Me & God

There ain't nothing that can't be done
By me and God
Ain't nobody come in between me and God
One day we'll live together
Where the angels trod
Me and God

Early in the morning talking it over
Me and God
Late at night talking it over
Me and God
You could say where like two peas in a pod
Me and God

He's my Father
He's my friend
The beginning
And the end
He rules the world
With a staff and rod
We're a team
Me and God

I am weak and he is strong
Me and God
He forgives me when I'm wrong
Me and God
He's the one I lean on
When life gets hard
Me and God

He's my Father
He's my friend
The beginning
And the end
He rules the world
With a staff and rod
We're a team
Me and God

He rules the world
With a staff and rod
We're a team
Me and God


-Josh Turner

Grasp.

I went to bed last night feeling completely stressed and woke up this morning feeling well, completely stressed. It's amazing how all the little things in life can magnetize themselves together and squeeze the four walls of your brain together until it hurts.

It is during moments like these when I have the power to convince myself that I am on my own; I can trick my mind into thinking that in this world, it is just me, myself, and I. And the only person who can get me through this life is me. This mindset doesn't empower me! It burdens me! It scares me! And then I get even more stressed out because I feel like I am just inadequate.

The words "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5) are so simple yet...so very hard to understand. We could have it memorized and say it to ourselves all day long and STILL not understand what it means. When God tells us that He will never leave us or forsake us, He means that He is ALWAYS with us. He is ALWAYS there to carry our burdens. He is with us when the tears fall, when we feel like everybody has left us, and when we are experiencing pure joy. God is with us when we are stressing out for a huge upcoming exam at school, when we are standing in front of a crowd of 100 people, and when we are on an airplane flying to a foreign country on our own.

So, in conclusion, God is with me, and God is strong. Therefore, I have no need to feel stressed because He carries my burdens and with His help everything works out for the better! Now all I need to do is just grasp this amazingness.

Semester 2 Highlights.

I attended Bodenseehof Bible School in Germany for six months and had an absolutely amazing time. When stepping on German soil for the first time I was broken and my emotional baggage was unfortunately rather sufficient. But God used these six months away from home in a new environment and forming new relationships to reveal His love to me and changed me from the inside out. It's an experience I will NEVER forget. The following photos are some of the highlights of my second semester at Bible School. (It's part two of my first semester highlight blog entry!) I cannot believe that I have been home from Germany for almost a month now, and looking at these photos brings me so much joy!

Cafe Hoepker, located near the school. My two best friends and I sat in this cafe for over three hours sharing exciting stories from our Christmas break apart, over a cup of thick hot chocolate. :)

Every morning after our breakfast dish duty we would nominate one person from the team to be "Rose" (from Titanic), who would sit on the front of the trolly and be pushed down the hallway. You should have seen the principals face when he encountered this. Haha!

For my 20th birthday (January 9th) my old roommates threw me a birthday party dinner and bought me a chocolate cake sprinkled with Crispy M&Ms!!

The laundry room. Let's just say it was the beginning of something great. :)

We all switched rooms at the beginning of the semester and this was my new bed, complete with TWO drawers! :) 

Ohh and the cuddle puddles were endless!

I received a package in the mail filled with Star Wars sugar cookies! :)

The breakfast dishes crew decided to take a photo together when we discovered that we were all wearing black one day!

80s Nerd Day. Note the epic Star Wars socks ;)

The three of us filmed a ridiculous video to Relient K's "12 days of Christmas" in the weight room.

The Outreach team in Neuenmarkt. 

Brandi played songs for my roommates and I on our balcony. :)

Watching the boys play football on a warm February day.

My first karaoke experience in SPAIN!

Spain was absolutely gorgeous!

I received my very first rose from my very first boyfriend on Valentines Day. :)

A bunch of us took the train down to Lindau one day. So fun!

Lindau!

The girls of my K-group and I digging into our Pizookie (warm and gooey underbaked cookie dough topped with vanilla ice cream)

My man and I on the train to Munich.

While Jessica was gone on Outreach, we pranked her by wrapping ALL of her possessions in newspaper. Best. Prank. Ever.

One night I crawled into my bed to find it completely saran-wrapped!!

Moustache March...yikes...

Strasbourg, France.

I loved seeing everybody sprawled out on the grass when the weather was nice. What a great community!

My awesome singteam and I performing for Friends Day at our school. I'll never forget my 6 month experience with them.

Many walks were taken. Germany is beautiful!

