Giving Up.

Hello friends!

This blog post is dedicated to the fact that I can't get the new Unicorn Frappuccino from Starbucks to save my life--SOLD OUT. I'm officially giving up. OK, I'm totally kidding. I've only attempted trying to order that drink once in my life, which was 10 minutes ago, and I'm never going to give up trying to get a taste of that pink and blue beauty. There are other Starbucks in the area I can try...and once I get my hands on one, you'll know!

ANYWAY, what has my life come to, where I only write a minimum of one blog post a month? Or worse than that, NONE at all?! As I took a quick peek at my archives I found this to be such a sad realization, mostly because I love writing and blogging. I feel like blogging is my one chance to share my true self with the world without losing my train of thought, not quite saying what I meant to say, being constantly interrupted, or stumbling over my words.
I feel like every conversation with an acquaintance or even a friend is a rough draft of what I'm trying to say, and my writing/blogging done in solitude is my final draft. It's my final flawless piece, my perfectly executed chapter of this dramatic and extra-lengthy non-fiction novel that I like to call my life.

Lemon Raspberry Muffins With Streusel Topping

We are now six days into the exciting and hopeful year of 2017 and I can confidently say that it already has not gone according to plan. Truthfully I didn't have much of a plan, but I at least envisioned myself being a healthy person full of energy and productivity.

It all started with New Years Eve weekend, where I was sick as a dog...with a COLD. It was honestly the worst and weirdest cold I have ever had. I say worst because it actually had me bed/couch-ridden, a cold has never done that to me before. I even had to call in sick to work (after a three day weekend yet!) it was so bad; and I say weirdest because I woke up Saturday morning feeling completely deaf. Both of my ears were plugged and my nose too; not to mention my head was aching like crazy. This is Maryland climate I tell you! When I lived in Canada my colds consisted of a dry hacking cough that's constantly itching. In Maryland my colds are all in my nose and ears. This type of cold has definitely been a first for me.

Change.

Isn't it interesting how we're always changing? I am not the girl that I was 6 years ago, the girl who had visions of one day living in tiny apartments in big cities, walking to class everyday pursuing a career in journalism.
People who know me now, probably read that sentence with MUCH confusion. Even as I just typed that it felt almost out-of-body-esque. Me? A journalist? The 5% of me that is an insane-grammar-freak is like "YES! I LOVE that career choice!" but the other 95% of me is like "no thank you, that sounds like an anxiety-inducing nightmare".
And small-town-country-loving-Jenny living in a city?! I think if I had plans to have absolutely zero children, then maybe, just maybe I could chance a life of city living (I'm no Amber Fillerup, believe it or not). :P

I did 4 years of Bible college/university/school for many reasons but a large reason was to find a husband find some direction in my life career-wise. Half way through this schooling I had visions of pursuing some type of counselling career. And hey, as an INFJ personality type, I have counselling written all.over.me. Even the other day my co-worker told me that I have the gift of listening and I was like, "thank you!" and he was like "don't thank me, thank God for giving that to you!" (I appreciate the fact that I know how to listen, but truthfully...somedays I wish I had the gift of talking. I feel like it could take me places, you know?) :P But something about picturing myself with a 9-5 office job listening to clients heavy life stories for five days a week, didn't sit well with me. Believe me, I wish it did. One of my really good friends is a therapist and her job sounds incredibly rewarding and fulfilling and she's doing amazing things in people's lives but I am just so confident that it's not my calling.

And then...Pinterest came into existence and opened my eyes of a whole new world of cooking, baking, food styling, and food photography. THAT looks beautiful, fun, practical, and intriguing! Finally a career choice that my creative gene could latch onto and actually attain. Now, four years of practice in the kitchen and one culinary certificate later, I've found myself with a "9-5" job in the food industry as a cook/chef.

And now, after almost two years of working in commercial kitchens I'm finding myself wanting to get out of it. Yep. Spending 8 and a 1/2 hours a day, 5 days a week at a physically-demanding job is really starting to wear on me. What I really want is to pursue baking and it's hard when your full-time job is robbing you of all your energy. Truthfully, an office job looks pretty good right now. I wonder what it would be like to come home from work (an office job) and still have the physical energy to spend all evening in my kitchen on my feet working on my baking skills? I do wonder if this is even a plausible idea or would my mental energy then take a tumble?

So back to my first statement: isn't it interesting how we're always changing? I went from wanting to be a journalist to being a counsellor, to being a chef, to now dreaming of baking cakes, cupcakes, and all things pretty! It all sounds drastic when you lay it out like that, but the more I think about it, the more I feel like I haven't really changed that much. Yes, I let the dream of journalism go, but I've still held on to my love and passion for writing--with this blog of mine. I let the dream of counselling go, but I still have a huge place in my heart for people, friendships, encouraging, loving, and listening--with this blog, but more-so in my everyday life with those I interact with. I'm considering letting the dream of being chef in a commercial kitchen go--quite gradually--but I'm for sure going to hold on to everything that I have learned about the food industry; because much of what that skill and knowledge can be carried on into the business of cake decorating.

I'm curious to see how much I will have changed five years from now! Will I have dropped cake decorating for something even more attainable, like...bioengineering? (Kidding.) I'm also excited to see how much Jarryd will change in five years--maybe he'll finally pursue his long-time dream of country music singin'. (Kidding, I think?)

Change is good. I'm telling myself this as I just realized in 5 years I will be 30 years old. Gulp. Change is good, Jennifer.

We're Baaaaack!

Hey everyone! Jarryd and I are officially back from our 2016 Canadian Thanksgiving trip! Well, we've actually been back since this past Monday but who's keeping track?

The first indication that we were back in America was the weather. Holy smokes--it was wonderful stepping off the plane to feel the warm, humid air soak into my face like a sponge! (This is a no-sarcasm zone, by the way. I'm being completely serious when I say I love humidity!)

And then, driving on the interstate felt SO good. My Canadian hometown has nothing even close to an Interstate so driving in the US is such a treat for me! I often feel the need for speed and after a long flight it was just what I needed. I love going 130 km/hr in my little white honda. It was great, UNTIL we came to a complete stop as there was an accident ahead of us. Instead of a 45 minute drive back to our apartment, it was a 2 hour drive back. And what's worse is we got home at 8 pm and had to ready ourselves for work the next day. Ugh. And I'll have you know, we were SO smart when planning this trip. Our return flight was for Saturday, which would have given us a whole day of rest before we had to go back to work. But, when our return flight got cancelled due to "lavatory maintenance" (whatever that means), our careful planning all went out the window! But it was a TOTAL blessing because we got to spend more time in Canada with friends and family. (Also, missing work on Monday meant a short work week too! Yay!)

I finally unpacked my suitcase. Can somebody please give me a reward for this? In Starbucks PSL form? Unpacking is hard, especially when you leave it for almost a week and you forget what's clean and what's dirty. Although, unpacking this time around was kinda fun because one of my best friends (who has a killer sense of style!) gave me a truckload of her old clothes, so it was like unwrapping a giant suitcase-shaped present full of gorgeous "new" clothes!  * heart eyes *

Oh, and did I mention that I'm sick with a cold? I have visited Canada a total of 3 times since moving to the US and I have gotten sick a total of 3 times on these trips. Can you believe it?! Every. Single. Time. It never fails!
Honestly, I fully expected to be sick this time, so halfway through the trip when I woke up with a scratchy throat, I rolled my eyes and said "here we go, again!". "See ya in a few days, voice. I'll miss you!" And when I say sick, I mean getting an awful hacking-type-of-cold and losing my voice.
I'm either getting sick from the humid US-to-dry Canada climate change, or I'm getting sick from sitting in a winged-germ-tube airplane where you breathe everyone elses air for several hours. :P

You guys, I definitely experienced my introvert hangover in the middle of our trip. IN THE MIDDLE. How awful is that? Introvert hangover = "a withdrawal into oneself brought on by overstimulation" (as said by Introvert Dear). Making plans to see so many different people and never having a moment alone during the day can be pretty exhausting (especially when you're sick with a real hoarse voice!). I mean, we were dividing our days into 3+ sections just to make time to see everyone! I definitely started feeling stressed about my lack of time/energy/health. But what I've learned over the years is that you can't use your introversion as a crutch or an excuse. For example, I could have cancelled plans with people, but that would have been SO dumb. (I'm sorry but "dumb" is the only word I could think of right now). I would have come back to the US with so much guilt and regret for choosing to recharge over seeing people I haven't seen in MONTHS. It's honestly just a conscious choice you have to make, a choice to just get over your exhaustion, because by the time you lay eyes on your long-distance friends all of the tiredness instantly disappears! :) Can anyone else relate with me on this one? I'm so proud of myself for not letting it get to me either, all I did was say to my Mom "I'm stressed", and that was that! High five to myself!

