Identity.

It has been one of those days...one of those days where my mind is just feeding me lie after lie. Is it my mind, is it my surroundings/the fallen world in which we live? Is it Satan?

I think that because of Satan, I live in a fallen world, a world in which Satan can so easily tempt and seduce the evil desires of my mind.

Ugh, this is heavy stuff right? But it is real life! "To sin or not to sin" is a choice I'm making on a second-to-second basis.

I don't even know how much of it I want to get into, but here goes: I struggle with my identity, ALL. OF. THE. TIME.

So often I'm wrapped up in: I'm from this place, I went to this school, I majored in this subject, I lived here, but now I live here, I am married, I have this many friends, I do this as a hobby, I am REALLY good at this, ect.

There are some days, or moments, when I am feeling so satisfied and impressed by this identity I have created. Like, "wow, I am so proud of myself and who I have become". Graduating school did that to me, getting married did that to me, getting a new job did that to me, moving to a new apartment did that to me, ect.

I will feel content and satisfied...UNTIL, someone else tells me something exciting and thrilling about their own "identity"...

*Cue the horrible feelings of jealousy* <----All I want is for you to go away!

Everyone has a certain temptation that continually nips at them and mine would have to be jealousy. I hate admitting it. I absolutely do, but it is true.

Which is WHY, I am posting this. Through prayer and strength that only Jesus can give me, I am making a conscious effort to pursue my own identity. NOT the identity that I listed before, the one that is based on my own achievements and such. I am going to focus on my true identity:

I am a child of God. I am a friend of God. I am a citizen of Heaven. I am chosen by God. I am forgiven. I am blameless in His sight. I can bring glory to God. I am a new creation. I am victorious!

To help keep me on track I am starting this daily devotional by Joyce Meyers:

And the whole reason why I wrote this blog entry, other than to encourage others, was that by making it public, I could be held accountable to actually keep up with this devotional.

I just don't spend enough time with Jesus and I need to!

Did any of this make sense? At all?

I just want to send the message that yes, where I'm from, where I went to school, who I married, ect., is a huge part of who I am today as a human being. It is what makes me recognizable...it defines me in an earthly societal way. BUT it is not my true, eternal identity. My human achievement identity is not where I want to put my confidence in, (because when I do that, I am constantly a slave to myself), rather I want to put my confidence in the One who created me: God! He is my identity!

Truthfully, just writing this blog entry made me feel better already. It was such a good reminder of WHO I really am. Well, I'm off to read my devotional! Thanks for reading! :)

With love, Jenny.

Mom & Dad.

I live in Maryland, USA, and my parents live in central Canada...and I just skyped with them for 4+ hours. Well, it was more like I skyped with both of them for 2 hours, and then my Dad went off to get his beauty sleep, which left my Mom and I to skype for the next two hours, (because us ladies need some extra time to talk about our hair, am I right?!).

I love my parents. (!!!)

I remember it being hard throughout middle to high school though; Alot of my friends had very young parents, ones who were more "in with the times", I guess you could say. My Mom had me when she was 38 years old, so yes, there is 38 years between my Mom and I, and 42 years between my Dad and I. I remember feeling like my parents were too old to understand anything I was going through, as if the generation gap between us was more of a wall than a gap.

As I grow older and older, I am feeling the "generation gap" between us get smaller and smaller. To be honest I'm not even feeling that gap anymore. The things that I once cared so much about in my "angsty adolescent" days, (boys, clothes, being skinny, and being popular), I no longer care for (except for one boy, my hubby, wink!).

And the things that my parents have always cared about since I could remember (Jesus, family, good values, hard work, and good conversation), I now care so deeply about!

I seriously love how they can make me laugh like no one else can. I also love how they are just such a typical married couple, continually poking and prodding each other with their teasing; always knowing exactly which button to push and when to push it.

I love discussing the weather with them! I love hearing them talk about their grandchildren, watching their eyes light up as they're telling the stories. I love knowing everything that is new in town or hearing them try to recall the names all of the babies that have just been born within our church family. (Not even I can remember all the names!)

I love talking about the deep stuff too, the events that happened that once were too raw to speak about or too hard for me to understand at one point. Such as my Mom's miscarriage, and how he was the size of her palm. Tonight she told me what his name would have been and it just sounded like the most beautiful name.

