Lemon Blueberry Cupcakes With Lemon Cream Cheese Frosting

I know, I know, it's December! It's that glorious time of year when the only baked goods that you see at parties, gatherings, read about on blogs, and scroll through on Instagram consist of either gingerbread, peppermint flavour, or Christmas tree-shaped sugar cookies. But here I am, in the beginning of December, baking LEMON BLUEBERRY cupcakes. It all just screams a hot summer pool party in July, right?!

I'll admit, ever since I was on Pinterest and stumbled upon Ashley's Lemon Blueberry Cupcake recipe at Baker By Nature, I haven't been able to shake the urge to bake these! I honestly just couldn't wait 'till Summer to bake these; I had to bake them now! So...let's just pretend it's Summer for the next how-ever-many-minutes-it-takes-for-you-to-read-this-post Ok? Ok.

And I don't believe I've even tasted a lemon blueberry dessert before, which is crazy--but the thought of the combination of those two flavours, along with a sweet cream cheese frosting is incredibly enticing. I love lemons, I love blueberries, and I love cream cheese. So why not give it a try?!
Also, I haven't baked cupcakes in over a month, which is WAY too long to go without cupcakes in my books! (Here, here!)

So last Saturday morning, (at like 6 am because I have the inability to sleep in nowadays😩 ) I zested and juiced some lemons, I mixed together the cake batter, scooped it into cupcake liners, slid them into the oven to bake, and then whipped together the cream cheese frosting. (Oh and all of this was done whilst listening to Christmas music AND having my Christmas Balsam candle lit. Gahhh! How magical.) And the whole process was a snap! A total breeze.

The most time consuming stage of all of this was piping the frosting, garnishing the cupcakes with blueberries and lemon zest, and of course styling and photographing them! (Which is obviously optional because one could easily just scrape the frosting on with a knife and snap a quick photo of it with their phone!) But I love food photography so I couldn't NOT take photos of these beauties!

But the best part was the result. You guys!! These cupcakes were amazing! 😍 They tasted absolutely incredible. They had the perfect amount of lemony flavour, they were moist, the blueberries added a whole new dimension of texture and sweet taste, and THE LEMON CREAM CHEESE FROSTING was to die for. There's something truly exquisite about the marriage of cake and frosting; it's seriously a match made in heaven. (This is why cupcakes are better than muffins, right?!)

What do you guys think of my new piping design? I actually really love this and am thinking of making it my "signature" cupcake look! It's so frilly, ruffly, and pretty looking!

I even got significant praise from all of my taste-testers! They got the thumbs up from the husband, which is always important, right ladies? And also the thumbs up from my in-laws--aka my father-in-law the serious foodie. (I wish I could have shared them with all of you!!) Although I feel like I can hardly take any credit since this recipe wasn't created by me. It was all Baker By Nature's. I literally made this recipe exactly how it was written except...I halved the amount of lemon extract. But that's it!

Thank you to Ashley from Baker By Nature for sharing this incredible recipe with the world, and for the cupcake piping/design/garnish inspiration! I'm in love with how these cupcakes turned out both taste wise and looks wise! 💖

Personally, I think the best way to eat these is when the frosting is softened to room temperature, with extra fresh blueberries on the plate, and a cup of hot coffee. The photo above was literally my breakfast last weekend! Cake for breakfast!

Now, if I've inspired you to have a little "summer in December" (I don't blame you for not wanting to bake these, as baking Christmasy desserts of peppermint and gingerbread are just way too good to pass up), or if you want to give this recipe a try in the warmer months/when blueberries are actually in-season, you can find the Lemon Blueberry Cupcakes With Cream Cheese Frosting Recipe HERE!!

Thanks for reading, friends! Happy baking! (Or eating!) And Happy Christmas! 

December First.

First, can we talk about how great it is that blogger FINALLY has emojis?? 😍 👏 💕 I can finally add some emotional tone to my blog posts now. Or did Blogger actually have emojis all along and I only noticed now? Hmm...

Moving on, I can't believe it's December 1st! This is crazy. I'm pretty sure I have the same gut-shocking reaction about every new month. Except for September; the start of September was very much ignored for some reason.

