am reminded how blessed I am! Am I excited to go back to school in January? No, not at all...but maybe by the time January 8th rolls around I'll be ready for it. Sigh. Last year was so different. I was missing my Bible school the minute I stepped on the plane leaving Frankfurt to go back to Canada for Christmas Break; I just loved going to school in Germany!! But now, I don't miss my school in Saskatchewan at all and I am praying for joy and the strength to endure there. On the upside, I like it much better than I did when I came home for Reading Break in mid-October! Back then it took ALL my strength to return, but now, it won't take much strength at all.

Anyway, I'd better stop before I get any more off topic here. Merry Christmas and don't forget the reason for the season: Jesus' Birth. Happy Birthday Jesus! :)

Christmas Eve.

It's Christmas Eve at my house! :) All that is missing is my family.

Think About It...

She's a Wildflower.

She’s a wildflower
Just waitin’ on a sunny day
Just waitin’ on the winds of change to blow
Just a red hot spark that’s looking for a little flame,
Trying to find the perfect place to grow
She’s a wildflower
She’s a wildflower

She makes a wish on every single star she sees
Yeah somewhere deep down she still believes
She prays every night before she goes to bed
Pretty soon her luck is gonna change
She just doesn’t know it yet

She’s a wildflower
Just waitin’ on a sunny day
Just waitin’ on the winds of change to blow
Just a red hot spark that’s looking for a little flame, yeah
Trying to find the perfect place to grow
She's the secret that nobody knows...
She’s a wildflower
She’s a wildflower

- Lauren Alaina -

❤ ❤ ❤

ONE.

Here I am, keepin' my hair up with a 90's hair clip, studying for Psychology of Children. It is almost bedtime and I am calmly thinking to myself...

YAY I ONLY HAVE ONE EXAM LEFT AND THEN IT IS TIME TO GO HOME AND CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS WITH MY DEAR FAMILY!! :D THANK YOU GOD FOR GETTING ME THIS FAR!

Getting The Most Out Of Solitude:

When I was at Bible School in Germany, we were given a Day of Prayer; a day of total solitude from all humanity, but a day of total intimacy with our Father, Jesus Christ. These were some creative suggestions given to us to help us get the MOST out of solitude!

Pray through the prayers of scripture OUT LOUD

Pray through the prayers of scripture using the personal pronoun: I, Me, My.

Write a letter to Jesus

Recount all that God has done for you and tell that to Jesus!

Write Jesus a SONG or a POEM.

Draw a PICTURE which best captures your relationship to Christ.

Read your favourite passage of scripture out loud.

Make a list of your most pressing needs and find a promise of God to match it.

Write out what you really want at this point in your life, and share that with Jesus!

Focus on ONE created thing and describe what it teaches you about Jesus

Pray as far as your faith will take you. "Pray as you can, not as you can't!"

Read the encounters of Jesus and others, "How would I have reacted?"

Pray, "Lord, speak to me." Read scripture, and LISTEN.

Rewrite some of God's promises in your own words.

Tell Jesus what bothers you the most about Him!

Tell Jesus why you left Him out of your life at certain points.

Recount the times you wanted to impress man more than please God.

Be HONEST with God about what you fear the most and treasure the most!

Choose a Life Verse from the Bible for YOURSELF.

What would you recommend Jesus to others who don't know Him?

Meditate one ONE verse you have learned this year.

Make a memorial of all the times Jesus has revealed Himself directly to you.

❤ ❤ ❤

Jesus Is...

Happy Sunday! :)❤ ❤ ❤

❤ - - - - - - - -

Tuna & Crackers

[This picture is dedicated to the fact that there is zero snow on the ground, and I may just be experience my first not-so-white-Christmas this year!]

I just finished writing my second exam and I feel AWESOME! Just two more tomorrow, and then two more next week and then I am officially done my first semester here!

Last night was absolutely horrendous. I woke up randomly (by the grace of God) and saw that the time on my alarm clock was flashing.

The power went out! OH NO! I have an exam tomorrow morning. Wait, is it morning? Am I supposed to be in my exam right now, writing it?? WHAT IS THE TIME?!

So there I was freaking out, in the middle of the darkness, having absolutely no sense of time. I flipped open my laptop to see that it was only 1:22. Phew! I still have tons of time before I need to wake up before my exam!

But then I fell back asleep in complete fear. What if the power goes out again? What if I miss my exam?!

