Studious Me.

Today was a good day. I could smell fall in the air, the rain was nothing but cleansing, and the doors were always, literally, opened for me.

Today was a much better day than yesterday, as last night was spent cuddled in a bed with my roomie, sharing a pint of Ben & Jerry's, and kleenex box while watching The Notebook. Don't get me wrong, it was fun and all, but after I turned out the light and lay still in my bed, I felt alone.

I'm telling you, those love stories get to me. Even love songs. They honestly make me feel like I'm missing out. But most of all, they make me sad because how could I possibly ever live to tell a story like that, from my own experience? The Notebook is probably the craziest, most intense and passionate love story I've ever seen. Like nothing could ever measure up. Then there's me...I've had absolutely no luck in the area of love. I'm eighteen years old with nothing to tell. Nothing.

Anyway, it took me awhile to fall asleep that night.

But like I said, today was a good day. I recovered swiftly from my anxious thoughts and woke up with a light heart.

I grabbed a croissant and tea from the cafe, accepted smiles from people passing by, gave them my own, and continued to listen to the sound of my heels click the floor beneath my feet.

After sitting through an hour and a half of psychology, I headed straight to the library to study the material for two hours after, innocently deaf to the chapel bell.

I then met with my friends for lunch, eating the most delicious chicken pot pie on this beautiful earth. (Ohhhh so good!) Feeling like the timing was perfect, I called my best friend from home, and we talked for a good two hours. Oh how I love talking on the phone. :)

The afternoon was filled with chilling in the dorms, changing from flats to cowboy boots, listening to music that kills you inside as you try to figure out what movie it's from, hugs, Seventeen magazine, changing my shirt, attending another class, slipping out of my cowboy boots and into high heels, cleaning my side of the room, changing my shirt once more, eye contact, witty conversations, butterflies, and of course, getting my daily dosage of Friends.

After supper, instead of choosing to conform to the life of a socialite, I grabbed my books and headed to the library. I was scholarly, I was studious...I was in there for 3 and a half hours. Yet, it wasn't enough, and yet, I still feel rusty. I mean, who am I to know that the limbic system structure that regulates hunger is called the Hypothalamus?

To clear my head, I cranked the country music and camped out in the gym for an hour. It was good. It was exactly what I needed. You know how most people listen to "pump-up" music while they're working out? Well, not me. I listen to sad tunes that are rich enough to break your heart. Don't ask me why, but it just works.

Yes, it definitely was a good day. Looking back, I feel like I finally have my priorities straightened out. I feel like I'm ready to get that A+ I've always wanted. I also feel like it's not good to be drunk off endorphins at 1 in the morning.

Yes, I'm indeed ready for tomorrow. :)

Distressed? I think so.

You have no idea how many times I've tried to write a blog since I've been here...

I'll be in class, day-dreaming, thinking of THEE best experience/emotion/feeling to write about, but once I actually get out of class, sit down on my bed, pull out my laptop, and type a sentence or two, I feel unsatisfied, mindlessly pressing the backspace key with no effort entailed, and I'm just left sitting there, staring at a blank page. But now, I really have something to write, and I need to let it out.

So right now, I am in distress. Before you go to University, you're always, always, ALWAYS told, "You may be getting great marks in high school, but expect to get C's and D's when you go to university."

I heard. I listened. I was warned. But as with everything else, I thought I was invisible. I thought that I wasn't going to go through that. I thought that I was going to thrive, and that getting an A+ was like riding a bike. But now, I apparently need my training wheels back.

Last week in English literature, we wrote an in-class essay. I got my paper back today, with a "C" written at the bottom of the page.

-cue shattering heart-

You're probably thinking, "Oh, what's the big deal? You're supposed to get slaughtered on your first essays." But slip into my shoes for a minute. Writing is supposed to be my talent, my thing, my gift from God. It's the only skill I possess to even begin to feel like I have a purpose in life. In grade 11, after writing a paper for English Literature, I remember clearly like it was yesterday, my English teacher telling me that I had just raised the bar for the class. For the entire grade, even! He said I was gifted, and that now he's going to expect work like mine from everyone in the class. I was thrilled, inspired, and just truly...happy. There's no greater feeling in the world than just realizing that you are actually good at something, and that you have the potential to somehow make a difference in the world.

I'm not a star soccer player. I'm not a political debater. I'm not a super-model. I'm not married to a great husband with whom I have 4 perfect little children, who are going to become doctors and lawyers. I can't do a cartwheel or a triple axel. I don't have great social skills. I can't understand chemistry or calculus for the life of me. I can't play the drums, or the violin, or even the piano decently. And if I can't write even a simple little essay, using my God-give talents;

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!?

