Saturday Afternoon Mess.

Two more sleeps until I'm Europe bound. I think I am going to throw up.

But before I do that, check out my new pink headphones!

Flawed?

Tonight I'm going to talk about flaws.
We all have 'em. We could name twenty of ours flaws in less than a minute if asked. We know them by heart.
We know exactly what our weaknesses are, exactly; we have no doubts in our minds about them.
But I have a burning question...if we know our flaws to a tee and can easily admit to ourselves that they exist, why is it that when somebody points out our flaws, we become extremely agitated?
When somebody takes note of our weaknesses and speaks them out loud right to our faces, why do we get so defensive?
We know that what they're pointing out is true and yet we still get upset over it. It's as if we're only OK with our flaws until somebody outside of our own body notices them.
It's as if they don't exist unless seen by a second pair of eyes. What's with this?
Or is the we I'm referring to actually just a me?
Lately I've been adjusting and tweaking my mindset. I've really started embracing these flaws of mine. Instead of clutching them like secrets and embarrassing indiscretions, I've been admitting them out loud.
Sure, I may speak them out nervously, hesitantly, or with an undenyingly obvious red face, but I actually talk about it now.
And why shouldn't I? They're part of who I am. They're a part of me. I talk about them and I work on them (if it's for the best).
You know what I think this is? I think it's confidence.
I'm not exactly or totally sure where it's coming from, but what I do know is that I'm loving it.
"I like it, I love it...I want some more of it."

Ignorance.

Ignorance really is, bliss.

Oops.

It's a crazy feeling, you know?
To talk about something for so long,
Never really believing it's actually gonna happen;
Never really thinking that the day is ever gonna come.
And then it comes,
and then it happens.

It's a crazy feeling, you know?
Tellin' people for months
that your plane-date is Tuesday the 21st,
When really, it's Monday the 20th.
What am I, some kind of a liar?
A liar who doesn't know how to read plan itineraries, apparently.
Oops.

To forgive and be forgiven.

If there's one thing I've experienced this summer, it's the power of forgiveness. As cheesy and as sunday-school as that sounds, forgiveness is such an amazing thing. And you'll never understand what I'm talking about unless you experience it for yourself.

To say the words "I'm sorry" and to hear the words "I forgive you" is...life changing. And to hear the words "I'm sorry" and to say the words "I forgive you" too, life changing. Honestly, have you ever apologized and actually, really, truly, madly, deeply (thank you Savage Garden) meant it? In my situation, God's voice was practically screaming into my ears; he couldn't have made it more obvious. And that's how I knew I was ready. That's how I knew it was right, there's not a doubt in my mind.

The weight that's lifted from your shoulders is freeing. And for the first time in your life, you feel completely content. There's nothing scraping away at the back wall of your mind. You can finally do and say things and not feel like a total sham.

Whoever decided whole "nothing tastes as sweet as revenge" thing obviously hasn't experienced life. Whoever thought that holding a grudge would offer a person some sort of fulfillment was wrong. And whoever refuses to forgive and be forgiven will live their lives with eyes closed, heart clenched, and hands cold.

I like the way this is going and I like the person I'm becoming. I like not being scared anymore, and I like the hand that's guiding me.

Love, Speeches & Slideshows

There's nothing quite like being cozied up in the bed of a just-cleaned room on a Sunday afternoon, with the natural sunlight pouring through the window and the vanilla-scented candle glowing. I finally, finally, finally have a few hours to relax. Man, I've missed this feeling; you know, being able to lie down, read a book, let your thoughts recollect and organize. I don't know about you, but this is something I love to do. And since this is my last week before I take off to Europe, I'm savoring every second of it right now.

