To My 18-Year-Old Self

I'm seeing graduation posts pop up left and right on Facebook of my friend's younger siblings and my little cousins--who aren't so little anymore. Last month was their high school graduation and it's left me feeling a little sentimental and reminiscent. Trust me, I don't want to go back to high school, I'm perfectly fine being in this mid-twenties post-college married chapter of my life, and have zero desire to move backwards. But with all these high school graduations happening around me, my mind can't help but take me back to that beautiful time in my life when every choice I made was going to majorly impact the direction of my life. Oh nostalgia.

I'm 26 years old now and have lived exactly 8 years since my high school graduation. (Um, wow; this is a hard pill to swallow, considering I still feel like a teenybopper sometimes.) If my 26-year-old self magically showed up at my graduation and pulled my young-platinum-blonde-haired-bright-eyed-18-year-old self away for a few minutes to tell me what the next 8 years of my life were going to look like...I would not believe a word of it. There's no way! Would I be totally happy and pleasantly pleased with everything I'd hear? Honestly no, and that's only because I had such different expectations for my life at that time. I didn't know how much I was going to change the following years after high school and I especially didn't know the hardships I was going to face.  And I can't imagine being told in advanced the exact struggle I'm going to experience in a few years. I think it'd be the same concept if God laid out our entire future on this earth in front of us, our future according to HIS plans. I imagine there'd be some disappointment and/or confusion as it definitely wouldn't match up to our plans, but God knows best you guys. "The mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps" (Proverbs 16:9).

Besides a little shock and disappointment, some of the things I'd hear would absolutely blow me away! I mean, if I could I'd give myself a huge high-five! Way to Go, self! How'd you ever manage to pull that off?! WHO ARE YOU?!

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With that said, things I would say to my freshly graduated 18-year-old-self regarding my future:

One day, you're gonna wish you hadn't tanned so much. Look at those crows-feet next to your eyes! You should have listened to your mother, Jennifer. Tisk tisk.

That guy that you're pining over right now, the one who never showed up today, he's actually gonna break a little piece of your heart this summer. Hard to believe, I know. Of course you'll go through some healing over time, but then...he's gonna come back into your life and break off another piece and you'll feel the hurt all over again. I wish you weren't going to give him so much of your time and thoughts. Even though I wish you would have just kept your standards high from the beginning, this season of heartbreak you're about to endure will teach you so much not only about yourself, but about the qualities of a guy you're looking for in a future husband, the man that you're going to choose to spend the rest of your life with. I know you're not going to listen to anyone and you'll ignore all the red flags because you're so hung up on him, but just know that God's got you throughout this whole thing.

Your huge princess high-school-graduation dress cost more than your wedding dress. Isn't that funny?!

Childhood.

I have a 25 minute commute to and from work, and I always listen to music. Always (...except for the times when I'm too exhausted to even want to listen to anything but the wind hitting my windows, but that's rare). Oddly enough, I thought that today was a good day for some Taylor Swift. I consider this odd because as mentioned in some previous blog posts, Taylor Swift is my fall-early winter music, certainly not spring!

So, I hit the shuffle button. (By the way, Taylor Swift takes up 700MB--Almost 1 whole GB--of space on my phone, which is quite alot. Next in the running of 400+ MB's are Jason Aldean, Miranda Lambert, and Keith Urban. Interesting.)

Anyway. I pressed shuffle, and on came the song "Never Grow Up" by Taylor Swift.

Ugh. Bring on the tears!

The lyrics in that song that hit me the most are these:

"Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room

Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up."

I totally remember that sounds of my Dad coming home. He'd always come in through the side entrance, take off his farm boots and hat and walk into the main area through the laundry room. Sometimes I wouldn't mind going back in time to hear that sound again. <3 (Ugh, don't cry, don't cry...)

And I totally remember my "childhood room".
I had a whole shelf of Beanie Babies. I was cool like that...and then I took it down, because it went from cool to uncool in like a day.

I went through poster phases. One year it was all kittens and puppies. The next year it was all Marykate and Ashley and Hilary Duff. The next year it was Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, and then it turned into random fashion model posters torn out of magazines.

My bedroom had a window that looked out to our front yard, flowerbed, driveway, and porch. I always had to be careful at night to close my blinds or our visitors could see right inside my room as they'd walk up to our front door. (Awkward! :S )

Also, I painted my bedroom walls dark red. DARK RED. This is just soooo not me anymore, haha!

The older I get, the more I realize how good of a childhood I had. Despite losing my older brother in a tragic accident, my childhood was so wonderful.

I grew up on a beautiful farm and lived there for 18 years, and I wouldn't trade that for the world! I have never known so much freedom, privacy, tranquility, and safety as I knew on that farm. I learned so much about nature, animals, landscaping, and plain old hard work because I was raised on a farm.

I grew up with 3 older siblings and we had 2 loving parents who cared for all of us so much--and they still do. (AND they're going on 44 years of marriage this year!)

My best friend in the whole world lived literally a 2 minute drive from me. Sometimes I'd walk or run to her, drive, bike, ride the fourwheeler, or we'd meet in the middle. AND I'd go all by myself, with no fears of being kidnapped. ;)

I grew up in a small-town Christian farming community, with over 25 aunties and uncles and over 80 cousins living nearby. (If this isn't accurate I'm sure my sister will read this and let me know). Talk about a HUGE community of love and support.

