Giving Up.

Hello friends!

This blog post is dedicated to the fact that I can't get the new Unicorn Frappuccino from Starbucks to save my life--SOLD OUT. I'm officially giving up. OK, I'm totally kidding. I've only attempted trying to order that drink once in my life, which was 10 minutes ago, and I'm never going to give up trying to get a taste of that pink and blue beauty. There are other Starbucks in the area I can try...and once I get my hands on one, you'll know!

ANYWAY, what has my life come to, where I only write a minimum of one blog post a month? Or worse than that, NONE at all?! As I took a quick peek at my archives I found this to be such a sad realization, mostly because I love writing and blogging. I feel like blogging is my one chance to share my true self with the world without losing my train of thought, not quite saying what I meant to say, being constantly interrupted, or stumbling over my words.
I feel like every conversation with an acquaintance or even a friend is a rough draft of what I'm trying to say, and my writing/blogging done in solitude is my final draft. It's my final flawless piece, my perfectly executed chapter of this dramatic and extra-lengthy non-fiction novel that I like to call my life.

I Have This Hope.

As I walk this great unknown

Questions come and questions go

Was there purpose for the pain?

Did I cry these tears in vain?

I don't want to live in fear

I want to trust that You are near

Trust Your grace can be seen

In both triumph and tragedy

I have this hope

In the depth of my soul

In the flood or the fire

You're with me and You won't let go

But sometimes my faith feels thin

Like the night will never end

Will You catch every tear

Or will You just leave me here?

But I have this hope

In the depth of my soul

In the flood or the fire

You're with me and You won't let go

So, whatever happens I will not be afraid

Cause You are closer than this breath that I take

You calm the storm when I hear You call my name

I still believe that one day I'll see Your face

And I have this hope

In the depth of my soul

In the flood or the fire

You're with me

I have this hope

In the depth of my soul

In the flood or the fire

You're with me and You won't let go

-Tenth Avenue North

Come To Jesus.

Weak and wounded sinner, 
Lost and left to die, 
O, raise your head for Love is passing by

Come to Jesus,
Come to Jesus,
Come to Jesus and live

Now your burden's lifted,
And carried far away, 
And precious blood has washed away the stain... so

Sing to Jesus,
Sing to Jesus,
Sing to Jesus and live

And like a newborn baby,
Don't be afraid to crawl,
And remember when you walk sometimes we fall... so

Fall on Jesus,
Fall on Jesus, 
Fall on Jesus and live

Sometimes the way is lonely,
And steep and filled with pain,
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain... then

Cry to Jesus,
Cry to Jesus,
Cry to Jesus and live

O, and when the love spills over,
And music fills the night,
And when you can't contain you joy inside... then

Dance for Jesus,
Dance for Jesus,
Dance for Jesus and live

And with your final heartbeat,
Kiss the world goodbye,
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side... and

Fly to Jesus,
Fly to Jesus,
Fly to Jesus and live

Vienna Waits For You.

Slow down you crazy child,

You're so ambitious for a juvenile

But then if you're so smart tell me,

Why are you still so afraid?

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?

You better cool it off before you burn it out

You got so much to do and only

So many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told

That you can get what you want

Or you can just get old

You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through

When will you realize... Vienna waits for you?

Slow down you're doing fine

You can't be everything you want to be before your time

Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight

Too bad, but it's the life you lead

You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need

Though you can see when you're wrong

You know you can't always see when you're right

You got your passion, you got your pride

But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?

Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true

When will you realize... Vienna waits for you?

Slow down you crazy child

Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while

It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two

When will you realize... Vienna waits for you?

{Billy Joel}

P.S- Any other 90's kids else get major cravings to watch 13 Going On 30 after hearing this song?! I LOVE IT!!

The Lion & The Lamb.

"Our God is the Lion, the Lion of Judah,

He's roaring with power and fighting our battles;

And every knee will bow before You.

Our God is the Lamb, the Lamb that was slain,

For the sin of the world, His blood breaks the chains,

And every knee will bow before the Lion and the Lamb."

This SONG by Big Daddy Weave is amazing, you guys! As a way to conquer some of the negativity in my life I've devoted most of my commutes to and from work to listening to K-LOVE Radio. If you've never heard of it, it's only thee best Christian radio station, ever. And if you don't get it on your radio where you live, you can actually listen online HERE. {They also share awesome stories of people doing random acts of kindness and just helping others; it's so refreshing to hear GOOD things in the news, you know?}

This song very much overwhelms my soul and emotions with awe and gratefulness. I'm in awe of such an incredible God, He's a God who is BOTH a selfless and gentle lamb, and a fierce powerful lion. He came into this world, born in a stable. The most humble of beginnings I would say!
That's just one thing that separates Jesus Christ from other gods and religions; He spent His life serving others and was never on a pursuit of fame, earthly success, or money. His pursuit was servanthood, to love others, to glorify His Father in Heaven, and of course what encompasses the former three: to be the world's salvation!

