Tresses.

Remember a few days ago I wrote that I suddenly found myself buying protein bars at the bookstore? Well....

I found a new interest. It's not really new, it's just rekindled, one might say.

It all started a few weeks ago when I thought to myself, "Wow, I really really really want long hair."

And that was the day I officially decided that having hair down to my waist was in my future, and in stone.

After a few minutes had gone by, I thought to myself, "Wow, this is really taking a long time. I wonder if there's anything I can do to speed up the process..."

You should have seen me that night, googling "how to grow long hair" in as many different phrases and word-orders possible. I soon found out that exercise, plenty of sleep, treating your hair like a fragile piece of fine lace (quit with the steaming hot irons, people!) , and diet are key factors. (Nutrients from vegetables, and high amounts of protein)

And since then I've been hooked on eating healthy. I eat sooo many vegetables, it's not even funny. (Broccoli especially). And I eat alot of meat now, like grilled chicken for basic protein. (my parents will be so proud!!) For extra protein I now put Whey Protein in my daily Jugo Juices, which makes it taste even better than it did before, no joke! And this Jugo Juice concoction contains over 5 servings of fruit. How magical is that??

Oh and did I mention that taking my Women's One-A-Day, Vitamin C, and Silica tablets are the highlight of my day? Mmm... :)

Apparently the secret to hair growth, along with the secret to any other desired bodily function is simply, be healthy.

So in conclusion, my "new" interest lies near the basics of Nutrition. Maybe I should be a nutritionist. Haha...

Hooray for Protein bars!

Cappuccino.

I've been doing weird things lately. First of all, I draw crazy pictures in class like THIS:
(Thank you to Midsummer Night's Dream for inspiring me with your book cover)

(Can you find the little knight? He's my favorite.)

Then I spent the whole weekend doing absolutely nothing but writing my English research paper. (and watching My Best Friends' Wedding of course). And just when I think 2000 words is way too much to handle, I end up finishing the paper off with 2800 words.

And then last night I forced a cappuccino down my throat (it was like coffee --disgusting!) in hopes to stay up past 3 AM to do homework.

Oh and not to mention, this morning I bought a protein bar at the bookstore. Who does that?! I'll admit that it did taste pretty good though...

And best of all, I have huge motivation to do homework right now. It's good to have my determination back. I think I went a good three weeks without caring about anything. I wonder what that was all about.

Well, I'm off to do some much-needed studying! There's only a month of this torturous stress left, so I had better make the most of it.

P.s- Thursday will be a good day. I'm meeting up with my man, John Mayer in the $50 nosebleed seats. Can't wait!

Oh and here is a photo of my child:

Dear Jennifer:

You have a research paper due on Monday.
You've been working on it for almost two days already, and all you have done is the first measly page of the first rough draft.
If there's one thing I ask of you, it is this: STOP BEING SUCH A PERFECTIONIST AND JUST WRITE.
If only you could see how dumb you look while staring blankly at a computer screen.
All the best,
Jennifer

Two Things;

