September 30, 2015


One of my favourite Christian artists today is Francesca Battistelli.
As her music played in the background this morning, a section of her lyrics really stood out of me:

"Oh God let my heart be tender in a world so tough, I'm gonna choose to love".

For those of you who know me and who have met me, can make a fair judgement that my demeanor is more on the "tender" end of the spectrum than its opposite, "tough".

Words that I've been countlessly described as include: soft-spoken, graceful, calm, quiet, warm, and gentle.
So you must be thinking that it must be remarkably easy for me to be "tender in a world so tough", yeah?

Not really. For those of you who really know me, know that I have a bitter side to me.

I'll never forget the time that after months of living together, one of my roommates told me: "Jenny when I first met you, I thought you were the sweetest most gentlest of girls, and then I are actually quite sassy."

I could not help but wholeheartedly and amusingly agree. I can be extremely sassy, or impudent as I like to call it.
Impudent: "not showing due respect for another person".

This cheeky part of me is really always there, deep down in the moats of my heart. (Yes, my heart has moats). But it only comes out a) when I'm with someone I'm really close with, such as my hubs, my friends, sisters, parents, ect., and b) when someone is really irritating me and I want to fire at them in a passive-aggressive fashion.

Do I like this sassy part of me? No, not really...

I feel like the world is always telling us (especially women) to be tough, to never let our guard down, to build walls and always be ready to fight if we feel we're being attacked (verbally, that is).
Someone once told me that I need to "thicken my skin". They told me this probably four years ago and I still to this day can't seem to shake their little suggestion off. Do I really need "thick skin" to survive in this world?

I don't think so. Um hello? I survived culinary school, immigration, wedding planning, and landed a job as a cook all without needing to "thicken my skin". And I am still alive.

I truly believe that the strongest of people are the ones who acknowledge their hurts, fears, pains, and share it with the world. Do you really think it makes you stronger when you push your feelings under the rug? Really?

There is nothing inside of me who wants to be like those people who are constantly sarcastic, always joking, and never able to have a real conversation with you. I feel like I know way too many people like that; it drives me nuts and requires almost all of my patience to deal with them.

So like Francesca's lyrics say, I am going to choose to be tender in this tough world. And as a highly-sensitive person I'd say it's pretty easy for me.

I want to be tough as in never-wavering from my beliefs and relationship in Christ, and tender as in being open, honest, real, and soft (like my brand new slippers). :)

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