July 31, 2010

Yes, we are all human.

If there's one thing I've noticed, it's that we are all the same. We are all just as sad, just as insecure, and just as depressed as the next guy.

I have never met anyone who is genuinely happy. I mean, have you? Honestly, every time I run into a girl who's got it all: surrounded by friends, great hair, hollywood body, wrapped inside the arms of her perfect boyfriend ...all I think to myself is yes, she has big problems. Her life seems too good to be true. And that's always the case. She's either dealing with an eating disorder, an abusive relationship, a death, or a broken family. It's inevitable.

Yesterday a wonderful woman, who I've only known for a few short weeks, who was my ray of sunshine, my source of laughter and smiles...broke down in front of me. It was a heartbreaking story of how after 15 years of marriage, her husband left her for another woman. After this, I wanted to kill this man...and every other man for that matter. But that's not the point.

What I'm saying, is that we're all the same inside. But there are two things that make us different: One, our stories and reasons for our sadness. A divorce, a loss, a death, a fight, a bad day... And two, what we do with our sadness. Some of us wear our hearts on our sleeves. Some of us cry without shame, using shoulders around us to our greatest advantage. Some of us aim our fist at the wall, the steering wheel, not caring how audible our anger may be. Then there's those of us who would rather die than have others know what's really going on inside. Some of us count on our pride to get us through the day. Some of us use our laughter like shields, and our smiles like masks.

I wasn't surprised at her breakdown. I'm never surprised at anyone's breakdown, no matter how happy or perfect they seem to be. I expect it. And I don't know if that's a bad thing, I don't know if that's an expectation made of ultimate pessimism... These breakdowns just remind me that yes, we are all human after all. It's these breakdowns that make people so perfect for each other. They bring us down to the same level of knowing that we're not alone, and that we all have problems.

A question that I'm asked constantly is, "Why are you so happy? You're never sad, never upset. Your life is just...perfect." I never hear the end of it, and maybe...I don't want to. I mean, why would somebody want to break a good reputation that others hold for them? For some of us, joy, laughter, smiles, and happiness are our way of coping. It's just how we deal with pain. And feeling that shameful tear gliding down our cheek in the presence of others is ultimately, our most feared situation. It's as if that tear holds all the secrets, as if it's a dead giveaway to our heart. So being asked questions like that just reminds us that even after all of this time, our masks are still holding up.

My worst fear is being a burden; it's the thought of wasting time being comforted, when I could be the one doing the comforting. I never want to be the source of someone's worries. I never want to feel that kind of attention.

If I could spend the rest of my life holding the hands of the heartbroken, listening to their stories, catching every tear that falls, and offering every ounce of encouragement and hope that's dug up deep within my bones, I would. I want to be a rock for everyone that I meet. I want to be counted on, depended on.

I want to be a ray of sunshine and nothing more.

1 comment:

  1. Well written. You are such a ray of sunshine, but don't forget that other people want to be the ray of sunshine for you when you need it too. It's ok to allow people to bless you. It's also ok to be very picky who those those people will be...