October 6, 2009

Live and Learn.

I admit, I'm having a hard time concentrating. I should be reading a short story from my English course-pack, but I can't. Too much on the mind, one might say.

I should be like a sponge, soaking in every word; understanding every word. But I can't. I feel like every detail is flying straight over my head. So instead of making an effort to grasp what I'm reading, I'm just simply memorizing the curves on the pages.

Sounds just like my high school chemistry class. I didn't understand a thing, yet I got above 90's on almost all of my tests, just from purely memorizing all of the concepts. It makes me wonder, what's the point? What's the point in reading all of these textbooks, attending all of these classes, and paying all of this tuition if you're not really learning?

For instance, sometimes I do my homework just to have the satisfaction of being able to say, "I got it done". But when I go to class the next day and I'm asked to reflect on what I read, I have nothing to show for it, even though I did read the text.

...What's going on?

I always feel like I have something to prove, which leaves me to forget why I'm here...Why am I here? To compete in a popularity contest? To walk away with a 4.0 GPA? To be noticed? To "find" myself? To be as "great" of a Christian as the person next to me?

To be honest, I just want to let all of that go. I don't want to have to prove anything! I just want to live and learn, and go to bed every night knowing that I did the best I could.

1 comment:

  1. i think you should let it all go. going to bed feeling like you did the best you could is a very respectful goal, and i still struggle to achieve that. you'll take away a lot more from university that way i think.