Sleeping in through an exam is one of my biggest fears, as well as forgetting my money at home when I have arrived at a shopping mall. Sigh.

So in order to make sure I absolutely would not sleep in past my alarm, I trained my body to wake up every hour, or at least every half hour. Turns out the power didn't go off again, so I would have been fine.

It was a long night, but my exam went so well, once again (even if I was a bit sleep-deprived). And now all I feel like doing is watching Marley and Me while eating tuna, mayonnaise, and crackers. But alas, I need to do DOUBLE the studying today.

Caio! :)

Brighten My Heart.

my heart is as dark as the soil
sodden with winter rains
my soul is as heavy as the peat
freshly dug from the bog
my thoughts swirl like willow branches
caught in autumn winds
my body is as tense as a cat's
as it stalks its prey

help me open my heart to you
help me open my heart to you
help me open my heart to you, oh Jesus
That's what i long to do

my heart is as dark as the soil
sodden wit winter rains
(Lord brighten my heart)
My soul is as heavy as the peat
freshly dug from the bog
(Lord lighten my soul)
my thoughts swirl like willow branches
caught in autumn winds
(Lord, still my thoughts)
my body is as tense as a cat's
as it stalks its prey
(Lord, relax my body)

-Sixpence None The Richer-

For The Blessing Jar...

December at college has been really great. I have successfully finished all of my assignments and papers, have participated in a whole bunch of fun social events, and even got to spend time with my parents who came out to visit! Such a blessing!

Last night I even had a chance to go on a date with my man! :)
And this morning, I wrote my first exam out of six! I thank God because my recall was excellent, and I feel like I did pretty well! But even if I didn't do well, I'd still thank God. :)

I have five more exams but I'm not stressed out at all. Two years ago, I was FREAKING OUT at exam time. My life looked somewhat like this picture:

But now, I think that I just have my priorities straight. My life will not be over if I don't get above 90% on an exam. My relationship with God is way more important than a bunch of silly markings on a paper.

Today I stumbled upon a CD my Mom and I used to constantly listen to, when I was much younger, and somehow I still remember all of the songs. It's called EXODUS and it's awesome!
You can listen to it here: Exodus!

One more week until I go home for Christmas! :)

School's Out! Almost!

Well, classes are over and it is time to start preparing for exams! With having all of my classes over and done with, this morning I took full advantage of this freedom. I slept in, cleaned my room while listening to the wonderful Christmas tunes of Josh Groban and Michael Buble (new CD!!), and then had a great workout at the gym. I am feeling good!

I also registered for all of my classes for my next semester in January. I am super excited!!

History of Christianity II
Social Psychology
Psychology of Personal and Interpersonal Dynamics
World Religions (this one is a Modular class, so it only lasts a week!)
Psychology of Human Development: Adolescents
and Hebrew Poetry & Wisdom

I am going to try and drop one of them, since I don't really want to be as busy as I was this last semester...but we'll see. (haha)

I am excited for this next semester because I also changed my major from Humanities to Christian Ministry (focusing on Family Studies) with a minor in Psychology. Super interesting!

I'm crazy. I miss having homework already. I miss the anticipation of choosing a paper topic and staying up 'till 3 AM trying to get it done. Sigh... but I guess I should be worried about my upcoming SIX exams. Yikes! Let the countdown begin -again-! :)

Here are some photos from the Christmas Party at school with the people I love the most! :)

The One Who Saves.

Over four months of singing in chapel, I have become familiar with the song "The One Who Saves" by Hillsong. It is AWESOME! I love worship time so much!

Come join the song, lift your voice
As Heaven and Earth give praise
Fall to your knees at the feet
Of the Son of the One true God

Turn from old ways, lift your eyes
For the kingdom of God is here
Open your heart, offer all
For Jesus Christ is here, oh now

We will find our home
We will find our peace
We will find our rest
In the One who loves

He will light the way
He will lead us home
As we offer all
To the One who saves us

Call on the name that is hope
Jesus, the Son of God
Lord over all, He is good
And His mercy endures always

His love endures
Forever His love endures
Forever His love endures
Forever and ever

We have found our home
We have found our peace
We have found our rest
In the one who saves.

PM.

This is the second time I have set my morning alarm to PM and have missed waking up for class. Sigh.

I absolutely cannot afford to have morning classes next semester!!

Oh well, at least I didn't miss anything major in class...no quiz or paper needed to be handed in.

