Yes, we are all human.

If there's one thing I've noticed, it's that we are all the same. We are all just as sad, just as insecure, and just as depressed as the next guy.

I have never met anyone who is genuinely happy. I mean, have you? Honestly, every time I run into a girl who's got it all: surrounded by friends, great hair, hollywood body, wrapped inside the arms of her perfect boyfriend ...all I think to myself is yes, she has big problems. Her life seems too good to be true. And that's always the case. She's either dealing with an eating disorder, an abusive relationship, a death, or a broken family. It's inevitable.

Yesterday a wonderful woman, who I've only known for a few short weeks, who was my ray of sunshine, my source of laughter and smiles...broke down in front of me. It was a heartbreaking story of how after 15 years of marriage, her husband left her for another woman. After this, I wanted to kill this man...and every other man for that matter. But that's not the point.

What I'm saying, is that we're all the same inside. But there are two things that make us different: One, our stories and reasons for our sadness. A divorce, a loss, a death, a fight, a bad day... And two, what we do with our sadness. Some of us wear our hearts on our sleeves. Some of us cry without shame, using shoulders around us to our greatest advantage. Some of us aim our fist at the wall, the steering wheel, not caring how audible our anger may be. Then there's those of us who would rather die than have others know what's really going on inside. Some of us count on our pride to get us through the day. Some of us use our laughter like shields, and our smiles like masks.

I wasn't surprised at her breakdown. I'm never surprised at anyone's breakdown, no matter how happy or perfect they seem to be. I expect it. And I don't know if that's a bad thing, I don't know if that's an expectation made of ultimate pessimism... These breakdowns just remind me that yes, we are all human after all. It's these breakdowns that make people so perfect for each other. They bring us down to the same level of knowing that we're not alone, and that we all have problems.

A question that I'm asked constantly is, "Why are you so happy? You're never sad, never upset. Your life is just...perfect." I never hear the end of it, and maybe...I don't want to. I mean, why would somebody want to break a good reputation that others hold for them? For some of us, joy, laughter, smiles, and happiness are our way of coping. It's just how we deal with pain. And feeling that shameful tear gliding down our cheek in the presence of others is ultimately, our most feared situation. It's as if that tear holds all the secrets, as if it's a dead giveaway to our heart. So being asked questions like that just reminds us that even after all of this time, our masks are still holding up.

My worst fear is being a burden; it's the thought of wasting time being comforted, when I could be the one doing the comforting. I never want to be the source of someone's worries. I never want to feel that kind of attention.

If I could spend the rest of my life holding the hands of the heartbroken, listening to their stories, catching every tear that falls, and offering every ounce of encouragement and hope that's dug up deep within my bones, I would. I want to be a rock for everyone that I meet. I want to be counted on, depended on.

I want to be a ray of sunshine and nothing more.

Burning Questions.

I tend to live life full speed ahead.


I tend to focus on the future; and as much as I try, I'm never able to forget that tomorrow is right around the corner.


I tend to waste seconds, minutes, hours, days... because I'm too distracted thinking of what's to come next. I miss so many moments that could have been something, that could have been great.


So right now, refusing to kick the habit, I have been thinking about my life in a year's time, and a few burning questions are on my mind:


Where am I going to move?
Who will I be?
Will I still care about the same things I care about now?
Where will I go to school?
What are my career goals and why are they my career goals?

"Female Survey"

Does your Facebook password have to do with a boy?
Pfff, never.

What's one thing a guy can do to make you like them?
Learn to smile.

Are you a girly girl?
Majorly.

Big or small purses?
Small.

Do you enjoy drama?
When it doesn't include me!

Did you dress up on Halloween?
Always!

Do you call anybody by their last name?
All the time!


Have you ever been called a bad influence?
Actually yes. I am totally serious.

Eyeliner or mascara?
Mascara. Without mascara I look eyelash-less.

American Eagle or Hollister?
WHAT. There's no way you can choose between those.

Heels or Flats?
Oh man...I love both.

Skirts or jeans?
Jeans jeans jeans!

Curly or straight hair?
Curly.

Hoops or dangling earrings?
Dangling.

Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?
I have always preferred light, who knows why.

Do you have a best friend?
More than I deserve.

Do you like your life?
You have to like your life. You have to play with the cards you've been dealt.