Now that American Thanksgiving is over and done with, the Christmas season is now in full-swing! And this year's Christmas already feels different! Normally the thought of the holidays stresses me out. I dwell on the thought of trying to buy the perfect gifts for people and drive myself crazy because shopping for other people is always so hard for me.
But this Christmas, I don't feel that stress! I honest-to-goodness just feel the warm and fuzzies. I've also never started listening to Christmas music this early or this frequently. For the past week I've been crankin' it on my commutes to and from work and it totally changes my mood. (It's even playing right now as we speak!) I don't know what it is but it takes my mind off of the bad and leads me down a memory lane of childhood Christmases in Canada. Jarryd and I even listen to it at home here in our apartment! And we sing along like total dorks--really just trying to doing our best impression of the cheesy voices, and making so much fun of each other.
My favourite Christmas tune right now is "Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney. It's so whacky and fun, I love it! I guess that's the inner-Beatles fan in me?
And the Charlie Brown "Christmas Dance" song makes me play air-piano in the car because I used to play it on the keyboard in Jazz Band. Oh high school...
Oh and "Silver Bells" is always fun to sing along to, OH and "Sleigh Ride"!! Gah!!
Honestly, alot of these songs I learned from my thirteen years of choir, church plays, piano, and band class in school. THIRTEEN YEARS. 😱

Also, I have this weird urge to decorate the apartment in all-things Christmas. I haven't, but I really want to. Which is weird, because I'm not one for seasonal decorating. Like, I'm DYING to go pick out a tree this weekend. And I'm dying to buy a furry white tree skirt. And Christmas-plaid ribbons and gold and white Christmas ornaments for the tree. I have no clue what's inspiring this, but I'll take it!

Last year we didn't do an ounce of Christmas here in Maryland because I spent 3 weeks at home in Canada. So there was really no point in putting a tree up just to take it down before even getting to enjoy it, you know?

Another thing we'd like to do this month is check out a German Christmas Market in a nearby city. Philadelphia, perhaps? Or even Baltimore?

Despite me being very much behind on my Christmas decorating, I made up for it in the fact that I bought some adorable red-green plaid PJ's in November. Plus, my Christmas spirit is at 110%. 👌

I was telling myself the other day that I'm not even that upset about not going back to Canada for Christmas this year. I feel fine! This is good!
I'm very thankful for this calm demeanour that I have right now, but I'm also nervous about the homesickness suddenly setting in and all of that going away. Because that's what homesickness does, it comes without any warning whatsoever. Honestly, it's like I'm standing with my back facing the ocean and a tidal wave--of missing home and friends and family--washes over me. I think I'll be ok until Christmas Eve and Christmas Day arrive, when I realize I have literally no one to watch the Home Alone movies with. 😩  (Jarryd unfortunately has zero appreciation for them.)
But oh well, I'm excited to celebrate my second Christmas with the in-laws here in Maryland, and to cherish them while they last because we might not be living here forever, you know? And I'm also excited to start new Christmas traditions with Jarryd that we can repeat every year just the two of us and then later with kiddos!

I'm loving December already!

Farmer Sausage Corn Chowder Recipe

Hi friends! Last week I posted the above photo to both my Instagram and Facebook and got quite alot of requests for the recipe! Therefore, due to popular demand I have decided to post the recipe for "Farmer Sausage Corn Chowder" here on the blog! It's a pretty cool feeling when I post a photo of something I've cooked/baked and then receive such positive feedback about it! Granted, y'all haven't actually tasted this recipe yet, but still, a compliment on my food styling/photography skills is just as flattering! 💕 Sooo...I should probably hold my breath until you actually try the soup, right?

The original recipe for this chowder came from the Mennonite Girls Can Cook blog; the below recipe is not exact to its original as I've made a few tweaks here and there. For example, often when a recipe calls for water I like to replace it with chicken broth to add more depth in flavour. I also added a can of cream-style corn in here to help achieve a certain thickness. Oh and the original recipe has instructions on how to do the cheese sauce in the microwave, but Jarryd and I do not have a microwave, which is why I provided the stovetop instructions!

Helpful Tip: if you use this recipe exactly, make sure you're using a large pot. I almost doubled the recipe because I love having leftovers around, but thankfully I didn't because it would have been OVERFLOWING. (It makes sense, right? Mennonites need large recipes in order to feed all the children!) 😉

Farmer Sausage Corn Chowder Recipe
(Original recipe derived from Mennonite Girls Can Cook)

3 Cups of Farmer Sausage or Kielbasa or Smoked Ham, chopped
1 Large Onion, diced
3 Stalks Celery, diced
5-6 Cups of Chicken Broth (or just water)
2 Bell Peppers, diced
3 Carrots, sliced
5 Medium Potatoes, peeled and large diced
1 (14 oz) Can Cream Style Corn
1-2 Cups Frozen or Fresh Corn Kernels
1 tsp Salt (or to taste)
1/2 tsp Black Pepper (or to taste)

1. Saute sausage with a little bit of oil over medium-high heat in a LARGE soup pot.
2. Once sausage is cooked, add the onions and celery to the pot and heat until softened.
3. Pour in the chicken broth (or water) to the pot.
4. Add the bell peppers, carrots, potatoes, and all the corn to the pot.
5. Bring to a boil, and then reduce heat to low and simmer for a minimum of 20 minutes (or until all veggies are tender)
6. While it's simmering, work on the cheese sauce (below).

