Contentment in the Desert.

Before I start, Pumpkin Pie Kashi bars are absolutely AMAZING. If you haven't tried one already, please do so as soon as possible! Mmm mmm! :)

I haven't been blogging very well lately. There's always something else that has more "priority"...a chapter to read, a class to go to, a paper to write, or a tea-time to attend. (I love tea-time!) So right now my life is probably somewhat of a mystery to you. Well, here goes. Here is the cold, hard, truth which I am going to try my best to explain.

My prayer to God every night is for contentment. I am seeking and desiring to be content here at this college. I am seeking for the assurance in that I am supposed to be here.

My current setting is this: I am attending a tiny Bible college located in a small town in central Canada. It is surrounded by nothing but some fields and a single highway. It is twenty minutes from a small city, and an hour from a somewhat larger city. I do not own a car. Therefore, I am stuck.

In the winter, this area has been officially labeled as "the coldest place on earth". The rumour was that last year, it reached down to -60 celsius.
This makes me want to throw up, because I just hate the cold. I was not made for Canadian winters and that is a fact.
Oh and can I just go on about the dryness? My skin is constantly peeling, and my hair doesn't curl anymore. I get bloody noses and headaches. My body is upset at me...

I got to go home (which is about 7-8 hours away) for an entire week for our reading break, and it was the best week of my life. I had my own room, I could sleep soundly again. I had my friends. I had my Mom and my Dad who I love so very much. I had my church. I had the opportunity to drive places. I could be my complete self and feel comfortable. I got to watch the movie Courageous which changed my life forever. I was just sooooo happy to be home (which is a pretty big deal for me, since I have always been the type to desire a life far away from home), and whenever I'd be reminded of coming back to this cool my mood would just damper down.

Maybe I just spoiled myself by going to an amazing Christian university in BC and connecting with so many amazing women who are still in my life today praying for me and guiding me. And then there was Bible school in Germany. Honestly, my experience there was indescribable. And it's frustrating because nobody outside of that school will ever understand the incredible spiritual effect it can have on a person. I feel like no one understands my desire to have deep friendships...where instead of gossiping and having useless conversations, we talk about important things, and we pray together.

But as I was saying, those two schools were in my ideal, top-notch locations. In BC the air was humid and there were thousands of trees and everything was just green and gorgeous!! In Germany outside the view of my balcony there was a swan-filled lake at the foot of the Swiss Alps...I could walk to the bus stop and take off wherever my heart desired to take off to. And in both places, when it would snow, it would be gone within a few hours!

But here, I am stuck. Here it is cold, and barren, and the snow NEVER leaves. But it's more than the location. It's the fact that those other places were full of excitement and adventure! Everyday was unpredictable--you never knew where you'd take the train to next, or the things you'd see, or the people you'd share God's word with. It was so exciting! But here, everyday is mostly the same...I could tell you exactly what I will be doing 3 weeks from now at 1:04 PM and I'd be totally correct.

I am facing so many challenges here that I never thought I'd have to go through. I am going home for a wedding and a baby shower in less than two weeks and I am just crazy excited! And once again it's gonna take more than the strength of my own flesh to bring me back here.

My eyes don't light up from the thought of finishing my degree here (two 1/2 more years...), and that worries me. I don't know what to do, but what I do know is that this place has been a blessing. Being here, I have met some incredible people who I would love to get to know better, I have faced countless challenges that have made some of my relationships stronger (including my relationship with God), and I have learned so much from my classes and my God-fearing professors. So don't get me wrong--there are some fun times and some great talks that I've had. AND I have gotten some fabulous grades on my assignments! (Praise God!!)

I'm praying that I will be patient. Maybe these things take time.
I'm also praying for the days to fly by but I kick myself in knowing that that's what you call a selfish prayer; so I'm praying for strength to stand the slow days.
I'm praying that God will give me direction in a lot of areas...I'm considering changing my major.
I'm praying that I will one day stop comparing this school to my old schools.
I'm praying that I will find contentment in the desert, because God wants me here for a reason, and He has a weird, weird plan for all of this.
One day it will all make sense to me.

But all in all, thank you Jesus for bringing me here,
thank you for sustaining me thus far,
thank you for the wonderful and beautiful friends I have made,
and thank you for the EGR (extra grace required) people,
and thank for you the memories I did have at my old schools and for giving me those amazing years,
thank you for your protection, and thank you for your incredible love.

❤  ❤  ❤

Update:

I just got back from playing inter mural volleyball with my team for the very first time!

