Stay, Stay, Stay

You took the time to memorize me

My fears, my hopes and dreams

I just like hanging out with you all the time

All those times that you didn't leave

It's been occurring to me

I'd like to hang out with you for my whole life

Stay.

I'll be loving you for quite some time

No one else is gonna love me when I get mad, mad, mad

So I think that it's best if we both stay, stay, stay

Stay, stay, stay

Stay, stay, stay

I've been loving you for quite some time, time, time

You think that it's funny when I'm mad, mad, mad

But I think that it's best if we both stay, stay, stay,

Stay.

-Taylor Swift-

A Continual Choice.

"I used to think life was like a series of highs and lows, but now I believe life is more like a set of parallel train tracks, with happiness and sorrow running side by side. Happiness AND sorrow are a part of our existence. Regardless of the emotion, God's joy can be present."

The Hope of Eternal Life

So, I'm doing a distance-course from college so that I can finallyyyy achieve my A.A. in Social Science. This course is called "General Epistles", which is pretty much a Bible study on the books of: Hebrews, James, 1 & 2 Peter, 1 & 2 & 3 John, and Jude. I JUST completed the course notes on 1 Peter and it pointed out something absolutely spectacular to me! When we accept that God is the creator of all things and that He sent His son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for all the world's sins because He loves us so, we are promised amazing things! And because of this we are are told to "be truly glad; there is wonderful joy ahead..." (1 Peter 1:6).

I would just like to quote 1 Peter 1:3-5 to you:

"All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
It is by His GREAT mercy that WE have been BORN AGAIN, because God raised Jesus Christ from the dead. 

Now we live with great expectation, and we have a priceless inheritance--an inheritance that is kept in Heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay.

And through your faith, God is protecting you by his power until you receive this salvation, which is ready to be revealed on the last day for all to see."

Are you reading what I'm reading? First of all, we have been BORN AGAIN. How incredible is that? We are made new! Our slates are totally wiped clean. We are white as snow--our sins and old mistakes have been completely forgotten. The world will always remember our stupid mistakes, the words we said, and the horrible things we did, but God FORGIVES us and remembers not our trespasses!

Secondly, now we live with GREAT expectation. I don't know about you, but I'm very good at living with looooow expectations. I tend to see the downside of things and am prone to zero-in on worst-case-scenarios when they're totally irrelevant/impossible. I'm talented at making myself feel sad and am horrible at getting up in the morning because "sighhhh, it's another day....sigh....". This is only because I'm not focusing on the things above...I'm not focusing on God and His beautiful promises...I'm not living with the GREAT expectation that I'm meant to live with!

Adding on, we have a PRICELESS INHERITANCE! This inheritance is kept in Heaven and it lasts forever! I love thinking about Heaven...about it's perfection and how wonderful it will be. I try to wrap my head around the concept of ETERNAL and FOREVER...but I just can't! I can't imagine a moment, a time, or a place lasting forever and never ever coming to an end! Forever is wonderful if we're talking about Heaven, but it's not so wonderful if we're talking about Hell... :\

Anyway, lastly, through our faith, God is PROTECTING us by His power until we receive our salvation. He is protecting us, always watching us...He's holding us in His hand because He loves us. Protecting doesn't mean He will keep us from suffering (because suffering is inevitable when living in a Sinful world), protecting means that He's provided us with faith so that we will be able to endure suffering until the end!

So incredible. Reading this just makes all my worldly problems seem so little and silly! How can I go to bed upset when I have so much to look forward to? :)

Starlight

I'm a barbie on the boardwalk, summer of '45
Picks me up, play one night at the window
He was 17 and crazy, running wild, wild
Can't remember what song it was playing when we walked in
The night we snuck into a yacht club party
Pretending to be a duchess and a prince

I said oh my, what a marvellous tune
It was the best night, never would forget how we moved
The whole place was dressed to the nines, and we were dancing dancing
Like we're made of starlight, starlight
Like we're made of starlight, starlight

He said look at you worrying so much about things you can't change
You'll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way
He was trying to skip rocks on the ocean saying to me
Don't you see the starlight, starlight?
Don't you dream impossible things?

Like oh my, what a marvellous tune
It was the best night, never would forget how we moved
The whole place was dressed to the nines, and we were dancing, dancing
Like we're made of starlight, starlight
Like we're made of starlight, starlight

Ooh ooh he's talking crazy
Ooh ooh dancing with me
Ooh ooh we could get married
Have ten kids and teach them how to dream

Oh my, what a marvellous tune
It was the best night, never would forget how we moved
The whole place was dressed to the nines, and we were dancing, dancing
Like we're made of starlight, starlight
Like we're made of starlight, starlight
Like we're made of starlight, starlight
Like we dream impossible dreams
Like starlight starlight
Like we dream impossible dreams
Don't you see the starlight starlight
Don't you dream impossible things?

