Fruit.

Well, I am doing alot better than I was a few days ago. It was nice, the day after that whole mess occurred I went on over to my women's Bible study group (it's wonderfully intimate with only 3 other ladies), and ended up unintentionally spilling my struggles about feeling unloved by this person. Not only did they all pray for me in this, but there was also some great Godly advice shared!

With great boldness I said:
"I don't want to be like this person at all; they're the last person I ever want to become. They're so---"
"Stop right there." One of the ladies interrupted me. "If you focus on the very thing you don't want to be like, your mind will be constantly wrapped around the thought of this person that inevitably, you will become exactly like this person. So instead of leading yourself down this dead end road, focus on the person you DO want to be like."

My mind began to weave through names and faces of people I could see myself role-modelling after. Well there's _____, He's always tremendously optimistic! Oh what about _____, despite everything she's been through, she's always been evidently in love with God. Or maybe _____, she possesses such a strong personality and wouldn't waver her beliefs for anyone! There's also---

"Jesus." She interrupted my thoughts.

"Jesus?" I clarified.

"Yes, Jesus." She repeated. "Focus on His characteristics, not just for the benefit and growth of you as a person, but for the benefit of others. First of all, it will make loving and showing love to this person much, much easier. And second of all, everyone around you will notice these beautiful characteristics about you and will want to know more about the God, the lover of your soul."

Never had I heard anything so true in my life; Focus on God, and you will be like God! Immediately my mind flipped to Galatians 5:22 in the Bible: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law...since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit." Jesus possesses all of these qualities, and it is these qualities that I want! And even when these qualities aren't shown by those around me, when I am feeling poked and prodded by negative criticisms, it's important for me to remember that I must STILL possess Jesus's qualities towards them. I know, easier said than done...but God can give me the strength to persevere and take it day by day.