July 27, 2010

I Miss You.

The weirdest thing happened today. I was on my way to work, and I suddenly felt this compelling desire to go visit Dale's grave. Like this feeling came out of absolutely nowhere! So I promised myself that after work in the evening, I would go to the cemetery. And while I was on break at work, I checked messages on my cell phone to find a very encouraging message from one of my aunties saying that today she prayed for me and my family, "May you feel God's perfect peace and may His grace shine on you today as you remember your brother."
All I could think was "waaaaait a second. That was today! 15 years ago, today, I lost my brother!" I felt terrible for not remembering this date, but I also felt amazed at God...because he reminded me that today was that day. He gave me that out-of-nowhere desire of wanting to visit his grave. And this wasn't the first time something like this has happened to me. A few months ago back in University, I had to read The Hobbit for my English research paper, and in this book I came across the name of a town called Dale. And I thought to myself, "hey, that was my brother's name!" And then five sentences later my jaw dropped..."today would have been his 21st birthday!"
It's like God never ever wants for me to forget these two days; the day of his birth, and the day of his death. I am thankful that God works in such ways, like honestly, I cannot even comprehend.
So tomorrow I'm going to head down to the cemetery by myself; it's something I've never done alone before, but I know that it's definitely time. I'm...strangely looking forward to it. It's not like sitting beside his headstone is the only way I can feel close to him. I talk to Dale everyday. Sometimes when I'm talking to God I'll pretend that him and Dale are sitting side by side. I think about him everyday. I wonder endlessly of what he'd be doing at this exact moment, where he'd be living, what his passions would be and ...would we still be best friends like we were 15 years ago? I know that we would be best friends, just like how all of us siblings are so close today, I know that we'd be close too.
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."


  1. :D I love you too little Jenni.. all I can picture is Dale racing with Jesus through fields and fields of corn. I know it sounds cheesy, but I also know Dale would love it.

  2. Oh man, I could totally see that too. I could also see them going for bike rides ALL the time. Haha. Sooo great.