Ever walked into the guy's bathroom?
Haha many times.

Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?
Actually no, but I should.

Ever slapped a guy in the face?
No, but I've always felt the urge to.

Do you ever wish you were famous?
I wish I was Taylor Swift...I'd say that's wishing I was famous.


Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
I would say, "well duh. Guys and girls can't be just friends. It's impossible."

Would it hurt seeing your ex go out with someone else?
Probably

If you woke up in one of the Saw movies, do you think you could survive?
I could die right now just imagining it.

Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided seeing them?
Haha I used to be so good at that.

Do you know anyone with such a terribly annoying voice that you can't even stand it?
Unfortunately, yes.

On average what do you think you cry about the most?
Stupid, childish situations.

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you can tell everything to?
Yeah!

Who was the last guy you talked to?
My Dad.

Do you think best friends can be replaced?
Yes, in certain ways. It's been done before.

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
I do not know. In order to reach integrity in my old age, that's one thing I hope to have done in my life time.

Are you going anywhere next summer?
I have no idea what I'm doing and it's freaking me out!

Are you waiting for anyone's call right now?
Always!

Are you shy?
Not like I used to be, that's for sure!

Do you secretly like someone?
I like you!

Do you announce when you have to pee?
Usually.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Cannot remember, probably in a movie theatre somewhere...watching The Last Song...

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
No, I'm not. I'm a terrible liar.

Do you trust people easily?
Too easily

Do you give out second chances easily?
Way too easily.

Do you smile a lot?
Way too much.

One thing you're looking forward to?
Thursday, Friday and Saturday! I'm hangin out with three amazing people. Ah it's gonna be so great.

How do you feel about change?
Love it.

Have you ever cried from being so mad?
Nope.

Last time you got a text message and smiled?
A few moments ago.

Have you ever made anyone laugh when they were crying?
Yes.

Are you happy?
I've been happier.

Do you prefer to be around people, or by yourself?
Each are called for at their own special times.

If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
Nope. How sad is that, considering I'm a country girl. Sigh.

What I saw today.

I Miss You.

The weirdest thing happened today. I was on my way to work, and I suddenly felt this compelling desire to go visit Dale's grave. Like this feeling came out of absolutely nowhere! So I promised myself that after work in the evening, I would go to the cemetery. And while I was on break at work, I checked messages on my cell phone to find a very encouraging message from one of my aunties saying that today she prayed for me and my family, "May you feel God's perfect peace and may His grace shine on you today as you remember your brother."
All I could think was "waaaaait a second. That was today! 15 years ago, today, I lost my brother!" I felt terrible for not remembering this date, but I also felt amazed at God...because he reminded me that today was that day. He gave me that out-of-nowhere desire of wanting to visit his grave. And this wasn't the first time something like this has happened to me. A few months ago back in University, I had to read The Hobbit for my English research paper, and in this book I came across the name of a town called Dale. And I thought to myself, "hey, that was my brother's name!" And then five sentences later my jaw dropped..."today would have been his 21st birthday!"
It's like God never ever wants for me to forget these two days; the day of his birth, and the day of his death. I am thankful that God works in such ways, like honestly, I cannot even comprehend.
So tomorrow I'm going to head down to the cemetery by myself; it's something I've never done alone before, but I know that it's definitely time. I'm...strangely looking forward to it. It's not like sitting beside his headstone is the only way I can feel close to him. I talk to Dale everyday. Sometimes when I'm talking to God I'll pretend that him and Dale are sitting side by side. I think about him everyday. I wonder endlessly of what he'd be doing at this exact moment, where he'd be living, what his passions would be and ...would we still be best friends like we were 15 years ago? I know that we would be best friends, just like how all of us siblings are so close today, I know that we'd be close too.
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

While You're Still Young.

Blowing out spring break with your not right friends
Wake up on a beach with new ink on your skin
Do something crazy and dumb while you’re still young

Go on and tie the knot, start a new life
Take turns getting up when the baby cries
Living on nothing but love while you’re still young

Life is too short to put it off anymore
You gotta live it before it’s too late
I can’t turn that clock back around
Oh what you’re dreaming about
You better do it now, don’t wait

Give ‘em your two weeks at the dead end job
Do what you love, be your own boss
Do what they say can’t be done, while you’re still young

Life is too short to put it off anymore
You gotta live it before it’s too late
I can’t turn that clock back around
Oh what you’re dreaming about
You better do it now, don’t wait
Don’t wait…

Take a gold watch, sell everything
Throw a dart at the map, hook up the airstream
Ride into that setting sun, do something crazy and dumb
While you’re still young
While we’re still young

You’re still young.

