Sleepless in Tel Aviv.

So aside from feeling 25 pounds heavier, I'm feeling pretty adventurous. The day I am writing this exact entry is Wednesday, June 9th, 2010. I decided that I'm going to go through my "Holy Land Journal", re-live the memories, and write blog entries for each day. I promised you guys blog entries, so you're going to get blog entries! But don't worry, this isn't going to be a 12 page essay, I'm going to do it one day at a time. At the moment I am still in Israel, staying at a wonderful house with wonderful people who have wonderful wireless internet, so I'm taking this time to write a blog entry. So here we go, here is May 23rd:

Israel, we have arrived!! You should've felt that rush of excitement I felt as the landing gear began to wake up. I'm also excited to say that I survived an 11 hour flight. How, you may ask? Well, the usual way: read some more Nicholas Sparks, made friends with the middle eastern twin of one of my uncles from back home, watched half of Lovely Bones, watched all of the Tooth Fairy (Elena you're gonna love me!!), fell asleep during Leap Year, considered watching Dear John again, ate chicken penne pasta, only got up from my seat ONCE, ate half of my breakfast (if you were there, you would've seen why), and listened to ALOT of music. Honestly, I think I wore my headphones for a total of 8 hours straight, even when I went to the bathroom that one time. Haha...

All 51 people on this tour are SO incredibly nice. It's amazing how welcoming these 40-70 year olds are of little, immature 19 year-olds. I can tell already that some great conversations are about to take place in the near future. Alot of them have even heard of the little Mennonite community I live in. It's sure somethin' special.


So anyway, we arrived in Tel Aviv at around 7 pm, this is the airport. This area of the airport is about 5 years old now! Pretty nice I'd say. 

We met our driver and tour guide for the first time, and then hopped on the bus to our very first Israeli hotel experience. Alexander Suites Hotel = Awesome. Mine and Charmaine's suite included two bedrooms w/ king-sized beds (but of course we slept in the same room ha), 2 bathrooms, kitchen, dining room, living room, tall windows with long sheer curtains, 3 TV's, a lime green couch, and last but not least a phone in the bathroom! (how awesome would that be?)

What's even greater about this hotel is that it's a 20 second walk from the Mediterranean Sea. Now, this is a big deal to me since I have never even been CLOSE to this body of water. Therefore, it was a must to go and dip my toes in it, and it was extremely warm. :) What's also near this beach is a night club. No, I didn't GO in it, that's not what I'm getting at. What I noticed was that it had a line up by the door and I was all confused because really, who goes clubbing on a sunday night? So what I soon found out was that in Israel, their work-week is from Sunday to Thursday (with their Sabbath day, also known as Shabbat being Friday evening 'till Saturday evening) , so it makes sense that the clubs are open on a sunday night. I just thought this was interesting...

Oh what also happened on this beach was that I met an Israeli cat. (Life goal = accomplished) Apparently stray cats and dogs are EVERYWHERE here, and it's best not to touch them. Whoops!
So before going to bed, Char and I met everyone at dinner, and then continued our tradition of Gilmore Girls. We went to bed at midnight, and guess what time I woke up? 3 AM, giving me a total of 3 hours of sleep. Brutal. Israel is 8 hours ahead of Manitoba time, so bring on the jet lag. Being awake at 3 AM in Israel, there was only one thing to do. I pulled out my laptop and started righting this blog entry. Little did I know, I brought the wrong adapter plug, so when my computer died...it really just...died, and I couldn't do anything about it. I then took the longest shower in the world. As a matter of a fact, I enjoy showering at 4 AM, it's great.