Cheese Sauce
1/4 cup Butter
1/4 Cup Flour (if a Gluten-Free recipe is desired, omit the flour and pour 1-2 cups of GF instant mashed potatoes into the soup. )
2 Cups Milk
2 Cups Grated Cheese, (Cheddar or Mexican Blend)

1. In a small saucepan, melt butter over medium heat.
2. Whisk in flour to create a roux and keep whisking for a few minutes. (This is important as you want the flour to cook and lose its' raw flavour.)
3. Pour in milk and whisk until smooth and combined.
4. Add cheese and whisk to melt.
5. Pour cheese sauce into the soup, stir, and serve!

This is totally optional, but chopped-up bacon and shredded cheese is a fantastic garnish for this creamy soup. Just sayin'. Also, I never seem to have fresh parsley on hand, so if you're wondering about the green garnish, it's chopped up celery leaves.

To my Gluten-Free friends: you can totally make this recipe GF by omitting the flour (no need to make a roux then!) and pour 1-2 cups of GF instant mashed potatoes into the soup to thicken it!

Posting recipes is kind of a new thing for me, so please be gracious in my amateur approach here. And if you happen to make this soup, you gotta let me know! I'd love to hear how it turned out or didn't turn out. 😜💕 Thanks for stopping by, friends!!

Hello Dolly Bars

Yesterday we decided to spontaneously invite Jarryd's parents over for supper! (The apartment was clean, so why not?) :P We have been dying to watch The Crown series on Netflix, and we knew that it would be a type of show that my in-laws would like, so we thought we'd make a whole evening of it! (I think that anyone who fancies Downton Abbey would certainly like The Crown). I mean, I was HOOKED already on the first episode--and it may or may not have been Hans Zimmer's astounding score that did me over. (Fun fact about me: I have a serious love for film score composers such as Hans Zimmer, John Williams, and James Horner to name just a few).

ANYWAY...with our dinner menu already all planned out, we hopped on over to the grocery store to pick up some steaks, sweet potatoes, and asparagus (did you know that the plural form of asparagus is actually just asparagus? Surprisingly, I didn't). Unfortunately we had the meal all figured out but had nothing for dessert! Not having dessert isn't the end of the world or anything, but I hate having guests over and not having any dessert or post-dinner sweets to offer them. I feel like it's so not me to not have sweets around.

It's always a little intimidating cooking/baking for my father-in-law because he's such a foodie and an incredible cook. But it's so nice to have people in my life who are not afraid to give me an honest opinion on my creations. And because they've tried so much of my baking already, I wanted to offer them a recipe that was tried-and-true, one that they'd never had from me before, and ESPECIALLY one that I could realistically and effortlessly whip together in a short amount of time. Standing there in the fresh meat aisle of the grocery store it suddenly came to me--Hello Dolly Bars!

I have made these bars a handful of times and they're always incredibly satisfying! My in-laws had never even heard of them before, so I wouldn't be surprised if you hadn't either. They're sweet, rich, and decadent bars made of the most amazing layers, starting with:

a buttery graham crust

semi-sweet chocolate chips

crunchy chopped pecans

sweet and chewy coconut flakes

and then poured over these layers is a can of sweetened condensed milk. *insert heart eyes here*

SO FAST. (10 minutes prepping, 30 minutes baking)

SO EASY. (The most "laborious" thing I had to do was grind the graham crackers in the food processor because I didn't buy the already-made graham crumbs, and melt butter on the stove!) Oh, and even better, they only require six ingredients!

AND SO DELICIOUS. (Anything made with sweetened condensed milk is going to taste AH-MAZING right?!)

Therefore, it was the perfect dessert to make for a spur-of-the-moment dinner party! And thankfully, these bars were a hit! Even the two non-coconut lovers loved them!

So, if you're looking for a dessert recipe that's simple, quick, freezes well, and has an amazing array of textures and incredible mouthfeel, this is the one for you!

HELLO DOLLY BARS RECIPE (Yields 12 bars)

(Recipe from Serious Eats)

1 cup of butter/2 sticks (I used salted butter)

3 cups graham cracker crumbs (14 oz box)

2 cups dark or semi-sweet chocolate chips

2 cups chopped pecans

3 cups sweetened shredded or flaked coconut

1 (14 oz) can of sweetened condensed milk

1. Adjust oven rack to middle middle position and preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

2. Melt the butter and then combine melted butter with graham crumbs in a bowl until thoroughly combined.

3. Press mixture into an even layer on bottom of 9 x 13 baking dish.

4. Top crust with chocolate chips, then pecans, then coconut, and then drizzle with sweetened condensed milk.

5. Bake in oven for about 30 minutes (or until coconut is a beautiful golden toasted brown). Remove from oven and let cool completely. To cut easily, let sit in refrigerator for 1 hour, and then cut and serve. (Best served chilled!)

