Wake Up and Smell The Break-Up.

I used to think people were crazy when after they'd break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend they’d burn every picture, every letter, and throw every t-shirt in the trash. All I could think was, why on earth would you want to erase every memory you two made together? Think about all of the good times you had!

And when people would tell me that it’s IMPOSSIBLE to still be friends with your ex, I would also think they were crazy. Who cares if the “relationship” part didn’t work out, you still have your friendship to hold onto. You just have to put the past behind you, and be there for each other like normal friends.

But now, after being lead-on by a guy for six whole months only to be left broken-hearted…I know that all of that isn’t crazy, it’s common sense. After being told me he liked a different girl now, he swore that things between us would never change, and that “having a girlfriend is supposed to be a good thing, and not something that makes you lose friends.” I bought into that, and at the time, I honestly did agree with him. We could still be friends! Why not? Things would turn out just fine…right?

Wrong. I had never felt worse. In fact, I hit an all-time low. I had never felt so used, lead on, or lied to in my whole life. I had never known it was possible to cry so much. I felt like dirt under his shoe. As much as I hated him for everything he ever put me through, I knew that he still had me, and that with one word from his lips, I would forget everything he did and come running back to him. I felt like I would NEVER be able to free myself from him. I felt like I’d be stuck under a rain cloud forever. I’m trying so hard to make this writing do justice to how sick I felt inside, but I just...can’t.

After alot of tears and sleepless nights, something happened. It’s like I had opened my eyes for the very first time, and it all eventually hit me: I’m only 18. I have a life out there waiting for me to live it. I deserve to be treated like a princess. I have friends and family who love me. I am beautiful. I am talented. I have so much to give. I’m going to UNIVERSITY hundreds of miles away! I’m going to see the world. I’m going to live out my dreams. And most importantly, I’m going to love and be loved.

And so what I thought would be impossible to do (move on), was something I DID find myself doing. I deleted him every voicemail message, every MSN conversation, every picture, every song he wrote for me, his facebook, and his phone number. EVERYTHING. I did everything that I had once been so against doing, and erased him from my life.

By pressing the delete button, I was not only respecting myself, but I was loving myself. No one deserves to be stuck in memories that mean absolutely nothing to the other person. The more you live in the past, the more you dig through every little thought and every single word that was ever said, making it actually possible to SOMEHOW blame yourself for something that CLEARLY isn’t your fault. All I know right now is that I didn’t lose, I won. I took his twisted little plan, turned it around on him, and kicked him to the curb. I became the bigger person and took everything back that was taken, and leaving him to wallow in his mistakes. Now he’s the one who can’t let go of me. I guess you don’t know what you have until it’s gone, hey? Ha.

I still don’t know what God had in mind when he let me spend half a year adoring someone who didn’t deserve to be adored. Maybe it’s to show me all of the consequences of ignoring every red flag, and lowering every standard. Maybe it’s to show me that this isn’t what life is about, at all. Maybe it’s about the experience. Maybe half the fun is getting there. And where am I going? I’m on the road to living my life, and believing that one day, I will find my love story.

So here's your one last look at your t-shirt, 'cause I'm keepin' it!