Two Nicknames You Go By 1. Jenny 2. Jennaaay (Forest Gump, anyone?) Two Parts of Your Heritage 1. Mennonite 2. Canadian Two Things That Scare You 1. Feeling worthless, like I have nothing to offer the world/Rejection. 2. Cutting my hair. Two of Your Everyday Essentials 1. My incredible iTunes playlist. 2. My day planner. Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now 1. Old jeans 2. A ring on my left-hand. (Ha just kidding, it's only the right hand) Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists (at the moment) 1. Lady Antebellum 2. Relient K Two Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love) 1. Laughter 2. Adventure/Spontaneity Two Truths 1. I have this weird desire to work for Focus on the Family one day, and reach out to teenage girls. I don't know, being a kid is hard, and I remember that alot of the things that got me through were from Focus on The Family like my Adventures in Odyssey story CDs, and the Christy Miller series. I want to help like I was helped. 2. I had my very first slow dance the other night. Twice actually.. Two Physical Things that Appeal to You About the Opposite Sex. 1. Nice teeth. 2. How often they smile or laugh. I could never be with a serious guy, never ever. Two of Your Favorite Hobbies 1. Listening to great music. 2. Dancing. (I am quite the rebellious mennonite) Two Things You Want Really Badly 1. A decent GPA. 2. For my hair to grow down to my waist. Two Places You Want to go on Vacation 1. Israel (2 more months!!) 2. All over Europe Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die 1. Write a book. (ahh that would be so great) 2. Fall in love. (ahh that would also be so great) Two Ways That You are Stereotyped 1. I have blonde hair, so apparently I'm really dumb. 2. I smile and laugh alot, so apparently I'm really ditzy. Like, come on people, be a little more creative with your degradation-skills. Two Things You Are Thinking About Now 1. Honestly, I suck at doing homework. It's like as soon as I came to the realization that there's only a month of school left, that it must be time to turn the brain off. Bad idea... 2. I wish I could've gone bungee jumping with the Outdoor Club this weekend, but instead I let my procrastination get the best of me. Ugh. Two Stores You Shop At 1. The University bookstore. (bahah nerd) 2. American Eagle. Two people you haven't talked to in a while 1. Him 2. Her Two favorite web sites 1. Facebook of course, it gives me all my favorite music artists' updates! 2. Blogger.com (I love blogs!) Two pets you had (have) 1. A million dogs. 2. A million cats. Two Favorite Sports 1. Soccer 2. Recreational Volleyball Two things you did last night 1. Went to a "Science of the Sexes" thing, pretty interesting. 2. Went on a McDonalds run before bedtime, and bought Deanna a birthday McFlurry! Two shows you like to watch 1. Friends 2. Gilmore Girls Two places you like to go "out" to 1. Earls/Moxies/Any classy joint. 2. The movie theatre of course!

P.s- I am just SO cool:

What's in a Name?

Somebody came up to me today, "hey, your name is Jenni, right?"
Yes.
"You totally look like a Jenni!"

Hmm...I wonder what it takes for a person to "look" like their name.
Either way, I'm flattered. :)

Some more Mud.

This last week was a crazy one, that's for sure!

My school held this huge campus-wide event called Fort Week. Each dorm is their own team, and every evening we compete against each other to win the most points to see which dorm is the champion of all dorms.

The other night mine and three other dorms got numbered off. And when a certain number was called, let's say "five", then all the "fives" would have to dive into the pile of mud and wrestle for the cow tongue. (pink, squishy goodness) And for probably the second time in my life I felt a CRAZY intense emotion, called anger. This one chick kept beating on me!! (Haha, I'm actually laughing right now while I'm writing this.) So then I let her have it. My friends after told me that during this wrestling match my face was absolutely PRICELESS. I was actually angry. This was bittersweet; I loved experiencing the surge of energy this emotion gave me, BUT it also showed me that I take games a little too seriously and that I'm actually an ANGRY person capable of being ANGRY. Whoops...Haha. Good times though. Too bad nobody had a videocamera...

Oh and what's worse, is that if any dorms wanted more points, they had the opportunity to shave their heads. I know, it doesn't sound that bad, 'cause guys shave their heads all the time. But these were GIRLS. Soooo many girls shaved their hair off. I was just standing there in shock while the razor was goin'. Like what are they thinking?? But to be honest, most of these girls actually suited the shaved-head look. I could never shave my hair off, I couldn't even cut it. My hair is practically my boyfriend, we are inseparable, he is my everything.

So out of all the competitions, my dorm didn't do so well. Especially at the mud tug-of-war. (that was a gongshow haha) But none of us really cared, because we had FUN! :)

In a few hours is the Fort Week banquet. I'm super excited because I get to wear a dress! Thus, my legs must be revealed. So this morning I shaved my legs. Ughhh. It's honestly my least favorite thing to do. I felt like I was doing yoga in the shower. (Please ignore the imagery)

I just wanted to say thank you to those who read my blog, and for the support and concern. It's so very encouraging, and it helps get me through. I appreciate it so much!