And what's also a plus is that my body LOVES me today. Nine hours of sleep does amazing wonders on a person's overall well-being! :)

Fire.

❤ ❤ ❤

"Love is a friendship that has caught fire.

It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing, and forgiving.

It is loyalty through good and bad.

It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.

Love is content with the present, it hopes for the future, and it does not brood over the past.

It is the day in and day out chronicle of irritations, problems, compromises, small disappointments, big victories, and working towards common goals.

If you have love in your life, it can make up for a variety of things you lack.

If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it is not enough - so search for it, ask God for it, and share it."

- Ann Landers

I am so thankful that God has blessed me with a man who is in love with the Lord. Our relationship would be nothing without the Lord's teaching and guidance. Together, we are learning to serve God first and foremost, and then learning how to serve each other. I am one happy and blessed girl. :)

Happy & Blessed Sunday

My weekend has been pretty amazing so far. I have done zero homework. Zero!! How great is that? For the past two months I have been doing homework in my sleep and now God has blessed me with a weekend like this one.

I spent it with Him. Thursday evening I had my room all to myself, so I cozied up in my bed with a bowl of chicken noodle soup and watched two online sermons by pastor Mark Driscoll. It was exactly what I needed to get myself back in check.
And then Friday and Saturday I watched more sermons, I read some more, and I prayed some more.

I have missed this relaxation and this time with God so much.

It's silly I know, that I only gave myself this much time with God on the weekend where homework was sparse. I don't want it to be that way. I want to spend this much time with Him EVERYDAY no matter the homework load!

Well, I'm off to church and I'm super excited. I love love love worshipping with fellow believers in song and in prayer! :)

Happy & Blessed Sunday because God is good even when these times are hard!!!

❤   ❤   ❤

Killing Us Softly

The incredible woman in this video speaks about advertisements, which -subconsciously- effect us in the most horrible of mind-distorting and in turn, health-compromising ways. I urge you to watch both parts!

Alma.

The most incredible thing happened this week! In one of the chapel's at school, the Compassion Canada team set up a booth and I knew right then and there that this was the time to do it. This was the time to finally make that decision, and yes to sponsoring a child! And I am SO excited about it!

Her name is Alma, she is ten years old and lives in Indonesia. She is absolutely so beautiful and precious. One of my best friends here at college has actually visited her own Compassion child in Ecuador and said it was the most amazing experience ever. I would love to do something like that. (But all in due time--haha) But yes, one day I would love to go to Indonesia and see the girl I have decided to sponsor.

Every month, Compassion will take $41 out of my bank account, and send it straight to where Alma lives. This money will put her through school and accommodate to her needs. Why would I want to spend $41 on buying myself clothes that I don't need and food when I'm not even hungry? Why not give it to Alma who NEEDS it?

I also found out that I don't even need to write snail mail. I met with a lady today who told me that I can just go online to the Compassion website and write letters that will be printed off and sent to Alma. How convenient and efficient!

God is so good and it's incredible how just simple letter writing and money giving from a "normal" twenty-year-old lady like me can change a person's life who lives all the way across the globe. In the video that Compassion showed us (I wish I could find the link to it right now!) the kids who were sponsored just kept emphasizing how a teenager from North America had the power to change their lives. God is compassionate, loving, and giving, and we as His people are called to live in His image. And sponsoring a child for $41 a month is a great way to GIVE!

The Food of Love

Can I just say that I found the most amazing Tumblr site ever?

It's called The Food of Love and these pictures inspire me to no end!

❤ ❤ ❤

4/6 Papers completed! It's actually amazing how that was accomplished, seeing as how I watched like five movies this weekend. :)

Keep in Touch.

I love Facebook for one reason, and one reason only.
It allows me to keep in contact with those whom I love so dearly!

Thank you God, for giving humanity the mind capabilities to create such a thing as Facebook. I pray we will use it for good, rather than abuse it.

Anyway, that's off topic. My intended purpose for this entry was to just thank God for allowing me to keep in contact with the people I once lived with my first year at University, then my second year at college, and especially with my family and friends from back home!