Thanks for reading, guys! And seriously, let me know if you make this or if you've tried them before. I'd love to know what you think! Oh, and the steak, roasted sweet potato, and parmesan asparagus dinner tasted pretty good too. ;) OH and we managed to watch three episodes of The Crown before deciding to be smart, responsible adults and call it a night. I can't wait to get together and watch more!!

Change.

Isn't it interesting how we're always changing? I am not the girl that I was 6 years ago, the girl who had visions of one day living in tiny apartments in big cities, walking to class everyday pursuing a career in journalism.
People who know me now, probably read that sentence with MUCH confusion. Even as I just typed that it felt almost out-of-body-esque. Me? A journalist? The 5% of me that is an insane-grammar-freak is like "YES! I LOVE that career choice!" but the other 95% of me is like "no thank you, that sounds like an anxiety-inducing nightmare".
And small-town-country-loving-Jenny living in a city?! I think if I had plans to have absolutely zero children, then maybe, just maybe I could chance a life of city living (I'm no Amber Fillerup, believe it or not). :P

I did 4 years of Bible college/university/school for many reasons but a large reason was to find a husband find some direction in my life career-wise. Half way through this schooling I had visions of pursuing some type of counselling career. And hey, as an INFJ personality type, I have counselling written all.over.me. Even the other day my co-worker told me that I have the gift of listening and I was like, "thank you!" and he was like "don't thank me, thank God for giving that to you!" (I appreciate the fact that I know how to listen, but truthfully...somedays I wish I had the gift of talking. I feel like it could take me places, you know?) :P But something about picturing myself with a 9-5 office job listening to clients heavy life stories for five days a week, didn't sit well with me. Believe me, I wish it did. One of my really good friends is a therapist and her job sounds incredibly rewarding and fulfilling and she's doing amazing things in people's lives but I am just so confident that it's not my calling.

And then...Pinterest came into existence and opened my eyes of a whole new world of cooking, baking, food styling, and food photography. THAT looks beautiful, fun, practical, and intriguing! Finally a career choice that my creative gene could latch onto and actually attain. Now, four years of practice in the kitchen and one culinary certificate later, I've found myself with a "9-5" job in the food industry as a cook/chef.

And now, after almost two years of working in commercial kitchens I'm finding myself wanting to get out of it. Yep. Spending 8 and a 1/2 hours a day, 5 days a week at a physically-demanding job is really starting to wear on me. What I really want is to pursue baking and it's hard when your full-time job is robbing you of all your energy. Truthfully, an office job looks pretty good right now. I wonder what it would be like to come home from work (an office job) and still have the physical energy to spend all evening in my kitchen on my feet working on my baking skills? I do wonder if this is even a plausible idea or would my mental energy then take a tumble?

So back to my first statement: isn't it interesting how we're always changing? I went from wanting to be a journalist to being a counsellor, to being a chef, to now dreaming of baking cakes, cupcakes, and all things pretty! It all sounds drastic when you lay it out like that, but the more I think about it, the more I feel like I haven't really changed that much. Yes, I let the dream of journalism go, but I've still held on to my love and passion for writing--with this blog of mine. I let the dream of counselling go, but I still have a huge place in my heart for people, friendships, encouraging, loving, and listening--with this blog, but more-so in my everyday life with those I interact with. I'm considering letting the dream of being chef in a commercial kitchen go--quite gradually--but I'm for sure going to hold on to everything that I have learned about the food industry; because much of what that skill and knowledge can be carried on into the business of cake decorating.

I'm curious to see how much I will have changed five years from now! Will I have dropped cake decorating for something even more attainable, like...bioengineering? (Kidding.) I'm also excited to see how much Jarryd will change in five years--maybe he'll finally pursue his long-time dream of country music singin'. (Kidding, I think?)

Change is good. I'm telling myself this as I just realized in 5 years I will be 30 years old. Gulp. Change is good, Jennifer.

We're Baaaaack!

Hey everyone! Jarryd and I are officially back from our 2016 Canadian Thanksgiving trip! Well, we've actually been back since this past Monday but who's keeping track?

The first indication that we were back in America was the weather. Holy smokes--it was wonderful stepping off the plane to feel the warm, humid air soak into my face like a sponge! (This is a no-sarcasm zone, by the way. I'm being completely serious when I say I love humidity!)