I had amazing and wonderful teachers from elementary all the way to high school. Seriously, I loved every single one of them; there wasn't a teacher that I didn't like. Well...maybe there was one that slightly irked me, but that's about it!

Sure, my siblings enjoyed teasing me mercilessly.
Sure, I had a point in middle school where I didn't know who I was going to hang out with, because I felt I had no friends.
And sure, I cried alot, and went through all of those awkward teenybopper emotions full-force.
But in reality, I had it SO good. God blessed me with an amazing childhood and for that I am so thankful.

I miss it. Often I wish I could go back in time and take it all in;
I wish I could go back and treat my parents better and live more with a thankful heart towards them.
I wish I could go back and hug all of my farm kittens, puppies, chickens, hogs, turkeys, and cows just a little tighter. (And take turns with the cows licking the salt lick--yes, I did this. Nothin' wrong with a little sodium!)
I wish I could go back and ride the fourwheeler with my siblings again, just once more.
)I wish I could go back and NOT have listened to loud music with my headphones whilst mowing the lawn for 6+ hours, because I think it destroyed my hearing!)
I wish I could go back and lie in the grass of our front yard just a little longer.

But those days are gone. They are long gone. Our farm is no longer ours anymore. My parents moved into town and now I live in another country; away from my hometown, my family, friends, and home community. And that's OK. God has me where He wants me to be right now.

Now that I have grown and matured, I think of my childhood not out of sadness and regret (most of the time haha!), but mostly out of thankfulness. Thankfulness and also the hope that maybe Jarryd and I could give our future children, or nieces and nephews a wonderful childhood too one day. Being an adult is hard and children deserve to be surrounded by love, care, and innocence for as long as possible, because one day they'll turn 25 and wish they didn't have to stress about money, work, relationships, or anything and everything for that matter. :)

My Future Children.

With all of my friends and family pregnant or already with children, I can't help but think about the prospect of having kids myself one day. I am sure that every stage of childhood is beautiful, but from the perspective of a total outsider who has zero children right now whatsoever, I NAIVELY predict that my years with children will look something like this:

• Pregnancy: this stage is going to be awesome. Both of my sisters had great pregnancies, so the future is looking good for me. Also, pregnant women are so beautiful {there's nothing like a pregnant woman waddle}. Not to mention. Jarryd promised he is going to pamper me so I have "living like a queen" to look forward to. Who doesn't enjoy having a palm branch waving in their face? Also, let's not forget about the baby showers! Hopefully my friends and family have good taste in onesies and sippy cups (I'd like the Starbucks one, please).
• 0-2 first years: let's fast forward through all of this...I know it's a whole lotta eating, puking, sleeping, not sleeping, pooping, and constipation. I'll cross that bridge when I get there. You can stay at Oma and Opas for awhile. ;)
• Ages 3-4: These are the adorable years. I've met plenty of 4 year olds in my day, and I love to see their little personalities just shine! It's ok that we sing and dance to Taylor Swift music together, right? And yes, I'm signing you up for either hockey or soccer and you're are going to look SO cute running/skating because obviously you'll be blessed with your father's athletic abilities and hopefully not mine!!
• Kindergarten: YAY! I'm so excited to walk you down the driveway to the big yellow school bus! I know, I know, you're gonna miss me like crazy, but I'll be just fine at home {freeeeedom!}...in the peace and quiet... {Unless I have 4 kids under the age of 5...}.
• Grade 1-4: You're in a class spelling bee?! That was my favourite activity in school! Please let me live vicariously through you. Let's practice our spelling every evening for the next 4 years of your life.
• Grade 5-6: Let me see ALL of your homework. I love homework. I'll try not to do it all for you... :D Also, I don't care what the other mom's have to say, I'm putting Gushers in your lunch box.
• Let's skip past all of junior high. You are extremely awkward, and so am I. Two awkwards do not make a right. I'll let your father deal with you.
• Grade 10-11: You bet I'm going to be at all your soccer/hockey games. To my sons: You're also gonna be total "momma's boys", right? Okay? ...Please? :'(
• Grade 12! You are so beautiful/handsome and full of secrets that I think I want to know...but in reality I really don't want to know any of them. P.S- I have your Bible college all picked out for you! Bon Voyage!
• Age 19+, this will be my absolute favourite. I have a very good/optimistic/unrealistic imagination and I can just see you bringing home the perfect future spouse for you. I'm gonna be the best mother-in-law ever. {To my son: your wife's cooking will never be as good as mine}... ;)
• Grandchildren! Yes. I'd like to be called Oma and Jarryd, Opa. We shall spoil you like crazy and leave all the dirty work/clean up for your parents to deal with. It's called...payback! Also, I'm going to have beautiful, long, flowy gray hair like elderly Rose on Titanic. And I'm going to start every wise old story with "when I was your age..."

My naive optimism is adorable, isn't it? I am loving my future children already. I wonder what my Mom will say when she reads this...

This Love.

"Been losing grip, oh, sinking ships. You showed up just in time. This love is good, this love is bad, This love is alive back from the dead. These hands had to let it go free, And this love came back to me.

This love left a permanent mark. This love is glowing in the dark. These hands had to let it go free, and this love came back to me."

-T.S.

My Top Ten Favourite Taylor Swift Songs.