For those of you who don't know, I took part in a wedding yesterday. It was an absolutely beautiful, wonderful, and emotional day. Last February my best friend asked me to be her Maid of Honour, and I gladly accepted. And as we all know, with this honour comes a speech! Believe it or not, I love giving them. I love being up there and knowing that I have everyone's attention, even if it's only for a few short minutes. I wish that what I had to say about speeches ended there. See, I have a bittersweet relationship with them...brainstorming and writing out a few drafts is no problem. But the things I have to experience minutes right before and during my speech is absolute TURMOIL. Here, I'm trying to enjoy my mashed potatoes, chicken bbq, and chocolate Skor trifle, but I can't seem to swallow a bite knowing that I'm about to spill my heart in front of 260 people. And as I'm saying the speech, oh boy...I thought my heart was going to beat itself up my throat. And honestly, I don't think it's possible for a person to talk any faster. Geez. Oh, and did I mention the part where I can't seem to catch a decent breath? I unfortunately only started getting a hang of the public-speaking thing during my last two sentences. But, I'm proud to admit with full confidence that I did my best; and the cooperative roars of laughter from the tables, and the compliments I received after the reception were great reassurances for me and my self esteem.

I know that alot of you weren't at this wedding, so I have decided to share not only my speech, but also my slideshow with you! So if you wish, enjoy!

"Good evening everyone and thank you for coming today to witness this wonderful celebration! Before I bring you all into the inner-workings of my heart, I would just like to introduce myself. My name is Jenni Froese. If that doesn’t ring a bell, my parents are Herman and Inge Froese. And if you’re interested, I’m sure you can ask around and find at least four of my relatives at each table.
Kayla, I want to thank you for giving me the pleasure of being your Maid of Honour. It has been an amazing ride seeing you transform from being 'just engaged' to 'just married'.

Kayla and I have been pretty much inseperable since the day Auntie Shirl brought her into this world. Being first cousins of the same age, we saw each other ALL the time: birthdays, Christmas’s, family gatherings, school, play-dates, and church every Sunday. We had one of those relationships being 'Hey…Kayla’s here, but where’s Jenni?' or 'Hey Jenni, where’d your other half run off to?' Ask anyone.

Being attached at the hip, we knew each other like the back of our hands. Something I always knew at a young age was that Kayla has always been ready for marriage. For example, I quickly learnt that the phrase 'let’s play Barbies!' actually meant 'Let’s plan another wedding!' And when it came to putting food on the table, all the times Kayla and I got together to make supper, consisted of Kayla scurrying around the kitchen cooking up a storm while I lazed around with my feet on the table indulging in all of her AMAZING culinary masterpieces. So Danny, congratulations, you have now replaced me as Chef Kayla’s official food taste-tester.
Speaking of Danny, Kayla had her eye on this man for quite some time now. I have distant memories from many years ago of Kayla just BEAMING everytime she’d spot Danny through the crowd at the Grunthal Fair…or make that EVERY Grunthal Fair. There was also one summer where Kayla and I were lying covert in the school field with our cameras in full zoom, snapping photos of Danny skateboarding at the dropzone. I have the pictures to prove it! Come talk to me after and I’ll gladly hand them out! ;)

But, my all-time personal favorite memory was the time Kayla ran up to me one day in high school beaming from ear to ear with excitement. 'So, last night Derek invited DANIEL GOERTZEN over to work out and lift weights in the basement, and Daniel looked SOOOO good.' At first we all believed that Kayla seeing Daniel lifting 250 pound weights…give or take, was a one time thing. You know, being in the right place at the VERY right time, or just a really good coincidence. But this started becoming a weekly occurrence and Danny eventually began returning Kayla’s doe-eyed gazes and the dropped jaws transformed into flirtatious smiles, speaking greetings of 'hello’s' and 'how are you’s?' As time passed, we were all convinced that Danny’s intentions for coming over were more than just to spend time with Derek bonding over sweat and dumbbells. He had his eye on a new Wiebe, a female Wiebe, a…Kayla Wiebe. After Danny had received permission from Kayla’s Dad to date her, I thought Kayla was happy. And for her to be any happier seemed way out of this world. To imagine her beautiful smile any bigger seemed physically impossible. But seeing her now, surrounded by so many of her family and friends who love her, and now being married to the man of her dreams, I know with full confidence that God has done incredible things.

Daniel, I want to thank you for taking such great care of Kayla all of these years, you have made her so happy. God couldn’t have done a better job in matching up the two most amazing people. I’m so very happy for you both and I wish you all the best in your married life together. Love you guys, and God bless!"

Click Here for Daniel and Kayla's Wedding Slideshow!

