Friendship

Despite the bridal/bridesmaids photo, this blog post is not about my wedding. (Phew!) This blog post is about friendship, and the girls in that photo are some of my most closest friends/sisters, whom I love and miss dearly!

So, let me begin by saying that I have a huuuuuge praise-God report to share with you all, and I am just beyond ecstatic! But first it requires a little back story;

Any one of my friends whom I have talked/chatted/skyped with since I got married and moved from Canada to the USA, knows that I have been struggling with finding a tight-knit community of women here who are my age and love the Lord. (a.k.a- close friends!)

This experience is new to me. This feeling of being without a best girlfriend who lives in the same town as me is something I've never known before.

Not to sound conceited in any way, but I have always had an abundance of girlfriends! I have always been that girl who has never experienced a shortage of girlfriends. I am just a total "girl's girl", I guess you could say?!?

Now, at 24 years old, I am married to a guy who has a lot of MALE friends, which has made newlywed life quite interesting. It's been a whole 'lotta air-softing, shooting tin-cans, xbox parties, fishing, watching sports (football, hockey, soccer), and talking about sports (football, hockey, soccer). Don't get me wrong, these activities with our friends have been fun (and frankly, quite educational. I mean, I know more about hockey than I ever have, and at the same time I'm actually loving it! "Loving It" as in loving hockey, NOT football--no thanks, I'll pass). Haha!

Those things are fun, but they're not my first choice of fun. I'd rather be going out for coffee and chatting, shopping, watching romantic movies, going for walks, having a fun photoshoot, (and don't forget that all of these involve food).

Yes, I know that some of those things I can do with Jarryd.

Yes, I know that I have Jarryd to talk to and spend time with, and I love him more than I could ever love another person.

But...to be 10000% honest, it's just not the same!!!!

Husband time is not the same as girl time.

Please understand, I am not saying that any of the two are better than the other, I am saying that they are both such a blessing in their own way. (Ask any married/dating woman and she'll agree--hands down!)

As my own personal opinion, they are both ESSENTIAL to my overall well-being. Especially since I am someone who is relationship-oriented over being goal-oriented, I find that I am far from myself when I am not experiencing the joy and fulfillment that only female friendships can bring.

I love the verse that says "as iron sharpens irons, so one man sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17). What good am I by myself? How am I becoming any wiser when I'm keeping my heart to myself and not seeking Godly wisdom from anyone? Again, my husband is my best friend and we have the best talks in the world. But again, my relationship with him is different than my relationship with my female friends.

I mean, I have witnessed first-hand the differences in communication between men and women. For instance, when Jarryd and his friends talk about relationships, I am absolutely mystified...Let me introduce to you Exhibit A:

Men:

Friend 1: So, you hung out with your new girlfriend yesterday?

Friend 2: Yes.

Friend 3: What did you guys do?

Friend 2: Well, we did this, this and this. And then later this happened, so we did this.

Guy: Okay

Friend 1: Cool man, cool.

Friend 3: Glad things are going well, man.

Friend 2: Thanks guys. So ANYWAY, can you believe that the Pats traded blah blah blah?!! 

Like, laugh out loud. This is NOT how my friends and I talk, especially about our relationships!! Exhibit B:

Women:

Friend 1: How was your date with you new boyfriend?!

Friend 2: It was AMAZING!!! He was wearing this blah blah, and he smelt like blah blah, and his hair was just sooo blah blah blah.

Friend 3: Really?!?!! What shoes was he wearing?!?

Friend 2: He was wearing blah blah, which totally means blah blah.

Friend 1: Oh my WORD! What were you wearing?!??

Friend 2: I was wearing this, this this, and then this, this, this and this and this. When he saw me he was like blah blah, blaaaah blaaaah blaaaah.

Friend 3: HOW SWEET!!! So how are you feeling about it all?!

Friend 2: I feel so blaaaah!! I have never been so happy!!! His family thinks blah blah, and mine are all like blah blah. BLAH!

Friend 1: EEEEK! :D

If there's one thing I have learned about men, it's that details are just...not quite as important. I am constantly prying Jarryd for more details about things. I just HAVE to know every little thing about every little thing! Perhaps I am just over-generalizing about men and women, but at least I know what I want. And that is details! So it's a little tough being surround by guys who "converse" differently than I'd like. :)

Anyway, I feel I have truly gotten off on a huge tangent! To sum up this back story, I have really missed the fulfillment that comes with having good Christian girlfriends (that I don't have to skype with in order to see).