This is the blog post you have all been waiting for, right?!
This is also a blog post I am hesitant to even publish because it has truly unleashed my inner teeny-bopper, which is only slightly embarrassing...

This list is one that I have spent all last month compiling and simultaneously taking a little too seriously. I mean, who has the time?! Apparently I do...
Alot of energy goes into compiling a list such as this one. First, you have to listen to all of Taylor's songs. Well, not all of them because the Christmas ones simply do not count. She didn't even write them...sooo yeah.

And while listening to each song you have to be fully conscious of the ones that tug the hardest at your heart strings, which songs have the best written lyrics, or which songs you can't stop playing on repeat just because they sound so dang good. Trust me when I say that this list took alot longer to make than expected, because there were certain songs I just didn't have the heart to push ">>" but kept pressing "<<" instead.

So, after nine years of Taylor Swift music infatuation (understatement?), I have finally decided on my top ten favourite songs. Choosing the top twenty was easy peasy. Choosing my LEAST favourites was even easier!! But deciding on the exact order of the top ten was HARD. Even right now as I type this paragraph I am still second guessing the order of some songs. But here we ago anyway! Here's to impulse and gut-based decisions!

1. If This Was a Movie
(Speak Now)
This song totally reflects the view I had on love growing up. Love is supposed to be like the movies, right? You know, how the guy always comes back to his lady in the end, just before the credits start rolling. Yes, I may have watched too many romance movies growing up but half the fun was dreaming along with the leading lady. *blush*

2. Style
(1989)
The beat is so so so good! And even though the music video didn't live up to my expectations IN THE LEAST BIT, this song is still amazing!

3. Come In With The Rain
(Fearless)
"I'll leave my window open, 'cause I'm too tired at night to call your name, just know I'm right here hoping, that you'll come in with the rain".

4. Superstar
(Fearless)
"You'll never see, you sing me to sleep every night from the radio".

5. All Too Well
(Red)
"Well maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much but maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'till you tore it all up". Oh Jake, how could you?

6. Blank Space
(1989)
Satire at its finest! And the music video is also one of her best, in my opinion of course. This one is also mine and Jarryd's favourite song to blast in the car together. We have a whole routine where I sing "I got alotta of Starbucks lovers" and he gets annoyed at me. Super fun. ;)

7. Cold As You
(Taylor Swift)
"You put up walls and paint them all a shade of grey,
And I stood there loving you and wished them all away.
And you come away with a great little story,
of a mess of a dreamer, with the nerve to adore you".

8. The Other Side Of The Door
(Fearless)
"I said 'leave', but all I really want is you, to stand outside my window throwing pebbles screaming 'i'm in love with you'". Us women love to say things we don't really mean...Ha!

9. Stay Beautiful
(Taylor Swift)
"You're beautiful, every little piece, love. And don't you know, you're really gonna be someone, ask anyone". <3

10. Forever and Always
(Fearless)
Oh my goodness. This song was my own personal anthem in my high school years. No, not the most uplifting, but it was the perfect angsty song to get me through my angsty broken-hearted days. ;)

In conclusion, you can see that I have at least one favourite song from each album! I thought that was pretty cool! Also, most of my favourite songs come from the album "Fearless" which is funny because her "Fearless" tour was my one and only T.S concert experience. (Not to mention, it was also the year of her best hair! Am I right or what?!).

{An old photo from 2011. I ask myself now in 2015: "would I buy a Taylor Swift calendar now"? Ha! Not a chance!}

I just know I'm gonna get a bunch of flack for some of my choices or perhaps even my lack of choices...

Flacker: How could you not put "I Knew You Were Trouble" on your list?!

Me: Because that song is the worst. That's why.

Flacker: What about Bad Blood? I am so offended that this didn't make the cut.

Me: Ew. And as for the music video, I can't support that kind of thinking!

Case closed. :)

Now that you know MY favourite T.S songs, what are some of YOUR favourite T.S songs?!

Or do you even have any?!

Or better yet, which is your least favourite? ;)

Tell me everything!

My Favourite Things About Fall.

The Fall season has absolutely, 100% arrived here in Maryland.

Do I like that the weather is getting colder? No.
Do I enjoy having to wear layers upon layers of clothing in my own home? No.
Do I look forward to having to wake up at 5:45 AM only to open my eyes to nothing but total darkness? No!
Am I attracted to all of this insanely-tacky-redneck-backyard-Halloween decor? Uhh, no.
Do I love the colour orange? NO. Absolutely not.

Reading what I've just written, I can totally understand if you assume that I'm some kind of Autumn "Scrooge". Haha! Trust me, I'm not! Every season has its own set of pros and cons, and those just happen to be my "cons". So, to redeem my pessimistic tendencies, I decided to make a list of my top favourite things about the season of Fall. Some are cliche and others are just a bit out of the ordinary. Enjoy! ;)

1. Let us begin with the most obvious of them all, shall we? PUMPKIN SPICED LATTES FROM STARBUCKS. I love this $5.00 drink to bits and pieces. The only good thing about this drink coming to its seasonal end is that Starbuck's Caramel Brulee Latte makes its big reveal! Eeee!!

2. One of my most favourite things about Fall is that October and November are the months when Taylor Swift has released every single one of her albums. When the leaves start to change and the air gets a little crisper, Taylor Swift is all I ever play. Of course she releases albums every few years, so in years such as this one when no new album is being released, I listen to ALL of her music on repeat. Hopelessly, fall will always remind me of Taylor Swift.

