September 9, 2016

How You Made Them Feel.

"She said, 'i've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that everyday you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have alot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'"
{Maya Angelou}

I love that quote so much because of its' incredible truth. I always remember how people made me feel. I'll always remember how disheartened someone left me feeling, and I'll always remember how safe another person left me feeling. I'll always remember the person whom after spending the day with, left me feeling encouraged within my circumstances, inspired to love more, and thankful to Jesus for the people he's placed in my life. {I can't even count on my hands the number of loved ones in my life who make me feel this way! They're such blessings to me!}

And then...there's the people whom after spending time with, leave me feeling unsettled, exhausted, discouraged, sad, and disappointed. They're the kind of people you dread to see again. It's especially a battle for me because my INFJ personality, I'm like a sponge! I soak up the emotions around me, including every ounce of negative emotion. {Let's just say my dreams of becoming a therapist/counsellor didn't last long--I would have come home from work everyday an emotional basketcase!!} I often wish I could just be one of the people who simply brushes off the negative comments or vibes as if they never happened, someone with impermeable walls. BUT that's the thing with putting up walls, sure you block out the negative stuff, but you also then block out the positive stuff too!

The other day I did something dumb...I looked to the internet for emotional guidance {haha!}. I asked google something along the lines of "how to block other people's negative energy" and I got some hooey-phooey err...interesting advice about envisioning your brain as a house with four walls lifting your roof open to positive vibes only. {If that kind of stuff works for you, that is great...but for me personally, I think I'll run to Jesus for this instead}.

Back to the topic at hand, I wonder how I make people feel. Do people feel happy when they're with me? Do I leave them feeling encouraged, warm, and hopeful? {<---If not, then that's my goal!}

I struggle with the fear that I don't love people enough or that I'm not thoughtful enough. I'm afraid that I don't say enough and yet I'm afraid that sometimes I may say too much.
It's frustrating when I try so hard to show love and kindness to those around me and it isn't reciprocated. For instance, my work is a very busy place and we see hundreds of faces a day. I try to say "hello" and acknowledge every person I encounter. But when somebody doesn't even say anything back, it actually irritates me and causes me to stop saying the first "hello" to anyone after that. And then I get hit with a wave of guilt for not reaching out to others because what if somebody I walked right past was having a really bad day, or was feeling especially invisible or unloved that day? For some, a simple "hello" can mean the world to them. {I know there are moments for me when it really brightens my day!}

I hate when I have such a bad attitude going on in my mind that it manages to leak out to those least suspecting; I never want to be caught with snippy one-liners but it gets the best of me every now and then, unfortunately.

I think I spend so much energy trying to be "a light" for others {the kind of light that points people to Jesus} that I forget about the One who I'm doing it for, the one true light.
"Then Jesus spoke again to them, saying 'I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life". {John 8:12}

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