It is the greatest thing to go on Facebook and to see all the sweet things my friends are doing since I was with them last. What inspired this was when I went on the Facebook page of one of my best friends who is attending a University in Ontario. It's her very first year of university and I can only imagine what she must be going through! (I have been there (first year), I know what it's like!) First year of university is unlike any other...you're so caught up in a jumble of nervousness and excitement. You don't know how to use the library...you don't know how to not run out of money on your meal-card for the caf (yes, that was me.), and you're completely unaware of the incredible things yet to come! I am so excited for her and am extremely proud of her. :)

I wish I could write a descriptive paper on this topic (that would be awesome), but I must continue on with my research paper on Martin Luther doctrine of the Church. Did I mention that I have just learned so much from school this year? Especially about the history of Christianity. Amazing stuff, yet also incredibly weird and horrible at the same time.
Oh, I also now know how to write in footnote format! How exciting......cough.

Anyway, I have about 2 1/2 papers out of 6 done, so I must get to it!

<3 Jenny

Bessie, Bop, or Bach.

Mmm...

I am sitting at the cafe surrounded by my books, pencils, papers, and tea.

And Jazz-like Christmas music is in the air.

I am having an introvert moment. And it is lovely.

It's nice. Here, I can read my Langston Hughes poetry aloud, with no funny looks towards me.

I am also excited. I now have 2/6 papers finished! :)

“Well, I like to eat, sleep, drink, and be in love.

I like a pipe for a Christmas present, or records—Bessie, bop, or Bach.”

-Langston Hughes

Papers papers papers.

Last week I had a paper due.

This week I have one paper due.

Next week I have three papers due.

And the week after that I have one paper due.

So far, I have completed 1/6 papers, and that feels good. It's an accomplishment I suppose.

The school already has full-blown Christmas decorations up which makes it 10x harder to even concentrate on writing these papers...because I'd rather be celebrating my favourite season of the year!!

Paper writing isn't all that bad. I love writing, and I love learning. My two favourite things all in one; what could be more exciting? (ha...)

Anyway, my prayer is that I'll be OK. That I won't get stressed because grades really aren't everything. My sole purpose of attending college is so that I can grow in my relationship with God and let Him lead me where He wants to.

Hopefully, I will have at least 2/6 papers done by the time I blog next. :)

Dirt Road Prayer.

Let the light shine on my mama
She's been worried about me
And I can tell she's tired
Walk my brother in a straight line
I know he’s only 16
But he’s been playing with fire
Give my grandpa a little peace and quiet
I can feel the years of hard work in his hands
Make my days pass just a little bit slower
I’ve been runnin’ so fast
I’ve forgotten who I am

And so I go where the green grass grows
The weeds are high and the sun hangs low
Look to the sky and I say, hello
Like it’s the very first time
It doesn’t matter how long it’s been
I can talk to God like he’s my best friend
Take my heart lay it down again right there
In a dirt road prayer

He’s a good guy
Looks dad in the eye
And I wonder if you made him just for me
But before I fall give me patience
Until you show me where to take this

And I go where the green grass grows
The weeds are high and the sun hangs low
Look to the sky and I say, hello
Like it’s the very first time
It doesn’t matter how long it’s been
I can talk to God like he’s my best friend
Take my heart lay it down again right there
In a dirt road prayer

It’s good to know I can
Always go where the green grass grows
The weeds are high and the sun hangs low
Look to the sky and I say hello, ooo yeah
It doesn’t matter how long it’s been
I can talk to God like he’s my best friend
Take my heart and lay it down again right there
In a dirt road prayer.

-Lauren Alaina-

Can't.

My new realization: I'm sorry but I just can't be friends with a chameleon.

A New Emotion.

It's crazy.
Since a year ago, my life has done a complete 180.
I'm going to try my best to explain it; While attending this Bible college since September, God has placed me in specific situations with specific people for specific reasons.
I believe that in both preparation AND as a result of this current escapade, God has given me an emotion I have never experienced before.


He has given me: a righteous anger.


It's insane. It's like nothing I have ever felt before! It makes being a Christian 10x harder than before, but at the same time it makes being a Christian 10x easier than before. I know, impossible to explain, right?
But bear with me here. First of all, righteous anger is different from normal anger:


Righteous anger: makes you desire for people to feel convicted of their sin, that they will realize their sin, and repent of it. It allows you to express the Fruits of the Spirit (found in Galatians 5:22) towards those who are sinning. It also causes you to handle conflict in a Biblical manner.


Sinful Anger: makes you desire for the person who is sinning to get-what-they-deserve and suffer for it because we feel like we are better than them. Sinful anger makes you uncontrollable in your actions, and causes you to act just the opposite of the Fruits of the Spirit.