And then, driving on the interstate felt SO good. My Canadian hometown has nothing even close to an Interstate so driving in the US is such a treat for me! I often feel the need for speed and after a long flight it was just what I needed. I love going 130 km/hr in my little white honda. It was great, UNTIL we came to a complete stop as there was an accident ahead of us. Instead of a 45 minute drive back to our apartment, it was a 2 hour drive back. And what's worse is we got home at 8 pm and had to ready ourselves for work the next day. Ugh. And I'll have you know, we were SO smart when planning this trip. Our return flight was for Saturday, which would have given us a whole day of rest before we had to go back to work. But, when our return flight got cancelled due to "lavatory maintenance" (whatever that means), our careful planning all went out the window! But it was a TOTAL blessing because we got to spend more time in Canada with friends and family. (Also, missing work on Monday meant a short work week too! Yay!)

I finally unpacked my suitcase. Can somebody please give me a reward for this? In Starbucks PSL form? Unpacking is hard, especially when you leave it for almost a week and you forget what's clean and what's dirty. Although, unpacking this time around was kinda fun because one of my best friends (who has a killer sense of style!) gave me a truckload of her old clothes, so it was like unwrapping a giant suitcase-shaped present full of gorgeous "new" clothes!  * heart eyes *

Oh, and did I mention that I'm sick with a cold? I have visited Canada a total of 3 times since moving to the US and I have gotten sick a total of 3 times on these trips. Can you believe it?! Every. Single. Time. It never fails!
Honestly, I fully expected to be sick this time, so halfway through the trip when I woke up with a scratchy throat, I rolled my eyes and said "here we go, again!". "See ya in a few days, voice. I'll miss you!" And when I say sick, I mean getting an awful hacking-type-of-cold and losing my voice.
I'm either getting sick from the humid US-to-dry Canada climate change, or I'm getting sick from sitting in a winged-germ-tube airplane where you breathe everyone elses air for several hours. :P

You guys, I definitely experienced my introvert hangover in the middle of our trip. IN THE MIDDLE. How awful is that? Introvert hangover = "a withdrawal into oneself brought on by overstimulation" (as said by Introvert Dear). Making plans to see so many different people and never having a moment alone during the day can be pretty exhausting (especially when you're sick with a real hoarse voice!). I mean, we were dividing our days into 3+ sections just to make time to see everyone! I definitely started feeling stressed about my lack of time/energy/health. But what I've learned over the years is that you can't use your introversion as a crutch or an excuse. For example, I could have cancelled plans with people, but that would have been SO dumb. (I'm sorry but "dumb" is the only word I could think of right now). I would have come back to the US with so much guilt and regret for choosing to recharge over seeing people I haven't seen in MONTHS. It's honestly just a conscious choice you have to make, a choice to just get over your exhaustion, because by the time you lay eyes on your long-distance friends all of the tiredness instantly disappears! :) Can anyone else relate with me on this one? I'm so proud of myself for not letting it get to me either, all I did was say to my Mom "I'm stressed", and that was that! High five to myself!

On a lighter, less phlegmy note, it's so nice coming back to colourful leaves on the trees! Where we were, (near Winnipeg), a majority of the fall leaves were already off the trees and on the ground. :'( Fall literally lasts a second there, haha! And I feel like it's just beginning here in Maryland! YAY!

What's also cool is that I used PAID VACATION. Haha I know I know, I'm 25 and only experiencing the joys of paid vacation now, blah blah. But it's a big deal to me! A whole week off of work and I'm still getting paid for it?! Amazing! (I'm such an adult now, it's nuts!) The unfortunate part is that I used up all of my vacation until next October. LOL. It's going to be a loooong year guys...

Also, a whole week without having to go to work = a whole week of being able to do my hair and makeup and wear nice clothes during the day and feel pretty again! And LIPSTICK--I got to wear lipstick like everyday! But Jenny, why don't you wear makeup to work? Trust me, in my profession there's absolutely no point. Why would I wake up any earlier than I have to just so I can wear makeup that's going to get sweated off? This paragraph would be what I'd give the #itsthelittlethings hashtag to. It's the little things in life that can give one joy.

I hung out with 4 babies and 1 toddler on this trip (all girls, by the way), and I think I'm officially ready to be a mom. Hahah. Now, don't you dare take me the wrong way! :P I'm not saying that we're "trying" or whatever; what I'm saying is that it doesn't seem so far-fetched anymore. Here in Maryland, we have only 1 friend who has a kid. Back in Canada, we have only 1 friend who DOESN'T have a kid. When you're surrounded by a huge community of young parents with babies you definitely start to feel the "itch", you know? LOL. I'll let y'all know what happens...

Anyway, after a pretty good four days of work, today is Saturday and I've been doing absolutely nothing! Nothing, except for sleeping in, unpacking, two loads of laundry, two cups of coffee, grocery shopping, replacing my MacBook Pro battery (all by myself, thank you very much!), dishes, cleaning, and now---blogging! OH and how could I forget: Hallmark channel has been playing in the background all afternoon. Hee Hee.