On a lighter, less phlegmy note, it's so nice coming back to colourful leaves on the trees! Where we were, (near Winnipeg), a majority of the fall leaves were already off the trees and on the ground. :'( Fall literally lasts a second there, haha! And I feel like it's just beginning here in Maryland! YAY!

What's also cool is that I used PAID VACATION. Haha I know I know, I'm 25 and only experiencing the joys of paid vacation now, blah blah. But it's a big deal to me! A whole week off of work and I'm still getting paid for it?! Amazing! (I'm such an adult now, it's nuts!) The unfortunate part is that I used up all of my vacation until next October. LOL. It's going to be a loooong year guys...

Also, a whole week without having to go to work = a whole week of being able to do my hair and makeup and wear nice clothes during the day and feel pretty again! And LIPSTICK--I got to wear lipstick like everyday! But Jenny, why don't you wear makeup to work? Trust me, in my profession there's absolutely no point. Why would I wake up any earlier than I have to just so I can wear makeup that's going to get sweated off? This paragraph would be what I'd give the #itsthelittlethings hashtag to. It's the little things in life that can give one joy.

I hung out with 4 babies and 1 toddler on this trip (all girls, by the way), and I think I'm officially ready to be a mom. Hahah. Now, don't you dare take me the wrong way! :P I'm not saying that we're "trying" or whatever; what I'm saying is that it doesn't seem so far-fetched anymore. Here in Maryland, we have only 1 friend who has a kid. Back in Canada, we have only 1 friend who DOESN'T have a kid. When you're surrounded by a huge community of young parents with babies you definitely start to feel the "itch", you know? LOL. I'll let y'all know what happens...

Anyway, after a pretty good four days of work, today is Saturday and I've been doing absolutely nothing! Nothing, except for sleeping in, unpacking, two loads of laundry, two cups of coffee, grocery shopping, replacing my MacBook Pro battery (all by myself, thank you very much!), dishes, cleaning, and now---blogging! OH and how could I forget: Hallmark channel has been playing in the background all afternoon. Hee Hee.

It's good to be back, friends! :) OH and I plan to post a blog entry about our trip with all kinds of photos. Stay tuned.

Thank You.

It's been a strange week, inside of the mind of Jenny, that is. No odd events have occurred and nothing out of the ordinary has sprung up in my life; it's all just been weird inside of my head.

Being a hopeless introvert I tend to live inside of my head. I tend to pull up a chair and stay for awhile within the "comforts" of my own brain and then get up and leave when I feel ready and satisfyingly rejuvenated. But this week, I actually pitched a tent in my head (and I do not fancy camping in the least so I don't know why I'd ever even consider pitching a tent, but it's my brain, what can I do?), and stayed inside the walls of my skull for a very long time. Too long, in fact.

Introspection is a good thing. It's healthy to examine your own mental and emotional wellbeing and work to keep it intact. But too much dwelling within-the-minds-eye is when things get a little crazy. Trust me, I LOVE to be inside of my head. I love to process the interactions I have with people or events, envision the potentials of my future, seek out new dreams and goals, and just mull over my current life just as everything is. I enjoy all of this so much, in fact I NEED to do this in order to stay sane, but when I spend too much time analyzing and questioning anything and everything, that is when my joy takes a dangerous turn into bitterness, worry, grief, anxiety, and just plain unhappiness.

Is there anyone out there who can relate with me on this? (I know you're out there somewhere!)

An example of something in my life that I allowed to go from a joyful event to sorrowful one, is my upcoming trip to Canada. (If you didn't know, Canadian Thanksgiving is coming up quick and Jarryd and I are vacationing there for a week! YAY!) Anybody who knows me KNOWS that I am crazy excited for this trip. But a few days ago I found myself DREADING it. DREAD-ING. How?! Why?! This is going to sound so silly to you guys, but I knew that going back to Canada and enjoying my time seeing my family and my best friends again...meant saying goodbye AGAIN. And because it's Maryland's turn for Christmas holidays this year, it would be one of those "goodbye, I don't know when I'll ever see you again so...until who-knows-when so take care of yourself! See ya?!" :(

I honestly could cry right now as I've been typing all of this out, but I'm gonna keep it together, people!

My mind takes me on such insane trails that my sad obsession with the future goodbyes completely overshadowed how GOOD this trip is going to be. I shouldn't be dreading something I should be thankful for. And believe me, I'm so excited, thankful to God, and so happy that Jarryd and I get to spend an entire week in the best country ever  Canada. ;) <3 This whole ordeal was one of those times where I just needed to tell my brain to "shut up" and allow my heart to be a heart of thankfulness again.

So there was that. And then there was this overwhelming feeling of lostness...

Adrift.

Disoriented.

Misplaced.

Hidden.

Invisible.

Strayed.

Wandering.

Off-course.

I've lived here in Maryland for over two years and quite often feel all-of-the-above. (Is that too honest, or what?) I don't feel like I've found my place. I don't feel like I fit in. Amidst unattractive wet sobs I have said to Jarryd, "I've never felt so different in my life". To be honest I didn't think I'd feel much culture-shock moving here, but I feel it now, two years in more than ever.

When I feel like I'm different from everyone else and out of place, I begin to question everything about myself and my identity. I begin to feel like I'm losing who I am because I feel like familiarity is far and few between.

Fortunately, there are these times though when I meet someone new and feel a wonderful and warm connection with them and then I instantly have so much joy because I don't feel so out of place anymore. It feels like familiarity. It feels like my desire to know and especially be known is being fulfilled. I feel that sense of belonging that every soul on earth craves. There are seriously some wonderful people out there and I wish I could be surrounded by them all of the time.

Alas, I wish I felt that welcoming feeling from everyone I encountered. Unfortunately, many people I interact with make me feel like I'm too quiet. I'm too young. Like I need to build myself some thicker skin. Like I need to be more sarcastic, more obnoxious, and more aggressive in the way I speak. More crude. Never keep a serious conversation. Make everything a joke, yet don't smile too much. Make fun of everyone around me. Stop being so joyful. Keep a record of wrongs of every single person. Swing your moods a little more. Rid myself of all gentleness and learn to fight a good verbal fight.

I'm sure I've shared this quote before but I'm going to share it again because I LOVE IT:

I begin to question my talents, gifts, and skills until my mind decides for me that they're not actually talents, gifts, and skills. That I'm just a fake, pretending like I know what I'm doing. Or that I'm just kidding myself! But I know my God is bigger than my doubts, and according to Him I'm work of art and can create works of art. Please brain, you need to quiet down!

I know there are people out there like me, who feel the same way I do. Who believe that yes, the world is beautiful and that kindness, warmth, and welcoming-ness all go a long way.

As found in Galatians 5:22-23 But the Fruit of the Spirit is:

Love.

Joy.

Peace.

Patience.

Kindness.

Self-Control.

Gentleness.

Goodness.

Faithfulness.

Instead of feeling lost, I want to feel all of the things above! I want to be the Fruits of the Spirit. And I can because my identity and sense of belonging are not found in where I live, who I know, or what I do. My identity is in Jesus and I absolutely refuse to let anyone around me change that, because they can't.