Lately I've been feeling like David in Psalm 139:19-22, crying out to God saying:


"God, I wish you would kill the wicked!
Get away from me, you murderers!
They say evil things about you.
Your enemies use your name thoughtlessly.
Lord, I hate those who hate you;
I hate those who rise up against you.
I feel only hate for them."


I believe that by how much I have grown in my faith within the past two or so years, I just better understand what it really means to be a Christian. I now understand that if you really love God, you need to give EVERYTHING up for him, and that as Christians we must "turn from [our] selfish ways, take up [our] crosses, and follow God daily" (Matthew 16:24). I don't understand fully (this is an impossible feat.), but I understand better the seriousness,power, and wrath of God. God isn't just some friendly old man sitting on a chair in the sky, floating around amidst the clouds. He is SO powerful and JUST.


And when the time comes, we will be judged for everything we do and every word we say."But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned," (Matt. 12:36).


With this righteous anger I have just become so intolerant of so many things. I hate drunkenness, gossiping (I definitely need to write a blog entry on this one alone!!), sexual immorality, boasting, and disrespect along with many other things.


It's so crazy. I used to be completely tolerant of these things. It's not like I preferred or adored them, I just didn't get upset over them. I just thought, "hey, if they're living like that, it's all good, because I wanna live that way too. And yes, I'm aware that God's gonna judge me one day, but that day is not today; therefore, I can do these things now and ask for forgiveness later." Ugh. This mindset sickens me. And this pertains to how having righteous anger makes living the Christian life easier than before, because it makes me not to do the things I used to do!


But experiencing righteous anger frightens me a little and makes it harder to be a Christian, because I feel it could potentially cause me to become prideful. I can see it making me feel like I am better than the person who is sinning, as if I am a "better Christian" than they are. I do not want for this because pride is the very thing I despise, and I definitely am not a better Christian than anyone. Not at all. 


This new emotion is a tricky, confusing thing. I mean, where do you draw the line on seeing someone's sin and becoming angry about their sin, without judging them on their sin? Because the Bible clearly tells us in Romans 2:1: "therefore, you have no excuse, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things."
I just get so confused...I don't know how to be concerned about someone's sin without potentially judging them for it. It is especially at this hair-pulling point when I need to but God back into the equation.


I need to be in constant prayer with Him so that He can keep my righteous anger from possibly transforming into a sinful anger.
I need to forgive those who I see have sinned and just learn to love them. I must love those EGR people (extra-grace-required people). I need to love how Jesus loved. Sigh, it is so hard, and I cannot do it on my own. Only with God's strength can I love those whom I find to be the unlovable. (I am now hoping that I am not somebody's unlovable person...ha) I pray that if there is somebody I need to confront, that God would make this known to me and would strengthen me to do so.


God, thank you for this emotion you have given me. I pray that you will strengthen me to use this passion in the right way FOR you, rather than in the sinful way AGAINST you. Help me to love like you love, unconditionally. Don't let me ever to be tolerant of the sins I once was tolerant of, keep me in this righteous anger for You.

Caramel Dip.

It has been a grand weekend so far. Last night my roomies and I decorated our room for Christmas. The fridge looks like a giant Christmas present, complete with a giant red bow. Above the sink are red, white, and green candy canes hanging. Sparkly garland laces the windows and each handle of the kitchen cupboards. And best of all, we put up a miniature PINK Christmas tree. I am such a female. :)

I woke up and did some devotions. Revelation is such a sensational book of the Bible! I need to take a class on it or something. It's frightening, exciting, and a reminder that in the end, God WINS.

I then trekked through the blizzard to the gym for the -cue the drum roll- SECOND time this semester. I feel super good right now! I was the only one in there (but how surprising is that? I mean, who really wants to walk through a deathly blizzard just to get sweaty in the end?) so I tried out some machines. I worked my arms, and then rowed on the rowing machine for 2000 miles! (sounds extravagant, doesn't it?) Then I went on the beloved treadmill; it reminded me of all the times I ran this summer. I was so diligent about running back then. I miss the endorphins and the freedom that came along with it. Sigh. I can't wait until the summer comes around again.