Anyways, this was my room this morning (thank you, dear stress, for taking over my life):

Mud.

I came to university thinking that by taking all of these classes I'd become smarter, more confident, and so incredibly sure of what I wanted to strive for and become one day. I was excited to learn and be challenged; but most of all, I was convinced that I would reach every goal and would never have to say "I give up", because I believed with all of my heart that I'd never let it get to that point.

I thought I would feel some form of fulfillment... but I feel like the life inside of me is just draining away, piece by piece. I feel like every assignment I hand in is less than mediocre because I don't have the time to do my best; I have so many other assignments on my plate.

I don't like who I am when my hair's being constantly pulled like this; the pessimism and the carelessness isn't me! It just makes me wonder, is the rest of my life going to be like this? Am I always going to worry myself to death about what my purpose is?

I wish life was a fairytale. Where all you had to worry about was which prince was suitable enough for you. And then after you've chosen you'd get married, ride off into the sunset, and you know how it ends, live happily ever after. Princesses don't have to worry about hoping to feel talented one day, or what they're gonna be when they grow up; they already know that the title "Queen" is already written in stone.

Hopefully when I look back on this one day, I'll be able to say that, "the early adult years were the most difficult years of my life." Because I don't want it to be any harder than this.

What's good about life lately is that by the time my head hits the pillow, I'm content; I'm happy. By the time the sun goes down, there's always someone, multiple "someones", or situations that bring the sparkle back to my eyes. For instance, last night I participated in the dorm competitions. There was tricycle jousting, tug of war, obstacle courses, trivia, and a boston riot, which left all of us covered in mud. (Thank you to the BC rain and earth for creating this wonderful substance) And you know what? It was FUN. It completely got my mind off of life and it was exactly what I needed; heaven sent. Tonight is another competition and it's going to be insanity at its finest. I can't wait!!

And with that in mind, I'm going to try and complete this homework at least a little bit above the mediocre level. That's a step.

After:

Dear Jenni: You Are Loved.

Look Around You... You Are So, Incredibly Loved.

Before:

This is hard for me to post, but I don't know what's wrong with me.
I've never felt like this before, ever. It's never been this bad.
Let me put it this way, yesterday I suddenly felt this overwhelming emotion flood over me, completely. All the feeling from my body, my mind, my heart, and my soul, was sucked right out of me. I was at the very height of exhaustion.
I didn't care about anything, or anyone. For the first time in my life I walked around completely unaware of my surroundings; I didn't care who was looking at me, or who wasn't. I didn't care how miserable or out of place I looked. I didn't care that my face gave it away that I was slowly dying.
I'm trying to describe this without making it sound as if I'm just desperately crying out for attention or making up some sad, clever story.
To put it bluntly: I felt like I had no reason to live. I didn't see any future for me, I can't see myself doing anything profound in the years to come. In fact, thinking about the future felt like someone was clasping their hands around my neck, and twisting them as tight as they possibly could. I dreaded the future. I dreaded taking another breath.
I remember sitting in class, and feeling so claustrophobic. I actually couldn't breathe, I was restless.
Yesterday felt like forever. And to tell you the truth, I don't think I was even inside myself. I honestly couldn't control anything I would do...and it scared the crap out of me. It's as if some kind of spiritual war was inside of me.
I was terrified. In the blink of an eye, everything I had ever wanted, all my hopes, all my dreams, were gone, and I couldn't even decide for myself if I wanted to keep them, they were just forced out of me.
It felt like a best friend had just died, or my family, or that everyone I had ever loved was gone. And even though I was surrounded by amazing, loving people at this time, I felt so alone. So lost.
When I was forcing myself to read a book for English in the library, every second page I would burst into tears. I'm glad that I still had some emotion inside of me, otherwise I would have been convinced that I was actually dead.
I would have done anything for somebody to just tell me what was wrong with me. Depression, bi-polar, extremely low self-esteem, I don't care, anything would have done as long as I had an explanation for what had come over me.
People are probably so frustrated at me because of yesterday. I don't know... I feel like I lost my reputation of being a normal, happy person. And even by posting this I feel like I've let out a huge secret or something. I have no explanation for this. It all came out of nowhere, and it scares me, because what if it happens again? Having absolutely no control, no motivation, no desire to live, no nothing... it's the worst thing anyone could ever go through.
I don't think that what I've been going through is normal, I've never heard of anything like this before. It may sound like just a "bad day" to some, but it was something much worse. It's like my brain had saved up every negative thought I've ever had, and then had released them into my blood stream all at once, being circulated over and over again, completely numbing me.
I hope that no one will ever have to go through what I did, and I hope that I will never have to go through this again.
But before I went to bed last night, I got some laughs and smiles in. Actually, I got alot of real laughs and real smiles coming from me, which I think is a good sign that I'm slowly coming back to life. And now that today is a new day, maybe things will be better... I feel much better actually. Even though it's gloomy and raining outside, I feel happy, optimistic, and actually motivated to start writing my paper.
So, I'm just going to ask that I be kept in your thoughts and prayers.

