Baking My First Wedding Cake.

Hello friends! Guess what? I baked my first wedding cake! OK, I'm sort of lying. Technically, this isn't my first wedding cake, per say. I have done one once before but that was alongside a friend (a.k.a I had someone to share all the stress and balance out the crazy emotions with).

Whereas this time around, it was all me, 100% me. (Note: I did have some help at the very end, but I'll get to that later!)
Plus, the first wedding cake I did was completely different from this one! It was an 8" round cake with fondant, sugar flowers, and cupcakes on the side. The wedding cake I did this time around was made up of TIERS, frosted with buttercream, and decorated with real greenery.

I wrote this blog entry so that I could share with you what this wedding cake journey was like for me, and perhaps encourage a fellow baker or two that you don't have to be a "professional cake designer" to execute a beautiful wedding cake. If I can do it, so can you!! So, let's start from the beginning, shall we?

Back in the Fall after our good friends got engaged, I received a pretty little card in the mail from the future-bride-to-be that said: will you do us the honour of baking our wedding cake for our wedding on April 1st, 2017?

Cookies and Cream Layer Cake {My Birthday Weekend}

I'm 26! I'm Twenty-six years old, and so far it feels better than twenty-five did! It's crazy to believe that I'm now on the climb to thirty, or would it be better phrased as falling down an inevitable steep downward slope? I vaguely remember back in the day teasing my 9-years-older-than-me-brother about how he was turning 30 and calling him SO OLD and such. And now, I'm officially on my way to that same "old". (Well, in four years at least!)

Now, onto my birthday weekend. But first, let's rewind a bit here. Three years ago Jarryd and I were invited to a lunch/watch football/play games day at our friend's Jon and Michele's house, where our friend Cameron met Jon and Michele's niece (A.K.A his FUTURE WIFE) for the first time on sort of a "blind dinner party date". We were all having so much fun that we ended up staying not just for lunch but DINNER TOO. (That's how you know it's good!) The two singleton's hit it off and three years later they're happily married! And not only did they hit it off, but the six of us as a "couples" group did too! So, the following year we decided to keep up the tradition and do it again! And now, for the third year in a row we had the same plans set--Sunday lunch immediately following church, games and football in the afternoon, and pizza for dinner. And this time I brought a cake with me!! 😃

My 2016.

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE! What a crazy, exciting time of year and I can't even believe the beginning of January is about to hit us!

For someone in my shoes, the months of October to December are nuts. I say "in my shoes" because I'm a Canadian who married an American and is living in America. Therefore, in October Jarryd and I celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving, in November we celebrate American Thanksgiving, in December we celebrate Christmas, and now we celebrate New Years Eve/Day! There are four major holidays all within the span of three months for us! (Thank goodness Christmas is the only holiday where gift-giving is expected, or else we'd be sooo broke!)

Last night in the car, Jarryd and I were just talking about how great of a year 2016 was for us. Thankfully, and I say this with a truly grateful heart, nothing drastic or tragic occurred in our lives. (Thank you, God!) We both conquered some things we wanted to conquer, and accomplished things we never even dreamed we'd accomplish. But, there's also things we wish we would have done more of, or wish we would have done less of. Obviously our lives aren't perfect and therefore our year wasn't perfect. But overall, despite how exhausting and busy the year may have been for us, 2016 really was a good year.

Our Third Christmas.

So, Christmas has come and gone. There's no more cars driving around dressed with an antler on each side and a big red nose in the grill, and Christmas music on the radio is nowhere to be found! 😢 I very much believe that Christmas music should be played until New Years Eve; half of us still have Christmas family gatherings and get-togethers after the 25th of December, so what gives? (Perhaps it would confuse the little ones if they heard on the radio that Santa Claus still has plans to come down the chimney at 12 that night...AGAIN?)

Christmas of 2016 was definitely one of a kind! I feel like Christmas for me isn't centered around the actual day of Christmas--I think it's the days and weeks leading up to it. I believe I really started getting into the whole "Christmas spirit" thing at the very beginning of December when I was flipping through radio stations on my commute home from work and came across a station playing ONLY Christmas music, and I was instantly hooked. For some reason hearing those first Christmas songs instantly cheered me up and enveloped me in a warm hug of nostalgia. 😇

The following blog post is dedicated to our favourite memories of our third Christmas together: Christmas of 2016. 💗

Firstly, one of my biggest dreams came true when I got to see New York City at Christmastime! This was my first trip to New York City where we actually stayed the night, which was also a dream of mine (because I've had one too many "day trips" there).

 You know those decked-out "shop windows" they all sing about in Christmas songs?! I got to see them and it was amazing! One of them even featured Canadian geese so that was a lovely surprise.

And see that giant green thing surrounded by scaffolding? Yep, that's the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree being set up! I looked up the details of this tree, and it's a Norway Spruce from New York, and this year it was 94 feet tall! WOW. (Tallest on record was 100 ft!)

There was this one weekend near the beginning of December when I was feeling exceptionally cranky--probably because I spent my Saturday morning cleaning the entire bathroom and doing laundry all on an empty stomach and before coffee! (Bad move...) And I don't know if this is a human thing, a woman thing, or simply just a Jenny thing, but when I'm upset about one thing, it somehow connects to something else and something else again and again, therefore making me upset about EVERYTHING and henceforth coming to the conclusion that my whole life is falling apart. (Am I crazy?!)

So, me being upset about one thing lead me to believe that we probably won't even celebrate Christmas this year in the form of finding a Christmas tree and decorating our apartment and what not. No Christmas for me this year. I thought as I poured my tears detergent into the laundry machine. Now here's the amazing part! A few days before we'd looked everywhere for our Christmas tree stand! We couldn't find it and therefore thought we left it at our old apartment to be garbage-ridden. I don't know about Jarryd, but I certainly didn't feel like spending the money on a new tree stand, something we'd only use one month out of the year, so I thought for sure we wouldn't be getting a tree. But in the midst of my tears, Jarryd comes up and gives me a long hug--all the sudden he says "HEY! There's our tree stand"! It was hidden behind the laundry machine between the broom and vacuum. "Let's go pick out our tree now, ok?"
Me: "OK!!" 😅 💕

Off to pick our Christmas tree! (See! You can't even tell I was crying! 😆 ) Also, let's talk about how glad we are braids are back in style.