And now I am here, in the library with my apple slices and caramel dip. It's definitely not a paper-writing kind of day. It's a cozy-up-to-the-fireplace-and-read-a-Nicholas-Sparks-novel kinda day. But I think I'll just have to settle for the paper-writing, since a) I don't own a fireplace, and b) I didn't bring any of my Nicholas Sparks to college with me.

Call me a 13-year-old girl, but tonight I am seeing Twilight: Breaking Dawn on its opening night. Call me a 13-year-old girl, but I am excited. Haha.

If you haven't already, listen to "The Middle" by American Idol winner -country singer- Lauren Alaina. It is on repeat. :)

The Little Things.

Today was such an incredible day. I wish I could just describe it. It wasn't incredible on the level of like worldly fun, it was incredible in that I can see that God has worked on me, is working on me, and is sustaining me!


But here are just some random things that made the day so great:
I was just super productive this morning in the library.
I got a beautiful mark on my Theology midterm.
I aced my Anthropology quiz.
I was having a good hair day.
My professors are so sweet and helpful!
God took away all my bitterness and replaced it with selfless love.
My volleyball intramural team WON (finally!!)
I made some new friends and had some great talks.
I got to spend the evening with my parents, my sister & bro-in-law, and my two nieces.
I prayed with my boyfriend.
And I am not feeling stressed out about homework at all.


All of these little things just added up to a great day. Something that also helped was that my self-esteem was high. This self esteem just makes me feel so confident and outgoing, and I love it! I hate to admit this, but everyday it is different. I can bounce from low self-esteem to high self-esteem in no time, and I feel like this is wrong. I am a child of God, so therefore, I should always be confident of my identity in Him. I should always know that I am beautiful, friendly, helpful, and kind with God as my Father.


Anyway, I wish I could elaborate on all of this morning, but bedtime is a must. I am just so thankful to God for giving me such a great day, and for opening my eyes to things that I need to change about myself to further glorify Him. He is slowly stripping away my selfishness, pride, and judgment, and it's a nice feeling.


Good night :)

Jeremiah 17:5-8

A good friend of mine sent me this Bible verse today, and I'd like to share it with you. My prayer is that it encourages you as much as it encouraged me!

 ⁵ This is what the LORD says:

   “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, 

who draws strength from mere flesh 

and whose heart turns away from the LORD. 

⁶ That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;

they will not see prosperity when it comes. 

They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,

in a salt land where no one lives.

 ⁷ “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,

 whose confidence is in him.

⁸ They will be like a tree planted by the water 

that sends out its roots by the stream. 

It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. 

It has no worries in a year of drought 

and never fails to bear fruit.”

❤  ❤  ❤

Contentment in the Desert.

Before I start, Pumpkin Pie Kashi bars are absolutely AMAZING. If you haven't tried one already, please do so as soon as possible! Mmm mmm! :)

I haven't been blogging very well lately. There's always something else that has more "priority"...a chapter to read, a class to go to, a paper to write, or a tea-time to attend. (I love tea-time!) So right now my life is probably somewhat of a mystery to you. Well, here goes. Here is the cold, hard, truth which I am going to try my best to explain.

My prayer to God every night is for contentment. I am seeking and desiring to be content here at this college. I am seeking for the assurance in that I am supposed to be here.

My current setting is this: I am attending a tiny Bible college located in a small town in central Canada. It is surrounded by nothing but some fields and a single highway. It is twenty minutes from a small city, and an hour from a somewhat larger city. I do not own a car. Therefore, I am stuck.

In the winter, this area has been officially labeled as "the coldest place on earth". The rumour was that last year, it reached down to -60 celsius.
This makes me want to throw up, because I just hate the cold. I was not made for Canadian winters and that is a fact.
Oh and can I just go on about the dryness? My skin is constantly peeling, and my hair doesn't curl anymore. I get bloody noses and headaches. My body is upset at me...

I got to go home (which is about 7-8 hours away) for an entire week for our reading break, and it was the best week of my life. I had my own room, I could sleep soundly again. I had my friends. I had my Mom and my Dad who I love so very much. I had my church. I had the opportunity to drive places. I could be my complete self and feel comfortable. I got to watch the movie Courageous which changed my life forever. I was just sooooo happy to be home (which is a pretty big deal for me, since I have always been the type to desire a life far away from home), and whenever I'd be reminded of coming back to this cool my mood would just damper down.

