I could read this a thousand times...

"You may never feel good enough to anyone in this world. But God will never fail you and there are no “enough’s” to Him. You are you. So beautiful. So unique. Lovely in every imperfect perfection. When you are tasting your tears in the middle of the night or hiding them in the middle of the day, know that God loves you just the way you are. Pain will enter your life, but He will comfort you when no one else is there to taste your tears. He knows. He knows your pain...

So often we push God away when pain enters our hearts. But this is when we need Him the most. Cling to Him when you want to run from everyone. Let Him hold you. He will meet you where you are and bring you out of the darkness, if you are willing.

Take His hand.

Betrayal was a faithful word in my life until I took God’s hand. It was there, in the comfort of His healing touch, that I found the faithfulness I’d been longing for. No man. No woman. No parent. No friend. No one can ever be God in our lives. When I finally experienced His faithfulness my tears didn’t subside, but they finally had a safe place to land. Pain will come and go... Bad days and good days will rollercoaster through your heart like they never have before. But there is peace, comfort, and joy. There is a gift and a protector reaching out to you. There is One, and only One, who can show you the true meaning of the world faithful."

Words.

“Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing you're worthy of the trip.” 
― Glenn Beck,


Confronting our feelings and giving them appropriate expression always takes strength, not weakness. It takes strength to acknowledge our anger, and sometimes more strength yet to curb the aggressive urges anger may bring and to channel them into nonviolent outlets. It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief and our anger flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it.

- Fred Rogers

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean condoning their behavior. It doesn’t mean forgetting how they hurt you or giving that person room to hurt you again. Forgiving someone means making peace with what happened. It means acknowledging your wound, giving yourself permission to feel the pain, and recognizing why that pain no longer serves you. It means letting go of the hurt and resentment so that you can heal and move on. Not because what happened didn’t matter, but because harboring that level of anger and bitterness take up too much energy and cause too much pain. You don’t need any more pain. You need to heal. And in order to do that, you need to forgive. Not for them, but for you.

- Daniell Koepke

“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before—more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.” 
― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

“Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.” 
― Michel de Montaigne

“When someone cries so hard that it hurts their throat, it is out of frustration or knowing that no matter what you can do or attempt to do can change the situation. When you feel like you need to cry, when you want to just get it out, relieve some of the pressure from the inside - that is true pain. Because no matter how hard you try or how bad you want to, you can’t. That pain just stays in place. Then, if you are lucky, one small tear may escape from those eyes that water constantly. That one tear, that tiny, salty, droplet of moisture is a means of escape. Although it’s just a small tear, it is the heaviest thing in the world. And it doesn’t do a damn thing to fix anything.” 
― Chase Brooks, Hello, My Love 2: First Love Deserves a Second Chance

“Is it useful to feel fear, because it prepares you for nasty events, or is it useless, because nasty events will occur whether you are frightened or not?” 
― Lemony Snicket

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” 
― Laurell K. Hamilton, Mistral’s Kiss

Maid of Honour

Hello all! It has been far too long! I cannot believe I haven't thoroughly blogged since November of 2012! I should definitely make it my New Years Resolution to be an avid blogger.

The other day I was organizing my room/closet/life, and I came across my Maid of Honour speech for my sister Kristina's wedding. As I typically do, I wrote it the night before her wedding. Even worse, for my other sister Elena's wedding, I wrote my speech on the drive in the car between the ceremony and the reception. Ridiculous, yet nothing outta the ordinary for me!

Anyway, after I found this speech--written messily on five double-sided sheets of graph paper, mind you--I reread it and found so much joy in it! I realized that a) I would hate to lose this precious speech in a house fire so I'll save it on my blog, and b) I want my sissy to be able to read it whenever she wants to!

"Good evening beloved friends and family of the bride and groom. I want to personally thank all of you for being here to celebrate the beautiful marriage of Cody and Kristina--I know that quite a few of you traveled long distances, so your presence here today is very much appreciated.

My name is Jenny and I am, always have been, and always will be known as 'Kristina's little sister'. In all honesty, within our childhood years Kristina and I were never quite too fond of one another. And our mere 5-year age difference always felt more like an entire 2 decades of age difference. And with my intolerance to Pepsi, Kristina and I couldn't have been more different. So what happened between then and now you ask? If we were such polar opposites growing up, then how did I manage to land the Maid of Honour seat at her wedding?

Well, the beginning of our beautiful friendship all happened some ten years ago when our parents took the two of us to Germany (and apparently pretty good things happen in German, hey Cody??) Anyway, on this family vacation, it was just the two of us girls and no other siblings. Kristina was the only person I could hang out with, and I was the only person she could hang out with, 'cause let's be real here...at that age the last thing you wanna do is chill with your parents! (No offence mom and dad, you know I love you both!)

Anyway, the close quarters in the land of lederhosen and schnitzel forced Krissy and I to finally see eye-to-eye. Her dark skin always made it harder for us to bond since my pasty-white siblings and I were positive that she was adopted! But that's besides the point. After that trip, Krissy was no longer my big, mean, evil sister and--hopefully--I was no longer her awkward and overwhelmingly annoying little sister. Rather, we were two sisters on the road to a some-what civilized friendship.