3. This one is yet another obvious one, but I love the vibrant colours of the leaves. I really don't think that someone could ever appreciate autumn leaves as much as the girl who moved from the Canadian prairies to the eastern coast of the USA. (I'm talking about me, here!) My childhood autumns consisted of one week of beautiful, fluffy, colorful trees. Before I'd know it, the wind would circle around once and the trees would reveal themselves....totally naked. Depressing, I know! Whereas in Maryland, autumn lasts SOOOO long! It's amazing! And every day on my drive home from work my eyes are just taken captive by the trees, and I somehow put my body on "auto-pilot" when driving. I am such a good multitasker...

4. September will always bring back good memories for me because it's the start of the academic school year. All the way until high school I couldn't sleep the night before the very first day because I'd be so excited! My new back-to-school outfit was always laid out on the floor, and my backpack full of new binders and clean notepaper was right there next to it. And after graduation, every September I'd wake up in a different place...British Columbia, Germany, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Ontario, and now for the second autumn in a row: Maryland. New beginnings and fresh starts have always been my thing.

5. Thanksgiving with family. A date marked on the calendar for the whole family to be together around a table full of delicious food?! A holiday dedicated entirely on FOOD and FAMILY? Yes please.

6. The only, only, only positive outcome of the weather getting colder is that my desire for scorching hot food increases. Yes, I'm talking soup! Soup is one of my favourite things to cook, and in the past three days I have cooked three different soups. Creamy Broccoli soup (at work), Vegetarian Vegetable soup (at work), and my personal favourite which I made at home: Farmer Sausage Potato Bacon Corn Chowder. It is as a mouthful to say as it is a mouthful to eat.

7. Hockey season begins! Watching the Winnipeg Jets are one of mine and Jarryd's most favourite things to do! (Unfortunately, they lost last night 4-1... :'( But, we shall prevail!) It is so much fun cozying up on the couch with Cokes, Beers, and oodles & toodles of junk food and cheering our Jets on. (And how lucky am I that my husband's favourite team is my very own hometown team?! Whaaat?!) Together we have been to two Jets games, and this winter we are planning to change that to a whopping three!

Because I simply cannot think of anymore...The End! I hope you feel inspired to go out and invest your hard earned cash into a $5.00+ drink from Starbucks. <3 ;)

5 Years Ago.

I took this photo in the car the other day while I was waiting for Jarryd to finish up his meeting, because what else do you do with your extra time than take a selfie, right? (Bless my heart...)

After I took the photo, I of course inspected it...
Where did all of these eye wrinkles come from?!

I didn't have those 5 years ago.... (perhaps I should stay outta the sun?)

Things are so different now than they were 5 years ago. I mean, isn't it incredible how much things can change in only half a decade?

According to my "On This Day" app on Facebook...this was exactly 5 years ago:

(Only one comment and one like? How embarrassing...)

5 years ago, I had just completed one year at Trinity Western University in BC, was about to leave on my trip to Israel, and had applied to go to school in Germany in the fall. I can't even imagine having so many exciting plans right now, at 24 years old.

And so when I look at who I was back then, and who I am now, I feel as though I have lost myself somewhere in between.

I'm no longer that care-free bleach "blondie" who's constantly hopping on a plane to who knows where or whose schedule is booked solid with social events and hangouts.

My hair is reverting to its natural "mousey" brown color, and sprouting random whitish-grey hairs. (I was wondering when that'd start happening...). Thanks to my finances, I'm completely tied down from leaving this country. These feet won't be stepping on a plane anytime soon from now (let's give it a few months though). My evenings consist of cooking, baking, and watching Netflix while consuming almost everything I've cooked and baked that day...alone.

I no longer have those dreams of taking off to the big city, pinning down a hustley-bustley career, and seeing the streetlights through my apartment window at night. I'm not that girl anymore.

But maybe it's less of me losing myself or my personality, than it is the plain and simple act of: growing up!

When I think about it, I really am a grown up now.

I have planned a wedding (and survived it), educated myself on US Visas, I know what a shared-secure loan is, I'm working on building my credit, I know how to resist the temptation of buying into every single coffee-stop craving, I know to ask questions like "is your apartment heated with gas or electricity? There's a huge difference.", I've almost been married for a year (I'm practically an expert on the male brain...), I have a concept of money (I know an overpriced blueberry from a reasonably priced blueberry), aaaaand I sing extra loud in church when they finally decide to play a hymn.

5 years ago, I didn't even know that half of those things existed, and if I did, it was something I cared very little for. 5 years ago life was about traveling with friends, hopelessly pining after boys, and spending way too much money on clothes.

Today, life is about making plans with my hubby, working hard for every dollar, saving money (or trying to save money), seeking wisdom, and striving to find God's will for my life. Trying to be a good wife, daughter, sister, auntie, and friend...someone whom my friends and family can be proud of!

The other day I listened to some old Taylor Swift albums, and she will always, always, always remind me of the girl I used to be. The reminiscing doesn't make me sad though, because I really like how things turned out for me. I love who I chose to be my prince-charming, I love the places that God has taken me, and I love this feeling of maturity and actually desiring maturity.