This is the breed of tree we picked out, "White Pine". (Is "breed" the correct term here?) I LOVE it so much, and I think it may be the only breed of tree I'll ever want for the rest of my life! Our tree only cost us $35--apparently because White Pines don't hold heavy ornaments very well, they're not in demand, which explains the uber low cost. And since I'm not the kind of person to put alot of ornaments on a Christmas tree, it totally works out for me. (But who knows, I'm sure my tree style will change over the years, you know?)

Bringing our tree home was a bit of an adventure--we borrowed my father-in-laws red truck and loaded it up in the box of the truck. That part was easy, it was the getting-it-set-up-in-our-apartment part that was rough--you see, we thought for sure we had 9 foot ceilings! So our 8+ foot tree absolutely did not fit vertically. Jarryd ended up cutting a few inches off the top of the tree with my serrated KITCHEN knife. (I was cringing the entire time because that knife came in my knife-kit from culinary school and it's made of high carbon German steel! 🙈 ) It was quite the adventure getting this big fat tree set up, and despite how stressful it got at times we couldn't help but laugh at ourselves.

Moving the hutch out of the way to make room for the Christmas tree called for serious hutch-trinket rearrangement. 

I had some serious goals for this tree and pink Christmas balls were on the list! (Shoutout to Jarryd for being the best husband ever and letting me put pink decor up in our apartment!!)

I bought the pink Christmas balls at Target, the gold balls at Big Lots, and the poinsettia flowers from Dollar Tree! I'm absolutely in love with the color scheme of pink, gold, and white.

Our Christmas card photo this year! We were literally in our PJs right before this, hopped into some nice clothes, set up the camera on self-timer, took like 10 photos, and then hopped back into our PJ's again. I promise one day we'll get professional photos taken!

Yes! We rearranged our living room in honour of our Christmas tree, which was a funny story actually. Jarryd wanted more seating in our living room, and that grey L-shaped couch was always kept in our office/second bedroom as more of a futon. So I told Jarryd, "trust me babe, I've rearranged this living room in every way possible trying to get those grey couches to fit in beside the beige couches and it's utterly impossible". Well, he's a persistent guy and really wasn't having any of that, LOL. I then told him "fine, go for it; I just don't want anything to do with it...you're on your own." (What a nice wife I am...). And low and behold he created this super cozy u-shaped living room situation which I absolutely LOVE! The beige couch acts as a room divider which is fantastic. So I ended up apologizing to Jarryd for not having faith in his interior decorating skills, because boy was I ever wrong!

I think we'll keep it like this forever (arrangement wise, not cleanliness wise--you should see the coffee table right now...).

Christmas chocolates are always a big deal. These Guylian seashells are amaaaaaziiing, and Ferrero Rochers of course, and Ghirardelli sea salt chocolates are a MUST.

Christmas card photos were sent out to our immediate family along with gift packages for our nieces and nephew! I'm seriously praying that one day we'll live close enough to our nieces and nephew that we can buy them gifts and give it to them in person without having to worry about how much the shipping will cost! Maybe one day. 💖

This was our one and only snowfall, On December 17th. It was rain, then snow, then ice, and then melted away with the rain a few hours later. So far, there isn't any call for snow in the upcoming forecasts which is just fine with me! I live for the warm weather!

Yes, I wore my Home Alone sweater on Christmas Day. Speaking of Home Alone, that movie is a HUGE Christmas tradition for me--my family and I would watch it every year! This year, Jarryd and I watched a ton of movies leading up to Christmas. We randomly watched The Santa Clause (LOL), Four Christmases (which is hilarious!), and every year we have to watch The Family Stone. If you haven't yet seen that, I highly recommend it--you'll laugh, you'll cry, and all the actors are amazing and very well-known.

Both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were spent at the in-laws, where succotash is always a staple dish (cooked corn and lima beans). In the photo above, this was one of my favourite moments; when we looked through old photo albums of Jarryd's growing up years. What a cutie. There's something about watching old home videos and old childhood photos that give me the warm and fuzzies.

BAKING. On Christmas Eve I did so much baking! Firstly, I made these sweet dinner rolls.

Secondly, White Chocolate Macadamia Nut cookies. (Which I'd say were the biggest hit at the family gatherings!)

And thirdly, I made this Peanut Butter Crisp Triple Chocolate Pretzel Bark. Very rich, but very good. And bark isn't really my ideal dessert, but it was fun to try something new and expand my skill set!

Earlier in December I made these Unbaked Chocolate Cookies--these are definitely my ideal dessert, as I could probably eat a thousand of them in one sitting!

OH and the "Layered Cookbook: Baking, Building, and Styling Spectacular Cakes" by Tessa Huff was my early Christmas present from Jarryd. The only way I had even heard of Tessa was when I stumbled upon her Instagram page and totally fell in love with her baking style. To give you an idea of her amazingness, in the Good Reads Choice Awards, her book was #5, and she was the only one not associated/made famous through a TV show. She's just pure baking talent!

One of our Christmas traditions is to pick a movie saga to rewatch. Last year's was Star Wars (in honour of the Force Awakens) and this year's is Harry Potter!! Next year will probably be LOTR/The Hobbit, but we'll just have to wait and see! (And hopefully next year's Christmas will be in Canada!)

In full disclosure, Christmas this year turned out better than I expected it to because being so far away from friends and family over the holidays is tough. And despite Jarryd being horribly sick the entire weekend, and us being so busy having hardly any time to breathe, it was a great Christmas! God has been so good to us and we have much to be thankful for!

"For unto us a child is born, unto us a Son is given and the government will be on His shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the greatness of His government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over His kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time for ever." Isaiah 9:6-7

We're Baaaaack!

Hey everyone! Jarryd and I are officially back from our 2016 Canadian Thanksgiving trip! Well, we've actually been back since this past Monday but who's keeping track?

The first indication that we were back in America was the weather. Holy smokes--it was wonderful stepping off the plane to feel the warm, humid air soak into my face like a sponge! (This is a no-sarcasm zone, by the way. I'm being completely serious when I say I love humidity!)