-Montgomery Gentry

Remedy.

I am sick. My nose is a leaky faucet, and my brain feels to be about the same mass as Texas itself. Oh, and did I mention that I CAN'T STOP COUGHiNG?! I'm tellin' you, I'm going to have a serious six pack on my abs after this is all over.

Don't worry though, I'm OK. I'm just dumbfounded, since I was already sick with this two weeks ago. I honestly didn't think the "common cold" could boomerang so quickly back to me.
Until yesterday afternoon, I was supposed to work today! But alas, the schedule changed, thank goodness. Working 8 hours feeling like THIS would have been awful; I'd be sneezing all over everybody's purchases. "Receipt with you, or *COUGHHGHGHH* in the bag?" Haha, there are no exaggerations here, folks.

Work is scheduled for tomorrow bright and early, so today I came up with the perfect remedy to cure this dirty sickness:

I began my day at 7:30 AM. (This is definitely unintentional, seeing as I would've loved to sleep longer than five hours). The dark clouds outside were screaming rain, and I felt it couldn't be suited any better. (I have this weird thing where I love waking up to dark and rainy skies...) With my head pounding, I poured myself a cup of water, a cup of skim milk, and a cup of hot green tea, and made my way to the TV downstairs. Here, I shot wads of kleenex all around the garbage can, never actually inside the garbage can. I also cozied up and watched an old VHS flick called Sabrina. For the first few seconds I didn't know how to operate a VHS cassette...I felt kind of lost, but then it all clicked back to me, eventually. It was definitely weird fast-forwarding straight through the previews until "Feature Presentation" showed up on the screen. Anyway, Sabrina is a great movie, but you can only handle so much of Harrison Ford before falling asleep. Which is what I, involuntarily, did.

Feeling a little better (not) after taking my second nap of my whole entire life, I drove twenty minutes in the pouring rain to run some errands for my Mum. I ended up coming home with a Delissio deluxe pizza, 4 Ice Cream Sandwich Pudding cups, DayQuil, NiQuil, a bag of BBQ chips, a carton of skim milk, a carton of 2% milk, and 3 movies: Fame, High School Musical 3, and I Love You Man.

And as The Black Eyed Peas like to repeat 4 times in the chorus, tonight's gonna be a good night. There's nothing like junk food to cure a nasty sickness, right? I guess we'll find out tomorrow.

Don't forget to cough into your elbow! Hands are so last year.

Oh shoot...I think I just burnt the pizza.

Waitin'

Lately I feel as if I'm just waiting...for something.
Something, some event, some crisis, some opportunity, or someone...what I'm waiting for, I couldn't tell you; I could never tell you.
It's one thing to wait, but then to not know what you're waiting for is even more frustrating.
But I don't know, counting the scuff marks in the ceiling isn't as bad as it sounds.

And waiting never hurt anybody.

Nobody's ever died from waiting, right?

Take a heavy stone rolling pin to a bag of Smarties and dish out some vanilla ice cream, and voila. (what is this, some kind of culinary delicacies blog?)

Pancakes.

Tonight I made pancakes for the very first time in my life! (with the wisdom and guidance of dear Mum) And they turned out pretty darn good.

So I think that one day when I'm a Mom (wishful thinking?), I'm gonna make pancakes for my kids EVERY morning. Every morning, I tell you!!

Heck, when I move out, I'm gonna start making pancakes every morning for myself! Sounds good.

I also created a list of goals that I want to accomplish before the summer is over (the end of my summer being...September 22) and one of them is to take at least one photo every day and then post it on my blog. A photo of something memorable, quirky...a reflection of a great day, a terrible day...a photo that just screams "Me"...the highlight of my day, a moment in time that changed me... So on that note, here are some pretty good lookin' pancakes:

Men.

Men and women are way too ridiculously different.
Women, we try so hard; We waste unnecessary amounts of time only to find that not even a manual could help us understand what the heck is going on inside their heads.
So, why even bother?