And I'm just grateful that a God like that loves me and that's he's fighting my battles {like the song says}. To say that I'm GRATEFUL for the Saviour of the world fighting my battles, is such an understatement! Gahhh! How else can I put it though?! No words will ever do it justice! <3

Everytime I listen to this song it just makes me want to know my Lord and Saviour better. He gave everything so that He could know me, so why shouldn't I be doing the same?

River of Tears.

I can't stop listening to this song. It's typical of me to be drawn heavyhearted piano ballads. But the more I listen to it, the more I wish I had written it first. And the more I listen to it, I just find myself interpreting it different than how I'm sure it was meant to be interpreted.

I haven't asked Alessia Cara (the artist) if it was written after a relationship breakup, but I don't think I need to; it is for sure a breakup song.

Don't worry, I'm not experiencing a relationship breakup; thankfully, I cannot relate to the song in that regard. Actually, I find that it perfectly tells the story of my relationship with my--sinful--flesh.
My flesh keeps convincing me that it's going to save me. It's going to sculpt me and make me into something new and beautiful, inside out. My flesh keeps promising me that it is all I need and that I don't need anything else to make me whole.
I keep buying into the promises and lies and before I know it, this sculpture it has created of me is now in pieces, broken. My flesh essentially lies to me, over and over again; and of course, I keep falling for it and letting it happen over and over again.

You might be thinking, "how on earth did she get that out of the song?! That's so crazy." And that is ok if you think that. The beauty of music is that you can take it and mold it any which way you so desire. And that is how I choose to mold this song.

I listen to songs to fit the "mood" I'm in, not change the "mood" I'm in. And right now, this battle between the Holy Spirit inside of me and my flesh is in full swing. Sometimes all the time it feels like my flesh is enveloped around my body a little too tight.

"Still got the flowers that you sent
And the note you wrote that said we're meant to be forever
I keep them all as evidence
In a drawer under the mirror, filled with empty promises
I don't know why
I keep letting you lie to me
Hard as I try
It seems I can't break away
I thought that you would be the hero
Come and save the day
But you're a villain
Your sins unforgiven

I'm going down, and you have watched me drown
In a river of tears, lost beneath the stream
Under the waves, I've found the strength to say
The river of tears has washed me clean
Go 'head and wish me well
I'll cry a wishing well
I'll fly before I fail
I'll set sail and drift away
So I won't need you here
Love sinks and hope floats
In a river of tears
In a river of tears

I catch your scent in every wind
And I recall the love we had
I can't pretend that I don't miss you
Every now and then
But the hurt is for the better
Moving on, it's now or never
Lost in the tide, I can't keep my pillows dry
Like there's a sea in my eyes
I realize that sometimes love brings you flowers
Then it builds you coffins
And far too often
We end up falling to our demise

I'm going down, and you have watched me drown
In a river of tears, lost beneath the stream
Under the waves, I've found the strength to say
The river of tears has washed me clean
Go 'head and wish me well
I'll cry a wishing well
I'll fly before I fail
I'll set sail and drift away
So I won't need you here
Love sinks and hope floats
In a river of tears
In a river of tears

Cry me a river, build myself a bridge
I'm over this, can't let memories become the death of me
I'm glad to see everything that you are
And I believe that you are everything I needed
But I don't need no more"

I don't wanna use my mouth,
Don't know how to spell it out
Every time I try, it sucks
I just wish you could open me up and see all the confusion
And the love, the hurt, the wrong words I'm using
Cause tonight, it feels like...
Like you don't know my heart.

{Rachel Platten}

This Love.

"Been losing grip, oh, sinking ships. You showed up just in time. This love is good, this love is bad, This love is alive back from the dead. These hands had to let it go free, And this love came back to me.

This love left a permanent mark. This love is glowing in the dark. These hands had to let it go free, and this love came back to me."

-T.S.

Noel.

My Father-in-law showed this song to me yesterday and it gave me the shivers and chills (not the horrendous Canadian winter kind...the awe-inspired kind)! Lauren Daigle's voice is fantastically powerful.

Everyone, listen to this song! As for my American friends, I know you haven't celebrated your Thanksgiving yet so I knooooow anything Christmas-related before the last Thursday of November is a big no-no. But I plead with you that you will make this one song an exception. ;)

Then again, who said Christ's birth could only be celebrated during our designated Christmas season?

Then again, this song doesn't sound like your typical Christmas tune.

So then again, listen to it!

Enjoy! :)

Love incarnate, love divine

Star and angels gave the sign

Bow to babe on bended knee

The Savior of humanity

Unto us a Child is born

He shall reign forevermore

Noel, Noel

Come and see what God has done

Noel, Noel

The story of amazing love!

The light of the world, given for us

Noel

Son of God and Son of man

There before the world began

Born to suffer, born to save

Born to raise us from the grave

Christ the everlasting Lord 

He shall reign forevermore

Noel, Noel

Come and see what God has done

Noel, Noel

The story of amazing love!