And then, driving on the interstate felt SO good. My Canadian hometown has nothing even close to an Interstate so driving in the US is such a treat for me! I often feel the need for speed and after a long flight it was just what I needed. I love going 130 km/hr in my little white honda. It was great, UNTIL we came to a complete stop as there was an accident ahead of us. Instead of a 45 minute drive back to our apartment, it was a 2 hour drive back. And what's worse is we got home at 8 pm and had to ready ourselves for work the next day. Ugh. And I'll have you know, we were SO smart when planning this trip. Our return flight was for Saturday, which would have given us a whole day of rest before we had to go back to work. But, when our return flight got cancelled due to "lavatory maintenance" (whatever that means), our careful planning all went out the window! But it was a TOTAL blessing because we got to spend more time in Canada with friends and family. (Also, missing work on Monday meant a short work week too! Yay!)

I finally unpacked my suitcase. Can somebody please give me a reward for this? In Starbucks PSL form? Unpacking is hard, especially when you leave it for almost a week and you forget what's clean and what's dirty. Although, unpacking this time around was kinda fun because one of my best friends (who has a killer sense of style!) gave me a truckload of her old clothes, so it was like unwrapping a giant suitcase-shaped present full of gorgeous "new" clothes!  * heart eyes *

Oh, and did I mention that I'm sick with a cold? I have visited Canada a total of 3 times since moving to the US and I have gotten sick a total of 3 times on these trips. Can you believe it?! Every. Single. Time. It never fails!
Honestly, I fully expected to be sick this time, so halfway through the trip when I woke up with a scratchy throat, I rolled my eyes and said "here we go, again!". "See ya in a few days, voice. I'll miss you!" And when I say sick, I mean getting an awful hacking-type-of-cold and losing my voice.
I'm either getting sick from the humid US-to-dry Canada climate change, or I'm getting sick from sitting in a winged-germ-tube airplane where you breathe everyone elses air for several hours. :P

You guys, I definitely experienced my introvert hangover in the middle of our trip. IN THE MIDDLE. How awful is that? Introvert hangover = "a withdrawal into oneself brought on by overstimulation" (as said by Introvert Dear). Making plans to see so many different people and never having a moment alone during the day can be pretty exhausting (especially when you're sick with a real hoarse voice!). I mean, we were dividing our days into 3+ sections just to make time to see everyone! I definitely started feeling stressed about my lack of time/energy/health. But what I've learned over the years is that you can't use your introversion as a crutch or an excuse. For example, I could have cancelled plans with people, but that would have been SO dumb. (I'm sorry but "dumb" is the only word I could think of right now). I would have come back to the US with so much guilt and regret for choosing to recharge over seeing people I haven't seen in MONTHS. It's honestly just a conscious choice you have to make, a choice to just get over your exhaustion, because by the time you lay eyes on your long-distance friends all of the tiredness instantly disappears! :) Can anyone else relate with me on this one? I'm so proud of myself for not letting it get to me either, all I did was say to my Mom "I'm stressed", and that was that! High five to myself!

On a lighter, less phlegmy note, it's so nice coming back to colourful leaves on the trees! Where we were, (near Winnipeg), a majority of the fall leaves were already off the trees and on the ground. :'( Fall literally lasts a second there, haha! And I feel like it's just beginning here in Maryland! YAY!

What's also cool is that I used PAID VACATION. Haha I know I know, I'm 25 and only experiencing the joys of paid vacation now, blah blah. But it's a big deal to me! A whole week off of work and I'm still getting paid for it?! Amazing! (I'm such an adult now, it's nuts!) The unfortunate part is that I used up all of my vacation until next October. LOL. It's going to be a loooong year guys...

Also, a whole week without having to go to work = a whole week of being able to do my hair and makeup and wear nice clothes during the day and feel pretty again! And LIPSTICK--I got to wear lipstick like everyday! But Jenny, why don't you wear makeup to work? Trust me, in my profession there's absolutely no point. Why would I wake up any earlier than I have to just so I can wear makeup that's going to get sweated off? This paragraph would be what I'd give the #itsthelittlethings hashtag to. It's the little things in life that can give one joy.

I hung out with 4 babies and 1 toddler on this trip (all girls, by the way), and I think I'm officially ready to be a mom. Hahah. Now, don't you dare take me the wrong way! :P I'm not saying that we're "trying" or whatever; what I'm saying is that it doesn't seem so far-fetched anymore. Here in Maryland, we have only 1 friend who has a kid. Back in Canada, we have only 1 friend who DOESN'T have a kid. When you're surrounded by a huge community of young parents with babies you definitely start to feel the "itch", you know? LOL. I'll let y'all know what happens...

Anyway, after a pretty good four days of work, today is Saturday and I've been doing absolutely nothing! Nothing, except for sleeping in, unpacking, two loads of laundry, two cups of coffee, grocery shopping, replacing my MacBook Pro battery (all by myself, thank you very much!), dishes, cleaning, and now---blogging! OH and how could I forget: Hallmark channel has been playing in the background all afternoon. Hee Hee.

It's good to be back, friends! :) OH and I plan to post a blog entry about our trip with all kinds of photos. Stay tuned.

Thank You.

It's been a strange week, inside of the mind of Jenny, that is. No odd events have occurred and nothing out of the ordinary has sprung up in my life; it's all just been weird inside of my head.

Being a hopeless introvert I tend to live inside of my head. I tend to pull up a chair and stay for awhile within the "comforts" of my own brain and then get up and leave when I feel ready and satisfyingly rejuvenated. But this week, I actually pitched a tent in my head (and I do not fancy camping in the least so I don't know why I'd ever even consider pitching a tent, but it's my brain, what can I do?), and stayed inside the walls of my skull for a very long time. Too long, in fact.

Introspection is a good thing. It's healthy to examine your own mental and emotional wellbeing and work to keep it intact. But too much dwelling within-the-minds-eye is when things get a little crazy. Trust me, I LOVE to be inside of my head. I love to process the interactions I have with people or events, envision the potentials of my future, seek out new dreams and goals, and just mull over my current life just as everything is. I enjoy all of this so much, in fact I NEED to do this in order to stay sane, but when I spend too much time analyzing and questioning anything and everything, that is when my joy takes a dangerous turn into bitterness, worry, grief, anxiety, and just plain unhappiness.