Vancouver to Toronto

Status: It's 11 PM, and I'm sitting in the Toronto airport, waiting to head to Tel Aviv.
Last night at Charmaine's house we all watched Iron Man right before bed. For me, bed time came about ten minutes into the movie, haha. Ridiculous, I know. But you can't blame me. I was so sleep deprived. Anyway, that night I had the most amazing sleep. I deserved it after all. Maybe I should just starve myself of sleep every other night, it seems to work wonders for the next sleep.
So today in the Vancouver airport I ate fries for the first time in like...4 months. I didn't feel so great after. Whoops.
On the plane from Vancouver to Toronto, I looked beside me to find that this girl was reading "The Notebook" by Nicholas Sparks. So, testing out the waters of my social capabilities, I held up my own Nicholas Sparks novel "The Last Song" and said, "great author, eh?" ...Wow...describing it now, it sounds like some kind of lame awkward pick-up line. But it was an awesome conversation at the time. You should've been there...
Speaking of Nicholas Sparks, I watched "Dear John" on my personal tv screen, and cried a little. Just a little.
Speaking of death and turbulence, every time the seatbelt sign flashes on and the plane begins to go up and down in an annoying matter, the first thing that pops into my head is, "I'M GONNA DIE." And then I quickly read through my mental list of all the things I'd like to accomplish on this earth before I die (it's a great list by the way) ...so, can I blame my weirdness on sleep-deprivation like I usually do? Or...

Leaving Charmaine's house for the Vancouver Airport! We are excited.

The sun did cool things that morning. It had a rainbow circling the whole thing! Coooooool.

I think I want to keep this ticket forever! I mean, it's not everyday that a person hops on a plane to Tel Aviv, Israel. And as you can tell I'm in the middle middle of the plane, nice and cozy. :)

So, I apologize for the most boring blog entry ever. Iron Man and french fries? Really? So in return, I will take this time to thank all of you who chose to follow me on this grand adventure! I really really appreciate every ounce of feedback, even if I may not reply. So thanks for all of the prayers and support!

Love Jenny!

P.s- I was in the process of writing a super awesome blog entry for the day of May 23rd, but then I found out that my laptop is about to die in T-Minus 3 minutes. I know what you're saying, just plug it in so it can charge! See...that's the problem, I think I bought the wrong adapter... So will I ever be able to write another blog entry? I guess we'll just have to wait and see. I think I'll have to continue on good old pen and paper for now. Talk soon!

So Baby, Run.

Entry Status: Just got off the plane from Winnipeg to Edmonton, currently waiting to board to Abbotsford, BC.
If it means listening to George Strait- "Run" on repeat, being artistically productive, and fueling my body with Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino's...then I think I could honestly live in an airport for the rest of my life.
Some people wouldn't be able to handle traveling or flying by themselves, but this solitude is beautiful. And with my laptop packed away deep inside my luggage bag (who knows where the heck it is right now?) and my cell phone turned off and tucked away inside my drawer back at home, I feel like I can concentrate for the first time in a long time. For once I'm not waiting for a text, a message, or a call. The only thing I'm waiting for currently is my 9:30 AM boarding call.
I feel very much at peace right now. I have my iPod in while overlooking Edmonton and its moist grey skies. Having lived in BC for nine months caused me to fall in love with the rain, so I am loving it.
I think that I should do this more often...this whole traveling thing. Can I just get paid for this? ...please?
A few random thoughts going through my head:
Country music makes me so, so very happy.
This whole Israel trip hasn't hit me yet. I keep forgetting why I'm even in this airport.
My suitcase was 3 pounds from being considered "over-sized". Whoops...
I feel like I forgot something at home...
Within these past two days, I have gotten less than 6 hours of sleep.
I feel slightly sick. Too much Starbucks, perhaps?
"The Last Song" is a great book so far.
I feel like a tool wearing a red sweater with my red purse. This was unintentional. Somebody please call the fashion police.
I am tempted to "accidentally" hop on the plane to New York City.
I have thee greatest parents in the world. I owe them way too much.
I don't feel so great without any makeup on, but these Hollister jeans make it all OK.
God is good.
Last night I had to say goodbye to my niece of 16 months, not knowing the next time I'll ever see her again. I hope she remembers that I give the best kisses.
I am actually pretty delirious right now, I need sleep.
This is what gets done in the absence of laptops and cellphones:

I'm currently at Charmaine's place, and we're leaving for Israel in the morning! I am way too excited/exhausted. Here's hoping today flies by!
Oh, and apparently my home town is supposed to get a thunderstorm today? Not even cool! I'm very jealous right now.