My FAVORITE German chocolate...complete with two plastic spoons!

We took a school trip to Dachau concentration camp. We were only able to spend a little over an hour there unfortunately, but I was glad for the opportunity.

Yearbook signing party!

The Final Spring Banquet. Cheers!

Sarah, Jessica, and I. I mentioned these girls in a blog entry I had written back in October or November of last year. Together we formed an accountability group, and together they changed my life. I love them and miss them dearly!

All of the wonderful men and women of God who worked as staff at Bodenseehof. I'm so thankful for their love and guidance.

My last dinner at La Taverna. (french fry pizza, anyone?)

My last "photobooth" picture at school. We are all wearing our matching school t-shirts too. :)

I am so thankful to God for giving me three more beautiful months in Germany. With full confidence, I can say that these were the best six months of my entire life. But what I also know is that life is super exciting and God has so much more planned for me! :)

Good Friday.

I will not boast in anything, no gifts, no power, no wisdom.

But I will boast in Jesus Christ; His death, and resurrection.

Life in Pause?

If my life is a movie, then today the "pause" button was pushed. I was sick and for a good seven hours I did the following: drank a glass of milk, lay on the couch, sat on the couch, put on a sweater, took off my sweater, heated up a plate of lasagna, ate a quarter of that lasagna, filled up my pink fuzzy hot water bottle and hugged it for all seven hours, watched an episode of Gilmore Girls, drank a cup of green tea, watched two more episodes of Gilmore Girls, drank another cup of green tea, put my flannel sweater back on, moved to my bed, still hugged my hot water bottle, almost shed a "self-pity tear", wrote in my journal, ate an orange, talked with my sister on the phone, read a book, tried to nap...that failed, got out of my bed, drank another cup of green tea...and here I am now!


Before all of this awesomeness-of-a-day occured, I was struggling with the issue of feeling lazy. I do not have a job, and I am not in school; therefore, I feel like I am useless. Therefore, I feel like my life is on pause because I'm simply not doing anything. But the thing is, is that my life isn't on pause. Time is still ticking and God is still working. For instance, every single day of my life is a gift from God, and I can glorify Him by showing His love to others. I don't want to think of this day as a "waste of time" I want to think of it as a precious gift.
I struggle with the issue of feeling guilty for not having a job, or for not being in school. It makes me feel like I'm not talented, or productive; it makes me feel like I'm just wasting my life away. But with much prayer, God is letting it slowly sink in that I'm not who I am because of my talents or accomplishments. I'm not special because of what I've DONE, I'm special because of who I AM.
So what am I? What is our identity in Christ?


1 Peter 2:4 states that we are "...a living stone rejected by men, but in the sight of God: Chosen and Precious."


John 1:12 states that "...all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God."


According to Matthew 5:14 we are "the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden."


And my favorite verse Hebrew 13:5 tells us that God will "NEVER leave you or forsake you." We are never alone.


To whoever's reading, I hope this encouraged you as much as it encouraged me. God is good, and on our so-called paused-sick days he is STILL good.

God Alone.

This song is absolutely amazing. Every time I listen to it it seems to put my life back into perspective and it reminds me why I'm living and who I'm living for. It reminds me just how powerful God is and that He is on His throne, watching over us. We have nothing to be afraid of.

You are not a god

Created by human hands

You are not a god

Dependant on any mortal man

You are not a god

In need of anything we can give

By Your plan, that's just the way it is

You are God alone

From before time began

You were on Your throne

Your are God alone

And right now

In the good times and bad

You are on Your throne

You are God alone

You're the only God

Whose power none can contend

You're the only God

Whose name and praise will never end

Youre the only God

Whos worthy of everything we can give

You are God

And that's just the way it is

You are God alone

From before time began

You were on Your throne

Your are God alone

And right now

In the good times and bad

You are on Your throne

You are God alone

Unchangeable

Unshakable

Unstoppable

That's what You are

Goodbye Germany.

Today is Saturday April 2nd, which means, I have less than two hours left here at Bodenseehof Bible School before I'm forced to check out. I've been awake for over 48 hours...I have pulled two all-nighters in a row and I am just waiting for the ultimate crash right now. I'll let you know when that happens...

There have been many, many tears this morning and I feel like my heart has just been ripped out. 108 goodbyes is hard to do. Saying goodbye to the people who have changed you so much into becoming a better person and those whom have helped drastically transform your relationship with God is hard to do. But the cool thing is the confidence is knowing that if we don't see each other again here one earth, we'll see each other again at the wedding feast in Heaven.