Is there anyone out there who can relate with me on this? (I know you're out there somewhere!)

An example of something in my life that I allowed to go from a joyful event to sorrowful one, is my upcoming trip to Canada. (If you didn't know, Canadian Thanksgiving is coming up quick and Jarryd and I are vacationing there for a week! YAY!) Anybody who knows me KNOWS that I am crazy excited for this trip. But a few days ago I found myself DREADING it. DREAD-ING. How?! Why?! This is going to sound so silly to you guys, but I knew that going back to Canada and enjoying my time seeing my family and my best friends again...meant saying goodbye AGAIN. And because it's Maryland's turn for Christmas holidays this year, it would be one of those "goodbye, I don't know when I'll ever see you again so...until who-knows-when so take care of yourself! See ya?!" :(

I honestly could cry right now as I've been typing all of this out, but I'm gonna keep it together, people!

My mind takes me on such insane trails that my sad obsession with the future goodbyes completely overshadowed how GOOD this trip is going to be. I shouldn't be dreading something I should be thankful for. And believe me, I'm so excited, thankful to God, and so happy that Jarryd and I get to spend an entire week in the best country ever  Canada. ;) <3 This whole ordeal was one of those times where I just needed to tell my brain to "shut up" and allow my heart to be a heart of thankfulness again.

So there was that. And then there was this overwhelming feeling of lostness...

Adrift.

Disoriented.

Misplaced.

Hidden.

Invisible.

Strayed.

Wandering.

Off-course.

I've lived here in Maryland for over two years and quite often feel all-of-the-above. (Is that too honest, or what?) I don't feel like I've found my place. I don't feel like I fit in. Amidst unattractive wet sobs I have said to Jarryd, "I've never felt so different in my life". To be honest I didn't think I'd feel much culture-shock moving here, but I feel it now, two years in more than ever.

When I feel like I'm different from everyone else and out of place, I begin to question everything about myself and my identity. I begin to feel like I'm losing who I am because I feel like familiarity is far and few between.

Fortunately, there are these times though when I meet someone new and feel a wonderful and warm connection with them and then I instantly have so much joy because I don't feel so out of place anymore. It feels like familiarity. It feels like my desire to know and especially be known is being fulfilled. I feel that sense of belonging that every soul on earth craves. There are seriously some wonderful people out there and I wish I could be surrounded by them all of the time.

Alas, I wish I felt that welcoming feeling from everyone I encountered. Unfortunately, many people I interact with make me feel like I'm too quiet. I'm too young. Like I need to build myself some thicker skin. Like I need to be more sarcastic, more obnoxious, and more aggressive in the way I speak. More crude. Never keep a serious conversation. Make everything a joke, yet don't smile too much. Make fun of everyone around me. Stop being so joyful. Keep a record of wrongs of every single person. Swing your moods a little more. Rid myself of all gentleness and learn to fight a good verbal fight.

I'm sure I've shared this quote before but I'm going to share it again because I LOVE IT:

I begin to question my talents, gifts, and skills until my mind decides for me that they're not actually talents, gifts, and skills. That I'm just a fake, pretending like I know what I'm doing. Or that I'm just kidding myself! But I know my God is bigger than my doubts, and according to Him I'm work of art and can create works of art. Please brain, you need to quiet down!

I know there are people out there like me, who feel the same way I do. Who believe that yes, the world is beautiful and that kindness, warmth, and welcoming-ness all go a long way.

As found in Galatians 5:22-23 But the Fruit of the Spirit is:

Love.

Joy.

Peace.

Patience.

Kindness.

Self-Control.

Gentleness.

Goodness.

Faithfulness.

Instead of feeling lost, I want to feel all of the things above! I want to be the Fruits of the Spirit. And I can because my identity and sense of belonging are not found in where I live, who I know, or what I do. My identity is in Jesus and I absolutely refuse to let anyone around me change that, because they can't.

I'm thankful for the little BIG thoughts that God pops into my head to remind me of His promises.
I'm thankful to Jarryd for always always always being my proverbial "home away from home", he is my biggest sense of familiarity here in Maryland, and my best friend in the whole entire world.
I'm thankful to the people who have shown such great kindness to me, for giving me "mom hugs" and making me giggle with their "dad jokes".
I'm thankful for the--seldom--cashiers who carry on a conversation with me as if we've known each other forever (Dear Starbucks cashier, I don't even know your name but I'm pretty sure we're best friends. Thank you for bonding with me over Pumpkin Spice Lattes).
Thank you to the friends who aren't afraid to talk about the hard things. Thank you for your authenticity and not pretending to be perfect.
Thank you to the people who SMILE and say HELLO.
Thank you to the few people here who actually get my sense of humour. (It's a rare humour but it's actually the best, hee hee!)
Thank you to the girls who let me into the soccer game for free because I forgot to bring cash. Your act of kindness blew me away and it's not forgotten.
Thank you to my long-distance friends/sisters/family who don't mind me venting to them about how hard it gets here sometimes. Thank you for listening, encouraging, and always pointing me to the Truth! (You know who you are!!)
And thank you to the ones who take the time to read my blog. I know I don't always make alot of sense. I know I can be quite vague at times, more mysterious than I'd like to be, but I appreciate you guys hearing reading me out. I get so much joy out of blogging and I appreciate each and every one of you and the encouraging comments and private messages you send me. Your words seriously make my day!! <3

See brain! There's always SOMETHING to be thankful for. Always something to feel joy about. God is so good. :)

How You Made Them Feel.

"She said, 'i've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that everyday you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have alot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'"

{Maya Angelou}

I love that quote so much because of its' incredible truth. I always remember how people made me feel. I'll always remember how disheartened someone left me feeling, and I'll always remember how safe another person left me feeling. I'll always remember the person whom after spending the day with, left me feeling encouraged within my circumstances, inspired to love more, and thankful to Jesus for the people he's placed in my life. {I can't even count on my hands the number of loved ones in my life who make me feel this way! They're such blessings to me!}

And then...there's the people whom after spending time with, leave me feeling unsettled, exhausted, discouraged, sad, and disappointed. They're the kind of people you dread to see again. It's especially a battle for me because my INFJ personality, I'm like a sponge! I soak up the emotions around me, including every ounce of negative emotion. {Let's just say my dreams of becoming a therapist/counsellor didn't last long--I would have come home from work everyday an emotional basketcase!!} I often wish I could just be one of the people who simply brushes off the negative comments or vibes as if they never happened, someone with impermeable walls. BUT that's the thing with putting up walls, sure you block out the negative stuff, but you also then block out the positive stuff too!