5 AM Thinking.

First of all, don't even ask why I'm awake right now. Trust me, I have no idea why. And getting five hours of sleep is not my idea of fun. Anyway, a few hours ago I was talking with one of my best friends (before we owned the park and all of Corydon Avenue), just sharing a few of my struggles with her, and she told me something that really stuck out to me...in a good and relieving way. What this 24 year old said went something like this, "If I saw myself at your age, 19, walking down the street, I wouldn't even recognize her. The person I am today is SO different from the person I was five years ago, sooooo frickin' different."

This caused my imagination to soar. Just exactly who will I be when I'm 24? Will I finally be the person I've always wanted to be? Will I be doing the things I've always wanted to do? I'm honestly nothing but optimistic about the future, I don't see myself getting myself into hopeless ruts, or getting into stupid trouble. I see achievement, success, wisdom, and experience.

It's just so crazy to imagine myself being 24 years old. That's so incredibly long from now. Maybe I'll be married, living in some foreign country overseas and pregnant with my second child. Maybe my hair won't be so long and so blonde anymore (Heaven forbid). Maybe I'll be able to say that I've kissed under the Eiffel Tower, and road tripped the USA from coast to coast.

Right now, time is on my side. And right now, I'm begging for it to fly by just a little faster. Just for now... because like I said, I can only see things getting better than this. I can only see myself getting closer to the person I want to be, the person God wants me to be. I'm ready for change.

Speaking of which, many things are happening right now. In less than 24 hours I'm hoppin' on a plane to BC, and then I'm heading to Israel the day after with my roomie. I'm there for 3 whole weeks! I'm so excited! 3 weeks in a country I've never ever stepped foot in is exactly what I need right now. I need this adventure, this change, this growth experience. I was considering leaving my laptop at home, you know, taking a break from all things technological (other than my camera of course), but then I told myself that I want to blog every night there, before I go to bed. Just so friends and family can have some idea of what shenanigans I'll be getting myself into.

When I get home, hopefully as a more tanned Jennifer, that is when the job hunt officially starts. Job hunting is nerve-wracking to me; it's scary throwing your whole self onto a paper and then distributing it out to every retail joint in town. It's like one big "am I good enough?" test. Working, mowing the lawn, indulging in literary and visual desserts (books and movies), playing ultimate frisbee with random people at the park, and helping my best friend with her wedding will be my life for the summer months of June, July, and August. September will be when the fun begins. After my best friend gets married (as in, after the most beautiful wedding in the world), I'll be hoppin' on another plane. Honeymoon? No. Bible school in Germany? Yes. GERMANY! My sister attended this same school, so I figured that this idea wasn't too crazy. Remember how nervous I was before going to school in BC? Well this is going to be ten millions times scarier. To be honest, it's slowly starting to hit me, and I have that bittersweet feeling inside of me; excited beyond compare, but scared to death at the same time. What's even scarier is having no idea what I'm doing after this German adventure. I know I'm crazy for thinking so far in advanced when I'm not even close to crossing any bridges, but I think I find satisfaction in freaking myself out. I guess?

So as you can tell, my life is...somethin' else. Who really knows what God was thinking when he wrote my life story, right? If you think you can handle this craziness along with me, then feel free to keep reading this blog, because I'll still be here. Hopefully this blog will be more than just your daily entertainment along with your morning cup of coffee and newspaper. Hopefully I'll be able to offer so much more to you. If not now, then one day.

Love.

So, there's this thing I've wanted since I was in grade one (yeah, I still remember my first crush's name). And now being nineteen years old with a high school diploma and one year of university over and done with, I still don't have it. Many times growing up, I thought I was close. I thought it was just around the corner, waiting for me. I remember thinking over and over again when I was fourteen that "by this time next year, I won't be alone". I remember thinking that again when I turned 15, 16, 17, 18, and now...19.