So, so you made a lot of mistakes
Walked down the road a little sideways
Cracked a brick when you hit the wall
You've had a pocket full of regrets
Pull you down faster than a sunset
Hey, it happens to us all
When the cold hard rain just won't quit
And you can't see your way out of it
You find your faith has been lost and shaken
You take back what's been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don't give in
It'll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable
Love, it weather any storm,
Bring you back to being born again
oh, it's a helping hand when you need it most
A lighthouse shining on the coast
That never goes dim
Like a river keeps on rolling
Like the north wind blowing
Don't it feel good knowing:
Love is Unstoppable.

Fearless.

Umm...I would like to be you, just so you know.

And I'd also like to have your leather jacket.

Please & Thank You.

Curl Up & Die.

If I'm restless then why do I,
want nothing but to rest my soul?

Let's get: Natural.

I'm trying this new thing... I'm gonna see how long I can go without wearing any makeup on my eyes.
You know, give the ol' eyes a break; allow for my eyelashes to point in their natural, yet seriously abnormal downward spiral direction. And to also allow for the eyelash mechanics to do their job.
So far I've been natural, or mascara "sober", one might say, since Sunday. It's freeing, inexpensive, and it takes less time to get ready in the morning.
Hopefully people will get used to the fact that I'm not actually sick, I wasn't up all night memorizing Webster's Dictionary, I'm not dying of cancer, and I didn't just get dumped by my hypothetical boyfriend...I'M JUST NOT WEARING ANY MAKEUP TODAY, OK?!

Messy Life = Messy Room.

You know that you life is a mess when...

your garbage is over-flowing,
your bed looks like a tornado just passed through it,
the books you've been dying to read now have a layer of dust on them,
your desk is covered in t-shirts, dirty forks, and empty cups,
your little pile of laundry is beginning to look a little overwhelming,
and your homework/assignment planner is lacking "strokes".

Yikes.

Philosophy Hurts. Optimism Heals.

Something so hilarious just happened to me.

I started my Philosophy homework at 7 pm, it is now almost 9 pm.

During this time I read through all of chapter 8, and answered all of chapter 8's lovely review questions in preparation for the test tomorrow.

I was relieved to be almost done my homework before 9 pm, I mean, what an accomplishment!

And then I leaned in a little closer to the syllabus and saw in bold letters not a Chapter 8, but a Chapter 11.

Ohh...crap.

So what do you do in a situation like this?

Easy; Pack up your Philosophy textbook, sprint out of the library, watch Sex and The City with your closest friends, take advantage of your Chai Tea Latte solely for its caffeine, and say hello to the late night ahead of you.

:)