The other day I did something dumb...I looked to the internet for emotional guidance {haha!}. I asked google something along the lines of "how to block other people's negative energy" and I got some hooey-phooey err...interesting advice about envisioning your brain as a house with four walls lifting your roof open to positive vibes only. {If that kind of stuff works for you, that is great...but for me personally, I think I'll run to Jesus for this instead}.

Back to the topic at hand, I wonder how I make people feel. Do people feel happy when they're with me? Do I leave them feeling encouraged, warm, and hopeful? {<---If not, then that's my goal!}

I struggle with the fear that I don't love people enough or that I'm not thoughtful enough. I'm afraid that I don't say enough and yet I'm afraid that sometimes I may say too much.
It's frustrating when I try so hard to show love and kindness to those around me and it isn't reciprocated. For instance, my work is a very busy place and we see hundreds of faces a day. I try to say "hello" and acknowledge every person I encounter. But when somebody doesn't even say anything back, it actually irritates me and causes me to stop saying the first "hello" to anyone after that. And then I get hit with a wave of guilt for not reaching out to others because what if somebody I walked right past was having a really bad day, or was feeling especially invisible or unloved that day? For some, a simple "hello" can mean the world to them. {I know there are moments for me when it really brightens my day!}

I hate when I have such a bad attitude going on in my mind that it manages to leak out to those least suspecting; I never want to be caught with snippy one-liners but it gets the best of me every now and then, unfortunately.

I think I spend so much energy trying to be "a light" for others {the kind of light that points people to Jesus} that I forget about the One who I'm doing it for, the one true light.

"Then Jesus spoke again to them, saying 'I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life". {John 8:12}

Dearest Future Self,

August is almost over, I repeat, August is almost OVER. This is absolutely crazy!!
For the past two (or so) months Jarryd and I have been planning my family's trip out to Maryland; most of our energy has gone into anything and everything relating to their visit from  grocery lists, to bed/sleeping situations, itinerary, activities, places to see, and what baked-goods to make.

You spend all of the days leading up to their arrival just planning like crazy--striving for it to be perfect; and then after they leave you say to yourself, "hmm, now what? My brain is oddly quiet right now".

I doubt most people get as excited about their parents' visiting as I did this last time around. The last time I saw them was at Christmas and that was up in Canada! So this time, they flew all the way out here to beautiful Maryland. I'm tellin' you, it is SO cool when your two worlds collide (those being my Canadian world and my American world).
FINALLY my family got to see our new apartment and just see how we live our life here in general. The last time they were out here in Maryland, Jarryd and I had been married a little over a month, so that hardly even counted. We weren't "settled in" at all!

They left to go back home to Canada on Sunday and ever since then I've just felt nothing but thankfulness. I mean, I'm thankful to God all the time for my life, but recently it's been an overwhelming thankfulness. Being with my family again reminded me of how blessed I am to have been raised by two of the most amazing people I've ever known. Through them, God has given me an incredible 25 years of life, experiences, and adventures.

Everytime I look back at photos of myself that were taken on all my adventures in Canada, Europe, USA, ect, I try to read my face as best as I can; I look for any indication, ANY slight indication at all that I'm grasping just how good I have it. So often I want to go back in time, stand before myself, reach out and shake my own shoulders screaming, "do you know how amazing your life is right now?! I don't think so because I remember when this photo was taken and how you weren't actually very happy at the time. Jenny, you are crazy for ever NOT being happy!".

Sigh. I see pictures of myself standing with all of my best friends and wish I knew then that I was probably never going to be in the same room with all of those wonderful people at one time again. I wish I knew then how lucky I was to have so many friends who lived just a few minutes from my house. Nowadays, making friends isn't so simple.

I see pictures of myself lying on the grass on our old farm and wish I knew then that one day I'd be living in an apartment situated between 4 major U.S cities, longing to have that much space to roam again. I often wonder if I'll ever have that much peace and privacy to myself ever again.

I see pictures of myself at my high school graduation and wish I knew then what an amazing chapter of life I was going through. I had finally graduated and I literally could go anywhere and be anything that I wanted to be--and all I wanted to do was rush through it. It's sobering to think how every single choice I made back then was so crucial and life-altering.

If I never would have felt so career-oriented and brave I never would have gone to University in B.C. If I never would have felt so longingly for a change in scenery/way of life/school dynamic I never would have gone to Germany for Bible school.
If I never would have felt so passionate about continuing my degree in Christian ministry I never would have gone to Bible school in Saskatchewan.
If I never would have had my own kitchen in my dorm room there where I realized how much I actually enjoyed cooking and baking I never would have applied to Culinary School in Ontario.
If I never would have met Jarryd during my time in Germany and committed to long-distance dating and later said yes marriage, I would have never moved to Maryland, US.
If I never would have moved to Maryland, I don't think I'd ever appreciate the beauty of friendship the way I do now. I don't think I'd realize how warm, friendly, and welcoming my home country of Canada really is. I don't think I'd fully appreciate to the extent that I do now, how wonderful it was growing up in a Christian community surrounded by a huge support system of friends and family. I don't think I'd truly appreciate how fantastic it is to meet a person so friendly and genuine, and to realize how infrequent these types of people come around (so when you meet one, make sure you hold onto them).

All of these choices and decisions I made based on feeling "at-peace" with it all, have led me to this place: 25 years old, married for over 2 years, living in an entirely different country, working as a cook, exploring the beautiful country of the US of A, and sharpening my baking skills by doing cake/cupcake orders. Sometimes I STILL can't believe where I'm at right now!

I bet, in 5 years I'm going to look back at this moment, this memory, and say to myself, "you had it SO good Jenny. Your life was incredible at 25. How could you not have been truly happy?"