Well...maturity is a strong word. Truthfully, I am still that goofy and overly-sensitive 12 year old girl at heart who loves sappy Nicholas Sparks books and Taylor Swift break-up songs. :)

The bulletin board in my university dorm room, 5 years ago.

A New Chapter.

I started this blog at the end of Grade 12. 2009 was its year of birth to be exact, and it all happened when the whole concept of blogging wasn't that popular at all. In fact, I'm pretty certain I was the only one in my grade who even had a blog! I can't even tell you how many times people asked me: "You have a blog...what's a blog?".

And then...the internet exploded! Nowadays, (six years later), everyone knows what a blog is---no! Scratch that, everyone and their mom HAS a blog. It's actually pretty awesome though. I am all for the inviting of oneself into the big ole' Blogosphere. Everyone has their own goals, intentions, and desires when they click that "Create Post" button for the very first time.

I remember my original reasons for starting a blog, and well look-y here! Long ago I wrote a blog entry all about that:

"So, how does a young 18-year-old girl like me, get the outrageous idea in her head about starting a blog? That's a good question. And for a question like that, I'm pretty sure that I have a legitimate enough answer:

As I was browsing through blogs on the internet the other day, it got me thinking: Wow, blogging about your personal life is actually pretty risky business. I mean, think about it! By keeping a blog, you're pretty much opening up a window to your soul for the whole world to see. And it's not just the people living 3000 miles away from you who are reading it, it's your next-door neighbor. It's your ex-boyfriend. It's that dude in high school who you were ALWAYS in the same class as, yet you never spoke a word to each other. It's that little girl who always sees you with your big posse of friends and desperately wonders what makes you "so cool". It's that guy you met at camp who's seriously crushing on you. It's your sister. And dare I say it, it's your mom! So what I'm trying to say here, is that anyone, and I mean anyone can read your blog. It's a huge statement of vulnerability, and for some reason, that attracts me. The thought of expressing my deepest feelings and concerns to anyone and everyone out there, in writing form, intrigued me. It's a huge challenge, and a huge leap of faith to let someone who's not even your best friend, into your head and pick apart the way you think.

Since my number one career goal is to become a writer, I figure that having this blog would be a good idea. Writing anything, from books to magazine articles to songs, play a HUGE part in vulnerability. I mean, wouldn't you agree that when Taylor Swift wrote, "Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see...", that she was wearing her heart on her sleeve? And wouldn't you agree that when Stephanie Meyer wrote Twilight, she was inspired enough by her own thoughts, feelings, and emotions to create the intense love story between Edward and Bella? That's what I wanna do! I want to be adventurous enough with my own thoughts and be able to write something truly amazing, just simply based on my personal experiences and stories. I believe that the only way to do that is to not hold anything back, and to just write exactly what you're feeling. Like, who cares who's going to read it? Who cares what they'll think? All that really matters --(insert cheesy/inspirational line here)--> is that you're being true to yourself. So if I'm going to fulfill this dream of being confident and 'naked' with my thoughts one day, then why not start right now with a blog?

Hmm...sounds good to me."

Wow, I really was quite the firecracker back then, wasn't I? And double wow, SO MUCH has changed. First of all, just in case you skipped over the very first sentence, I wrote that when I was 18 years old. Never ever in this 24th year of my life would I admit to the world that I read Twilight. (But that I listen to Taylor Swift? Oh, I will shout that from the rooftops!) 

Continuing, what has changed most of all would be my intentions with blogging. To sum it all up...

18-Year-Old Jennifer started a blog to: be vulnerable, brave, practice her writing skills, and express a little teenage angst (haha!).

24-Year-Old Jennifer writes in a blog to: share about her relationship with Jesus, extend prayer request & praise reports, keep friends and family who live far away updated on her life, to have a voice, write about unique experiences, share favourite recipes, practice writing skills, and be inspirational & uplifting. Because writing in a journal and keeping it shut from the world just isn't enough for me. I want my words to have some fruit to them, some meaning, some effect--in a positive way only.

One intention that hasn't changed since 6 years ago though, is that I have always wanted to "be true to myself" . I want this blog to be a mirror reflection of me. On the social spectrum, I am a little more on the shy side; I'm soft-spoken (my voice seems to completely cut out when approaching high volumes haha!) and more often than not I feel anxious in social situations. So it's not unusual for me to feel like I haven't successfully given my 2-cents. Which is why, when friends/family/random strangers tell me "hey, I love reading your blog!", I am absolutely overjoyed because my blog is me! It's a little corner on the internet where my heart is on display. :)

In conclusion, being that I am in this whole new chapter of life (marriage, living in a different country, ect!), I felt that now is a great time to give this ole' blog a makeover! Enjoy! :)

Today I am:

Making: this blog come to life! It needs some serious work. And my sister has been hounding me about it. :P

Cooking: Creamy Italian Sausage & Potato Soup for supper today. I've never made this before so I'm VERY excited to see the outcome!!

Drinking: Red Wine Sangria. Hee hee, you caught me. It has chia seeds in it...is that weird?

Reading: I am about to start Reedeming Love by Francine Rivers...one day soon...

Wanting: to finish the "About Me" section on my blog. Why is this taking me so long?

Looking: for a job. Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be much luck in this area, but I'll keep searching! Don't you worry!