I love when my parents ask me the hard questions, "are you OK out there?", or "have you made any close girlfriends?".

I especially love how when I look at them, I see little hints of myself. I have my Dad's nose and smile and I have my Mom's hips. Personality-wise my Dad gave me his sense of humour and calm demeanor; and I have my Mom to thank for my school-smart-brain and my night-owl tendencies. When it all comes down to it, I just love them, and I have so much to thank them for.

What also has made this day extra special is that I booked my flight to Canada for Thanksgiving! It will be my first time back at "home" since my wedding in June of 2014. That will be a year and four months, people! A.K.A: way too long to be away from the homeland! (I do not recommend the hiatus). I am so excited to have ten whole days filled with nothing but family and best friends. :)

Yay! <3

You Must Become An Island.

I've been on a real Sara Bareilles kick as of late. Frankly, for many years she has been on my iTunes, neglected and gathering dust.

And then her single "Brave" came out. A song that was so powerful to me. I WANNA SEE YOU BE BRAVE! (Isn't that what we all wish we were? Brave?)

One thing lead to another and suddenly I have her entire "The Blessed Unrest" album, and it is All. I. Play. In. The. Car.

Trust me, I am not trying to write a music review anything, but I am in love with this album. Her voice is not exactly my favourite female voice in the world, but nonetheless she sings well and her range is quality stuff!

The best thing though, is that she writes and/or co-writes all of her music.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am all about the lyrics. The only element that truly draws me into a song is not the beat, the melody, or sound, it's the lyrics. And Sara Bareilles is an AMAZING songwriter.

Not to make things heavy, but a song that she wrote called "Islands" is about breaking up with a loved one, and needing to be completely OK with being alone...having total separate lives, with no connection...being an "island".

Sometimes I like to change the meaning of a song to fit my current mood and feelings. (Does anyone else do this too?) I'm definitely not going through a breakup, so I like to listen to this song when I'm feeling particularly introverted, desiring to hide away from the world, and not wanting to let anybody get too close to me.

My goal is to learn this on the piano, or her other teary balled, "Manhattan". Perhaps I'll give it a go tonight. <3

Waiting for the bus stop

Waiting for the concrete black top to settle down

Long enough for me to get off and get a little ground

I'm ready for the sea change

Helpless felt this coming from a mile away

And now you're looking at me babe, and how we'll separate if we can

Cause I still count on one hand the number of good men I know

It's like I'm standing on the edge with just a telephone wire

Trying to get to you first to say the world's on fire

Holding my breath until I know you're alright

Because the water will only rise

When will you realize

You must become an island

You must become an island

You must become an island

And see for yourself that that's what I am

You always dirty up the windows

If you keep 'em at bay that way no one's gonna surprise you by getting too close

Anybody but me though

You've made exceptions to you rules

And now we're staring down truth neither one of us wants to know

It's like I'm standing on the edge with just a telephone wire

Trying to get to you first to say the world's on fire

Holding my breath until I know you're alright

Because the water will only rise

When will you realize

You must become an island

You must become an island

You must become an island

And see for yourself the horizon is all we have

Cheers!

I had a really enjoyable and productive afternoon at work. (I am serious, I love my job!)

My kitchen is--actually--clean. (Actually!)

My weekly hair-wash is done and over with. (What a chore.)

The "Pumpkin Spice" Yankee candle is lit. (It's never too early for a little pumpkin spice!)

The Red Moscato wine is poured into its' rightful stemless glass. (Stemless is the new stemmed.)

"13 Going On 30" is playing in the background. (A movie that will forever give me the "feel-goods".)

And the chocolate cake that I brought home from work is ready to be indulged in. (Did someone say chocolate?)

AND, I just got a "Welcome to the United States of America" letter from US immigration; I am now a Permanent Resident!! (I'll drink to that!)

My late-evening of solitude is undeniably flawless! :)

Frilly.

You guys!