Worry?

I am...at a loss for words right now. All I can say is that God exists, he is real, and miracles do happen. Today was a miracle. This summer was a miracle.

Worry: to torment oneself with, or suffer from disturbing thoughts. Also known as Anguish, Apprehension, Concern, Distress, Heartache, Pain, Torture, Woe...
All of these are such ugly words. And if there's something I've learnt this summer, it's that worrying is a complete waste of time. For all the days I spent buried in my fears, and all the nights I lay awake staining my pillow with tears and mascara...it was all a waste of time. I wish I could take all of those minutes, those HOURS, add them all together, and get a good chunk of my life back. The bad news, is that you can't get it back; what's done is done. But the good news is that everything happens for a reason, and God's hand is in everything we do. It's as if everyday of my life God is telling me, "Honestly, don't worry about this. Don't even give it a second thought. Soon enough you'll see that what you're going through right now has a purpose and a reason for being. Just imagine how much you'll grow from this. Your smile will shine brighter than the stars, and you will feel love like you've never felt it before. Just wait and see. Just trust me."

I don't know what else I can say. God just has a way of making everything turn out. EVERYTHING. I can't even fathom it. I haven't felt this happy, or relaxed before bed in a long time.

We all live such incredible lives. Can you imagine the stories we could write? Ohhh can't you just picture the novels that are spinning and weaving inside our brains and souls at this very moment? One day I'm going to write a book. I don't know what it's all going to entail, or who, and although I could never write anything as exceptional as the stuff God writes, I do know that it's going to be great. It'll encourage, inspire, jerk tears, pull smiles, and honour God in so many ways.

On that note, I'd like to say thanks for reading. Over the past few days, I've gotten alot of encouraging emails, comments, and text messages regarding my previous worry-drenched blog entries. Your words mean the world to me.
Good night.

Conclusion:

Forgiving you, is hard to do.

On My Highway.

On my highway the yellow lines
Disappear from time to time
And I wound up on the wrong side of the road

On my highway I go too fast
Afraid that I might finish last
I hugged the curve too hard and lost control
Oh you never know which way it's gunna go

But what a feeling, chasing the sun
Living my life like a shot from a gun
Laughing a little bit more with every mile
Oh what a freedom racing the wind
Dying to know what's around the next bend
Smiling as I watch the years roll by
I'm learning how to take it day by day, on my highway

On my highway I missed some signs
And left a damn good love behind
I see her in my rear view like a ghost

On my highway I've broken down
Cried when no one else was around
And prayed that God would save my soul
Yeah I've paid a lot of heavy tolls

But what a feeling, chasing the sun
Living my life like a shot from a gun
Laughing a little bit more with every mile
Oh what a freedom racing the wind
Dying to know what's around the the next bend
And smiling as I watch the years roll by
I'm learning how to take it day by day on my highway

Yeah, yeah
What a feeling out on the run
Drinking up the rain
Soaking up the sun
Laughing a little bit more with every mile
What a freedom, like a sail in the wind
Not looking back, not forgetting where I've been
Smiling as I watch the years roll by
And I'm moving on from my mistakes,
And I'm learning how to take it day by day...
On my highway.

-Jason Aldean

I Want That.

The other day when I watched Taylor Swift's new video for "Mine", I cried. I actually, literally, seriously ...cried. I'm not sure why; maybe it was because I've been counting down the seconds for that video to come out, and the excitement just hit me like a brick wall. Or maybe it was because all I could think to myself was, I want that.
I'm not ashamed to admit that I cried, and I'm not ashamed to admit that what that video portrays is everything beautiful to me.
These days the practical side of my brain has been working in full swing. My head is finally outta the clouds and my lungs are breathing in the non-dreaming, suffocating air of this world. I've almost had myself convinced that life isn't like what you see the in movies, the music videos playing on CMT, or what's on the radio. Almost; but when I watched this music video, it's as if all of my convincing threw itself out the window. Sigh. The life of a dreamer is a tough one.
I think I need some sleep, lot's and lot's of sleep. You can only sleep less than five hours a night for so long before you begin to go a lil' crazy. Not tonight though, Gilmore Girls is a necessity.