Maybe I just spoiled myself by going to an amazing Christian university in BC and connecting with so many amazing women who are still in my life today praying for me and guiding me. And then there was Bible school in Germany. Honestly, my experience there was indescribable. And it's frustrating because nobody outside of that school will ever understand the incredible spiritual effect it can have on a person. I feel like no one understands my desire to have deep friendships...where instead of gossiping and having useless conversations, we talk about important things, and we pray together.

But as I was saying, those two schools were in my ideal, top-notch locations. In BC the air was humid and there were thousands of trees and everything was just green and gorgeous!! In Germany outside the view of my balcony there was a swan-filled lake at the foot of the Swiss Alps...I could walk to the bus stop and take off wherever my heart desired to take off to. And in both places, when it would snow, it would be gone within a few hours!

But here, I am stuck. Here it is cold, and barren, and the snow NEVER leaves. But it's more than the location. It's the fact that those other places were full of excitement and adventure! Everyday was unpredictable--you never knew where you'd take the train to next, or the things you'd see, or the people you'd share God's word with. It was so exciting! But here, everyday is mostly the same...I could tell you exactly what I will be doing 3 weeks from now at 1:04 PM and I'd be totally correct.

I am facing so many challenges here that I never thought I'd have to go through. I am going home for a wedding and a baby shower in less than two weeks and I am just crazy excited! And once again it's gonna take more than the strength of my own flesh to bring me back here.

My eyes don't light up from the thought of finishing my degree here (two 1/2 more years...), and that worries me. I don't know what to do, but what I do know is that this place has been a blessing. Being here, I have met some incredible people who I would love to get to know better, I have faced countless challenges that have made some of my relationships stronger (including my relationship with God), and I have learned so much from my classes and my God-fearing professors. So don't get me wrong--there are some fun times and some great talks that I've had. AND I have gotten some fabulous grades on my assignments! (Praise God!!)

I'm praying that I will be patient. Maybe these things take time.
I'm also praying for the days to fly by but I kick myself in knowing that that's what you call a selfish prayer; so I'm praying for strength to stand the slow days.
I'm praying that God will give me direction in a lot of areas...I'm considering changing my major.
I'm praying that I will one day stop comparing this school to my old schools.
I'm praying that I will find contentment in the desert, because God wants me here for a reason, and He has a weird, weird plan for all of this.
One day it will all make sense to me.

But all in all, thank you Jesus for bringing me here,
thank you for sustaining me thus far,
thank you for the wonderful and beautiful friends I have made,
and thank you for the EGR (extra grace required) people,
and thank for you the memories I did have at my old schools and for giving me those amazing years,
thank you for your protection, and thank you for your incredible love.

❤  ❤  ❤

Update:

I just got back from playing inter mural volleyball with my team for the very first time!

And it was fun and exciting!

Hmm...maybe this whole excitement thing just takes time. Maybe there is hope after all.

Oh, I will.

[My current desktop background--gotta love it]

Going Back.

I am at home for reading week and I head back to college this Saturday night. It is going to take me every ounce of motivation to get back in that car and drive back because I just...am not all too thrilled about it.

I keep having nightmares about being back at college too. I don't know what it all means. I have never been one to think that dreams had much meaning, but all of this just worries me.

I am not sure if it is the place for me; I'm still trying to decipher it. But I'm going to stick it out, trust God in His plans for me, and listen for His voice and see what He wants me to do. Because even if this is the last place I want to be, maybe it is the very first place God needs me to be.

I do think there's a reason why I am there...I'm just trying to figure that out still.

Christian Music.

"Your Love Never Fails" by Jesus Culture is currently my favourite song right now.
It's the song I crank up when I'm getting ready in the morning; it's the song I listen to when I'm lying in my bed relaxing. And it's also my favourite song in chapel! I love it!

Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails

You stay the same through the agesYour love never changes
There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning
And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails

You make all things work together for my good!

Christian/worship music and I have had an interesting relationship. I loved it as a kid growing up. All I ever listened to was Zoe Girl and Superchick...and I thought Christian music was the only music that existed!