I just picked up thee cutest shower curtain in the world:

Just look at it. It's the perfect blue. It has big voluptuous flowers and little birds perched on branches on it. It's insanely adorable!!! Our apartment has two bathrooms, and now I'm wishing I would have doubled-up on these so I could put one in the guest bathroom as well...oh well, I shall restrain myself.
And to those of you who are thinking "how on earth does her husband put up with such a girly-lookin' shower curtain?", WELL, I will have you know that before we moved in I asked him: "would you mind if I frilled-up our master bathroom?"
His response: "Nope".
Me: *Grin*

Also, I totally lucked-out on this gorgeous painting. I went through HomeGoods twice in one outing. The first time, I promise you this painting did not exist. The second time, it was staring me right in the face!:

Don't you just love how I chose to take a photo of it with my face covering half of the painting? :P
Originally I thought this would go perfectly in our non-windowed bathroom, to liven it up some. But it turns out I found a perfect spot for it in our main area...area. It's between the dining room and the kitchen...hmm, how do you explain that one?

I hope you enjoyed my "finds", even if they are a little on the frilly/girly side of the universal decor spectrum. I just finished taking the photos of our apartment, and I promise I will post them soon. I can't wait to show y'all our new place!! :)

A Tease of Our New Home.

There is a photo of our new apartment building, that we have officially lived in for -almost- two weeks! Like a fantastic wine, everyday here just keeps getting better and better. There are moments where I will notice that I have been standing in the middle of the living room just staring at everything around me, trying to wrap my head around the fact that this is actually our new home! (Does the shock ever wear off? I hope not). It is too beautiful to be true. It smells too new to be true, and it feels too clean to be true.

I am not trying to sound like I am bragging about this, but if you would have seen our old apartment, then you would totally understand. I get amusingly excited about the little things that most people would find nonsensical. 

These windows are so easy to open!

There are no ants in our sugar bowl!

Our front door actually locks!

A thermostat of my very own?!

I have been having a crazy good time perusing up and down the aisles of Target, Big Lot's, HomeGoods, and Kohl's (am I livin' in America or what?) trying to find pieces to make our home just a little more....homey. Most purchases were "needs" rather than wants, such as a Mr. Clean toilet brush and a sturdy shower caddy. And then of course there have been a few "wants" purchases like bedside lamps and bedding. To offer a visual example, below is my new kitchen rug from Target (it was the last one in this colour, I simply had to buy it), that I like to call my "sparkle rug". :)

Interior decorating has always been one of my "things". Even as a young middle-schooler I was alwaaaays rearranging the furniture in my bedroom for a new look; I even painted the walls red (all by myself!), and convinced my Dad to replace the boring carpet with a fuzzy shaggy one! My bedroom was my sanctuary, and now, this apartment is my sanctuary. As a self-declared homebody I have the right to transform our apartment into the warmest, coziest, brightest, and most romantic place on the earth, since the majority of my time will be here anyway. ;)

I plan to take some proper photos of this place tomorrow. I cannot wait to show you all what we have fortunately gotten ourselves into. :)

Love, Jenny.

Moving Day!

Hey y'all!

I am SO excited to finally be able to say this: tomorrow is moving day! Fiiiiiinally.

I have been counting down the minutes, the hours, and the days like a total crazy person.

Thankfully packing for this move has been a breeze. I think I get more stressed out packing for trips and vacations than I do for actual moves (especially when your vacation is in the spring/fall months...those darn sweaters and jackets that you don't know if you'll actually need take up way too much space).

As soon as Jarryd and I decided that we wanted to sign the lease at the end of this month, we started packing things up, taking things to the Goodwill, or throwing things out. We definitely started early on this one (which is totally unusual for us). Most of the time we are those "last minute" type of people. So I'm pretty proud of us.

It is such a busy season for us right now. I am working 40+ hours at work, Jarryd just got a promotion  at work (praise God so much!!) which means longer hours for him. We are packing, moving, and all the while dead tired. I just had my day off and I am still exhausted. I'm so excited for the busy season at work to come to an end. I love my job, but more than one day off a week would be greatly appreciated. I also can't wait to see Jarryd more!!

The tough part about this move is that tomorrow I'm working 6 am-12pm, then we're immediately going to the apartment to sign the lease and go through the orientation. Then we plan to move all of our furniture and things as quickly as we can, because Jarryd still has to go into work in the evening. Phew! I get tired just thinking about it.