Playing: "Today's Country Hits" on Songza. With this warm weather these days, I am all about the country! ;)

Wasting: time, sweet time. Not gonna lie, I started playing the game Tropico 5 on my computer and it's crazy addicting. But I decided to put it away for now so that I could work on the blog!

Sewing: pff...me? Sewing? I'd better break it to you now, you won't ever see me sewing. :)

Wishing: I had signed up for the ladies retreat at church this weekend. I was scared that I wasn't going to know anyone and felt weird about it, but now I wish I would have signed up! They are going to Ocean City, MD, which is somewhere I'd love to go. Maybe next year :)

Enjoying: this time that I have to myself while Jarryd is at work. It's hard to be productive when he is home when we're having so much fun together. :)

Waiting: to receive my "Advanced Parole" from United States Citizenship & Immigration Services so that I can go visit my family and friends in Canada. I cannot WAIT! (!!!)

Liking: being a Jr. Youth leader. Yesterday's meeting was probably the best one yet! I'm starting to remember everyone's names, the kids seem to be more comfortable with me, and I'm starting to feel more comfortable in general! Praise God!

Wondering: what life will look like for us within the next few months, in regards to employment. I guess we will see! :)

Loving: the new women's group I just joined at church. I'm so happy about all of the fellowship I have to look forward to, and I'm excited for all of the wisdom that our mentors are going to shed on us. :)

Hoping: that the Winnipeg Jets win tonight!!!! GO JETS GO! Game time is at 8 pm; be there!

Marveling: At how God has taken such great care of Jarryd and I. I know that He has always taken care of us, and that I should be used to it by now, but I absolutely cannot get used to it! I'm so thankful!

Needing: more time with Jesus. <3 I have neglected doing my devotions today thus far...

Smelling: my Wonderstruck perfume by the miss. Taylor Swift. Ooo la la! ;)

Wearing: Lululemon pants, a big comfy sweater, and giant fuzzy slipper booties.

Noticing: the dust on the coffee table. I swear I JUST wiped it clean the other day! Where is all this dust coming from?!

Feeling: 100 times better than I felt yesterday. Yesterday was just stressful, rough, and I was being emotional, of course. Today I am feeling hopeful and optimistic! :)

Knowing: that I am on a serious asparagus kick. Like, wow. Asparagus baked in the oven with a little olive oil, salt, and parmesan, is just golden! Thank you Costco for satisfying all of my cravings in mass quantities.

Thinking: that drying racks for your wet clothes are the BEST thing you could ever buy! I mean, running a dryer is expensive, so a drying rack is definitely a top-notch investment in my books!

30 Things About Me That May Surprise You.

1. Ever since I moved to Maryland my eyes are ALWAYS red and I've had several people here ask me if I'm OK. (!?!) I promise I'm not a miserable person! I get lots of sleep and I'm not always crying! Sigh...

2. I am in no way a health "freak". (The furthest I go is avoiding Aspartame, only because I dislike the icky aftertaste). I love sugar, I love meat, I love fat, and I love carbs. Mmm...

3. I don't exercise...scratch that, I don't -intentionally- exercise. But I probably should! Haha!

4. I hate talking loud. It hurts my throat.

5. I taught myself HTML when I was 12. I distinctly remember creating websites on domains such as Angelfire and Geocities. I always wanted to learn CSS coding, but I think once I grew out of my Neopets.com phase, I just never got around to it. LOL.

6. I truly used to believe that I was a good judge of character based on "first impressions". But today I can wholeheartedly say that I am 99 times out of 100: WRONG. In fact with some people I'm good friends with now, I didn't think I meshed well with in the beginning. How funny is that? And no, I'm not naming names. :P

7. I went to Culinary school...but some days the last thing I want to do is cook...is this normal? Am I normal?

8. In high school my best friend and I used to video ourselves dancing and lip syncing to our favourite songs. This would take place in the car, in our bedrooms, in our living rooms...anywhere and everywhere!! We even uploaded them to YOUTUBE. How embarrassing! (I've removed them since, but I am keeping them on my computers' hardrive forever).

9. I have recently rekindled my love for XBOX and it has totally siezed any chance I have at being productive. Jarryd and I just can't put the controller down!!

10. Not that anyone cares, but I have finally confirmed my year-round drink routine at Starbucks:

February-August: Caramel Macchiato w/ extra caramel.

September-October: Pumpkin Spiced Latte.

November-January: CARAMEL BRULEE LATTE <---obviously the best drink ever.

11. I'm not the biggest fan of DIY projects. I did it once the other day, so now I'm good for like 3 years. I choose convenience over hard-labour. (Haaa!)

12. I LOVE hockey! For some reason, my 22 years in Canada didn't do a thing for me hockey-wise, but as soon as I move to the US it's what most of mine and Jarryd's evenings consist of! (Go Winnipeg Jets!!)

13. My absolute favourite food is honey-garlic chicken...Oh! And also my father-in-laws' cocunut chicken curry. (I grew up on a chicken farm, I can't help but like chicken!)

14. I'm one of those people who thinks about the past more than the future. I have a habit of flipping through old photographs and bringing up old memories when I'm talking with my friends (Remember when we...ect, ect.). It's not the most productive thing in the world, but it sure makes my heart warm. :)

15. I love wine. And Pepsi. Not Together. Separate.

16. I take really long showers, like I'm talkin' 45 minute long showers. As a female with long hair, there is just so much that needs to be done!!

