January 24, 2012

Goodbye Insecurity.

Boy oh boy, God has been working in my life like CRAZY these past few days.

I spent a good hour on Sunday writing a nice long blog entry about my experience, but I never ended up posting it to the public. This happens often, unfortunately. What am I so afraid of?

I've been struggling a lot with my insecurities, but God is faithful and He is always with me; He helped me so much this weekend. He sent an angel my way to hold me and speak God's promises into my ears while I was crying my eyes out for hours (I cannot remember the last time I cried so hard); it was nice to have a shoulder to cry on. And it didn't end there. The next day my two best friends sensed something was going on with me. So later that day an angel came into my room and asked me to pour my heart out to her. I trust that girl like no other. We talked in my bed for hours about the most personal things and it made my day.

God is so good. When I was having my crying-fest the other night, all I wanted to do was to go to sleep and never wake up. I had lost all motivation for life. And I remember the exact words I said to my "shoulder" that night...

Everything is just so hard right now.

I just want to be free from everyone's judgments and expectations.

How do I stop caring what other people think of me?

He then gave me something to think about: the next time you stress about what other people think about you, turn to God and ask Him, "God, what do YOU think about me, right now, at this very moment?"

In all honesty, for the past two days, I have felt free. I realized that I needed to spend more time with God...that I needed to be digging into His word and getting to know Him. So yesterday morning, instead of spending an hour at the gym, I spent an hour in my bed reading the Bible and reading a Beth Moore book called "Goodbye Insecurity".

It has really helped me. I'm able to walk around without feeling like everyone is judging me. I honestly don't care anymore! It HELPS spending time in God's word; it puts your mind in the right perspective...the perspective that the only thing that matters about life is GOD.

Yes, I'm 21 and I'm still struggling with insecurity. It's frustrating, but God is with me all the way. I think it's making a difference now because I have actually decided to DEAL with my insecurities instead of push them under the rug and wait for them to come back in a few hours. Trust me, it's not fun facing your problems and fears, but it's the only way to start the fixing and healing process. For example, I had to admit to myself that yes, I was going against the Bible because I was doing exactly what 1 Corinthians 7:23 tells us not to do: "You were bought with a price, do NOT become slaves of men". And even though it was a sucky realization, the acknowledgment was so worth it.

And since I am now learning to love myself, God is helping me to love other people. To genuinely and truly love them. It's so amazing! God is good.

❤ ❤ ❤

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