It's good to be back, friends! :) OH and I plan to post a blog entry about our trip with all kinds of photos. Stay tuned.

Thank You.

It's been a strange week, inside of the mind of Jenny, that is. No odd events have occurred and nothing out of the ordinary has sprung up in my life; it's all just been weird inside of my head.

Being a hopeless introvert I tend to live inside of my head. I tend to pull up a chair and stay for awhile within the "comforts" of my own brain and then get up and leave when I feel ready and satisfyingly rejuvenated. But this week, I actually pitched a tent in my head (and I do not fancy camping in the least so I don't know why I'd ever even consider pitching a tent, but it's my brain, what can I do?), and stayed inside the walls of my skull for a very long time. Too long, in fact.

Introspection is a good thing. It's healthy to examine your own mental and emotional wellbeing and work to keep it intact. But too much dwelling within-the-minds-eye is when things get a little crazy. Trust me, I LOVE to be inside of my head. I love to process the interactions I have with people or events, envision the potentials of my future, seek out new dreams and goals, and just mull over my current life just as everything is. I enjoy all of this so much, in fact I NEED to do this in order to stay sane, but when I spend too much time analyzing and questioning anything and everything, that is when my joy takes a dangerous turn into bitterness, worry, grief, anxiety, and just plain unhappiness.

Is there anyone out there who can relate with me on this? (I know you're out there somewhere!)

An example of something in my life that I allowed to go from a joyful event to sorrowful one, is my upcoming trip to Canada. (If you didn't know, Canadian Thanksgiving is coming up quick and Jarryd and I are vacationing there for a week! YAY!) Anybody who knows me KNOWS that I am crazy excited for this trip. But a few days ago I found myself DREADING it. DREAD-ING. How?! Why?! This is going to sound so silly to you guys, but I knew that going back to Canada and enjoying my time seeing my family and my best friends again...meant saying goodbye AGAIN. And because it's Maryland's turn for Christmas holidays this year, it would be one of those "goodbye, I don't know when I'll ever see you again so...until who-knows-when so take care of yourself! See ya?!" :(

I honestly could cry right now as I've been typing all of this out, but I'm gonna keep it together, people!

My mind takes me on such insane trails that my sad obsession with the future goodbyes completely overshadowed how GOOD this trip is going to be. I shouldn't be dreading something I should be thankful for. And believe me, I'm so excited, thankful to God, and so happy that Jarryd and I get to spend an entire week in the best country ever  Canada. ;) <3 This whole ordeal was one of those times where I just needed to tell my brain to "shut up" and allow my heart to be a heart of thankfulness again.

So there was that. And then there was this overwhelming feeling of lostness...

Adrift.

Disoriented.

Misplaced.

Hidden.

Invisible.

Strayed.

Wandering.

Off-course.

I've lived here in Maryland for over two years and quite often feel all-of-the-above. (Is that too honest, or what?) I don't feel like I've found my place. I don't feel like I fit in. Amidst unattractive wet sobs I have said to Jarryd, "I've never felt so different in my life". To be honest I didn't think I'd feel much culture-shock moving here, but I feel it now, two years in more than ever.

When I feel like I'm different from everyone else and out of place, I begin to question everything about myself and my identity. I begin to feel like I'm losing who I am because I feel like familiarity is far and few between.

Fortunately, there are these times though when I meet someone new and feel a wonderful and warm connection with them and then I instantly have so much joy because I don't feel so out of place anymore. It feels like familiarity. It feels like my desire to know and especially be known is being fulfilled. I feel that sense of belonging that every soul on earth craves. There are seriously some wonderful people out there and I wish I could be surrounded by them all of the time.

Alas, I wish I felt that welcoming feeling from everyone I encountered. Unfortunately, many people I interact with make me feel like I'm too quiet. I'm too young. Like I need to build myself some thicker skin. Like I need to be more sarcastic, more obnoxious, and more aggressive in the way I speak. More crude. Never keep a serious conversation. Make everything a joke, yet don't smile too much. Make fun of everyone around me. Stop being so joyful. Keep a record of wrongs of every single person. Swing your moods a little more. Rid myself of all gentleness and learn to fight a good verbal fight.

I'm sure I've shared this quote before but I'm going to share it again because I LOVE IT:

I begin to question my talents, gifts, and skills until my mind decides for me that they're not actually talents, gifts, and skills. That I'm just a fake, pretending like I know what I'm doing. Or that I'm just kidding myself! But I know my God is bigger than my doubts, and according to Him I'm work of art and can create works of art. Please brain, you need to quiet down!

