Enough.

What a crum couple of days its been. Everything seems to be hitting me at once. How much more can a person handle?
I need a break so badly.
the GOOD news is that I got 100% on an English assignment which I had zero hopes for. I love surprises :)
what is also great is that I get to see my family in 23 days. It's been too long.
I think I should be counting my blessings.

Why.

Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's not supposed to go like this.
And I feel like my small town has been through enough...
It's absolutely heartbreaking.

Laundry Lovin' ?

I really don't enjoy doing laundry all that much. It makes me nervous. Here I am, waiting with teeth clenched, wondering who knows what the machine is going to do to my clothes.
I admit it's kind of fun sitting on the floor creating large piles of darks, whites, and delicates, while John Mayer and Josh Groban sing sweet nothings to me.
If only you could see me when I'm doing laundry. It's hilarious. I'll be scrambling through all of my clothes  while I'm on my laptop typing "How to do laundry" into google search. (And I'll have you know: never underestimate the power of the internet.)
This is the third time I've ever done laundry on my own, or...is it the second? Either way, it's kind of sad. It just goes to show how very undomesticated I am.
I think it would be fun to live in the big city and have your own laundromat down the street. Just like in the movies! Imagine all of the different people you'd run into. And it would make for a great "Sooo, where did you two meet?" kind of story: "It was love at first sight at the laundromat when we accidently got our American Eagle sweaters mixed up..."
All in all, I'm considering adding "Home Economics for Dummies" to my Christmas list...

Time and Place.

Lately I feel like all I ever do is: homework, eat, sleep, go to class, eat, write a paper, work out, sleep, go to class, and do more homework.


What ever happened to my interest and hobbies? And am I having one of those "I miss high school" kind of moments? No sir.  High school definitely wasn't for me. I'm just thinking about all of the things I used to do. I remember one year, I was in four different choirs. I used to sing and act in musicals (not that I was any good at it). I used to take piano and guitar lessons. I played flute in the school band, and keyboard in the jazz band. I used to play sports. I used to paint, draw, and sketch. The movie theatre was my second home. I used to take pictures and capture memories of everything and everyone. I even "baked" the occasional cookie, and according to my sister, I once made the greatest mac & cheese known to mankind (although I have absolutely NO recognition of this, whatsoever.)

Sometimes I feel like I'm just a robot, or a clone. I seem to leave footprints, and step in those same footprints the following day, and the day after that. I know that there's more to this chapter of life than just writing the standard paper, and striving for the ultimate GPA. Isn't it about realizing what talents and passions God has created in you?

I realized that I'm exceptionally skilled at getting off-topic. I just wanted to write that I miss having "extra-curricular" activities. I'm sick of just studying in my "spare" time. I want a chance to just live and breathe the non-academic air for just a moment or two.

Now that I come to think of it, being able to write in here as often as I do is definitely a blessing in itself. And I really shouldn't be worrying about my "lack-of-activities" issue, since in these past few months, I've been doing so many new things. Like going to old folks homes, packing Operation Christmas Child boxes, and attending University soccer, volleyball, and basketball games.

There's a time and place for everything I think.

Words.

I don't think girls realize how much their words can hurt someone...
If you need to make yourself feel better by putting someone else down, then you have insecurity issues, and need help.
Wow, and here I thought I was out of middle school...

Sunday lovin'

Today me and five other people from school went to the old folks home just to hang out, and it was so much fun! First we went through all five floors, knocking on doors to invite people to come downstairs to join in on the "hymn sing". Because it was at 7 in the evening, most of the elderly people were now getting ready for bed, but we managed to snag a great group of people downstairs with us. We sang a bunch of hymns, great hymns actually, "It is well with my soul", "Rock of Ages", ones like that.

After, we all sat together eating sandwiches and cookies. I became great friends with this woman named Lois. I told her she had a beautiful name, and she looked at me like I was crazy, and that I was the first person who's ever told her that before. Then she told me how she grew up in Calgary and that she was a cowgirl, and of course, I had to bring up the old "Ohh so you must own a pair of cowboy boots!" And she once again looked at me like I was crazy, saying "Heavens no! I never liked those!" Then I went into great detail of how in style they are right now and that I wear mine all the time. When I later told her that my name was Jennifer, she got really excited, saying that that's her daughters name! (I wasn't too surprised, since everyone's daughter seems to be named Jennifer) So I of course brought up the old "Ohh so you like calling her Jenny for short, right??" And like standard routine, she looked at me like I was crazy saying, "Ohhhh no. Why would I ever call her Jenny? Jennifer is her name, so that's what we call her."

Despite our differences, we had fun. There was lots of smiles and laughter, and I think I enjoyed her company more than she enjoyed mine!  :)

It really makes me wonder why I haven't been doing this my whole life. Like, why do I only choose to do this now? My town back home had an old folks home that I drove past everyday, yet I never went inside...

I'm so glad I went tonight. It really feels great getting out of my comfort zone like this, and getting know the people who are wise beyond their years.

Next Sunday we're singing Christmas carols!