I'm thankful for the little BIG thoughts that God pops into my head to remind me of His promises.
I'm thankful to Jarryd for always always always being my proverbial "home away from home", he is my biggest sense of familiarity here in Maryland, and my best friend in the whole entire world.
I'm thankful to the people who have shown such great kindness to me, for giving me "mom hugs" and making me giggle with their "dad jokes".
I'm thankful for the--seldom--cashiers who carry on a conversation with me as if we've known each other forever (Dear Starbucks cashier, I don't even know your name but I'm pretty sure we're best friends. Thank you for bonding with me over Pumpkin Spice Lattes).
Thank you to the friends who aren't afraid to talk about the hard things. Thank you for your authenticity and not pretending to be perfect.
Thank you to the people who SMILE and say HELLO.
Thank you to the few people here who actually get my sense of humour. (It's a rare humour but it's actually the best, hee hee!)
Thank you to the girls who let me into the soccer game for free because I forgot to bring cash. Your act of kindness blew me away and it's not forgotten.
Thank you to my long-distance friends/sisters/family who don't mind me venting to them about how hard it gets here sometimes. Thank you for listening, encouraging, and always pointing me to the Truth! (You know who you are!!)
And thank you to the ones who take the time to read my blog. I know I don't always make alot of sense. I know I can be quite vague at times, more mysterious than I'd like to be, but I appreciate you guys hearing reading me out. I get so much joy out of blogging and I appreciate each and every one of you and the encouraging comments and private messages you send me. Your words seriously make my day!! <3

See brain! There's always SOMETHING to be thankful for. Always something to feel joy about. God is so good. :)

How You Made Them Feel.

"She said, 'i've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that everyday you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have alot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'"

{Maya Angelou}

I love that quote so much because of its' incredible truth. I always remember how people made me feel. I'll always remember how disheartened someone left me feeling, and I'll always remember how safe another person left me feeling. I'll always remember the person whom after spending the day with, left me feeling encouraged within my circumstances, inspired to love more, and thankful to Jesus for the people he's placed in my life. {I can't even count on my hands the number of loved ones in my life who make me feel this way! They're such blessings to me!}

And then...there's the people whom after spending time with, leave me feeling unsettled, exhausted, discouraged, sad, and disappointed. They're the kind of people you dread to see again. It's especially a battle for me because my INFJ personality, I'm like a sponge! I soak up the emotions around me, including every ounce of negative emotion. {Let's just say my dreams of becoming a therapist/counsellor didn't last long--I would have come home from work everyday an emotional basketcase!!} I often wish I could just be one of the people who simply brushes off the negative comments or vibes as if they never happened, someone with impermeable walls. BUT that's the thing with putting up walls, sure you block out the negative stuff, but you also then block out the positive stuff too!

The other day I did something dumb...I looked to the internet for emotional guidance {haha!}. I asked google something along the lines of "how to block other people's negative energy" and I got some hooey-phooey err...interesting advice about envisioning your brain as a house with four walls lifting your roof open to positive vibes only. {If that kind of stuff works for you, that is great...but for me personally, I think I'll run to Jesus for this instead}.

Back to the topic at hand, I wonder how I make people feel. Do people feel happy when they're with me? Do I leave them feeling encouraged, warm, and hopeful? {<---If not, then that's my goal!}

I struggle with the fear that I don't love people enough or that I'm not thoughtful enough. I'm afraid that I don't say enough and yet I'm afraid that sometimes I may say too much.
It's frustrating when I try so hard to show love and kindness to those around me and it isn't reciprocated. For instance, my work is a very busy place and we see hundreds of faces a day. I try to say "hello" and acknowledge every person I encounter. But when somebody doesn't even say anything back, it actually irritates me and causes me to stop saying the first "hello" to anyone after that. And then I get hit with a wave of guilt for not reaching out to others because what if somebody I walked right past was having a really bad day, or was feeling especially invisible or unloved that day? For some, a simple "hello" can mean the world to them. {I know there are moments for me when it really brightens my day!}

I hate when I have such a bad attitude going on in my mind that it manages to leak out to those least suspecting; I never want to be caught with snippy one-liners but it gets the best of me every now and then, unfortunately.

I think I spend so much energy trying to be "a light" for others {the kind of light that points people to Jesus} that I forget about the One who I'm doing it for, the one true light.

"Then Jesus spoke again to them, saying 'I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life". {John 8:12}

What I'm Thinkin' Is...

Blog posts where I write down all of my current most random thoughts are my favourite kind of blog posts! I find them to the be the most down-to-earth and at the same time so real and organic that it's on the verge of being almost too boring to read. Right? :P

I mean, do people actually care about my random thoughts? Speaking of, I just posted a photo to dear ole' Instagram holding my disposable Starbucks cup in front of my new world map from Ikea, casually stating how I like to take my Caramel Macchiatos. See below:

WHO cares?! Not gonna lie, the Instagram culture makes me laugh. People claim to be real and authentic, yet it takes them ridiculously long to shoot the perfect photo of a #flatlay scheme, ridiculously long to edit the photo, and ridiculously long to decide on the "perfect" caption. And the hashtags are a whole 'nother story; they are cheesy beyond belief. Take #myunicornlife for example. Does anyone actually have a so-called "unicorn life"? What is this "unicorn life" they speak of? And then there's #theeverydaygirl, what is an "everyday girl"?!

I think the funniest thing about it though, is that I AM ONE OF THEM. I am guilty of doing all of the above, especially the part about the "unicorn life" hashtag. Yep. But hey, at least I can admit that I'm crazy when social media's involved, and most importantly I can do all of this, all the while admit that I don't take myself too seriously.

Honestly, it's kinda fun having a little space on the internet where I can portray the best of my best; my best days, my best moments, my best home decor, and my best baked goods {all in the best natural lighting of course}. ;) Plus, Instagram is a creative's dream social media outlet; where artistic personalities are admired and celebrated!

Anyway, I intended for that to be the introduction to my list of random thoughts, but it seems that I went off on a bit of a tangent and thus it appears I already provided a random thought. So let's continue, shall we?

One of the best feelings in the world is when you get a brand new album and you listen to each song once, already picking and choosing what your favourites are just from the first listening session. And slowly but surely the song you didn't like at first eventually becomes your new favourite! I also love the feeling when I'm at work and think to myself, "I can't wait for my 25 minute drive home because that means I get to listen to ______ on repeat!!"

But that brings me to my next point...one of the worst feelings in the world is when you've listened to your new favourite album one too many times and you're left with absolutely nothing worth listening to and all you have to turn to is FM radio. *tear*

One of the most---I'll go with---interesting things about the American culture, at least in this part of America, is that acquaintances/practically strangers will tell you all about their day without even being asked to. I rarely have to ask anyone anymore about their day because they don't even give me a chance to. I guess it's just frustrating because where I'm from in Canada, the normal social etiquette is quite different, take this for example:

Person: "Hello!"

Me: "Hi! How are you? What is new?!"

Person: "I am good! We just did ____ and ____! How about you??"

Me: "Well, I am ____ but____ happened and now_____."
Person: " Oh wow that's interesting! _____"

And the conversation just flows nicely because both parties have had a chance to express how they're doing. Doesn't that just sound oh-so lovely?!

However, the American culture {in the area I live, and especially in the area I work--and I understand it's different from State to State} goes somewhat like this {PLEASE NOTE: Of course, not every single person is like this, it's just the majority}:

Person: "Hi how are ya?!"

Me: "Hello, I'm goo--"

Person: "OH MAN, last night I went to _____"

Or....

Person: "Hi Jenny. So I have ____ and ____ going on and ____ and _____ ....blah blah blah".

The end.

Let's just say I've learned the annoyingly hard way that "how are you" is not actually a question it's just a part of how they say hello. Sigh.

Anyway, I need to move on before I start embracing that cranky feeling...