Now all I'm thinking is, how many more years is it gonna take? Will it find me before I reach old age? Will it ever find me? Am I going to be alone the rest of my life? Should I just stop dreaming and believing in fairytales, and start telling myself that having butterflies is just another case of upset stomach?

Sometimes I consider deleting every love song from my iTunes, tossing every slightly romantic movie I own, and burning every gushy novel on my shelf. What good do these love-drenched messages do for a girl like me? They're all just one big reminder that I'm lonelier than the next guy, or girl. They just remind me of all the things I don't have; all the things I've never experienced, and all of the things I, dare I say, may never experience...

It's the worst when everyone around you seems to have found that someone; everyone but you. I just can't seem to see how any of this is fair. To be honest, I think that I have wanted this more than anything else in my life, and for even longer than anyone else I know. And I think that that's something people don't know about me. If I could write a book about anything in the whole entire world, it would be an amazing, phenomenal, and heart-wrenching love story. My favorite thing to talk about with other people is love. I get so excited asking questions like "how did you guys meet?" "how did he ask you out?" "how did your first date go? Tell me everything, don't leave anything out!" "what was your first kiss like?" "what did you two do for valentines day?" "How did he ask you to marry him??" And hearing all of the answers to these questions just makes my heart flutter, it's all so beautiful I could cry. Maybe I like to live vicariously through other people's romantic lives, as strange as that sounds. But what choice do I have, when I don't have a romantic life of my own?

I mean, I'm pretty sure I have "Ms. Independent" stamped across my forehead. I think that it's safe to say that I have the life of a single woman down; People think that I'm good at it, therefore, I have myself convinced that I am in fact, good at it. You know, never having to worry about anyone but yourself; never being responsible for anyone but yourself. Never having to feel guilty for making extremely wonderful eye contact with guy after guy after guy.

This blog entry is terribly open and messy and extremely unorganized, and for that I apologize. I really do wish I had the energy to write the most moving essay on this, but I just needed to let it all spill from my heart; spill into a mess. My heart is a mess. You would think that I'd be used to it by now...

What makes me feel better though is knowing that I'm only 19 years old. I'm still young and if you really think about it, I have all the time in the world. But I don't know, all of these damn love songs, books, movies, and facebook engagement photos don't help my patience, at all.

I'm not asking for pity or to create a sudden awareness of myself...in fact, I don't even know what I'm asking for. I just need an outlet.

So, I think I'm gonna go watch a sappy romantic movie right now...not only because it's all I've got, but because I still believe that having butterflies is so much more than just an upset stomach.

Great Song.

Standing at the back door she tried to make it fast
One tear hit the hard wood it fell like broken glass
She said, "Sometimes love slips away
And you just can't get it back, let's face it"

For one split second, she almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
"I see the way out and I'm gonna' take it"

I don't wanna spend my life jaded, waiting
To wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by wasted

Another glass of whiskey but it still don't kill the pain
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
He says, "It's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday
Gotta face it"

'Cause I don't wanna spend my life jaded, waiting
To wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by wasted

Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time wasted

She kept drivin' along
'Til the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side
He looked in the mirror and his eyes were clear
For the first time in a while, yeah yeah

Oh, I don't wanna spend my life jaded, waiting
To wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by wasted

Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time wasted

Ha Ha Ha...

The other day I saw on Facebook that one of my friend's statuses' was: "I bet God is looking down on my life right now and is having a good chuckle!"

This was funny to me; it made me think about my own life, and how I am absolutely positive that God is laughing hysterically at me too. Not in a mean and evil sort of way, but in an encouraging "hey bud, don't you know that I have everything under control?" kind of laugh. When he sees me go from depressed to manic in a span of ten seconds, I just know he's laughing, and maybe even rolling his big and perfectly round eyes.