So no one told you life was gonna be this way,

No joke, I watched two whole discs of F•R•I•E•N•D•S today. TWO. There's no better way to spend a holiday than to lie under the covers for hours on end listening to the opening theme "I'll Be There For You" over and over again. I am so in love with that show. It's kinda funny how a few months ago it was that annoying sitcom that would ALWAYS be on tv, but now after watching it here in a whole new environment, with a whole new crowd of faces, and finally getting to know each of the characters on the show, I'm infatuated. And in twenty years when I'll be flipping through the channels and "Friends" flashes across the screen, I know that it's gonna remind me of the days I'm living right now, at this very moment. :)

All in all, today was a good day. I got to sleep in, work out for an hour, talk with my best friend on the phone, listen to my roomie play guitar, take a hot shower, text with my Dad, and eat cafeteria stir fry. Heck, I even had the chance to write this blog entry. With these past few days being rather strenuous, today was exactly what I needed; A day with just the right amount of solitude (not too much, not too little), and not having to think about anything except for whether or not to pause the DVD and go to the washroom.

Imagine if days like this happened all the time? To put it bluntly: I wouldn't like it. I'd rather not become a bed potato and be permanently glued to my laptop screen. I prefer a good challenge, the stress to keep me going, and an unpredictable, surprise-filled day. And today was definitely too predictable in my opinion. Like they say, you can't have too much of a good thing.

P.S- I would like to have this girls' hair, and her cowboy boots:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXMu14YlfXs

That's all.

<3

I've got the Joy joy joy joy.

Call me a nerd, but one of my favorite feelings in the whole wide world is the rush you get after finishing a paper. It's like standing under a waterfall of relief. (Oh wow, please don't read too much into that last sentence...)

And what's even better is the anticipation of waiting to get your paper handed back to you, GRADED.

Too be honest, I haven't been having the best of luck with university papers. My highest has only been an 86%, and I won't even DARE let my lowest mark slip. Yikes.

All in all, only a school-loving geek can get so much joy out of writing papers and assignments. I guess I was made to do this, to write papers, and to challenge myself academically. Sounds good to me. :)

p.s- what's with my hair?

Walls.

I feel like I've lost my need to be vulnerable.

When I first started writing this blog, being vulnerable with my thoughts was my one and only intention. In fact, it was the reason I even created a blog! Whenever something would be on my heart, I'd want nothing more than to write about it. And I did write about things; anything and everything, no matter how embarrassing, or how small it made me feel.

Now, I feel as if it requires so much effort to write even the shortest of entries. What happened? Where did the hunger and motivation go?

I guess I fell back into the chasm of caring too much. I got out of that hole once, for awhile at that, believe me, but now I'm finding myself in there again. Apparently the opinions of others seem to matter so much to me. Why, though? They shouldn't matter. If you spend your life trying to please others, how are you ever going to grow? How will you ever realize your dreams, your fears, and the things that matter most in life?

If I write this blog only to please others, it would be like building a wall around me. It would be like hiding all of the "flaws" inside and only letting the "socially-accepting" things rest outside against the bricks. I know that the reason I build walls around me is that I'm scared I won't be loved for who I am. But after tearing down the walls, the greatest feeling in the world is seeing how many people actually stick around. :)

These walls are going down, one brick at a time. A.K.A - You'll be hearing again from me soon.

Midterm Craze.

A few weeks ago, I had written the worst midterm exam in my entire life. It consisted of 6 essay questions, each answer being a page in length, all in the nice, short time span of 90 minutes.

During this exam, my mind drew blanks, imaginary Grandfather clocks surrounded my head, and my hand was overwhelmingly numb from all of the scribbling. As time wheeled on, my once neat and organized essay format had morphed into a sad-looking point format.

And as the clock struck One, I hadn't even finished. It was AWFUL. All I could think was despite how hard I had studied, this mark will in no way portray that.

I'm honestly under so much pressure right now. This school is so expensive, and with my parents helping me out, I want to show them that I'm not taking any of this for granted. I want to show them that I'm working hard and getting my/(their) money's worth.

And in a sort of sad, foolish, and kick-myself-whenever-I-admit-it belief, my education is all I have going for me. If I mess this up, I don't know what I'd do...

I don't have a backup plan, or a "Plan B" one might say. I'm not one of those super amazingly talented kind of people who have the opportunity to head so many different directions at once. I'm not captain of the soccer team by day, a kick-ass lawyer by night, and a cafe guitarist on the side. I know I have something inside of me that's God-given, I just don't know what.

Yeah, it's a touchy subject...

Then today, a few weeks later, I received my midterm mark. I got 29/30 a.k.a: 96%. It's definitely one of those "What...the...heccck...?" kind of moments. Here, I've been spending all of this time mad and disappointed in myself, when I somehow end up scoring a 96%? How does that work?

All I can say right now is that I'm shocked, relieved, and definitely ready for whatever else comes at me.

And now that midterms are finally OVER, I will hopefully be able to be a slightly avid writer once again! Hurrah!

p.s- Halloween was great :)

Forever & Always

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gox-xAZIv9Y

The most beautiful song, ever.

I would cry, but now, it's nothing but irrelevant to me. :)

And I hope it will never be relevant to me, ever again.