Food-wise, this last weekend was tough because Jarryd and I skipped our weekly grocery shopping trip. Therefore, we had NO chips in our pantry. Having a chip-less apartment takes tv-watching 5 notches down on the fun-scale. But fear not, yesterday I finally went grocery shopping and bought 3 bags. :D

In lieu of "Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life" coming out this year, {eeeeee!!!} we have started up Gilmore Girls all over again. This may be my 4th or 5th time watching the seasons back-to-back. Don't judge me. For some reason, Jarryd and I are watching 3 tv shows at once, "Gilmore Girls", "The Office", "Chrisley Knows Best", and "Pretty Little Liars". Again, don't judge me. Some may see tv-watching as a waste of time, but I see it as a bonding/social activity. Jarryd and I are always hitting the pause button so we can express our opinions to each other about what just happened on the screen.

See the shirt I'm wearing in the above photo? Yeah, I bought that at Plato's Closet back in June. It's now practically September and I FINALLY had the guts to wear it in public last weekend. Isn't that hilarious? It has holes in the shoulder which make it just so....so...adventurous and bold. And now that I've worn it in, I think I'll keep wearing it. Although it was slightly uncomfortable as I kept thinking that my straps were falling down because my shoulders felt "airy".

If you're ever in our apartment's kitchen and you see chunks of buttercream frosting on the walls, and icing sugar on the bottom cupboards, that's normal. This week's buttercream-wall-decor is a nice light purple. I'm contemplating just leaving it there...

Whenever new people I meet ask me what kind of music I like to listen to, other than immediately blurting out "Taylor Swift", I never know what to say. I like For King & Country, but I also like The 1975. I like Lauren Daigle, but I also like Selena Gomez, Hilary Duff, and Ariana Grande. I like Bethel, but I also like Alessia Cara, Sara Bareilles, and Ellie Goulding. Should I just say that with the exception of the first two bands, that I like to listen to female singers? Sounds good. Glad we got that figured out.

So remember how in a previous blog post I said I'd be reading Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants all summer? Well, I haven't picked the book up since I wrote that blog post and summer is almost over! I am the WORST reader ever!! Perhaps if it were a TV show instead then I'd get through it quicker...

This morning I was an hour late to work because...I totally did not set an alarm last night. Isn't that crazy?! How does one forget to set their alarm? All I remember waking up in the morning thinking to myself, "wow, for some reason this has felt like a nice long sleep tonight..." {Little did I know...} :P

I miss Canada...alot...and I think it misses me too.

This last weekend I went to a friend's baby shower, and it was insanely creatively planned. FOR EXAMPLE: When you went to the drink table, you were supposed to put an ice-cube-baby in your drink cup and when your ice cube completely melted you were supposed to shout "my water broke!"

Like, there is a tiny plastic baby in my cup...isn't this the FUNNIEST thing ever?! Granted, having moved to the US I have missed thousands of my friends' and family's baby showers back home, this whole ice-cube-baby thing could be totally routine by now. But hey, it got a huge laugh outta me!

Jarryd just starting coaching high school boys' soccer and I couldn't be prouder!! He's totally in his element with this; isn't it so cool seeing your spouse doing what they love?! {Now, I haven't seen him coach yet, but I absolutely plan on it! I can't wait!} But for now, I'm loving the glorious alone-time that I get while he's at practice. :) Hee hee!

Back to Gilmore Girls, I have this thing, whenever Lorelai cries, I cry. The other night Jarryd looks over at me, "are you really crying right now? Really?", and I reply with "wha? huh? um...no...OK FINE I'm crying. Ugh, it's not my fault that Lauren Graham just has the most contagious cry in the history of female actors".

Last weekend I made buttercream frosting and I poured 3 whole 2 lb-bags of Confectioners Sugar into my mixer. That's 6 lbs, people! Which is also over 18 cups of sugar. {And I'm not even going to tell you how much butter I cut into that thing!} I have never loved my 6-QT Bowl-Lift Professional 600 Series Pink KitchenAid Stand Mixer as much as I did then. I wanted to plant a kiss on its' beautiful motor but I concluded that that would've been unsanitary. Here's a photo of my 28 lb beauty so we'll never forget... <3

I think I write this in every single one of my "random thoughts" blog posts, but hey it still rings true: I hate showering. Ughhh. Like, I need a shower right now quite badly and it's going to take every ounce of my strength to get into that damp, white prison. I'd rather write a long list of things I could be doing INSTEAD of washing my hair. Ah well, I'm still thankful for running water, don't worry.... :'(

Well, I think that's enough random thoughts for one blog post, eh? Until next time, my sweet friends! :)

Sisterhood

"'Ahhhhhh,' Lena said as she waded in. It was funny to hear her voice aloud. Her thoughts and perceptions usually existed so deep inside her, they rarely made it to her surface without deliberate effort. Even when she saw something genuinely funny on television, she never laughed out loud when she was alone." {Ann Brashares}

Yep, you guessed it. I'm reading The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series again. The first book came out in 2001 when I was only 10 years old, and the movie came out when I was 14. I'm pretty positive I never actually read the books until I was at least 13 {I was too busy reading The Christy Miller series, obviously...}.

Call me a total cheeseball but I LOVE these books and I LOVE these movies even more! I would honestly just love to have a "sisterhood" of my own, made up of just me and three amazing women. Correct me if I'm wrong, but in present-day tense a "sisterhood" would actually be more commonly referred to as a "squad", yeah? Well, whatever, I like sisterhood better! "Squads" are more like acquaintance friends who just take selfies together. "Sisterhoods" meet around candlelight in old yoga studios, mail blue jeans around the world, and jump off cliffs. Am I right?!

These books and movies will always remind me of my trip to Israel in early 2011.

HOW on earth does one connect ISRAEL and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants together?! Well, my old college roomie/bestie would watch the movies whenever we had some downtime after a crazy day of traveling and touring. {Char, if you're reading this...I miss you terribly!!} We actually watched it twice during the whole trip. Don't worry, we didn't watch it during the day when we could've been outside exploring THE HOLY LAND. It was always late in the evening when it was too unwise of us to be outside roaming the streets in the dark. You know? For real though, the one time the two of us did walk the market late in the evening we were legitimately stalked. Then again, I got stalked AGAIN during pure daylight in a CHURCH.

{Despite all of the stalking, it was a country where I'd never felt safer. I'd feel safer walking around Israel than I would Maryland, to be honest.}

Oh man, all of the amazing memories are flooding back. {If you've never read about my trip to Israel, you really should!! I actually really enjoy going back to these old blog posts and laughing at my hilarious 19-year-old self--and the photos are awesome too. It truly was a fantastic season of life for me and I can't keep from thanking God for orchestrating such an incredible event in my life! He is SO good. Click HERE to read them!!}

ANYWAYS...back to Sisterhood. The Sisterhood is made up of four girls--Tibby {rebellious, sarcastic, blunt}, Bridget {courageous, confident, reckless}, Carmen {hot-tempered, introspective, passionate}, and Lena {quiet, stunningly gorgeous, introverted}.

In regards to relating to the characters, I always felt like I was Lena--and the paragraph I quoted up at the top is totally totally me. I'm artistic, I'm more quiet than the average joe, I'm introverted, ect., and I was always convinced that guys only liked me for my looks/didn't trust guys. {Just to be clear I do not think that I have that breathtakingly-beautiful-Mediterranean-Greek-Goddess-beauty about me like Lena does--which is pretty much her biggest "struggle"}. I wish, haha!

So yes, I always felt like I was Lena, but who I reeeeeally wanted to be was Bridget. Oh my goodness. Who wouldn't want to be a brave, confident, athletic, long-blonded soccer-superstar?! {In reality, she's the TOTAL opposite of me haha! Except for the long blonde hair thang...} Maybe it's because Blake Lively played her character in the movies and I just love her to bits?