It honestly feels like a stab to the heart when the person sitting next to you in class, the Biology major, gets a higher mark on the essay than I, the ENGLISH major. Oh my goodness.

I can't tell whether I'm just freaking out, or whether this is a sign that I haven't yet found my purpose in life. What I do know is that my over-confidence definitely gets in the way when it comes to writing, which is terrible, and unnecessary. And it's embarrassing to admit that, especially now, after getting a C on my essay.

I'm not going to give up though. I'm not going to be a university drop-out. I'm going to keep trying. I'm going to do my homework, complete my readings, and keep my writing skills alive. (which is why I'm sitting the library at this very moment) I wanna do what I love to do, which is write. I get a high, an adrenaline rush from writing. Heck, I get endorphins from it!

Afterall, this was expected... so why should I worry?

Happiness isn't so hard to find.

I love this place, and I never wanna leave! :)

Dear Jennifer:

Stand up for what you believe in.

Don't care what anyone else says.

Because confidence radiates.

And follow your heart, but also listen to your head.

Because that little voice inside, is who you really are.

So just be yourself, and love yourself.

Seriously.

Life these days!

I've noticed a pattern in my blogging mannerisms: I like to write in "list" form, alot. So in order to sum up my first week of University in beautiful British Columbia, that is what I will do.

My dorm room is perfect. Huge window. Long bed, (it's actually comfier than my bed back home). Big closet. Spacious bulletin board. And after I do all of the finishing touches around the room, I'll definitely post a picture of it. :)

My dorm building is perfect. Two massive lounges; complete with pool tables, ping pong tables, foosball tables, long couches, widescreen TVs, excellent speaker system and DJ.

It has a laundromat, which I have YET to use...

And a large kitchen! Which I have also yet to use... (but who needs a kitchen when you can go down to the cafeteria and eat hot food?)

And ALL of the people down my hall are perfect. Oh how I love them all.

Thinking of sleeping in? Well you can throw that idea out the window. TRAINS, BELLS, and BIRDS...

A bunch of friends and I rode the bus to a shopping mall. It was glorious. Since the school campus is five minutes from civilization, we NEEDED to get out of there and get a taste of the world once again. It felt good. I bought new shoes. :)

A couple of days ago I attended my first Journalism class. Despite how sure and confident I always seemed when it came to telling others of my dream to become a journalist, I always had an uneasy feeling about it. And after sitting through two hours of this class, I knew more than ever that I should've seen the red flags, and gone with my gut instinct. The life of a journalist is NOT the life for me. I'm not interested in being opinionated. I'm not interested in fighting, and debating. Ask anyone. I am not a fighter. And last but not least, I am not interested in hearing about how Barack Obama's election to presidency was the best news ever. I felt extremely uncomfortable sitting through that class. But I do think that I deserve a high-five after answering the "who is Bill O'Reilly?" question correctly. But anyway, after alot of thinking, I clicked the "drop" button of Journalism and said hello to the "add" button of Philosophy. My first Philosophy class is tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes.

Today for the Outdoor Club, we went on an 8 hour mountain-hiking adventure. AH it was so great. I can't wait to see how sore I'm gonna be tomorrow. Next weekend it's either rock-climbing, or white-water rafting. Sounds good to me!

Tomorrow my first class, English Literature, begins at 8:30 AM. I'm so excited! But I'm not excited for the fact that I have to wake up so early...

It's almost 1 AM while I write this. And honestly, while everyone is sleeping is the ONLY time I can use to blog. It's honestly not the homework that keeps me busy (I don't have any yet), it's the social life. It's crazy. I love it! So that is why my blogs aren't so great and entertaining anymore, because I write them when I really should be sleeping. Haha. But honestly, I feel like my blogs are lacking not only in quantity, but in quality. -Sigh-

There's still sooo much I need to tell you, but like I said, there's just not enough time. Oh well, there's a time and a place for everything.

And by the way, things are going GREAT! :)

University!

Seriously, I can't even comprehend how great life is right now.

I can't...I really just can't.

I have sooo much to tell, but sooo little time to do it. Here, there is absolutely no down-time, and strangely enough. I don't seem to mind it. Probably because it's so different from home, where there was SO much time to think about WAY too much.

And I'm only on day 5 of Orientation Week, and it honestly feels like I've been here for months. That's how comfortable I am. And the people I've met, I feel like I've known them my whole entire life. It almost feels too good to be true. I love it.

I promise, I will blog one day. I WILL! Just not now...because there's like a million people around me in my dorm room at the moment.