17. As much as I love having moved to a whole 'nother country and exploring what this part of the world has to offer, I still go through these really deep-cutting moments (moments that last a few hours usually) of homesickness. It sucks. Sometimes it feels as if the whole Manitoban-Canadian-girl inside of me has died and I miss her, her friends, and her family, so very much. I love my life, but it's not always easy.

18. After all of these years of country to pop transitions, I still love Taylor Swift...and her scottish-fold cats. (SO CUTE!)

19. I'm a Jr. Youth leader at my church. (Surprised? ME TOO!!) It's so stinkin' challenging for me, but God is teaching me so much through it. I feel like I'm growing. (?!)

20. Sometimes when I look back at my wedding I get really bitter feelings...toward myself! Like, WHY did I spend so much money on that? WHY did I need to do that? Oh Jennifer if only you would have saved your money so that life would be a teeny wee bit simpler now...Sigh.

20. I would love for my next trip to be to Nashville, TN. Perhaps see a Predators game and a country concert of any sort. Who wants to come with meeeee?

21. Mine and Jarryd's wedding was 9 months ago and we're STILL working on Thank-You cards. It's so overwhelming and haunts me in my dreams!! We are so close to being done though!

22. I help out with the preschoolers class at church on Sunday mornings. A lady from church asked me if I would help and I said yes, just because I was new to this church/community and wanted a place to put my time in serving. I never thought I'd love it this much! Those little ones bring so much joy to my heart, like EVERYTHING is just so wonderous and exciting to them.

23. I just got my EAD (Employment Authorization Card) in the mail, which means I can now legally work in the USA! Half of me is super excited for this, the Netflix-internet-cooking-blogging-cleaning-sleeping-in-reading-xbox half of me is quite distressed.

24. I installed curtain rods & curtains in our apartment a few weeks ago and felt SO empowered, as if I could do ANYTHING now.

25. I have realized that the most difficult part about moving from your home to a new place (or country, if you will) in your mid-twenties, is making friends. Everyone already has their set group of friends and routines that it's hard to fit new people in. Oh well, things like this take time!

26. Two things from Costco that Jarryd and I ALWAYS have in our freezer: Mrs. T's potato & cheddar pierogies, and Tyson Panko Chicken Breast Tenderloins.

27. I was actually sad when I found out that Josh & Andi (bachelorette) broke up. Do I know them? No, not at all.... LOL.

28. I really miss the innocent mind I used to have. The more places I go, the more people I meet, the more articles I read, and the more things I watch, the more music I listen to, have totally taken my brain to places that I never want to go again. I'm really learning the importance of Philippians 4:8: "Whatever is TRUE, whatever is NOBLE, whatever is RIGHT, whatever is PURE, whatever is LOVELY, whatever is ADMIRABLE--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things".

29. The top 5 things I say to my husband each day:

1)I'm cold.

2) I'm hungry.

3) I need a massage (!!!)

4) I'm cold again.

5) I'm sleepy.

Pretty much every bodily function. HA!

30. I hate to be rushed. It makes me feel like I'm being pressured, which then makes me feel irritated. I take my time with almost everything, especially this blog. (Not always a good thing, haha!)

A Good Stress.

Wedding planning,
Maintaining a healthy long distance relationship by saving some face time for FaceTime,
Working 30+ hours a week,
Attending school and labs 15+ hours a week, not to mention the homework/exams/papers on top of that,
Organizing fiance-visa documents & appointments,
Attempting to try at having a social life,
And all of those other little things that like to sneak up on you such as fixing blown car tires...

All. At. The. Same. Time. All. Day. Every. Day. Never. Ever. Ending.

I wouldn't say I'm stressed...

Okay, yes, no, never mind, I would.

Normally my stress comes with a lot of tears and anxiety. I'm happy to say that I am well past that point--I mean, that waaaaaas last week after all, and I don't want to freak anyone out, but I actually had an anxiety attack while I was at school. That was fun. (What?) Of course my nerves planned it out well by timing it right before my baking lab! There is nothing more therapeutic than being in the kitchen baking up a storm, well...besides sleeping, getting massages, drinking white wine (or any shade of wine, really), or crying your eyes out in the car to old Taylor Swift break-up tunes.

But anyway, that was laaaast week (today is Sunday, so, technically that was more like yesterday...). THIS week, despite all of the above tasks, I am happy. Maybe it's because I still have that large 2-cream 1-sugar coffee running through my veins, or because I FINALLY get to sleep in tomorrow (I'm setting the alarm for 2 in the afternoon--try and stop me).

OR, it's because I have a new perspective on these so-called "tasks"...

Wedding planning; it's not everyday you have the opportunity to invite 250 people to a day that is all about YOU. I am honoured to even have that many people I want to celebrate marriage with!
Maintaining a healthy long distance relationship with my fiancé; Hands down, the best part of my day. Especially if we have one of those FaceTimes where we are just laughing the entire time. Sure, nothing at all productive gets done, but it's definitely a nice proverbial vacation from my nutso-life. I am thankful to even have a fiancé in the first place!

Working 30+ hours a week; I look at this and can't even believe I work over 30 hours a week. It literally feels like 10 at the most! I am so thankful for this job, and so thankful that I enjoy it!