But, as the years have gone by I have learned to fully embrace my Lena-ness and I truly love the quirky introverted self that God created me to be. It feels good. {I'm just glad I'm not Tibby, haha! Oops, did I say that aloud?}

I'm only 130 pages into the first book, and there's 5 books in total, sooooo, I know what I'm doing this summer! Haha! {P.S- *Spoiler Alert* one of the four girls dies in the last book. Crazy, right?! Hope I didn't ruin it for any of y'all.}

Is there any one of my blog readers who actually likes these books and/or movies? Or am I just the only one? Speak up! :D

Why am I a Cook?

As most of you probably know, I LOVE learning about personalities and doing personality assessments is one of my favourite activities. {Myers-Briggs is the best!} I have this habit of when meeting someone new, I read them and fit them into little personality boxes with labels such as thinker/doer/logical/passionate/emotional/risk-taker/shy/outgoing for example. And because everyone knows that first impressions are never reliable when it comes to making judgements about someone, this person will do something out of that little personality box I made for them and completely surprise me. And then I'm all out of sorts and have to figure out a new box for them. It's as if I'm just asking to be surprised. {It makes me wonder if I ever surprise anyone about my personality...}

And it's rare that I'll meet someone and think "wow, what an awful personality"; 99% of the time I think to myself "wow, I love their personality--I sure hope it rubs off on me because I really admire ______ about them".

^ Oh man, does anybody else do this?! And why do I do this to myself, you ask? I have no idea. It keeps my mind entertained that's for sure. I just find people and their little quirks so interesting.

I read somewhere that one of the worst jobs for an INFJ personality such as myself, is being a cook. AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I DO FOR 40 HOURS A WEEK. How does this even make sense?

I think when it said "cook" it was most likely implying culinary jobs such as "line cook" or "sous chef"--something extremely high-pressure. I work neither of those jobs. My position at work is more along the lines of "assistant to the chef/prep cook". My top priority at work is prepping ingredients for the fruit and salad bar (which means alot of chopping--which I LOVE!}.

BUT, just because my position isn't extremely-pressurized doesn't mean I'm free of that. In fact, I am surrounded by co-workers whose positions are that way. I am surrounded by high stress.
And anybody who knows INFJ's we loathe pressure, stress, negativity, feeling rushed, loud distracting environments, chaos, and too much social interaction. These are all of the things I experience at work--this is exactly what goes on in a commercial kitchen.

In regards to other people surprising me about their personalities, in this area of my life, I completely and totally surprise myself! Seriously! I often wonder if my friends or family can even picture me being a cook because I don't fit the personality type of a cook. {I'm not one to swear like a sailor, you know?}

I also wonder how I've survived this long in the culinary industry. It's been over 3 years of food-service jobs for me and that's actually a long time. In all honesty, I don't dread going to work. I truly enjoy my job and what I do. Absolutely, there are things about my job that I wish I could change; but the positives outweigh the negatives by far.

Positives About My Job:
Routine full-time hours
Routine tasks of working with my hands and still room for creativity
Small team of co-workers (6 of us in total)
A great boss!
Benefits/Vacation Pay/Sick pay ect.
Constantly learning new things/picking up new skills
Eating delicious food and trying new foods
I get to wear a white chef jacket. Woo!

Negatives About My Job:
Loud environment so it's hard to carry meaningful conversations
On my feet the entire time/actually quite physically demanding on the feet and legs {this is the worrrrsssst!}
At times stressful/chaotic/negative
Lack of privacy and socially draining
Waking up at 5 AM {actually this one is the worst!}

I still think it's interesting how I ended up being a cook. Sometimes at work when I am tired of standing and socially drained I find myself day dreaming about what it'd be like hidden from the world in a little cubicle, sitting in a comfy office chair, typing random numbers with my keyboard, with cheesy family photos pinned up all around me, a hot coffee next to my own computer, and my hair and makeup all done wearing a pencil skirt and high heels, and easy access to myself cell phone all day long. Sometimes I think I may have been better suited for a data-entry type job...

Oh well. Often our jobs and careers hold alot of weight in what we consider our identity to be. People might think "Oh she's a cook, so she must be ____, ____, and _____". Yes, I'm a cook but believe me, I'm soooo out of the norm when it comes to chef personalities. I cannot fit into a little chef box. I do not connect my identity to my career; to me they are separate. The only connection there is FOOD--I love food and working with food. Being a cook has never been my dream job and it never will. Is it so wrong for me to say that I'm really only working at my job for stable paycheck and the benefits?

Haha, it sounds wrong in a way...but I'm just there for the money. This doesn't negate the fact that this job is a HUUUUUGE blessing and that I'm incredibly thankful for it! Not at all! God is providing for Jarryd and I and He chose this job for me in this season of life at this time for His specific reasons. He Has me right where He wants me and I am quite content because I make a DAILY decision to live a life of thankfulness and gratitude which lead to contentment. :)

P.S- What is my current DREAM JOB? I would LOVE to be a foodie/baker/dessert blogger. Have a baking business, take photos of my creations, and blog all about it. AT HOME. {Hermits and homebodies for the win!} I'd also like to have a cat, a very very very affectionate and loving cat. Who knows, maybe I'll get there one day. :) <3

July Joy.

Wow. Hello my long lost friend--my blog!! I have missed you.

It's currently the 9th of July and things are finally starting to slow down...for the most part.

When I started my new full-time job back at the beginning of February, it was also the time when Jarryd and I had been going to a new church for a little over a month and were both trying to get plugged in there.

Jarryd joined a Bible study group, and I ended up joining TWO. I know that probably doesn't sound that crazy to you, but these Bible studies each had thick books {aside from The Bible} that we were working through--this meant lots and lots of homework. So all the while I was adjusting to a new job and new schedule, I was dedicating most of my time to my new groups. Each group meeting was between 2-3 hours a week, plus when you add all of the in-depth heart-wrenching deep-digging homework to, that takes up alot of time.

But guess what? All of our groups have come to an end! It's bittersweet because we met some pretty great people through it and it's unfortunate not being able to see them on a regular basis now. But we have SOOOO much time now. ...Well, I wouldn't say SOOOO much time, but in comparison to what we used to have, we definitely do!

I'm excited! Having free evenings and weekends again means that I can focus more attention to my baking. AND BLOGGING because blogging is one of my favourite things to do! Hee hee!

I just want to learn anything and everything in the realm of baking! I am following some pretty talented baker accounts on Instagram and it's nothing short of inspiring! Although at the same time when I see their edible works of art and I just feel instantly intimidated. WOW. I can't believe I thought my creations were even semi good--because these are just flawless! Apparently I stink. <<--{These are called bad thoughts! Don't try this at home!}

I'm just being real, yo. {Yo? Really, Jennifer?} I have moments where I lose all motivation to be in the kitchen. When I assess the situation I realize that this loss of motivation stems from either a really dirty kitchen {DISHES EVERYWHERE GAH}, lack of sleep, or lack of introvert/alone time. {Ahhh gotta love that coveted introvert time...} Once those vital three are taken care of, then I get these beautiful little bursts of enthusiasm to bake and try and fail and cry and then try again! It's a wonderful cycle.

So yeah, to be honest {a.k.a "real, yo"} I'm pretty pleased with life right now. And it's only only ONLY because I have learned where to find my true joy. JESUS! Life is so much better when you strive to keep your focus on eternity and not on the things directly around you. If my joy and attitude depended on the people around me, I would be such a miserable person. In my opinion, there's enough negativity in this world and Jesus is my answer to my question of "how do I rise above it all?".

I'm not sure at all where I was going with this blog post. Perhaps I just wanted to give an update on my life currently? Yes, let's go with that. :)

It's been a great Saturday. I've been baking and cooking all afternoon so, that's pretty self-explanatory. Plus, I've gotten some much needed introvert time. Not as much as I'd prefer, but just enough to get me through. :P

Anxiety, Burdens, & Grace.

Often I wonder why God made me the way that He did. I'm not referring to my physical self, but rather my emotional and mental self.