I know there are people out there like me, who feel the same way I do. Who believe that yes, the world is beautiful and that kindness, warmth, and welcoming-ness all go a long way.

As found in Galatians 5:22-23 But the Fruit of the Spirit is:

Love.

Joy.

Peace.

Patience.

Kindness.

Self-Control.

Gentleness.

Goodness.

Faithfulness.

Instead of feeling lost, I want to feel all of the things above! I want to be the Fruits of the Spirit. And I can because my identity and sense of belonging are not found in where I live, who I know, or what I do. My identity is in Jesus and I absolutely refuse to let anyone around me change that, because they can't.

I'm thankful for the little BIG thoughts that God pops into my head to remind me of His promises.
I'm thankful to Jarryd for always always always being my proverbial "home away from home", he is my biggest sense of familiarity here in Maryland, and my best friend in the whole entire world.
I'm thankful to the people who have shown such great kindness to me, for giving me "mom hugs" and making me giggle with their "dad jokes".
I'm thankful for the--seldom--cashiers who carry on a conversation with me as if we've known each other forever (Dear Starbucks cashier, I don't even know your name but I'm pretty sure we're best friends. Thank you for bonding with me over Pumpkin Spice Lattes).
Thank you to the friends who aren't afraid to talk about the hard things. Thank you for your authenticity and not pretending to be perfect.
Thank you to the people who SMILE and say HELLO.
Thank you to the few people here who actually get my sense of humour. (It's a rare humour but it's actually the best, hee hee!)
Thank you to the girls who let me into the soccer game for free because I forgot to bring cash. Your act of kindness blew me away and it's not forgotten.
Thank you to my long-distance friends/sisters/family who don't mind me venting to them about how hard it gets here sometimes. Thank you for listening, encouraging, and always pointing me to the Truth! (You know who you are!!)
And thank you to the ones who take the time to read my blog. I know I don't always make alot of sense. I know I can be quite vague at times, more mysterious than I'd like to be, but I appreciate you guys hearing reading me out. I get so much joy out of blogging and I appreciate each and every one of you and the encouraging comments and private messages you send me. Your words seriously make my day!! <3

See brain! There's always SOMETHING to be thankful for. Always something to feel joy about. God is so good. :)

Vienna Waits For You.

Slow down you crazy child,

You're so ambitious for a juvenile

But then if you're so smart tell me,

Why are you still so afraid?

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?

You better cool it off before you burn it out

You got so much to do and only

So many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told

That you can get what you want

Or you can just get old

You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through

When will you realize... Vienna waits for you?

Slow down you're doing fine

You can't be everything you want to be before your time

Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight

Too bad, but it's the life you lead

You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need

Though you can see when you're wrong

You know you can't always see when you're right

You got your passion, you got your pride

But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?

Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true

When will you realize... Vienna waits for you?

Slow down you crazy child

Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while

It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two

When will you realize... Vienna waits for you?

{Billy Joel}

P.S- Any other 90's kids else get major cravings to watch 13 Going On 30 after hearing this song?! I LOVE IT!!

The Lion & The Lamb.

"Our God is the Lion, the Lion of Judah,

He's roaring with power and fighting our battles;

And every knee will bow before You.

Our God is the Lamb, the Lamb that was slain,

For the sin of the world, His blood breaks the chains,

And every knee will bow before the Lion and the Lamb."

This SONG by Big Daddy Weave is amazing, you guys! As a way to conquer some of the negativity in my life I've devoted most of my commutes to and from work to listening to K-LOVE Radio. If you've never heard of it, it's only thee best Christian radio station, ever. And if you don't get it on your radio where you live, you can actually listen online HERE. {They also share awesome stories of people doing random acts of kindness and just helping others; it's so refreshing to hear GOOD things in the news, you know?}

This song very much overwhelms my soul and emotions with awe and gratefulness. I'm in awe of such an incredible God, He's a God who is BOTH a selfless and gentle lamb, and a fierce powerful lion. He came into this world, born in a stable. The most humble of beginnings I would say!
That's just one thing that separates Jesus Christ from other gods and religions; He spent His life serving others and was never on a pursuit of fame, earthly success, or money. His pursuit was servanthood, to love others, to glorify His Father in Heaven, and of course what encompasses the former three: to be the world's salvation!

And I'm just grateful that a God like that loves me and that's he's fighting my battles {like the song says}. To say that I'm GRATEFUL for the Saviour of the world fighting my battles, is such an understatement! Gahhh! How else can I put it though?! No words will ever do it justice! <3

Everytime I listen to this song it just makes me want to know my Lord and Saviour better. He gave everything so that He could know me, so why shouldn't I be doing the same?

Groceries.