The following years were spent with me looking up at Kristina with big dreamy eyes, bursting with admiration. I had a head filled with thoughts like 'I wish I had been blessed with big, luscious curls like hers!', 'ohhh to think I could get anything in the world if I had Kristina's long-shaving-cream-commercial-legs!', 'why can't I work night shift at Loewen Windows too?', 'I wish I knew how to drop a hot pan of freshly baked apple crisp all over the kitchen floor like Kristina does!', or...'if only I had Kristina's talent of downing a 12 pack of Pepsi everyday of the week, then my life would be complete!'

Kristina has a big heart and with the eyes of an observant and watchful little sister, I always noticed it most whenever she would have Andrea and Val over to watch movies, because she would always make room on the ugly-floral couch for little ole me to sit beside her and her treasured box of empty Pepsi cans. And whenever she wasn't too busy helping Dad with chores in the chicken barn, or nursing sick kittens back to life with a bottle of eye-drops, or mowing the lawn with a bag of Spitz in her hand, she was always there to offer me much-need life advice and fine words of wisdom like, 'don't stress about high school because it's such a tiny part of your life' or 'work hard and spend your money wisely' or 'Pepsi is better than coke'. Kristina's honesty and strong-will have always been admirable to me and have made her nothing short of a role model in my eyes.

So when Kristina took off on a plane to Germany to attend Bodenseehof Bible School in 2005, the thought of our young and frivolous days coming to an end brought me great sadness. In fact, as soon as we returned home from the airport after sending her away, I cried all over her old pillow. With all of my siblings also gone off to college, who was gonna take me for four-wheeler rides in the bush and gravel pits? Who was gonna sit outside and watch thunderstorms with me? Who was gonna play XBOX with me through all hours of the night? But most importantly, who was gonna finish off all the Pepsi in the house? My life without Kristina's big, brown, blinky eyes felt incomplete and empty, and at such a young age I never could understand why my big sister wanted to run off all by herself to live in a foreign country! But looking back now, I cannot help but see that she was letting God use her adventurous and free-spirited personality to fulfill his plan of bringing something or someone incredibly GREAT into her life! And it is mind-blowing to think that if she had not had the strength to step onto the big, scary airplane six years ago, then she and her wonderful man would not be sitting happily before us today! God is SO good!!

Kristina, even though I can't stand your habit of leaving a trail of Pepsi cans behind you everywhere you go, I still think that you are the best big sister anyone could have asked for...other than Elena of course. ;) From seeing you graduate from high school going to Bible college in Germany, falling in love with a big red and hairy Scottish man, moving to Calgary, and now finally getting married, you are truly an inspiration to me! You have always had God as the centre and leader of your life and you don't even know how much joy it brings me to see you married to Cody!

Krissy, thank you so much for asking me to be your Maid of Honour. It has been wonderful being able to be a part of this experience with you. I want you to know that I love you, and I love the man God picked out for you, and I also hope that he will be almost as much fun to cuddle with as I am. :) God bless!"

❤ ❤ ❤

Then; Brad Paisley.

This is how I feel, every single day with my boyfriend Jarryd :)
Happy TWO YEAR anniversary baby!!! <3 <3
I love you to the moon and back!

I remember trying not to stare
The night that I first met you
You had me mezmorized
And three weeks later
In the front porch light
Taking 45 minutes to kiss goodnight
I hadn't told you yet
I thought I loved you then

Now you're my whole life
Now you're my whole world
I just can't believe
The way I feel about you girl
Like a river meets the sea
Stronger than its ever been
We've come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then

I remember taking you back
To right where I first met you
You were so suprised
There were people around
But I didn't care
I got down on one knee right there
And once again
I thought I loved you then

Now you're my whole life
Now you're my whole world
I just can't believe
The way I feel about you girl
Like a river meets the sea
Stronger than its ever been
We've come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then

I can just see you
With a baby on the way
I can just see you
When your hair is turning grey
What I can't see
Is how I'm ever gonna love you more
But I've said that before

Now you're my whole life
Now you're my whole world
I just can't believe
The way I feel about you girl
We'll look back someday
At this moment that we're in
And I'll look at you and say
And I thought I loved you then

And I thought I loved you then...

I really wish the balcony doors in my condo had blinds or curtains of some sort.... then I could really dance around my kitchen like nobody's watching.... haha!

THIS Christmas...

Sooo excited!!! Dream come true!! :)

Oh, Love.

It's true what they say--they...whoever they is, is pretty darn wise--

...when you know, you know. :)

"One hundred percent, with every penny spent, he'll be the one that finishes your sentences."

Waiting.

I found this website called "All Groan Up" (thank you, Kaila! I owe you one!), which is all about learning to make the best out of this awkward stage of life called your 20's. Lord knows I am totally in it now--going from job to job, constantly second-guessing my future career choices, thinkin' about marriage, feeling "old", feeling "poor"(thanks to rent!), and suffering from obsessive-comparison disorder. So this website really did knock on my door at the perfect time.