It takes no time at all for me to "burn out", in every aspect.
I feel stress so easily.
Anxiety is probably the biggest battle I've ever fought--and still fighting. I can go for days, sometimes a week or two at a time without feeling any sort of anxiety. Then, when I notice that I'm not feeling anxious, I'll start to feel anxious about not feeling anxious. It's as if I'm sitting on the edge of my seat in gut-wrenching suspense just knowing and waiting for it to hit, because it IS going to hit whether I'm "ready" or not. No matter how much time I spend with Jesus, no matter how much worship music I listen to, no matter how many Bible verses I read, it's still going to hit.

My anxiety and/or anxiety attacks consist of aloooooot of crying. For practically no reason at all. Also, I start to feel excessive amounts of dread...such as dreading a certain event, a certain person, or even going to bed because I know I'll be closer to a certain day that I'm dreading. Anxiety also shrinks my stomach; the more anxious I feel the smaller my appetite gets.

I feel like I'm a person who can't handle much. If we're talking plates, I am just a girl holding a saucer. My "plate" is a saucer, like half of the size of a normal entree plate. Therefore even though the amounts may be small to some, I constantly feel like "I have alot on my plate" because it's just a saucer. Then you have people like my husband, whose plates are more than just average-sized, they're like large serving platters. People like him only get caught stressing out about once a year. That, is amazing to me and I'm jealous of that fact.

I don't like telling others about how stressed out I am feeling or how I feel like I'm way too busy because I'll more than likely get a response like, "you don't know stress until you've worked a 60 hour week like me, you only work 40 hours so you don't understand", or "you don't know chaos until you become a mom, you have no idea", or "you just wait till blah blah blah, you don't even know how good you have it right now".
I don't want to hear that, I don't want to hear any of that! That's just disrespectful and full of judgement; people spew out statements like that as if they know my whole life story and the battles that go on inside my head. We all have our different plate sizes. The people who have normal plates don't understand me and my little saucer. Just like how I will never understand how women who work full-time jobs can somehow juggle two kids, a husband, a dog, church, Bible study, serving at the homeless shelter, work-out sessions, and time with friends on a weekly basis can even survive; I feel burnt out just thinking about this scenario.

It very much so helps me that my husband and I are vastly different in this way. I can't even imagine being married to someone like me. I'm NOT saying that he's not allowed to feel anxiety or stress, I'm only saying that I'm so thankful he doesn't feel it as often as I do/hardly ever. He doesn't really understand my struggle, but he tries he best to care for me; he helps keep me grounded and reminds me of God's promises to me. {He also knows when I need a Sunday afternoon spent in bed by myself watching movies and eating junk food.} :P

Having so small of a plate, I often wonder how God can use me. How can God use somebody like me to bring glory to His Kingdom? How can God use a girl like me who dislikes being busy, loathes not getting enough alone time, can hardly handle life without 8 hours of sleep a night, and struggles with anxiety?

I had pretty big fears about starting a full-time job. As someone who relishes in free-time, slow mornings/days, finding fulfillment in being productive at home, I knew that starting this full-time job and being out of the house for 10 hours a day would be HARD. But I also knew that we had been praying for a full-time job for me, and we had been praying for the extra income. Me working full-time was just something that needed to happen in order to help us reach our goals. I can't even believe this, but I'm already two months into my job now! And I'm still alive! This season of busyness is a struggle but I am adjusting, living, learning, seeking God, and taking it all day by day. {At least, I am trying to!}

The fact that I am handling this busy schedule, is a great encouragement to me. I have huge huge huge fears about becoming a mom one day simply for the reason that I'm rather selfish with my time. I grasp it so tightly that I can't picture myself letting go and giving all of that time and energy to a baby. So, if I can give 40 hours of my week and time and energy to a job and still live to tell the tale, I think maybe one day I can give 168 hours of my week to my own child. Plus, there is love in the mix. Obviously I wouldn't DIE for my job, but I will DIE happily for my own flesh and blood. Right? {Are you SEEING the places that my mind takes me on a regular basis?! I'm not even pregnant and I am already struggling with giving my time to my future child. As they say here in the US, "bless my heart"...but for real though...bless my heart!}

The question about whether or not God can use ME is one I have been asking for prayer about in my women's Bible study {Freedom group}. It's ridiculous how the Bible is filled with promises for me and yet I still choose to doubt it. I mean, my head believes it, but my heart has its moments where it wavers away from belief in those promises.

I'm learning alot from my Freedom Group, one is that if I'm the one carrying all of my burdens {my stresses, anxieties, worries, ect} then how can I be of any good to others? What kind of fruit will I bear? If I handle it all myself I can't give others the best parts of me, I'll only be giving them my tiredness, my crankiness, and my irritation. Right? And what good can that possibly do?
We need to carry burdens in life, if we don't, we are simply just living, and not being challenged. And when you're not challenged, there is no opportunity for growth.

"Then Jesus said, 'come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you because I am humble and gentle of heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear and the burden I give you is light" -Matthew 11:28-30.

Jesus says that HE will take all of our heavy burdens and exchange them for his light burdens. So Jesus can carry my stresses, anxieties, fears, and worries, and I can carry the light burden of loving God, loving myself, and loving others? This trade doesn't seem fair in the least bit. Well, neither was Jesus dying on the cross fair in the least bit. I don't deserve to have someone carry all of these things for me, I really don't. But that's why Jesus is so amazing; his grace is never-ending!

"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." -Ephesians 2:4-9

As for God using somebody like me...I have NO clue what He has in mind, but I like to think that He has created so many different personalities so that everyone can be reached in their own unique way. I don't know what God was thinking when He made me, :P {haha!} but I do believe with all my heart that we are capable of great things when we give Him our heavy burdens and let Him live through us. <3

Also, I don't know if any of this made any sense at all, but I appreciate you taking the time to read my crazy thoughts. Even if it did go in one ear and out the other, it felt good and therapeutic to type it all out nonetheless. :)

The New Normal.

^Making new Saturday morning traditions, blogging, bagels with cream cheese, and COFFEE in my new mug!!

Hi blog friends!! Eeek! I miss you, so so much.

I have officially completed my first full 3 weeks of work and the accomplishment feels great {and so does the paycheck}. ;) My eat and sleep schedules have finally adjusted; now, I'm not saying I get 8 hours of sleep every night {because I DON'T and it tears me up inside!} but I find myself getting sleepy and ready to retire into the bedroom between the hours of 8 and 9 pm. *thumbs up*

Does anyone else ever feel simply inadequate when it comes to time management?! That, is my issue right now.
It's Saturday morning and the apartment is an utter mess. {I apologize, I feel like my messy apartment is all I blog about anymore!} And I JUST remembered now that I have to get some laundry done. BRB (that means "Be Right Back"--for those of you living in the stone age)...

OK I'm back! Where was I...? Oh yeah, the apartment mess. Literally every room needs to be cleaned up. It fascinates me--in the most annoying way--how quickly a mess can form. And there are only TWO of us living here. What is going to happen when kids come into the mix? Yikes. Perhaps I'll have my time management skills down by then?

The "new normal" right now is that I wake up at 4:50 AM, leave the apartment by 5:20 AM, arrive at work at 5:45 AM, leave work at 2:30 PM, and arrive home at 3:00 PM.
With that said, for 10 hours out of the day, I am away from home. {This feels like such a long time to me.}
If I do get home from work before Jarryd, then I gotta get dinner started right away. Then, we eat. And the last thing either of us wants to do after dinner is clean. Especially in my case because I am standing all day at work, all I want to do is sit down. Sit anywhere and everywhere!

When I was working part-time hours, I actually enjoyed cleaning. Makes sense right? I have more energy, and more time to turn up my music and make something fun out of it.

NONETHELESS, I have honestly enjoyed my new job. Really! I have definitely gotten into the swing of things, and I know my job well. I love love LOVE the routine of it all. My quirky personality just loves the organization of it all.

I hate to compare, but at my old job every single hour of every single day was a surprise. I can't remember if I have shared this on my blog before or not, but at my old job I struggled with SO much anxiety. Writing it out on here does not do justice to the feelings at all--in fact, seeing my words across the screen, they appear silly and elementary.