It's gonna be hectic, which isn't quite how I envisioned it. In my head we'd move during the day, and after conquering the move we would celebrate by poppin' a bottle of wine, ordering pizza, and watching Netflix. Sigh, I wish. Turns out I'll be on my own with probably no internet yet. Perhaps this is what real adult life is like? Two people with two jobs living under one roof?

Oh well, I am just so thankful and grateful that we get to experience our second year of marriage in a brand new apartment!! :)

And the next time you hear from me, I'll be in my new home!! YAY!

Until next time, (or until we get internet access), cheers! <3

Twenty Years.

Today is July 27th, marking the 20th year since Dale's beautiful soul left this earth. Although it has been two whole decades now, this day never surprises me; It never sneaks up on me.
There is just a corner of my heart and mind that always know this day is here. Remembering it makes everything else--my worries, doubts, and fears seem so frivolous, because the memory of his short life points me toward all things eternal. Nothing makes me happier than knowing he is in Heaven with Jesus! This is such an amazing and incredible reality.
As you can see from the photos, Dale and I were not only siblings, but we were friends too. smile emoticon And although I have "lost" that physical friendship temporarily, with a grateful heart I still, and always will, have friendship with Jesus, for He has called me His friend (John 15:15).

"What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear, what a privilege to carry, everything to God in prayer".

Square Pegs.

You can choose if you're bad, if you're good
If you're left or right, speaking your heart or speaking your mind
You can be what they say you can be a cliche
You can tear up the box and throw it away
Everybody gotta be themselves
Everybody gotta dream out loud
Everybody gotta be themselves
Square pegs make the world go 'round

-Kelsea Ballerini

<3

Beans.

I just had the worst night and morning.

During this busy season at my workplace, I have to be up and at 'em at 5:30 AM practically everyday. So last night for some odd reason I couldn't fall asleep until after 3 AM.

It is so agonizing looking at the alarm clock at 3 AM and seeing--what could have been, your precious sleep time, ticking away...never to return again.

(Do you think it was the coffee I drank at 8 pm that evening?) Lesson learned.

Since Jarryd and I both couldn't sleep, we decided to watch some random Youtube videos about wild animals, bears attacking wolves, wolves attacking bears, wolves attacking elk. It was super interesting and alluring. A part of me didn't want to sleep at all! A part of me wanted to see the innocent elk fawn (is that even the correct name for a baby elk?) escape safely from the wolves' piercing grasp.

And, it did! Phew! Sigh of relief! ;)

On top of not being able to sleep, while this epic Youtubing was going down, I feel something crawling on my cheek. In an absolute panic, I swat at it and fling it toward the light of the laptop. SPIDER!!!

I respect God's creation, and I think He did some amazing work (understatement of the century!!!), but I hate spiders so much.

I cried after that. I'm not even going to pretend that I didn't. I totally, 100% completely cried.

All I felt was total violation. How are you supposed to sleep soundly after a trauma like that?! (Is there such thing as PTSD for accidental arachnid encounters?)

Miraculously I did, I slept reeeeeally soundly....because when I woke up in the morning I marveled at how bright the room looked for 5:30 AM.
"Hmm...this is odd..." I thought to myself.

*Glance at the iPhone*

7 AM!!! Yep, I was an hour and a half late for work. I missed the prep for breakfast, one of the most crucial times of the day at work. Thankfully, my coworkers are gracious and totally understand that "life happens".

I also feel like I may be getting sick...but I don't know for sure. I really hope not, because these next two weeks are going to be unusually busy in both work life AND home life. But the home life busyness is VERRRY exciting. Unfortunately, I'm not going to tell you what is happening. I'm definitely not one of those people who likes to tell before things are set in stone...

OK fine I'll tell you. WE'RE MOVING!!!! :D

There you have it. We're moving! Although I cannot tell you where...that would just be too much information for one day!

Alright alright, we're moving about five minutes down the road!! To a new apartment!! Next week! In 7 days to be exact! I've never been more excited for anything in my LIFE! (Uh joking duhhh, our DisneyWorld honeymoon was way more exciting than this!) :P

I'd love to spill more of the proverbial "beans" than I already have, but I am just plain ex-haus-ted.

Cheerio, my lovelies! <3