As I entered into Jr. High I got sucked into the world of pop and hip hop and I definitely thought that Christian music was so far from "cool".
As high school ended and my first few years of college rolled by, I fell in love with country, absolutely in love. But I then began to notice that a lot of my friends at Bible college were listening to Christian music. One of my friends even expressed to me that her favourite thing to do every Sunday morning was to blast worship music in her room while getting ready for church. I thought to myself and knew for a fact that this wasn't my favourite thing to do at all.
Now that I'm entering my third year of college, I feel like I have grown some. I feel like I'm at that stage when I FINALLY understand why my parents taught me the things they taught me. So, instead of me viewing them as "ignorant of the times" or just ridiculous, I see them as WISE. Every word of advice and every rule they laid on me now suddenly makes perfect sense. And I kick myself everyday just wishing that I could have seen this as a kid. Ah well, it is all part of the growing experience, isn't it?
Anyway, my parents always told me to be careful as to what movies I watch and what music I listen to. Right now I am definitely realizing this. I cannot stand secular pop, hip hop, or top 40 music. I just hate what they are filling into the mind's of kids these days! Music is just such a powerful thing--and this is why I'm becoming very wary of what I listen to. It is just awfully hard these days with shopping malls blasting these songs, or even living in the context of a dorm, you can always hear somebody's music playing songs you don't necessarily want to hear. Sigh.
As I have been growing closer to God I have been starting to crave listening to worship and Christian music. I find it incredibly encouraging and just plain appropriate! I also think attending chapel 5 days a week and listening to the worship team has had some effect on me. I'm just happy because I am no longer forcing myself to listen to Christian music or am pretending to like it. I have actually fallen in love with it because I know it is good for me and that it can only help lead me down the right path.

Tranquility.

I would like to be here right now.

I am almost there, almost.

❤

How do you know if you're where you're supposed to be?

Hooray!

It is 1:30 AM and I have just been hit by a wave of academic motivation! I am so excited!! I hope this lasts until the end of this week! :)

Tolerance?

Dear Jesus,
I pray for:
Tolerance.
More tolerance.
Tolerance again.
A little more tolerance.
Oh, and how about some more tolerance?
A tiny bit more tolerance.
And, did I forget to mention tolerance?

Craziness!

...Was six classes maybe a bad idea?

No. Way.

I may have 10 assignments/papers/class presentations due for next week alone, but I can do it. I am on top of things. College isn't the hardest thing in the world. It's exciting and keeps me on my toes!

An besides, the library has pretty much adopted me into its lovely, humble abode. How cute. :)

I'm really not that busy. I mean, I still had time to watch Star Wars, get barfed on by a baby, have a sushi-making party, make new friends, go for ice cream, play a super fun crazy game that-I-cannot-remember-what-it-is-called-for-the-life-of-me, attend a school hockey game, and bake cupcakes!!! But unfortunately I have not had much time for devotions with God. I need to do that!

❤  ❤  ❤

This Day Will Be Perfect.

Smile.

SMILE!!

Because yesterday's worries

and

yesterday's sorrows are now scattered

into a million

little pieces and are

rising up like ashes, taken

by the wind

forever,

far,

far away,

never to return

again.

❤  ❤  ❤

Yesterday I was so distressed that I did not know what to do.
I was so out of answers and so low on human strength that it finally dawned on me...
The wall of pride I had crumbled down and I prayed a prayer to God that I will never forget:
God, please help me. Please give me your strength, because I cannot do this on my own. I am incapable and you are the only one who can help me.
And today, God filled me with His strength and I feel like I can do anything now.
(well, because with Him, I CAN do anything)

So...smile, because God is good. :)

Foods.

Mr. Noodle, Tuna snack-kits, rice, soynuts <<--THE BEST, Wheat thins, Fibre bars, Green tea, oatmeal, 4 boxes of cereal, and two bags of BBQ Rib flavoured chips

=

The best food cupboard ever. :)

Use.

So true. This is something I have definitely learned within this past month here at college. I have also stumbled upon the realization that God may be using me to work in somebody's life at this very moment. And the crazy this is, is that I may not even know it!

Looking back over the course of my life, I can instantly list all of the people who changed my life for the better; but I am not able to list all the lives of the people I have changed (or if I even have at all, for that matter). And I think this ignorance is a beautiful thing. Yes, it's encouraging to know that you have blessed somebody, but I know that if I was aware of my positive impact in people's lives then it would go straight to my head. And I deal enough with pride as it is! (that's a whole 'nother blog entry by itself!) Anyway, back to the whole purpose of this...

It is my new prayer that I would be open and obedient to God, so that He may use me to reach someone else. That's all I want! Is to be used! I cannot inspire, encourage, or change lives with my own strength. Only by God can this be done. He will always give me the courage, He will always give me the words to say, and He will always act in His own perfect timing!