I came to university thinking that by taking all of these classes I'd become smarter, more confident, and so incredibly sure of what I wanted to strive for and become one day. I was excited to learn and be challenged; but most of all, I was convinced that I would reach every goal and would never have to say "I give up", because I believed with all of my heart that I'd never let it get to that point.
I thought I would feel some form of fulfillment... but I feel like the life inside of me is just draining away, piece by piece. I feel like every assignment I hand in is less than mediocre because I don't have the time to do my best; I have so many other assignments on my plate.
I don't like who I am when my hair's being constantly pulled like this; the pessimism and the carelessness isn't me! It just makes me wonder, is the rest of my life going to be like this? Am I always going to worry myself to death about what my purpose is?
I wish life was a fairytale. Where all you had to worry about was which prince was suitable enough for you. And then after you've chosen you'd get married, ride off into the sunset, and you know how it ends, live happily ever after. Princesses don't have to worry about hoping to feel talented one day, or what they're gonna be when they grow up; they already know that the title "Queen" is already written in stone.
Hopefully when I look back on this one day, I'll be able to say that, "the early adult years were the most difficult years of my life." Because I don't want it to be any harder than this.
What's good about life lately is that by the time my head hits the pillow, I'm content; I'm happy. By the time the sun goes down, there's always someone, multiple "someones", or situations that bring the sparkle back to my eyes. For instance, last night I participated in the dorm competitions. There was tricycle jousting, tug of war, obstacle courses, trivia, and a boston riot, which left all of us covered in mud. (Thank you to the BC rain and earth for creating this wonderful substance) And you know what? It was FUN. It completely got my mind off of life and it was exactly what I needed; heaven sent. Tonight is another competition and it's going to be insanity at its finest. I can't wait!!
And with that in mind, I'm going to try and complete this homework at least a little bit above the mediocre level. That's a step.
March 17, 2010
Mud.
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The coolest thing Princess Jenni, is that God has named you to be "Queen". No matter how depressing and challenging this earth can be - and will always be - it's not where we were created to reign. When the time comes for you to reign, you will realize that He has already carved "Queen" in stone for you. It is your heritage as His daughter. Love you girlie.
ReplyDeleteI like what Jody said. she stole the words right from my brain. just kidding, i'm not that smart. I was going to say something like "you? jenni? like mud? that doesn't make any sense. you hate being dirty" so maybe you should just ignore my comment and focus on Jody's. quote it in your journal or something. :)
ReplyDeleteTotally... Jody, that was awesome! and so true!!!
ReplyDeleteJenni, let me tell you, my college years were some of the hardest and most formative years of my life. I learnt so much about myself, who I was, who I was NOT, and who I wanted to be, and maybe most importantly, how to get there!
On a side note, I had everything written down in my calendar and I focused on one week at a time, and planned my life accordingly. I remember there was one semester when I thought I was going to die because every week was... just make it to saturday!! and then the next week was, just make it to saturday... and then the next week was Just make it to saturday.... let me tell you, I pulled more than one all nighter like every month. And I don't stay up late very well!! It was brutal! But, I managed to scrape by with only one C :) You can do it jenni!
Just remember that we are all cheering for you here in the blogger world... and in the real world too!
Like Jody said, You are a princess, you are God's chosen and his beloved. He thinks you are Captivating!!! (good book by the way... Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge) (as if you have time for books right now!!!)
love leo