I mean, my life is practically a train wreck. Not a deathly train wreck or anything, I'd say it's more of a beginner-teenage-novice train that drives a manual-transmission, stalling every twenty minutes.

Let's just say I'm enjoying the ride right now. Sure, stalling in the middle of an intersection is embarrassing and negative-thought provoking, but it's also a sick sort of fun. It gives you that rush...makes you sweat.

And the best part is never having ANY idea at all of how long you can go without stalling. Life is the most unpredictable and surprising thing. Last night, I had no idea the events of today would ever happen... even if I would've tried to predict what today would've been like, I would've been way off. God is so creative, after all, he did invent creativity, did he not?

So God, I just wanted to let you know, that I'm excited for tomorrow/the rest of my life, and that I'm laughing right along with you. :)

Music.

This may sound stupid, lazy, or foolish, but if I could do one thing for the rest of my life, it would be to lie in my bed and listen to music; it would last forever, the playlist would never end, and the songs would be the ones that make me feel something, sad, angry, joyful, loved, hurt...just plain moved.

I realized today that music is my life. Turning up the speakers is the first thing I do in the morning, and the last thing I do before I close my eyes at night.

I don't listen to music so that it can help me forget about life, or escape from reality. In fact, music does the complete opposite for me. It emphasizes every smile, tear, and butterfly that I've ever felt. It ignites memories of people and moments, no matter how great or how terrible or meaningless they may be. For example, as I put my iTunes on shuffle right now, I'm going to list the memories they spark inside of me:

Breaking Benjamin reminds me of when I was in grade 9, and how much I hated feeling like an only child, after all of my siblings had moved out. I still remember asking this guy I used to talk to for hours every day and every night, "what can I do to help me sleep at night?" I remember lying in bed every night, crying because all I ever wanted, all I ever desired, was just to sleep. Insomnia at its finest.

Every Rascal Flatts song reminds me of how much I hated last summer.

Anberlin reminds me of the time when I was on MSN and I saw that the guy I had a huge crush on was listening to "Never Take Friendship Personal - Anberlin"...I downloaded all their albums that night.

Secondhand Serenade reminds me of being in Grade 11 and being totally convinced that having guy friends from a different town 20 minutes away was the coolest thing.
Josh Turner reminds me of a guy I know whom when he sings, he sounds exactly like him. It's actually pretty amazing.
Britney Spears reminds me of the time my sister came home with the "Oops...I did it again" CD back in the 90s. I was so angry, because it wasn't Christian music.

Metrostation reminds me of my road trip with my sister to Banff, Alberta. We had it cranked the whole way through the mountains.

The Grease soundtrack reminds me of the first guy I ever held hands with a few years ago.

Coldplay "Clocks" reminds me of one of my friends' weddings, the song the groom walked down the aisle to.

Rodney Atkins reminds me of the summers I used to spend at my sisters' college in Saskatchewan, walking to Starbucks/Subway everyday.

Keith Urban reminds me of the guy who caused me to fall in love with country music.

Taylor Swift "Stay Beautiful" reminds me of when I wrote a poem for a guy I liked, and actually gave it to him. That's the last time I ever did that.

Hinder reminds me of the times I used to workout to this salsa video I bought when I was 16. For reasons that are unknown...seriously.

Sarah McLachlan reminds me of the funeral I attended for a girl who died much too young. I'll never forget that...

Aly & AJ remind me of when I painted the walls of my room red.

Miley Cyrus reminds me of strawing the barn one day in summer.

Vanessa Carlton reminds me of this boy I used to like. I know...it's awkward.

Nsync will always remind me of my best friend.

Avril Lavigne reminds me of the first CD I ever bought. You don't need to tell me twice how embarrassing that is.

The Kooks reminds me of this guy I met on myspace who was from Germany.

Dashboard Confessional reminds me of my emo days.

Miranda Lambert will always remind me of the girl I used to believe I could never live up to.

Hairspray soundtrack reminds me of when I was in grade 11, while I was watching Hairspray, this guy told me over text message that he wanted me to be his girlfriend.