The light of the world, given for us

Noel

You Must Become An Island.

I've been on a real Sara Bareilles kick as of late. Frankly, for many years she has been on my iTunes, neglected and gathering dust.

And then her single "Brave" came out. A song that was so powerful to me. I WANNA SEE YOU BE BRAVE! (Isn't that what we all wish we were? Brave?)

One thing lead to another and suddenly I have her entire "The Blessed Unrest" album, and it is All. I. Play. In. The. Car.

Trust me, I am not trying to write a music review anything, but I am in love with this album. Her voice is not exactly my favourite female voice in the world, but nonetheless she sings well and her range is quality stuff!

The best thing though, is that she writes and/or co-writes all of her music.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am all about the lyrics. The only element that truly draws me into a song is not the beat, the melody, or sound, it's the lyrics. And Sara Bareilles is an AMAZING songwriter.

Not to make things heavy, but a song that she wrote called "Islands" is about breaking up with a loved one, and needing to be completely OK with being alone...having total separate lives, with no connection...being an "island".

Sometimes I like to change the meaning of a song to fit my current mood and feelings. (Does anyone else do this too?) I'm definitely not going through a breakup, so I like to listen to this song when I'm feeling particularly introverted, desiring to hide away from the world, and not wanting to let anybody get too close to me.

My goal is to learn this on the piano, or her other teary balled, "Manhattan". Perhaps I'll give it a go tonight. <3

Waiting for the bus stop

Waiting for the concrete black top to settle down

Long enough for me to get off and get a little ground

I'm ready for the sea change

Helpless felt this coming from a mile away

And now you're looking at me babe, and how we'll separate if we can

Cause I still count on one hand the number of good men I know

It's like I'm standing on the edge with just a telephone wire

Trying to get to you first to say the world's on fire

Holding my breath until I know you're alright

Because the water will only rise

When will you realize

You must become an island

You must become an island

You must become an island

And see for yourself that that's what I am

You always dirty up the windows

If you keep 'em at bay that way no one's gonna surprise you by getting too close

Anybody but me though

You've made exceptions to you rules

And now we're staring down truth neither one of us wants to know

It's like I'm standing on the edge with just a telephone wire

Trying to get to you first to say the world's on fire

Holding my breath until I know you're alright

Because the water will only rise

When will you realize

You must become an island

You must become an island

You must become an island

And see for yourself the horizon is all we have

So Baby, Run.

Entry Status: Just got off the plane from Winnipeg to Edmonton, currently waiting to board to Abbotsford, BC.
If it means listening to George Strait- "Run" on repeat, being artistically productive, and fueling my body with Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino's...then I think I could honestly live in an airport for the rest of my life.
Some people wouldn't be able to handle traveling or flying by themselves, but this solitude is beautiful. And with my laptop packed away deep inside my luggage bag (who knows where the heck it is right now?) and my cell phone turned off and tucked away inside my drawer back at home, I feel like I can concentrate for the first time in a long time. For once I'm not waiting for a text, a message, or a call. The only thing I'm waiting for currently is my 9:30 AM boarding call.
I feel very much at peace right now. I have my iPod in while overlooking Edmonton and its moist grey skies. Having lived in BC for nine months caused me to fall in love with the rain, so I am loving it.
I think that I should do this more often...this whole traveling thing. Can I just get paid for this? ...please?
A few random thoughts going through my head:
Country music makes me so, so very happy.
This whole Israel trip hasn't hit me yet. I keep forgetting why I'm even in this airport.
My suitcase was 3 pounds from being considered "over-sized". Whoops...
I feel like I forgot something at home...
Within these past two days, I have gotten less than 6 hours of sleep.
I feel slightly sick. Too much Starbucks, perhaps?
"The Last Song" is a great book so far.
I feel like a tool wearing a red sweater with my red purse. This was unintentional. Somebody please call the fashion police.
I am tempted to "accidentally" hop on the plane to New York City.
I have thee greatest parents in the world. I owe them way too much.
I don't feel so great without any makeup on, but these Hollister jeans make it all OK.
God is good.
Last night I had to say goodbye to my niece of 16 months, not knowing the next time I'll ever see her again. I hope she remembers that I give the best kisses.
I am actually pretty delirious right now, I need sleep.
This is what gets done in the absence of laptops and cellphones:

I'm currently at Charmaine's place, and we're leaving for Israel in the morning! I am way too excited/exhausted. Here's hoping today flies by!
Oh, and apparently my home town is supposed to get a thunderstorm today? Not even cool! I'm very jealous right now.

these lyrics are what I need most right now.

You find your faith has been lost and shaken

You take back what's been taken

Get on your knees and dig down deep

You can do what you think is impossible

Keep on believing, don't give in

It'll come and make you whole again

It always will, it always does

Love is unstoppable

<3