I have put this whole ordeal in a pretty positive and entertaining light, but it has had its rough moments for sure! I've shed so many tears about the whole thing that I don't even know how I have any tears left. 

If there's anyone out there reading this who is in a similar situation as me: you're in a new community and desiring to make some friends, then you're gonna want to keep reading! Over these past eight months I have learned ALOT and would just love to share with you four tips, which are in no particular order of significance, that I have found to be key in starting new friendships! :)

1) TIME. Give it TIME. Settling in to a new place takes time, and getting to know others takes time. I think since we live in a world where everything is just "instant" (Internet, fast-food, ect.), we expect EVERYTHING to be instant. Making a 100% close, solid, and trustworthy friendship is not an instantaneous thing. Yes, it can be really hard when it's Friday evening and you're sitting at home remembering all of the things you used to do with your friends on a Friday night and the tears start flowin'. But give it time, and take your time! (Remember, God doesn't work according to our measly schedules).

2) USE YOUR TIME WISELY. Sometimes God likes to get you all alone so that you can finally remember what you've been missing: a wonderful, amazing relationship with HIM. So spend your time with Him, strive to become like Him, and strive to become a person that someone would WANT to be friends with. The same is true when you're single and you're looking for someone you'd like to spend the rest of your life with in marriage. "Stop spending all of your time searching for Mr. Right and work on yourself, work on becoming somebody's Mrs. Right"! I love that!! Be the kind of friend that you would love to have!

3) BE YOURSELF. Don't settle for the first person that comes around, because that could get pretty ugly. If you're someone who struggles with gossiping and you feel like gossiping is your one and only new friend's favourite activity...then you'd better take a step back. Proverbs 13:20 tells us that "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm". Surround yourself with people who uplift you and help you be a better YOU. If you feel like you have to change who you are in order to become closer to someone, then that relationship will go nowhere fast! Be your weird, quirky, yet-still-socially-acceptable-self, and you'll see that you'll attract the right kind of friends! :)

and...

4) PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE. You can't always expect for everyone to make the first move, to come up to you and start a conversation with you. Yes indeed, it is SO nice when you are new and somebody makes the effort to get to know you (those people are awesome!), but not everyone is that outgoing. Not everyone has the confidence, notices you, or even thinks you want them to talk to you. Sometimes as a "newbie" I have felt totally guilty in feeling entitled that others should make the first move. Big mistake! This just isn't real life. I mean, who wants to be in a friendship where one person is always initiating the hang-outs?

This one was a toughy for me because I'm pretty introverted. I'm definitely not one who loves going around a room starting conversations with people whom I barely know. (It seriously gives me the sweats)! Haha!

Here are some examples of how I have "put myself out there":

-When you see a familiar face, don't just walk on by. Smile, say hello, and start a conversation. Trust me, I'm no social expert on this but it makes you look like an approachable person.

-Get a job. (I haven't been able to do this yet, but it's definitely a great way to make friends!)

-Get involved. I find that the fastest way to make friends is by finding a church and getting involved in it! Through church and church alone, I help out with the preschool kiddos (I'm not trying to become best friends with four-year-olds here, this has just helped me get to know other leaders/teachers!) , I am one of the Jr. Youth leaders (again, helped me get to know other leaders),  my husband and I are in a "young married couples group" (which actually has never even had a meeting yet...LOL),..AND last but not least, I joined Apples of Gold, which is my praise report!

Apples of Gold is a program that my church adopted 10 years ago. It is women's ground where the older women mentor the younger women group based on the verse Titus 2:3-5, "Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behaviour, not malicious gossips or enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the Word of God will not be dishonored".

I absolutely love that I'm a part of a church that still holds onto traditional values and passes them on to the younger generation.

I have only attended one meeting so far, but as time goes on I will definitely dive into that whole topic on another blog post!

But the reason why it's such an answered prayer for me is because I feel like I really cliqued with the women there. And the mentors kept instilling in us that even though this ministry is only 6 weeks long (6 meetings), the friendships you make here will last a lifetime! (Which was what I want!!) And our mentors are our 9-11. If we have a problem or need specific prayer for anything, they have provided us with all of their contact information so they're always there to help us.

And on top of this, I just had a spontaenous sleepover with one of our friend's girlfriends which was really fun and the girl-time was much needed. :)

I'm just feeling super happy and so blessed by these opportunities God has placed into my life, and I'm so thankful to any of you who have been praying for me during this time!

With much love and thanks,