Classes start tomorrow! I'm ready...I think.

I'll be sure to let you know how that goes.

My 3 Day Road-Trip to the Beginning of My Life.

Day 1:

It felt strange leaving my driveway knowing that I wouldn't be returning for a very long time...and the funny thing is, is that I didn't even look back. Not even for that "one last look" kind of moments. I guess it's because all that was running through my mind at the time was the throbbing "don't cry don't cry don't cry" voice inside of my head.

My parents and I had breakfast at the local coffee shop before we went on our way. It was a nice chance to say 'farewell!' to some of my uncles. I didn't even finish my plate. The nerves were definitely kicking in.

I drove most of the way today, which was good, because it definitely relaxed me.

For night we stayed in a hotel that had just been opened that week. So none of the beds had ever been slept in, none of the toilets had been used...ect. It just felt so nice and clean!

Watching Home Improvement on my very own TV!

Day 2:

Now that I'm edging closer to my destination, and further away from the place I've always called 'home', I think that I'm going crazy.

I mean, I get so nervous sometimes. I can't even eat normally. All I keep thinking is, "what the heck am I doing here?" Months ago, I never would've guessed I'd be feeling at all uneasy about this...and these eerie, dark fog-covered mountains outside of my hotel room window aren't helping, at all.

Heading into Banff. Isn't this the weirdest-looking cloud ever?

Day 3:

Pretty much all I've eaten on this trip is Froot-Loops at the hotel continental breakfasts', Tim Hortons sandwiches for late lunch, and cups of Green Tea for suppers. The appetite is still not all there.

On my Ipod I've had Miranda Lambert, Leona Lewis, and The Wreckers on repeat.

To take a little break from driving, we went for a nice one-hour hike through the Othello Tunnels in the mountains. It was gorgeous. It gave me a really good feeling about living here.

I found this slug on the hiking trail! Isn't he cute? :)

My parents and I being adventurous.

We just had supper with a friend at Swiss Chalet, and I am nothing but excited right now. And let me tell you, it was the coolest, and most intriguing feeling ever, to know that you're eating at a restaurant that you could be eating at for the rest of your life. Like, it finally hit me that this is my new home! I love this city so much. I absolutely love it!!!

Tomorrow is the big day. The day I've been stressing/psyched about for the past 6 months. It's the day I get to unpack all of my belongings into the likes of a tiny shoebox called, my dorm-room.

Right now I'm just so excited and confident. I really can't believe that I'm going to be a university student when I wake up tomorrow. I feel so old, so mature, and even so...'cool', one might say.

Yes, these past few days have definitely been a journey. And when I think back as to how carried away I got with my fears at the beginning of this trip, I just roll my eyes. Like, what came over me? I went from being teary-eyed, to nervous, to TOTALLY EXCITED in three days.

Yep, that sounds just like me. :)

Dear Near-Future...

...I hope that you won't let me cry too much tonight when I have to say goodbye to my best friend. Or tomorrow when I have to say goodbye to my sister. :(

I hope that the saying, "better safe than sorry" means true when it comes to packing for University, and I hope that you made enough room in the car for all of my stuff. 8 pairs of shoes, over 3 weeks worth of underwear, 12 tanktops, 14 t-shirts, 3 dresses, 11 sweaters, 9 pairs of pants, 5 shorts/skirts, and 2 weeks worth of socks is a safe amount of clothing articles, right? (Hahahahaaa...sigh.)

I hope that you'll make this zit disappear before tomorrow.

I hope that you will let me truly thrive in my independence.

I hope that you won't let my photo-printer run out of ink. I need photos!!

I hope that you'll allow for this excitement to overpower and prevail the nervousness inside of me.

I hope that you will provide me with a large (enough) dorm room, and a large (enough) closet, since I forgot how big my closet is here at home. Haha...

I hope that when I arrive on Saturday, that you won't let me do anything or wear anything too embarrassing. First impressions are vital...aren't they?

I hope that you'll remind me that EVERY freshman there is feeling the exact same way as me; lost, uneasy, confused, nervous, lonely, excited, scared-to-death, culture-shocked, ect...

I hope that you'll let me become friends with some pretty amazing people right off the bat, as if we've known each other our whole lives.

I hope that you'll eventually make my heart slow down, and let me sleep soundly tonight.

I hope that you'll give me safe travels on my one last road-trip as a delinquent teenager.

I hope that when it finally hits me that I'm packing for a one-way "trip" for the very first time in my life, that you won't let it hit me too hard.

I hope that you'll remind me that it's always enough to just be myself.

I also hope that I'm not asking too much of you...

THE PILE GREW...