And my future self is right! There's something exciting about where Jarryd and I are at right now. It's just the two of us, no kiddos yet, and no careers that have the "power" to keep us tied down to hanging our hats in one specific area. Truthfully, we could pack up and move anywhere right now. If we really wanted, we could hand in our two-weeks-notices at work tomorrow and pack up and move within the following weeks. We could live anywhere we want to. It's exciting and nerve-wracking and overwhelming and thrilling! To think, this time next year we could be living in another town, another state, or another COUNTRY even! OR, we could just be in this exact same spot a year from now, here in Maryland (which...truthfully...doesn't give me any butterflies whatsoever, haha!).

God places us right where He wants us, doesn't he? It's only a matter of opening your ears to what He has in mind. Right now we're just praying for wisdom and discernment. Praying to be active in our faith and to be aware of all opportunities He lays out for us. We're exploring our options and trying to grow in Christ in the meantime.

So dearest future self (30-year-old Jenny), I'm here to tell you in August of 2016, I am truly happy and am truly thankful. I have it so good, and I don't have it good because of anything that I've done, but because of what God has done! :) <3

Sisterhood

"'Ahhhhhh,' Lena said as she waded in. It was funny to hear her voice aloud. Her thoughts and perceptions usually existed so deep inside her, they rarely made it to her surface without deliberate effort. Even when she saw something genuinely funny on television, she never laughed out loud when she was alone." {Ann Brashares}

Yep, you guessed it. I'm reading The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series again. The first book came out in 2001 when I was only 10 years old, and the movie came out when I was 14. I'm pretty positive I never actually read the books until I was at least 13 {I was too busy reading The Christy Miller series, obviously...}.

Call me a total cheeseball but I LOVE these books and I LOVE these movies even more! I would honestly just love to have a "sisterhood" of my own, made up of just me and three amazing women. Correct me if I'm wrong, but in present-day tense a "sisterhood" would actually be more commonly referred to as a "squad", yeah? Well, whatever, I like sisterhood better! "Squads" are more like acquaintance friends who just take selfies together. "Sisterhoods" meet around candlelight in old yoga studios, mail blue jeans around the world, and jump off cliffs. Am I right?!

These books and movies will always remind me of my trip to Israel in early 2011.

HOW on earth does one connect ISRAEL and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants together?! Well, my old college roomie/bestie would watch the movies whenever we had some downtime after a crazy day of traveling and touring. {Char, if you're reading this...I miss you terribly!!} We actually watched it twice during the whole trip. Don't worry, we didn't watch it during the day when we could've been outside exploring THE HOLY LAND. It was always late in the evening when it was too unwise of us to be outside roaming the streets in the dark. You know? For real though, the one time the two of us did walk the market late in the evening we were legitimately stalked. Then again, I got stalked AGAIN during pure daylight in a CHURCH.

{Despite all of the stalking, it was a country where I'd never felt safer. I'd feel safer walking around Israel than I would Maryland, to be honest.}

Oh man, all of the amazing memories are flooding back. {If you've never read about my trip to Israel, you really should!! I actually really enjoy going back to these old blog posts and laughing at my hilarious 19-year-old self--and the photos are awesome too. It truly was a fantastic season of life for me and I can't keep from thanking God for orchestrating such an incredible event in my life! He is SO good. Click HERE to read them!!}

ANYWAYS...back to Sisterhood. The Sisterhood is made up of four girls--Tibby {rebellious, sarcastic, blunt}, Bridget {courageous, confident, reckless}, Carmen {hot-tempered, introspective, passionate}, and Lena {quiet, stunningly gorgeous, introverted}.

In regards to relating to the characters, I always felt like I was Lena--and the paragraph I quoted up at the top is totally totally me. I'm artistic, I'm more quiet than the average joe, I'm introverted, ect., and I was always convinced that guys only liked me for my looks/didn't trust guys. {Just to be clear I do not think that I have that breathtakingly-beautiful-Mediterranean-Greek-Goddess-beauty about me like Lena does--which is pretty much her biggest "struggle"}. I wish, haha!

So yes, I always felt like I was Lena, but who I reeeeeally wanted to be was Bridget. Oh my goodness. Who wouldn't want to be a brave, confident, athletic, long-blonded soccer-superstar?! {In reality, she's the TOTAL opposite of me haha! Except for the long blonde hair thang...} Maybe it's because Blake Lively played her character in the movies and I just love her to bits?

But, as the years have gone by I have learned to fully embrace my Lena-ness and I truly love the quirky introverted self that God created me to be. It feels good. {I'm just glad I'm not Tibby, haha! Oops, did I say that aloud?}

I'm only 130 pages into the first book, and there's 5 books in total, sooooo, I know what I'm doing this summer! Haha! {P.S- *Spoiler Alert* one of the four girls dies in the last book. Crazy, right?! Hope I didn't ruin it for any of y'all.}

Is there any one of my blog readers who actually likes these books and/or movies? Or am I just the only one? Speak up! :D

Childhood.

I have a 25 minute commute to and from work, and I always listen to music. Always (...except for the times when I'm too exhausted to even want to listen to anything but the wind hitting my windows, but that's rare). Oddly enough, I thought that today was a good day for some Taylor Swift. I consider this odd because as mentioned in some previous blog posts, Taylor Swift is my fall-early winter music, certainly not spring!

So, I hit the shuffle button. (By the way, Taylor Swift takes up 700MB--Almost 1 whole GB--of space on my phone, which is quite alot. Next in the running of 400+ MB's are Jason Aldean, Miranda Lambert, and Keith Urban. Interesting.)

Anyway. I pressed shuffle, and on came the song "Never Grow Up" by Taylor Swift.

Ugh. Bring on the tears!

The lyrics in that song that hit me the most are these:

"Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room

Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up."

I totally remember that sounds of my Dad coming home. He'd always come in through the side entrance, take off his farm boots and hat and walk into the main area through the laundry room. Sometimes I wouldn't mind going back in time to hear that sound again. <3 (Ugh, don't cry, don't cry...)

And I totally remember my "childhood room".
I had a whole shelf of Beanie Babies. I was cool like that...and then I took it down, because it went from cool to uncool in like a day.