Life has been BUSY you guys! Jarryd and I both work full-time jobs with pretty similar hours. After work he's got his soccer-coaching gig and I've got my cake-decorating gig. It's a GOOD kind of busy because we're busy doing the things we love! It's pretty sweet how we've both learned so much about each others' passions in the short time we've been married. Jarryd didn't know how much work actually went into baking and decorating cakes and cupcakes, and I certainly didn't know how much thought and strategy went into being a soccer coach. I've never heard so much about 4-3-3 and 4-3-2 and 2-3-1 and 9-0-2-1-0 formations in my life! {HA, I totally made that last one up.} ;)

Whenever Jarryd and I have a spare moment together it's usually spent eating our supper in front of the tv and enjoying some Gilmore Girls, and then occasionally pausing it to talk about how our days went. We just can't get enough!! Besides bedtime, that is absolutely our favourite time of the day! <3

I can just feel that Fall is right around the corner because I'm gettin' that undeniable craving to listen to all of Taylor Swifts' albums, new and old. It can't be stopped, you guys! The second reason that I know fall is around the corner is because the grocery store FINALLY released Pumpkin Spice coffee creamer. Apparently I missed the memo because the first time I checked, all they had left was the Sugar-Free version {blech!}. But the second time, they were fully stocked with extra-sugary Pumpkin Spice creamer. Mmm... I'm drinking it as I type actually.

It's actually a good thing I bought that creamer because it saves me money in the long run. For example, the thought of dropping by Starbucks on my commute home from work lingered in my mind UNTIL I remembered I had Pumpkin Spice creamer waiting for me at home. Why buy the milk when you already have the cow at home, right? {HA! Did I butcher that "saying" or what?!}

But then I'm seriously conflicted inside because the Starbucks PSL won't be around forever, so why wouldn't I just get it while I can, right?! Sigh...

Speaking of the grocery store, I am there ALL THE TIME. For real! It's because every time I get a cake order there's always some type of ingredient that I need to stock up on. Well, yes that's true, but it's not the whole truth. Whenever we run out of chips I head to grocery store. Yes, chips are the only reason I need to go grocery shopping. {Lately I've been really into Doritos Spicy Sweet Chili--but you didn't actually need to know that...unless you feel the need to send me some in the mail?! Yes?!}

Also, seeing as I am person of routine, I really wish I had ONE grocery store to shop at. You know? Like one that has every single item that you need, all at a great price. But I don't! I actually jump around four different grocery stores. Not in ONE trip, silly. In one trip I'll jump to a maximum of two stores. I alternate depending on what I need.
1) Aldi: They have spectacular prices that just can't be beat! Also, they have the cart system where you need a quarter in order to take a cart out, and then when you put your cart back in, you get your quarter back. {I like this because it reminds me of the grocery stores back home in Canada!} Despite all these great things, they don't have much selection, a.k.a they don't have the chips I like.
2) Safeway: I really like Safeway because it's nicest looking grocery store around and they have a fantastic produce selection. It's where I like to buy mangos and apples. ;) They also have a Starbucks right at the entrance....so yeahhhh. {need I say more?!} There's nothing better than grocery shopping with a PSL, right?! Anyway, I was going here pretty frequently until I read in the news about someone getting assaulted right outside in the parking lot!! I'm kind of hesitant to go grocery shopping there now, especially since I usually go alone! :S
3) Food Lion: They're the closest grocery store to us, so when we're in a pinch we go here. But it's definitely nothing special...like I honestly have nothing to say about it right now...
4) Wal-Mart. I know, I know, how could I?! Bring on the haters. Trust me, I don't like Wal-Mart either. BUT they're the only store near me that sells cake decorating products at a pretty dang good price. {They also sell the Pioneer Woman kitchen brand, which makes it feel a little more "Targety" inside} But let me tell you, Wal-Mart in this area is super sketchy, like incredibly janky. I purposely dress down when I go just so I don't stand out too much. And then there's Wal-Mart in Canada, it's just absolutely gorgeous. {I take that back, "gorgeous" is a strong word...}. It's more decent and clean-looking I should say. Also, people get shot at this Wal-Mart here, and yet I still go. It must be the cake-decorating motivation inside of me that just can't be bothered, you know?

Since we're still on the topic of grocery stores, I'm actually a huge fan of the whole "self-checkout" ordeal. I love avoiding any possible chance of awkward small-talk with cashiers. Seriously, I never know what to say when after asking a cashier how they're doing and they reply with in the most depressing tone "oh you know, hangin' in there" or "as good as I can be for being here" or "it's Monday, so enough said". Like, what am I supposed to say? "Thank you for making me feel guilty for asking you about your well-being..."?
Oh well, I feel I'm allowed to comment on cashier-etiquette only because I used to be one. Good times!