At this time in my life, I feel like I'm ALWAYS waiting for SOMETHING. I'm waiting to find a better job. I'm waiting for marriage. I'm waiting to go to culinary school. I'm waiting for some sign from God. I'm waiting for this...and waiting for that.
When I went to Bible school in Germany, our principle always told us, "In God's eyes, waiting time is never wasted time". So often in this period of "waiting" we just want time to fly so we can just get to where we want to be. But this time of "waiting" is really a time of growing! There's so much that can be done in it!

And that's pretty much what this article, "There is No Such Thing As Waiting" is all about...take a look:

The only constant is change.

We have all heard that phrase at some point or another during our twenty-or-thirtysomething lifespan.  However, when it comes to waiting, the above phrase seems a tease.

Personally, I feel teased right now. And taunted. Relocation to my home city, after spending one year on the East Coast, has me energized…and yet, confused.  I find myself, a very capable, confident individual, not sure of the next step—taunted by the current atmosphere of waiting.

But does it have to be this way?

Photo by Tom Magliery – Creative Commons

Waiting can be tough because waiting masks itself as stagnancy.  Our creative Millennial Generation does not fare well with stagnancy–especially when we have a song in our hearts and a vision coming to life deep within us.  Waiting seems incongruent with success and forward movement…but is it really?

I would like to propose that truly, there is no such thing as waiting.  Since time is constantly in motion, as is the world and everything in it, I believe that we are also ever in movement.  When used wisely, periods of waiting can be active, rewarding and revitalizing.


1. Waiting is RESTORATIVE.

In a culture full of fast-paced competition and addictions to instant gratification, a return to a state of rest is a most fulfilling (and needed) act.  We are mere human beings with limitations, so allowing ourselves to rest, reflect, and rejuvenate will prove humbly worthwhile in the long run.  Consider a waiting season as an opportunity for whole-self restoration, be it involving prayer, exercise, connecting with people, reading for pleasure, or journaling.  Find what restores you and seek it out.

2. Waiting is PREPARATORY.

I’d argue that one of the best ways to use periods of waiting is in learning and growing.  Expanding one’s mind through reading books, watching films, taking classes, or learning a new craft or skill is priceless…and can be used in the long-run.  What have you been itching to learn about, but have not had the time to until now?  Pursue that and prepare your mind for the future.

3. Waiting is RECONNECTING.

During all-consuming times when life moves like rapid-fire, it is easy to lose sight of what is most important.  When was the last time you reflected upon your most closely held values? Times of waiting are perfect opportunities to slow down, remember the past, and reconnect to what matters the most.  Is it family?  Learning?  Creativity?  Revisiting what is most vital to your well-being now, as opposed to later, will serve as a guide when the going gets crazy again.

4. Waiting is REVEALING.

Perhaps you have never stopped to consider what is most important to you, what makes you you. You are unique–now is the time!  Waiting periods prove an ideal chance to discover your values, passions, goals, and motivations.

When it comes to waiting, what choice will you make?

My Photo Stream.

A few weeks ago, I sold two of my old-school iPods (seriously, the iPod video 80GB is a BRICK), and I bought myself a brand new iTouch--white, to be exact. And since my camera is long broken, I now use my iTouch for photography purposes. The advantage of this little thing is that both my music AND my camera are all on one device, the downside is that it takes horribly bad quality photos. I thought they'd be better for some reason...but I think that's just the iPhone. Ah well, I'm not complaining--I have something to document my life with now! So here are some of the random things I've been up to:

[My little niecey and I. I think she likes photos!]

[My mom wanted to give these little pillows to my niece, but I quickly snatched them--with permission. They were too cute to pass up!!]

[Skype dates with my favourite Marylander!! P.s- He survived the hurricane! YAY]

[Colouring time!!]

[Reading God's Word. "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect"]

[Self-portrait...isn't this something you have to do if you have an iTouch/iPhone?]

[Lunch at the Bistro with mum! Cheeseburger soup, Caesar salad, and garlic bread = MMM!]

[I made oatmeal-pecan-walnut-pumpkinseed-sunflowerseed-chocolate chip cookies!!]

[Probably my favourite page from the "Me, The Professor, Fuzzy, and The Meaning of Life" book. It's an awesome comic strip-esq book dealing with all the important questions such as evolution or creation? Islam or Christianity? Such a great, educational, and easy-read! Thanks mum!]

[Found my dreeeeeam dress at the thrift store!! Black, strapless, and flows all the way down to my feet. I feel like I'm walking the red-carpet when I wear it!]

[My uber creamy/cheesy/meaty/vegetabley/comfort-foodie baked penne that I conquered tonight! Turned out SO amazing and satisfying! I used THIS recipe; I highly recommend it!]

[This is my little work-out calendar. All of the pink X's = the days I have exercised. So far I have exercised 12 days/21 days. Decent! It's been a mixture of Jillian Michaels Ripped In 30, P90X, and running outside. Two truths: 1) the hardest part is deciding to start working-out again and then ACTUALLY doing it. Once you start, it's hard to stop! and 2) Keeping a little calendar like this is huuuuge motivation for me! I don't want to see any more blank days!!]