I went through poster phases. One year it was all kittens and puppies. The next year it was all Marykate and Ashley and Hilary Duff. The next year it was Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, and then it turned into random fashion model posters torn out of magazines.

My bedroom had a window that looked out to our front yard, flowerbed, driveway, and porch. I always had to be careful at night to close my blinds or our visitors could see right inside my room as they'd walk up to our front door. (Awkward! :S )

Also, I painted my bedroom walls dark red. DARK RED. This is just soooo not me anymore, haha!

The older I get, the more I realize how good of a childhood I had. Despite losing my older brother in a tragic accident, my childhood was so wonderful.

I grew up on a beautiful farm and lived there for 18 years, and I wouldn't trade that for the world! I have never known so much freedom, privacy, tranquility, and safety as I knew on that farm. I learned so much about nature, animals, landscaping, and plain old hard work because I was raised on a farm.

I grew up with 3 older siblings and we had 2 loving parents who cared for all of us so much--and they still do. (AND they're going on 44 years of marriage this year!)

My best friend in the whole world lived literally a 2 minute drive from me. Sometimes I'd walk or run to her, drive, bike, ride the fourwheeler, or we'd meet in the middle. AND I'd go all by myself, with no fears of being kidnapped. ;)

I grew up in a small-town Christian farming community, with over 25 aunties and uncles and over 80 cousins living nearby. (If this isn't accurate I'm sure my sister will read this and let me know). Talk about a HUGE community of love and support.

I had amazing and wonderful teachers from elementary all the way to high school. Seriously, I loved every single one of them; there wasn't a teacher that I didn't like. Well...maybe there was one that slightly irked me, but that's about it!

Sure, my siblings enjoyed teasing me mercilessly.
Sure, I had a point in middle school where I didn't know who I was going to hang out with, because I felt I had no friends.
And sure, I cried alot, and went through all of those awkward teenybopper emotions full-force.
But in reality, I had it SO good. God blessed me with an amazing childhood and for that I am so thankful.

I miss it. Often I wish I could go back in time and take it all in;
I wish I could go back and treat my parents better and live more with a thankful heart towards them.
I wish I could go back and hug all of my farm kittens, puppies, chickens, hogs, turkeys, and cows just a little tighter. (And take turns with the cows licking the salt lick--yes, I did this. Nothin' wrong with a little sodium!)
I wish I could go back and ride the fourwheeler with my siblings again, just once more.
)I wish I could go back and NOT have listened to loud music with my headphones whilst mowing the lawn for 6+ hours, because I think it destroyed my hearing!)
I wish I could go back and lie in the grass of our front yard just a little longer.

But those days are gone. They are long gone. Our farm is no longer ours anymore. My parents moved into town and now I live in another country; away from my hometown, my family, friends, and home community. And that's OK. God has me where He wants me to be right now.

Now that I have grown and matured, I think of my childhood not out of sadness and regret (most of the time haha!), but mostly out of thankfulness. Thankfulness and also the hope that maybe Jarryd and I could give our future children, or nieces and nephews a wonderful childhood too one day. Being an adult is hard and children deserve to be surrounded by love, care, and innocence for as long as possible, because one day they'll turn 25 and wish they didn't have to stress about money, work, relationships, or anything and everything for that matter. :)

My Canadian Thanksgiving!

Alright, so it is December, and Canadian Thanksgiving was on the second Monday of October. Therefore, I am horribly late with writing this post! You are disappointed in me, I know; but no one is more disappointed in myself than I am. Don't worry.
Now that this self-inflicted guilt-trip is out of the way, we can move on. I need to forget about the Christmas holidays for just a moment and teleport myself back to OCTOBER...here we go!

After booking my flight to Canada I felt intense butterflies. This would be my first time back to Canada--my homeland and the country that raised me--since our wedding in June of 2014. I hadn't stepped on Canadian soil in about a year and a half! That may not be too significant of a time frame to some, but to this girl, who is used to coming home about every three months, this was HUGE! A year and a half felt like a lifetime!

To give a little background, the year of 2014 was an odd one. Due to marriage visa rules and regulations, I wasn't allowed to leave the United States before my Green Card was given to me. Actually, I worded that poorly. I could have left the U.S. if I wanted to, but that would have terminated my entire visa and it would have been the equivalent of flushing $3,000 down the toilet. Ahhhemmmm!
This meant I had to spend Thanksgiving AND Christmas here in the U.S. It was the first Christmas in my 23 years of living that I had ever missed. Sure, I cried a little when the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays rolled around, but I thought to myself "there's always next year". AND INDEED, THERE WAS! :)

First Stop: Calgary, Alberta, Canada!

My first stop in "Canada-land" was Calgary! This is where my sister and her hubby live. Calgary is a spectacular city nestled just eat of the Canadian Rockies!

It was sooo awesome to have some quality sister-time with Krissy before her house filled up to the brim with the rest of the family and crazy-busy Thanksgiving festivities!

I love her and her big curly locks.

We OF COURSE had to spend a day in Banff, Alberta. A gorgeous little mountain town that I just can't get enough of! I've been here a few times before, but its beauty never gets old.

Mountains!! If you've never been to Banff before, GO! NOW! I tell all of my American friends that if they ever plan to visit Canada, Banff should be at the top of their list.

Maryland and New York City Adventure With Jolene.

Jolene has been one of my best friends for over four years now; we met back in college and instantly bonded over being one of the few transfer students in our dorm building, (not to mention the other tidbits that brought us together like our love for Jesus, coffee, tea, traveling, binging on bbq chips, music, writing, reading, and talking on and on about our feelings all day loooong).

Since then we have hung out sporadically in Toronto, spent the weekend in Ottawa together, and she even agreed to be a bridesmaid for me at my wedding in Manitoba! Since I wasn't legally allowed to leave the country after moving to the USA (Visa policy), we've been maintaining a long distance relationship via skype.

One day at the beginning of summer she said something along the lines of "When can I visit you? It's time to buy flights!!". (EEEEeeee!!) I definitely had a few heart palpitations and flutters following this conversation. We decided on September 17th and felt like it just couldn't come soon enough!

Get ready to see a TON of photos!

D A Y    O N E:

When that glorious day arrived, I picked her up at the airport in the afternoon and was like "OK we are absolutely not going back to my apartment right now, because that is so lame. We are gonna do something touristy!" (And as a Canadian living in the USA, I will take any excuse to be touristy).