For those of you who don't know, at my previous job I was a cook at a hotel/resort/conference center. Sometimes I'd have to cook for over 200+ people on my own, which was a nightmare in itself. But it didn't matter how high or low the guest numbers were, it was the fact that I didn't know the numbers half the time. Nobody there understood though; when I'd tell people "Hey, I feel like I never know what is going on here!", I would receive a "that's just the way it is" laugh-it-off type of reply. It was the constant unknown that caused the stress and anxiety. I would have shifts where my heart wouldn't stop racing and I'd be unable to take a full, deep breath. I would take multiple trips to the bathroom just so I could be alone and close my eyes {and sometimes cry}.

{Can any of you relate to my struggle with anxiety at all?}

Perhaps I was just a lone routine-organizational-craving personality surrounded by thrill-seeking-challenge-craving personalities? Am I the only person on earth who loathes disorganization in the workplace? Whatever it may be, I am so thankful that God hears/heard my prayers at brought me to where I am now: a workplace where everyday pretty much looks the same. A workplace where I only have 5 coworkers {instead of 50+ coworkers whose names I can never get right}.

This job is a huge blessing in that we'll be able to pay off our debt in a quicker fashion! In comparison to most, our debt is quite small. But comparisons aside, we have debt and it needs to be paid off. I guess I'll hold off on the Target shopping sprees then, sigh... :P

Also, nobody tells you how quickly the two-day weekend goes by. Sure, they always say "that sure went by fast", but they never really tell you how fast. It's literally gone in the blink of an eye. I feel so deceived!

Anyway, do any of you full-time-jobbers/time-management-experts have life advice for this girl? ;)

Hello Weekend--A Recap Of My Week.

Hello blog and friends! I've missed you so. I just completed my very first week--of full-time, Monday to Friday--at my new job. And wow-wee, by Friday afternoon I was T I R E D.

I have felt all sorts of disoriented since I signed onto this new job. My normal routine of using my midweek mornings and afternoons to do laundry, baking/cooking, cleaning, and BLOGGING have totally disappeared. :'(

The beauty of part-time work is that you have soooo much time to conquer to-do lists and endulge in endless hobbies. But the downside of part-time work is a substantial drop in income (of course), and in my former case, sporadic hours of work throughout the whole week (including weekends).

With this full-time job, by the time I get home at 3 pm I have to get dinner rolling. Then when the hubs gets home an hour later, the rest of the evening is history! (Can anyone tell me how weekday evenings seem to fly by so quickly? Is it because I'm continuously checking the clock, counting down the hours before I have to go to bed obnoxiously early?)

In regards to blogging/writing, I have always found it easier to do so when I am alone and my surroundings are quiet. But you know what? I think with my alone-time cut down to practically non-existent, I need to force myself to write even when I'm not in "introverted mode". Does that makes sense? :)

Today, (Saturday), we woke up to see the apartment in shambles. The natural bright light of the morning really reveals everything, doesn't it? Laundry piles all over the floor...dirty dishes all over the kitchen island...garbage can overflowing...and clutter everywhere. It's the WORST waking up to a messy home. At least to me it is. We then spent the morning getting the laundry done, picking things up, and running the dishwasher. I feel like this is the worst way to spend a Saturday morning. Blech.

I'm just excited to adjust to this new work schedule and get my weekly routine down. I have to remind myself that the apartment isn't always going to be this messy and I'm not always going to be this tired. I just haven't found my groove yet, you know? In time, in time. :)

So I'm sure y'all are dying to hear about my past week--the suspense is killing you, right?! Haha jokes. I have myself a wide open Saturday afternoon so I finally have time to write a recap of my week. Here goes!

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Jarryd and I attended a conference for our church last Saturday. It was a morning filled with time to get to know the pastors/elders from the churches different campuses, spiritual gift assessments, and--my favourite activity--personality profiles! By learning these things about myself, I'm able to see where I'd best be suited to serve in the church. We did the DISC personality profiles and I was HANDS DOWN an "S", also know as "Steadiness", also known as a golden retriever. :P

^ I mean, look at that! This is totally me. The highest you can score per section is 25 and my "S" was 25. Can any of you guys relate to this??

Jarryd of course was a "D" for "Dominance". I could have done his quiz for him, and he for me. ;)

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This Tuesday was the start of my very first women's "Freedom Group" meeting, and it was awesome. Not just the ladies that I met, not just the content that we dug into...but the timing of it all.

I honestly had such a bad day that day. I definitely won't get into it on my blog, but emotionally I was a wreck. I cried the whole car ride home from work, I cried during my shower, and I cried telling Jarryd about it later. I was tempted to skip the Freedom Group all together, seeing as I wasn't in the "mood" for it. But I pushed that low-life temptation aside and arrived, happy to be there!

And, it was great. It was all about Jesus. JESUS. It's like because I had forgotten about Jesus, all of my problems seemed so much bigger than they actually were.

We touched on Romans 5:8, a verse that even now I can't seem to get out of my head.

"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us".

Not after we had sinned and asked for forgiveness, but WHILE we were sinning; in the midst of our sinning He loved us and died on the cross for us. While we were mocking Him and spitting on Him, He died for us!

We took that verse to an interpersonal level and asked ourselves, "is this how we react to those who are hurting us? Do we show love to them while they are hurting us? Or do we wait until they beg for our forgiveness?" Wow. Talk about a wake up call. I realized then and there that I need Jesus so badly. I need His strength to help me love those who hurt me and I need His eyes to show me the bigger picture; to see the world through not through my narrow view, but through His vast perspective. 

This meeting was exactly what I needed because it renewed my mind for the week (and hopefully for the rest of my life)! I no longer felt hopeless and defeated, but I felt refreshed and joyful. I for real woke up the next morning incredibly happy! (Happy at 5 am, impossible! Not anymore!) God is so good. Because of Him, I didn't let anything negative get to me; He kept my spirits high.

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As for work, overall it has been good! My first full week has been a success. I have definitely gotten the hang of things and have even stepped outside of my comfort zone. The job is not perfect, it's not my dream job, but in all honesty I prefer it to my old job. (Which is a HUGE relief!!)

The food shown above is just one of the perks of working in a cafe. I get to try new food and drinks! And when I say drinks, I mean Starbucks Frappucinos. At least once a day...sometimes even twice. Hehe!

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My morning and afternoon commutes have been filled with Bethel Music's album "You Make Me Brave". Oh. my. If you don't have this album, I highly recommend it. I can't stop listening to it. It brings me so much joy. It's my daily reminder of why I'm on this earth and who I'm living for: Jesus.

The song "Forever" by Kari Jobe always moves me and brings me to tears. (It also sounds SO good cranked up in the car!)

The moon and stars they wept
The morning sun was dead
The Saviour of the world was fallen
His body on the cross
His blood poured out for us
The weight of every curse upon him

One final breath he gave
As heaven looked away
The son of God was laid in darkness
A battle in the grave
The war on death was waged
The power of hell forever broken

The ground began to shake
The stone was rolled away
His perfect love could not be overcome
Now death where is your sting?
Our resurrected King
Has rendered you defeated

Forever he is glorified
Forever he is lifted high
Forever he is risen
He is alive, He is alive!

We sing hallelujah
We sing hallelujah
We sing hallelujah
The Lamb has overcome

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By the time Friday afternoon came around, I was too tired to do anything. Well, anything other than watch the first season of "Fuller House". (!!!) You guys, I was so impressed! It's JUST as funny as "Full House" was, and the little jabs at Marykate and Ashley Olsen are priceless. I am 2 episodes away from completing the whole season, and then I am going to watch it all over again. That's how much I love it!

