Childhood.

I have a 25 minute commute to and from work, and I always listen to music. Always (...except for the times when I'm too exhausted to even want to listen to anything but the wind hitting my windows, but that's rare). Oddly enough, I thought that today was a good day for some Taylor Swift. I consider this odd because as mentioned in some previous blog posts, Taylor Swift is my fall-early winter music, certainly not spring!

So, I hit the shuffle button. (By the way, Taylor Swift takes up 700MB--Almost 1 whole GB--of space on my phone, which is quite alot. Next in the running of 400+ MB's are Jason Aldean, Miranda Lambert, and Keith Urban. Interesting.)

Anyway. I pressed shuffle, and on came the song "Never Grow Up" by Taylor Swift.

Ugh. Bring on the tears!

The lyrics in that song that hit me the most are these:

"Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room

Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up."

I totally remember that sounds of my Dad coming home. He'd always come in through the side entrance, take off his farm boots and hat and walk into the main area through the laundry room. Sometimes I wouldn't mind going back in time to hear that sound again. <3 (Ugh, don't cry, don't cry...)

And I totally remember my "childhood room".
I had a whole shelf of Beanie Babies. I was cool like that...and then I took it down, because it went from cool to uncool in like a day.

I went through poster phases. One year it was all kittens and puppies. The next year it was all Marykate and Ashley and Hilary Duff. The next year it was Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, and then it turned into random fashion model posters torn out of magazines.

My bedroom had a window that looked out to our front yard, flowerbed, driveway, and porch. I always had to be careful at night to close my blinds or our visitors could see right inside my room as they'd walk up to our front door. (Awkward! :S )

Also, I painted my bedroom walls dark red. DARK RED. This is just soooo not me anymore, haha!

The older I get, the more I realize how good of a childhood I had. Despite losing my older brother in a tragic accident, my childhood was so wonderful.

I grew up on a beautiful farm and lived there for 18 years, and I wouldn't trade that for the world! I have never known so much freedom, privacy, tranquility, and safety as I knew on that farm. I learned so much about nature, animals, landscaping, and plain old hard work because I was raised on a farm.

I grew up with 3 older siblings and we had 2 loving parents who cared for all of us so much--and they still do. (AND they're going on 44 years of marriage this year!)

My best friend in the whole world lived literally a 2 minute drive from me. Sometimes I'd walk or run to her, drive, bike, ride the fourwheeler, or we'd meet in the middle. AND I'd go all by myself, with no fears of being kidnapped. ;)

I grew up in a small-town Christian farming community, with over 25 aunties and uncles and over 80 cousins living nearby. (If this isn't accurate I'm sure my sister will read this and let me know). Talk about a HUGE community of love and support.

I had amazing and wonderful teachers from elementary all the way to high school. Seriously, I loved every single one of them; there wasn't a teacher that I didn't like. Well...maybe there was one that slightly irked me, but that's about it!

Sure, my siblings enjoyed teasing me mercilessly.
Sure, I had a point in middle school where I didn't know who I was going to hang out with, because I felt I had no friends.
And sure, I cried alot, and went through all of those awkward teenybopper emotions full-force.
But in reality, I had it SO good. God blessed me with an amazing childhood and for that I am so thankful.

I miss it. Often I wish I could go back in time and take it all in;
I wish I could go back and treat my parents better and live more with a thankful heart towards them.
I wish I could go back and hug all of my farm kittens, puppies, chickens, hogs, turkeys, and cows just a little tighter. (And take turns with the cows licking the salt lick--yes, I did this. Nothin' wrong with a little sodium!)
I wish I could go back and ride the fourwheeler with my siblings again, just once more.
)I wish I could go back and NOT have listened to loud music with my headphones whilst mowing the lawn for 6+ hours, because I think it destroyed my hearing!)
I wish I could go back and lie in the grass of our front yard just a little longer.

But those days are gone. They are long gone. Our farm is no longer ours anymore. My parents moved into town and now I live in another country; away from my hometown, my family, friends, and home community. And that's OK. God has me where He wants me to be right now.

Now that I have grown and matured, I think of my childhood not out of sadness and regret (most of the time haha!), but mostly out of thankfulness. Thankfulness and also the hope that maybe Jarryd and I could give our future children, or nieces and nephews a wonderful childhood too one day. Being an adult is hard and children deserve to be surrounded by love, care, and innocence for as long as possible, because one day they'll turn 25 and wish they didn't have to stress about money, work, relationships, or anything and everything for that matter. :)