So we spent our first evening together at the Baltimore Inner Harbor. It is probably my favourite place in Baltimore and everyone needs to go!

TOGETHER at LAST! <3

This has got to be the coolest Barnes & Noble to ever exist!

CONTINUE READING!

Highlights of My Busy Life.

I have missed blogging SO much. I miss logging on, typing in that password which every time I hope and pray I did the correct one, and seeing a fresh & new blank page in front of me. Yes, I have missed this.

I have excuses though. I really do. Good ones!

Excuse #1; I work two jobs (sometimes I work up to 52 hours a week, I have a family, a boyfriend, friends, a condo to clean, and laundry to do. I could just stop there...but that would cause for a very short blog post!

 [this was my last load of laundry, it took months to finally conquer... wow thank goodness I'm so funny with my lies and all!]

Excuse #2; At the end of August I flew to BC. Correction; my brother and I flew to Calgary where we met up with our siblings, and then road-tripped it through the mountains to BC. This was an awesome, awesome trip! I realized that when my siblings and I are together in a car, all sense of maturity is thrown out the window. Needless to say, I haven't laughed that hard in a long, long time.

Beautiful British Columbia was where my Freshman year of University took place, waaaaay back in 2009. (You can read all about this experience in the archives of my blog!) Geez I'm old. So, my first trip back to BC finally allowed for me to be reunited with one of my bestest friends in the whole entire world, Charmaine! (!!!!) She was both my roommate and soulmate. We had pretty much every class together, always ate our cafeteria stir-fry together, watched Seasons 1-10 of Friends together (with Ben & Jerry of course), had pillow-talk together, and no big deal...went to Israel together. But most of all, together we transformed each others lives. For instance, when I arrived at that school as flighty and a little too open-minded, she kept me grounded in my faith in God & morals. And when I saw her again, just a few weeks ago, it was as if we never left each other. I love her so much and I can't even express how amazing it was to see her again!! They say it's during your college years during which you make your bestest life long friends. Well whoever "they" is, "they" were right, totally and completely right.

[This is us in Petra, Jordan on our Holy Land Tour. Our next trip will be Paul's Footsteps in the West one day! :) ]

Excuse #3: The day after I returned home from BC, two of my friends (Sarah from big-city Toronto and Jessica from Calgary -or "Smokatokes", whichever you prefer-) flew to Winnipeg (the heart of the continent) just to come see ME! I am blessed. I mean, how many people can say they have friends who would spend hundreds of dollars on plane tickets just to go out and visit them for a few days?? :D

The three of us met at Bodenseehof Bible School in Germany back in September of 2010. We arrived at the school around the same time and henceforth, hung out the rest of that entire day. People say you rarely stay friends with the people you hang out with during the first few weeks, but the three of us were like glue for the rest of that school year. Pretty much everyday we'd sit on the floor in the corner of the Dining Hall and just talk and pray for each other, because there was alot going on. And even though we all live far away in different provinces, we are still best of friends! :)

[This was our very first photo together EVER!]

Sarah and Jessica were here in Winnipeg for five days and it was an INCREDIBLE five days. I was so terrified there would be nothin' to do. I mean, can you blame me? These girls are from the big cities of Calgary and Toronto!! But surprisingly enough, there was ALWAYS something to do :)

[This is our first photo together since our dreaded goodbye in April of 2011--aren't we cute??]

[Technically my bedroom is actually supposed to be an "office room" so between my bed, my dresser, and a queen inflatable mattress...there was absolutely no floor space. It was actually SO much fun. It felt like we were 10 year olds at a weekend sleepover party!! (it pretty much was that way haha!)]

[Watched The Lucky One, of course. You KNOW how I love Nicholas Sparks movies!]

[Their caption for this photo was: "Jenny, in her natural habitat". True enough!]

[We even met up with Janessa (another Germany student) and took the two hour drive to Grand Beach! Loved the white sand!]

[This is what happens when you work outside all summer!]

[My sweetie pie & I at Chapters]

[Where are all these hands coming from??]

[Bodenseehof reunion at the Old Spaghetti Factory! Our awkward family photo. haha]

[Jarryd and I decided to show these city kids what really goes on in the country!]

[It was their first time fourwheelin' and they were naturals!!]

[We found a cute little dead snake!]

[At the gravel pits!]

[Mmm :)]

[Near the water of the gravel pits there was this crazy sinking clay/sand stuff. It was like a giant waterbed of clay. SO cool!]

[Took them to the turkey barn. They were amazed at all the turkeys! And they were even able to handle the smell. Impressive!]

[Breakfast at McDonalds is the best kind of breakfast!]

[Our hyperness landed us underneath the inflatable mattress...somehow]

[On our last evening together we got all dolled up in our flowery summer dresses and hit up The Olive Garden. Sarah is so beautiful!!]

[My gorgeous Chessica]

[ :) ]

[We look way too good together!]

[Hugging goodbye at the new Winnipeg Airport!]

[It felt too soon to say Goodbye]

[We were sad...until we remembered our potential 2013 reunion in Toronto!]

I wish I could express in words how incredible it was being with those girls again. It was as if we had never left each other. But I think we left each other that weekend being closer than ever before. At the airport it was fine and just dandy. But as Jarryd and I were driving home from the airport, in the middle of talking about who knows what, I just start bawling my eyes out. Like out of nowhere I'm suddenly crying like a baby. I was absolutely dreading going back to my condo and sleeping alone in my room that night (during that week even though I had a bed beside the inflatable mattress, I chose to sleep on the mattress with them--practically a cuddle puddle every night!). I was so incredibly sad that the three of us wouldn't be together again for a long, long time again, but at the same time I have realized that having a sad goodbye is actually a blessing. Having a tearful goodbye means that that person meant so much more to you than any regular person would. I love those girls so much, and they have influenced me greatly in who I am as a person and as a Christian. (They were also right then and there when Jarryd and I started dating in Germany, so that's pretty special) :)

So there you have it--my excuses for not being the faithful blogger I wish I were. It's been an amazing summer and I'm looking forward to Fall...sort of...minus the gross cold weather. :)