I'm still at the Bode at this very moment, in between saying goodbyes. I have the whole day to spend frolicing around this little town with some friends here so it'll be a good distraction from all of these hard goodbyes and from my sad little empty heart. I'm going to buy alot of German chocolate...alot.

I wonder if I will sleep tonight? If I don't that'll be a total of 72 consecutive hours awake! How fun.

I am excited beyond belief to get home though, to my real home...my Canadian home. My wonderful family is waiting for me and my two suitcases of German goodies!

I can't believe how fast six months can fly. And I can't believe what God can do with you when you let Him have total control. He can do anything, and for that I praise Him. :)

John 3:16

FOR GOD: The greatest passion.
SO LOVED: The greatest motive.
THE WORLD: The greatest need.
THAT HE GAVE: The greatest gift.
HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON: The greatest sacrifice.
THAT WHOEVER: The greatest opportunity.
BELIEVES: The greatest decision.
IN HIM: The greatest security.
SHOULD NOT PERISH: The greatest tragedy.
BUT: The greatest interruption.
HAVE: the greatest possession.
ETERNAL LIFE: The greatest destiny.

-John 3:16

Eight Days.

I have a total of eight and a half days left in Germany. I can't even believe this. I'm so excited to come home because I miss my family terribly...I miss them almost as much as I miss good old' North American food. But I'm going to be extremely sad about leaving this beautiful country and all of the beautiful relationships God has given to me here. I know that the relationships will prosper, but they'll never be anything like they were here. I can say with full confidence that everyone here at Bodenseehof is like my family; we're all brothers and sisters who see each other at all hours of the day and we live in the same building and we play the same sports together and we eat all the same meals together: Family. This has been my home for six months and I'm sad to leave it.

I'm trying my best not to get depressed. But as I was telling someone yesterday, it's hard for me to make the most out of my last week here when I KNOW that the dreaded day of April 2nd is on its way. 108 goodbyes will be hard to do.

All I can do right now is thank God for giving me this wonderful opportunity. He has blessed me in so many ways and I have changed so much since September 23rd. I came here broken, but I'm leaving here with a full and bursting heart. I am ready for life beyond Germany! And I'm also ready to finally have more time for blogging. :)

So one cool random fact is that the other day our principle gave us all envelopes. We're supposed to write a letter to ourselves, seal it in the envelope and give it back to the principle. Then in one year, March 2012, He will send the letter back to us. My letter is currently 6 pages long. (is that surprising in any way? No.) All I know is that I can't wait to see where I'll be in a year! I have an idea right now, but anything could happen. Life is just so exciting.

One Eighty.

God, you are amazing. This weekend has truly been evidence of Your endless love for all your children. To anyone who’s reading, I would just like to share about my weekend here in Germany. I feel like God has just stretched me over these last couple of days and He has filled my mind with incredible insight as to who I am in His eyes.

I had outreach this weekend. For any of you who don’t know what this all entails, it’s just a weekend where my Sing-team hosts kids from a town called Rossweg and we just spend the whole weekend with them: playing games, singing, sharing testimonies, going on photo scavenger hunts, and just hanging out.

I have realized that I am a very selfish person, and I hate admitting this. When I found out I had outreach this weekend, I got upset because I wanted to have this weekend for myself. I wanted to spend it with my friends. I wanted to read and catch up on my homework. I just wanted to do the things that I wanted to do, to stay safely nestled in my zone of comfort where nothing bad or nerve-wracking could happen to me. And then when God subtly nudged me and reminded me that spending time with these kids is for His glory, I just got mad at myself! I got upset at myself because as a Christian I should WANT to reach out to people, I should WANT to share Christ with these kids. Since I was fearing this weekend, it made me wonder if I really am a Christian. You would think that out of my love for God I would want nothing more than to share Christ, but since I was dreading it all, what did that mean for my relationship with God? Does it mean that my love for Him is fake?

On Thursday morning, all these struggles just exploded in my face. I felt an immense amount of insecurity. I guess my biggest fear is being rejected by these kids; I’m scared of reaching out because I’m terrified that once I do, they might laugh in my face. It’s actually ridiculous how I let my fear and imagination get the best of me. I mean, what kind of 20 year old gets intimidated by a bunch of 13 year olds? My dread for this weekend and my lack of confidence became obvious to those closest to me this day. I guess my insecurities just love to radiate from my face, but I’ve found that this is a blessing in disguise, because when your best friends demand to know what’s wrong and why you looked so distressed, it opens doors for encouragement and prayer. This is exactly what I received. God speaks to us in so many different ways, and I definitely believe that He uses people to do so. He uses our friends, our enemies, and even complete strangers to engrave His truth into our hearts.

