December 27, 2011

Set Me Free.

"I just need to get away from me,
I just need to find some peace of mind,
Caught in this game of unmet expectations,
I wanna leave it all behind...

So in that moment when i lose myself,
Let the world fade away from me,
Give me a moment to just seek the silence,
I just wanna be set free.

I wanna be small,
I wanna be just like a child,
I wanna be quiet in your arms,
I wanna be small,
I wanna be just like a child,
I wanna be Quiet in your arms."

Amanda Falk's lyrics portray exactly how I'm feeling. I am caught up in this world again. I find myself desiring approval from this world, and when I don't get it, I doubt myself...I doubt the capabilities I have been given...I doubt the woman God created me to be. And then the lies begin to set in: you'll never be taken seriously, you are not capable of anything, you'll never be considered, you'll never be heard, the choices you make will never be good enough...

Your opinion matters so much to me; your approval is all I'm longing for. But why? What good would your words of acceptance do for me? You didn't create the world and you certainly didn't create me. You are merely just human. You are just as lowly as me. You are not perfect and you are not my idol.

If you would give me your nods of approval and your words of affirmation, I would feel absolutely great and proud, but only in the moment. For matching up to your standards only offers me a temporary high.

I don't want to believe any of those lies...and I know that if you knew how I was feeling you wouldn't want me to believe them either. I practically kill myself wondering WHAT IS IT GOING TO TAKE FOR THE WORLD TO SEE AND BELIEVE THAT I AM JUST A GIRL WHO IS LETTING GOD LEAD HER LIFE AND THAT THIS GREATLY EFFECTS MY CHOICES? I am just trying to live my life the best way I can. I am a big girl and I am trying my best to live my life the way God wants me to.

All I want is to be set free from these lies and from these chains. 1 Corinthians 7:23 says "you were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men". I hold this verse close to my heart because I don't want to be a slave, I don't want to waste my life away on my hands and knees begging for the world's empty approval.

I have a high conscience of morality and I just want to do the right thing. God, thank you for this desire to want to live for you. Help me to love fearlessly, even if I feel like I'm not good enough for the world. I want to truly feel and believe that You are enough for me, and that You are all that I need.

"Do you want to be free?
Lift your chains,
I hold the key.
All power on Heaven and Earth belong to Me...
You are FREE."

-Casting Crowns-

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