This is my new favourite Taylor Swift song and I absolutely love it because it reminds me that it's OK to dream "impossible things", and that dreaming is fun and lovely and beautiful! <3 <3

Faith.

I definitely feel like I'm about to write one of those long and detailed blog posts in which I put so much time and excruciating effort in...only to save it as a draft--never to be be posted. After being in the blogging world for over 4 years now, it's a typical trait of a blogger personality...to write and write and write only to save the entry as a draft, out of fear of what the world may think. Is there an official medical term for having a fear of publishing? Some kind of publish-phobia? Well, evenso, I'm on the verge of it.

I know THIS person follows my blog...what will they think? OR
I want THIS person to think I'm happier than I actually am...so I won't be tooootally vulnerable/honest in my writing.

In all honesty, this phobia simply stems from a pride issue. I guess I just want to convince others that I have my whole life together...that I'm the most Christian, responsible, happiest, and worry-free 21-year-old out there! I mean, my Mom and my two sisters read this blog...wouldn't it be kinda hard to read that your daughter or little sister is feeling a certain not-so-ideal way?

Even now it's taking ALL of my strength not to shut this laptop and just forget about the whole thing. Sometimes I don't even know why I blog--is there a point to all of this typing? There IS a point...truth is I'm not so skilled at expressing myself verbally with words, it's easier with a pencil and paper--or in this case, a keyboard. So why not barf all my feelings out on a blog then? Why not be my total self on here--the super weird/quirky girl that only my CLOSEST friends and my boyfriend Jarryd get to see? Why not use it as a way to remind others and ESPECIALLY myself of the promises of God and being in a relationship with God? Why not use it as an encouragement? Awhile ago I told myself I'd never write a "sad" blog post because I only wanted to be uplifting and encouraging to my readers. Well...maybe it's encouraging to read about a normal person with normal human emotions for once... (no offence to all of those Newlywed blogging women out there who have one perfect photogenic child and take too many pictures of their Pumpkin Spiced Latte Starbucks drinks while writing about how excited they are for their anniversary dinner that evening--do they have anniversaries every Saturday or what?! Maybe I'm just jealous :P Haha )

But, to make things clear: I love blogging. I love love love it. It's just that out of all the craziness of the past few weeks...months...years (??) I have lost my blogging streak/wit/passion. I want it back.

I think I've neglected blogging because I've lost my head-in-the-clouds-dreamer-personality to this crazy & consuming world that I live in. In May, I moved out of my parents house and into a brand new condo, bought a car, and started working two jobs. Sounds simple enough, right? Ummmm...I thought so too until I watched my money literally disappear into thin air -thanks to automatic bank account withdrawals-. Working, working, and working some more got pretty exhausting at times, but the feeling of being the sole breadwinner of your life is absolutely superb and well worth it. It's empowering, really.

Now that my seasonal Orchard/Tree Nursery job has come to a close, I'm only working ONE little part-time job, which honestly gets me 2-3 shifts a week. With the cost of rent and car-payments I get a little scared at times. Trust me, there is nothing inside of me saying "oh how I wish I was living at home with my parents so I wouldn't have to pay such high rent"; moving out was probably the best decision I've ever made and the level of comfortability here with my two condo-mates is truly a fairytale feeling. But, it's the thought of me working only to JUST make it by that scares me. I mean right now, I don't even go grocery shopping anymore and it's almost heart-breaking because for those who know me, it's like my favourite pastime! I want to work so I can SAVE, save so that I can get out there and accomplish my dreams!

I've been applying to jobs like crazy...and waiting for phone calls like crazy...which is causing me to go crazy. Applying for jobs IS a job in itself. It's disheartening never hearing the phone ring. It's also hard when even your "last resort" job decides not to hire you. And here I thought my area had a good economy...sigh.

Sometimes I have these moments of stress...and they are really un-pretty moments of stress. And it's these totally stressed-out thoughts about finances and making payments that have robbed me of my dreamer personality. It causes me to find no point in dreaming because dreaming requires money--a totally realistic thought that is just an excuse for me to be hopeless/negative/faithless/pessimistic. This anxious and worrisome girl is not who I am! It's frustrating to realize that I've been putting more hope in my work and money than in GOD, the one who provides me with work and money!