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So that was my week. To sum it all up, it was a rollercoaster of a week, filled with bad emotions, good emotions, JESUS, early bedtimes, great worship music, adjusting to the new normal, Freedom Group, sleeping in this morning, Fuller House, and the TV show Kitchen Nightmares. All I'm gonna say is that watching Gordon Ramsay throw up into a trash can was the cherry on top of an interesting week. ;)

ALSO, at the grocery store we decided to pick up a pineapple. I couldn't help but think that pineapples are one of the most beautiful and interesting fruits! Seriously! It's so unique looking. I have now decided that this is going to be my next drawing project:

Yippeee! I can't wait to get started on it! :)

Thanks for reading, everyone. I really appreciate all of the feedback and advice. :) <3

The Calamities & Joys of an INFJ.

The realm of psychology (the scientific study of the human mind and its functions) has always been fascinating to me. I remember the first time I ever heard the terms "extraversion" (which is being concerned with obtaining gratification from outside the self) and "introversion" (which is being concerned with gratification from inside the self via introspection). And I couldn't help but notice right away that I was an introverted soul.

It totally explained why I never looked forward to basketball practice or choir practice after school, because I had already spent 7 hours at school surrounded by people. I just wanted to go home, be alone, and regain my energy after so many hours of social interaction. It also explained why I loved being home alone as a kid because I could just be totally by myself for once and have free reign! I could focus on myself, work on my skills, and write my little heart away! It was rare but it was wonderful!

And then a few years later, I took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Test. If you've never heard of this before, I'll explain it the best I can. Basically in this world there are 16 personality types based on 4 divisions:

1) Do you prefer the outer world or the inner world? (Extraversion or Introversion?) 

2) How do you process information? (Sensing or Intuition?)

3) How are you with decision making? (Thinking or Feeling?) 

4) How do you deal with structure? (Judging or Perceiving?)

My result was of course:

I: I'm introverted. I gain energy by being alone and indulging in much introspection. :)

N: I take in information using my intuition more than I do with my 5 senses. For example, when I remember a past event, I remember the impression of it more-so than the facts. I sense patterns and trust my gut-feeling.

F: I am a feeler. I am community and relationship oriented, and want nothing more than complete harmony in every situation. If I see someone having a bad time I will notice right away and try to make them feel better.

J: I approach life in a structured way. I love to make lists. I get anxious when there's no plan, and I'm definitely not a huge fan of "surprise visits" or out-of-the-blue phone calls.

After I read my personality description I felt...amazing. It was as if somebody dissected my whole being and wrote it out in bullet points. I finally felt understood, like I wasn't weird after all. (Well, I am pretty weird, but a good weird. :P) I know there is a certain population of people who detest learning about personality types because they don't want their whole being to be dwindled down into a box. I'm the total opposite! I get so excited reading about my results and being described so perfectly. I love being "put in a box", labelled, and shipped off to an exciting land of belonging.

What was even more fascinating was reading that the percentage of INFJ's in the world is a super small number; we're talking less than 3%! How unique am I?! Hee hee. Not gonna lie, I love being considered a rare personality. But at the same time I love thinking about the tiny little community of us. I may be a rare one, but I'm not the only INFJ. In fact, the other day at work, after meeting a girl, having one of the most effortless, flowing, and in-depth conversations, we discovered that we were BOTH INFJs! We got SO excited and wanted to hug but that would have been physically awkward as we were sitting across from one another at a table. It was the first time I had ever met the same personality type as me. I even told her, "I feel like I'm talking with myself right now!" It was as if an instant bond formed between us. :)

I also found this blog called "Introvert Dear", which just feels like home to me. The articles are informative and meaningful, and the comics are just plain humorous in a I-TOTALLY-RELATE-TO-THIS sort of way. I highly recommend you checking it out!

I think I have mentioned this before in previous blog posts, but when I mention to someone that I am indeed introverted, it always seems to surprise and catch them off guard. "Are you serious? But you're not shy, you're lively and you converse with us, and you actually went out of your way and said hello to me first!"

My response is always the same: "I'm an introvert through and through. I love to be alone and I am pretty shy. But just because those things come natural to me doesn't mean I let them control me..."

I am a fallen sinner, and I always need God, but this is ESPECIALLY where I need God's strength and help.

For example:
I: I'm introverted and I'm really good at being shy. Therefore, if I didn't challenge myself to start conversations with others or put myself out there...I'd never leave my apartment or my own head for that matter. I can become comfortable by myself way too easily, which is dangerous. How can we be of any help to others or spread the Gospel of Jesus by never giving other people the time of day? It is a conscious decision that I have to make consistently.

N: I rely on my intuition. This is something I have to be really careful about because many times my intuition has been wrong, especially when meeting someone for the first time. I'm more incorrect about somebody's first impression than I am right about it. In the past I have trusted my intuition more than I have trusted God's voice. I may be a really good listener, but for some reason I don't listen to the things that God is trying to teach me.

F: I rely on my feelings...alot. I'm "highly sensitive" as they say. I can easily turn somebody's loving criticism into an attack on me. This is an area where God has really done some great work, to say the least. I used to let my feelings control me. If somebody said something mean to me in the morning, my entire day would be a mess, and I would negatively effect the people around me. I don't mean to say that I've totally escaped from this weakness, but I've certainly learned how to deal with it in a healthy way. One of my favourite quotes in the entire world is by an amazing woman named Lysa TerKeurst who said,

"Feelings are indicators, not dictators. They can indicate where your heart is in the moment, but that doesn't mean they have the right to dictate your behaviour and boss you around. You are more than the sum total of your feelings and perfectly capable of that little gift...called self-control".

As Galatians 5:22 tells us, one of the fruits of the Spirit is indeed self-control, and this is what I strive to have.

J: I love having structure and routine. I appreciate going to bed at night knowing exactly what is going to happen the next morning all the way until I go to bed again because it gives me a sense of confidence. I fear the unknown and I always have. Structure is a great thing, but how often have I denied people because they don't fit in with my cozy comfortable routine or plans? How often have I had a bad attitude when those surprise visitors show up at the door? 1 Peter 4:9 states: "show hospitality to one another without grumbling". Does it get any clearer than that?

Last night I got Jarryd to do the Myers-Briggs test. Apparently I know him REALLY well, as many of the questions I could have answered for him. Haha! It's also funny how I don't understand how he could answer a question a certain way and he doesn't understand how I could answer a question a certain way. For example, one question asked something like: "how are you with giving others constructive criticism?"

Jarryd: I am very direct and honest, not afraid of offending anyone.

Me: Well...I avoid hurting people's feelings at all costs...

Jarryd: ...Hahahaha!

Anyway, :P ... Jarryd's personality result was: ENTP.

I immediately died of excitement because INFJ's and ENTP's are one of the best relationship matches. (Google it! It's a known fact!) I obviously didn't need Myers-Briggs to tell me that, because I have always felt like Jarryd and I's personalities mix so well, but it was certainly awesome validation! We are opposites (which I love!) on every Myers-Briggs dichotomy except for our intuition skills. And I think this aids our relationship because we can ALWAYS sense when the other person isn't OK. We just plain "get" each other and it's awesome.

INFJ to ENTP: "You are fantastic conversation partners. We both like ideas, concepts, and value each others ideas. If we weren't both major procrastinators we would already rule the world".

ENTP to INFJ: "We enjoy figuring people out. Us INFJ's embrace the fact that we have a minimum 9,032 layers and are going to take our time letting you (ENTP) get through to any of them".

INFJ to ENTP: "You are witty and funny and can keep up with our total smartassness". 

{via}

I think one of the best parts about being married to someone who is so different from me is that aside from balancing each other out, we are fascinated with each other's personalities. I tell Jarryd all the time that I love his personality of fearlessness and passion and how I sometimes wish I could be that way too! And Jarryd really admires my personality because I'm so calm, patient, and stable...(but everyone knows that INFJ's are tornados on the inside, haha)!

If there's anything I could say to a fellow INFJ or an introvert for that matter (AND myself!), it would be: Challenge yourself once in awhile. Step out of your comfort zone but also take the time to step back into it to get some rest and recharge. Seek God in all that you do and be thankful for the unplanned and unexpected bumps in the road. It's the moments you don't plan for that have the potential to shape and grow you the most, if only you'll let them. :)