February 1, 2012

February blues.

Thank you God that it is February.

Only 2 1/2 more months until I get to pack up my stuff and go home. Can't wait!!

I'd better start bringing stuff home already when I go home for my reading week in March.

To be honest, I am not passionate about this school. I was passionate about Trinity Western University, I was passionate about Bodenseehof Bible College, but I am not passionate about Briercrest Bible College. Everytime I get off campus I find myself wishing that I could STAY off campus.

This has been the hardest season of my life for sure. As I have grown older, I've realized that everything just keeps getting harder.

The greatest contribution to the difficulties of this season is the fact that I am 21 but I feel like I am in high school. I am so so sick of all the drama and the gossiping that goes on here. (Gossiping is a topic I could go on about FOREVER. I should probably dedicate a whole blog entry about it!!) I strongly feel that if a non-Christian were to walk into some of these dorms, they would not be able to tell that this is a Christian community. That saddens me so much, and it is exhausting putting up with all of this stuff. It is exhausting of always having to make a mental list of who I can and cannot trust for fear that everything I tell them will be talked about the next day by the whole school.

I miss BC. I miss Germany. I miss home.

A year ago I had extreme peace about going to college here, but now I am like a broken record asking God everyday what He needs me here for.

But that's the thing. I need to live outside of myself. I need to be obedient to what God has planned for me. I need to be aware of every person I come into contact here and to spread God's love to everyone I meet! I am trying my best to just be content here and to really BE here. God give me your strength, and your direction, because I can't do this on my own!

Life is so much bigger than just me. This life isn't about me, it's about Jesus. God help me to live outside of myself. Help me to be open to those around me, because I'm not the only one who is fighting an everyday battle here; I'm not the only one struggling.


  1. i hope you find peace with your path, girly! there is always a reason and a plan, but times like that can be so frustrating!

  2. thanks :) Yes God is good and its all for a purpose!

  3. Aww I'm sad that you are having such a hard time here, but I do know that you are making a difference in many lives here. I look up to you a lot in how you are so genuine towards so many people. I wish I could say something that would uplift your spirits, but I know sometimes what God calls us to is just tough, but God is taking you through this time for a purpose. I know you have for sure made a HUGE impact on my life and I love you so much!!!

  4. I enjoyed this Jennifer. I'd love to keep reading what you put out.