I'm currently doing a Distance Learning course from my previous Bible School and as bad as it sounds, it has forced me to read my Bible...and this has truly been a blessing. I've had to dig deep into Hebrews 11 (the FAITH chapter) and what my course-notes have written about it has had a huge impact on me. It observes that faith means five things:

1. It means believing and claiming the promises of God. (God has promised us a future of hope, He has promised that He will never leave us nor forsake us, and He has promised that He'll never give us anything we can't handle)
2. Faith means the believer recognizes he is only an exile and stranger in the present world and that his true homeland is in heaven. Reality is not to be found in this world...the believer has a better possession in Heaven.
3. Third, faith means endurance in suffering. (And right now my "suffering" is that I'm waiting on a job)
4. Faith means seeing the invisible...Christ and Heaven are more real to the Christian than the present world order.
5. Finally, faith means believers place their hope in the future God has for them. Faith is closely identified with hope in that it is forward-looking. Faith will find its validation in the future.

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about the things we cannot see" Hebrews 11:1-2.

Faith means everything to me right now. It takes faith to truly believe that God will take care of me and honestly, I have no one to lean on but Him. And as hard as that may be for a young 21-year-old female to accept, it is actually a very good thing. True dependency on God is exactly what He wants from me.

So there, I posted it. I did it.

My Post-Workout Shenanigans

A glass of cold water;

2 mandarin oranges;

1 carrot;

a hot cup of Ginger tea;

and a speaker turned up loud solely for Taylor Swift's NEW ALBUM! (which by the way I give 2 A+'s and 12 trillion thumbs up for; seriously, Taylor, I'm impressed)

Aaaand knowing me, I'll probably thrown a chocolate cupcake in there later...

More In Love With You.

This is a song that one of my best friends is singing at a wedding and I just LOVE it! It makes me so happy and gives me crazy butterflies! I can't wait for this one day; Hopefully soon... :)

Early in the morning when I'm still so tired both my poor eyes hurt

You will drag me out of bed and I will drive us all the way to church

And I will pray with you in that front row pew

I will spend my whole life through

Falling more in love with you..

Someday when I'm coming home so late from work you try to save the day

You'll take dinner out the oven black as night and set it smokin' on my plate

Task.

Finding a job that will help me keep up with paying my bills is something I've been doing, thinking, stressing, and struggling about...

this quote that I found in my "Our Daily Bread" really humbles me and reminds me of how silly I get sometimes. It's especially helpful for those who have trouble living in the here & now...those who are always thinking about the next thing... (ahhhhem: ME!)

"BE NOT ALWAYS WANTING SOME OTHER WORK TO DO,

BUT GRATEFULLY PERFORM THE TASK THE LORD HAS GIVEN YOU"

I Believe In Pink...

"I believe in pink.

I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner.

I believe in kissing, kissing a lot.

I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong.

I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls.

I believe that tomorrow is another day,

and I believe in miracles."

-Audrey Hepburn-

Find You On My Knees.

Troubles chasing me again,
Breaking down my best defence,
I'm looking, God, I'm looking for You.
Weary just won't let me rest and fear is filling up my head.
I'm longing, God I'm longing for You.

But I will find you in the place I'm in, find you when I'm at my end,
Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching
I'll find you on my knees.

So what if sorrow shakes my faith,
What if heartache still remains,
I'll trust you, my god I'll trust you.
'Cause You are faithful and

I will find you in the place I'm in, find you when I'm at my end,
Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching
I'll find you on my knees, my knees.

When my hope is gone, when the fear is strong
When the pain is real, when it's hard to heal
When my faith is shaken and my heart is broken and my joy is stolen, God I know that

You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,

Find you in the place I'm in, find you when I'm at my end,
Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching
I'll find you on my knees.

-KARI JOBE-

I Know That YOU Are For Me.

So faithful.
So constant. 
So loving and so true.
So powerful in all You do.

You fill me.
You see me. 
You know my every move,
and You love for me to sing to You.

I know that You are for me. 
I know that You are for me.
I know that You will never, 
forsake me in my weaknesses

I know that You have come now, 
even if to write upon my heart.
To remind me who You are.

So patient.
So gracious, 
So merciful and true…
So wonderful in all You do. 
You know me.
You see me.
You know my every move. 
You love for me to sing to You

Lord, I know that You are for me.
I know that You are for me.
I know that You will never, 
forsake me in my weaknesses.
I know that You have come now, 
even if to write upon my heart.

To remind me that 
I know that You are for me.
I know that You are for me.
I know that You will never, 
forsake me in my weaknesses.
I know that You have come now,
even if to write upon my heart.
To remind me who You are. 

-Kari Jobe-

Art.

I have a folder on my Macbook titled "Art" and I stumbled across it this morning. It's filled with pictures I have found on the internet--from blogs, tumblrs, and pinterest (of course). None of them are of my own creation, but all of them are a tiny piece of me, of who I am, and of what I believe and hold most dearly to me. I've decided to post a bunch here and share them with you, because they are pretty, truthful, and just plain wonderful to look at...