Lady Antebellum reminds me of the video my roomie and I created, which proclaimed what my wedding song is.

Nelly Furtado reminds me of going to the Winnipeg Symphony Orchestra in middle school.

Seventh Day Slumber reminds me of my low self-esteem in high school.

Ashley Tisdale reminds me of when I deleted alot of files from my computer last summer on the way home from Virginia.

Bananarama reminds me of when I went through this 80s-music-loving phase a few summers ago.

Victoria Beckham reminds me of watching the 2006 FIFA World Cup everyday.

Owl City reminds me of my dorm room back in University.

Moulin Rouge soundtrack reminds me of this guy I used to be absolutely obsessed with, when I was just starting high school.

Destiny's Child reminds me of one of my friend telling me that I'm an excellent lip syncer. I was flattered.

So as you can tell, every single song in my iTunes holds a tiny piece of my past. Music is great, which is why I'm lying in bed at 3:30 AM listening to it. Makes sense, no?

Sundays Are Wonderful.

So, you don't need to remind me of how long it's been since I've blogged; I already know. The consistency is lacking, unfortunately. I remember when I was back in school, I had always imagined myself blogging every moment of the day during the summer. Well, summer,  I have arrived and have already let you down. This is only my second blog since school has ended. Sad.
But fear not! Here I am, feeling inspired!
So what have I been up to? Alot actually. Every single day has been socially spent. Last night was the first time I had a chance to sit myself down on the couch and actually take a breath. My definition of "breath" is watching 500 Days of Summer. Despite how depressed that movie makes me feel, I still love it.


This morning I went to church, and honestly, it was wonderful. It was my first time going since...beginning of January. I laughed, giggled, and smiled throughout the whole service. I don't mean to brag, but my church is home to some of the most amazing people. After the service, I got caught up talking with so many different people, that I stayed at church even longer than my PARENTS. (Good thing I drove myself with the truck today) That is a huge deal. Leaving home, you start to realize how much you miss your own church; the familiar music, the smells, the babies crying, the awkward eye contact from across the room, and dare I say, the comfy red benches. Going to church in BC was great, don't get me wrong, but it was nothing like my home church. Here I feel like I'm someone; people know who I am. They know me as somebody's daughter, grandaughter, or niece. It feels good to be back...for now. ;)


Well, I'm off to a family gathering. Happy Mother's Day to all of you mother's out there. You deserve every ounce of appreciation and love.
If I could write you all a card, I would.


P.s- Great song: The Band Perry- Hip to My Heart

Prelude in G Major from Suite No. 1 -Bach

I'm home now. It's been a long, yet quick few days. Exactly a week ago I was still in BC, cleaning out my dorm room and scratching my initials in the closet (secretly of course).
I've always had this fear that my when I'd come back home, my friends here wouldn't want to talk to me. As if my leaving was an act of betrayal or something. This is just one of my everyday "expect the worst" kind of thoughts. But on my ride home, I can't even tell you how many people texted me asking me "when are you coming home?!" It was actually insane and also relieving. These past few days I've just realized how much I love my friends for giving me so much encouragement and support, and for not ignoring me like I had thought... People can be wonderful.
So here I am at home, in this room. I have this weird sick feeling in my stomach. Maybe it's because I haven't eaten yet...but I really think it's because I'm alone. I'm not used to this. I'm not used to not having someone to talk to who's a couple feet away. I'm not used to these tiny, claustrophobic windows. I miss my dirty, white brick walls. I miss having neighbors right across the hall, I miss the lack of privacy, I miss complaining about homework every second of the day, I miss blowing all my money on protein smoothies, I miss never sleeping in. All in all, I just miss sharing a room for two. This solitude makes me think too much.
On the positive side, I get to play my music as loud as I want, and as annoyingly on repeat as I want. Haha (not that my roomie ever minded hearing Taylor Swift over and over and over again)
But it's OK, these Chris Tomlin songs are reminding me of a few things.
These are a busy two weeks my friends.