And even something incredible occurred at my singteam practice that day. I decided to be honest with my team saying, “guys, I’m just not feeling it. I’m not motivated at all for this weekend…singing is honestly the last thing I want to do.” And rather than just shrugging, or brushing my comment off, they all put their guitars down and said, “OK, we really need to pray.” And so we did. After that prayer, it wasn’t as if I was jumping up and down just dying to sing and motivated beyond belief. I was just…light-hearted. I felt like this is how life should be lived. When we’re feeling down or when a friend tells us that they’re struggling, don’t say, “I will be praying for you.”; rather, say “let’s pray right now.” Pray immediately and pray always. Pray without ceasing! Because I know that after somebody’s done praying for me, I feel like somebody cares, I feel loved, and I feel encouraged. It’s incredible!

So Thursday evening the kids arrived for supper and the first thing I noticed were how bright their smiles were. All 20 of them were so friendly, outgoing, and just constantly smiling. They especially weren’t shy to try out their English with us, which was WONDERFUL. That night was spent learning their names, performing songs for them, and playing silly games. It was just hilarious, and I loved every minute of it. I can’t help but compare these kids to the first group of kids we hosted back in November. The November kids definitely had the mindset “we’re too cool for this.” And they were very hard to interact with. That weekend I would describe as…awkward. But this group of kids now, I just loved them! They were just so approachable to me.

On Friday, a girl from my Singteam was unsure as to whether she wanted to talk about her sister’s struggle with anorexia when she was to share her testimony later with the kids. And I told her that yes, she should include it, because you never know, there could be a 14 year old girl here who is struggling with the very same thing and it could be a huge encouragement to her. After I said this, it was as if a pile of bricks landed on my head. It became very evident to me that out of all the times I had been sharing my testimony here, I hadn’t actually been sharing my testimony. A testimony is supposed to tell of the turning point of your relationship with Christ. It’s the story of how you fell in love with God. What I had usually been sharing with people were just significant parts of my life story, but I had always left out the part where my heart really did change for Christ. Yes, my brother’s death is a huge part of my life, but it’s not exactly what caused me to fall in love with Christ, if you know what I mean.

So today, Sunday, without even a warning, I got asked to share my testimony. And so I did. And, it went incredible. It went incredible in the way that God gave me the exact words to say and I just got so much fulfillment out of it. After I shared about my huge struggle that began in middle school and followed me all the way here to Germany many years later, I felt like a weight was lifted from my chest, because I had never shared that part in my testimony before. All I could do after was thank God and praise Him for giving me the strength.

After our Sunday morning service, I hung out with all the girls, we had lunch together and we talked and laughed, and they asked for my “facebook name”. They were all just a bunch of sweethearts and it honestly sucked saying goodbye to them. I wish I could have had more time with them, and to get to know them on a more personal level. I wish I could have known what their relationship with God was like. I wish I could have learned their struggles and I wish I could have been their big sister. I may never know if I encouraged at least one of them with my life and my testimony, but God knows. He knows their hearts and that’s all that matters. He is the vine and I am merely the branch, bearing good fruit for Him. All the glory goes to Him!

God did a 180 on my weekend and complete changed my heart. I went from bitterness and dread to excitement and fire! I feel like I’ve grown so much from these past couple of days and I feel so blessed to have had this opportunity. It was unfortunately my last outreach, since Bible school is coming to a fast end. But God has really placed something on my heart: I so badly want to work with young teenage girls. I have such a big heart for them and I know that God can use me in their lives! I just want them to know that they’re loved and that they don’t need to find love from anything else but God. They’re so much better than what the media feeds them, they’re so much better than finding their emotional security in opinions of the opposite sex. They’re so much better than drugs and alcohol and partying. They’re so much better than gossiping and striving to become popular.

God, I just pray that if this is your will, that you will open doors for me. God let me be an example to them. My one desire is that I will use my life for You and that when those young eyes look at me they won’t see me, but they will see YOU shining through me! God thank you for your love and for your confidence in me, and thank you for this incredible weekend that you gave to me.