Attending school 15+ hours a week; Holy smokes I am in CULINARY school. Sometimes I take it for granted and don't see it to be as "cool" as I once did, (coolinary). I have a little over 2 weeks left of school and I'm actually going to cry when it's all over. I am so thankful for this education!

Organizing fiance-visa documents; Sure, maybe I'm not too thrilled to get a medical examination or the hundreds of dollars that go into filing these visa forms, but hey, I am getting MARRIED, to a guy that I really like!! That makes all of this worth it! Plus, I get to go to Montreal for my visa interview. I definitely see this as my chance to shine as a tourist in Old Montreal City!! And once this whole process is over, I will feel so empowered that I actually did this whole Visa thing on my own, no parents or lawyers required!

Attempting to have a social life; today I literally stood in the kitchen for over 3 hours talking with some of my housemates. I'm thankful I even have people in my life whom I can talk to for 3 hours while STANDING without even noticing that I have been STANDING for over 3 hours. It's nice when being social can come effortless like that. Even at work, work is so social to me, it's like killing 2 birds with one stone: making money, while making friends. :)

Fixing a blown car tire; a) fixing it was 100% free, b) I am thankful that I even OWN a car.

Yes, I'm stressed, but as you can see, it's a good kind of stressed! Things will get done in their own special time (slower than I'd actually prefer), but they will get done. And I bet you that when they are all completed, I'll wish that the time hadn't gone by so fast and that I wasn't so dang bored!

Bedtime, XoXo

Blog Reno's!

It is 3 AM and I have officially completed my blog renovation! I am so incredibly excited about this {but not so excited about the major lack of sleep part}. I have been on an--unintentional--blog hiatus and I felt like this was the best way to inspire myself to be the avid blogger I once was! We'll see how long that lasts... haha.

A few random facts about the visuals you see before you;
The title of my blog..."Forever and Always", was originally named after my favourite Taylor Swift song back in 2009 when I first started this whole thing. But now over the years, the phrase has aspired to a much deeper meaning. It's about God and how He will exist Forever and Always, and how He will love us Forever and Always. I want this blog to be less about me and more about Him, but at the same time I know He still can use me & the events in my life to glorify Him...and I just simply want to be a light.

The colour...Tiffany's blue! Sigh... only my boyfriend will understand my obsession with this colour. {Hee hee!} But seriously now, it IS a gorgeous colour! Also, you'll notice some pink hearts and pink font; baby pink is my favourite colour ever...even more-so than Tiffany's blue. Just saying.

My background...anchors! I love anchors and all things nautical and East-Coasty! They make me feel happy, like I can almost feel the sunshine kissing my shoulders and smell the sea-salt in the air...like I'm living in the almost-predictable setting of a Nicholas Sparks book. {Too bad I live miles from any ocean!} I also felt that the anchors went well with my blog description...

My blog description..."for in Him 'I have a hope, an anchor of the soul, firm and secure' -Hebrews 6:19. This is an amazing verse that can be found in The Bible, which pretty much states that in this rocky/scary/crazy/unpredictable/not-so-pretty world that we live in, Jesus is the one thing that is CONSTANT, RELIABLE, and SECURE. We can trust in Him because He will never change, nor will He ever leave us. <3

Well, thanks for reading! It is time I let myself sleep after these long and gruesome hours of hard laptop labour. Good night! :)

Stay, Stay, Stay

You took the time to memorize me

My fears, my hopes and dreams

I just like hanging out with you all the time

All those times that you didn't leave

It's been occurring to me

I'd like to hang out with you for my whole life

Stay.

I'll be loving you for quite some time

No one else is gonna love me when I get mad, mad, mad

So I think that it's best if we both stay, stay, stay

Stay, stay, stay

Stay, stay, stay

I've been loving you for quite some time, time, time

You think that it's funny when I'm mad, mad, mad

But I think that it's best if we both stay, stay, stay,

Stay.

-Taylor Swift-

Starlight

I'm a barbie on the boardwalk, summer of '45
Picks me up, play one night at the window
He was 17 and crazy, running wild, wild
Can't remember what song it was playing when we walked in
The night we snuck into a yacht club party
Pretending to be a duchess and a prince

I said oh my, what a marvellous tune
It was the best night, never would forget how we moved
The whole place was dressed to the nines, and we were dancing dancing
Like we're made of starlight, starlight
Like we're made of starlight, starlight

He said look at you worrying so much about things you can't change
You'll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way
He was trying to skip rocks on the ocean saying to me
Don't you see the starlight, starlight?
Don't you dream impossible things?

Like oh my, what a marvellous tune
It was the best night, never would forget how we moved
The whole place was dressed to the nines, and we were dancing, dancing
Like we're made of starlight, starlight
Like we're made of starlight, starlight

Ooh ooh he's talking crazy
Ooh ooh dancing with me
Ooh ooh we could get married
Have ten kids and teach them how to dream

Oh my, what a marvellous tune
It was the best night, never would forget how we moved
The whole place was dressed to the nines, and we were dancing, dancing
Like we're made of starlight, starlight
Like we're made of starlight, starlight
Like we're made of starlight, starlight
Like we dream impossible dreams
Like starlight starlight
Like we dream impossible dreams
Don't you see the starlight starlight
Don't you dream impossible things?

This is my new favourite Taylor Swift song and I absolutely love it because it reminds me that it's OK to dream "impossible things", and that dreaming is fun and lovely and beautiful! <3 <3