And it was fun and exciting!

Hmm...maybe this whole excitement thing just takes time. Maybe there is hope after all.

Oh, I will.

[My current desktop background--gotta love it]

Going Back.

I am at home for reading week and I head back to college this Saturday night. It is going to take me every ounce of motivation to get back in that car and drive back because I just...am not all too thrilled about it.

I keep having nightmares about being back at college too. I don't know what it all means. I have never been one to think that dreams had much meaning, but all of this just worries me.

I am not sure if it is the place for me; I'm still trying to decipher it. But I'm going to stick it out, trust God in His plans for me, and listen for His voice and see what He wants me to do. Because even if this is the last place I want to be, maybe it is the very first place God needs me to be.

I do think there's a reason why I am there...I'm just trying to figure that out still.

Christian Music.

"Your Love Never Fails" by Jesus Culture is currently my favourite song right now.
It's the song I crank up when I'm getting ready in the morning; it's the song I listen to when I'm lying in my bed relaxing. And it's also my favourite song in chapel! I love it!

Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails

You stay the same through the agesYour love never changes
There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning
And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails

You make all things work together for my good!

Christian/worship music and I have had an interesting relationship. I loved it as a kid growing up. All I ever listened to was Zoe Girl and Superchick...and I thought Christian music was the only music that existed!

As I entered into Jr. High I got sucked into the world of pop and hip hop and I definitely thought that Christian music was so far from "cool".
As high school ended and my first few years of college rolled by, I fell in love with country, absolutely in love. But I then began to notice that a lot of my friends at Bible college were listening to Christian music. One of my friends even expressed to me that her favourite thing to do every Sunday morning was to blast worship music in her room while getting ready for church. I thought to myself and knew for a fact that this wasn't my favourite thing to do at all.
Now that I'm entering my third year of college, I feel like I have grown some. I feel like I'm at that stage when I FINALLY understand why my parents taught me the things they taught me. So, instead of me viewing them as "ignorant of the times" or just ridiculous, I see them as WISE. Every word of advice and every rule they laid on me now suddenly makes perfect sense. And I kick myself everyday just wishing that I could have seen this as a kid. Ah well, it is all part of the growing experience, isn't it?
Anyway, my parents always told me to be careful as to what movies I watch and what music I listen to. Right now I am definitely realizing this. I cannot stand secular pop, hip hop, or top 40 music. I just hate what they are filling into the mind's of kids these days! Music is just such a powerful thing--and this is why I'm becoming very wary of what I listen to. It is just awfully hard these days with shopping malls blasting these songs, or even living in the context of a dorm, you can always hear somebody's music playing songs you don't necessarily want to hear. Sigh.
As I have been growing closer to God I have been starting to crave listening to worship and Christian music. I find it incredibly encouraging and just plain appropriate! I also think attending chapel 5 days a week and listening to the worship team has had some effect on me. I'm just happy because I am no longer forcing myself to listen to Christian music or am pretending to like it. I have actually fallen in love with it because I know it is good for me and that it can only help lead me down the right path.

Tranquility.

I would like to be here right now.

I am almost there, almost.

❤

How do you know if you're where you're supposed to be?

Hooray!

It is 1:30 AM and I have just been hit by a wave of academic motivation! I am so excited!! I hope this lasts until the end of this week! :)

Tolerance?

Dear Jesus,
I pray for:
Tolerance.
More tolerance.
Tolerance again.
A little more tolerance.
Oh, and how about some more tolerance?
A tiny bit more tolerance.
And, did I forget to mention tolerance?

Craziness!

...Was six classes maybe a bad idea?

No. Way.

I may have 10 assignments/papers/class presentations due for next week alone, but I can do it. I am on top of things. College isn't the hardest thing in the world. It's exciting and keeps me on my toes!

An besides, the library has pretty much adopted me into its lovely, humble abode. How cute. :)

I'm really not that busy. I mean, I still had time to watch Star Wars, get barfed on by a baby, have a sushi-making party, make new friends, go for ice cream, play a super fun crazy game that-I-cannot-remember-what-it-is-called-for-the-life-of-me, attend a school hockey game, and bake cupcakes!!! But unfortunately I have not had much time for devotions with God. I need to do that!

❤  ❤  ❤

This Day Will Be Perfect.

Smile.

SMILE!!

Because yesterday's worries

and

yesterday's sorrows are now scattered

into a million

little pieces and are

rising up like ashes, taken

by the wind

forever,

far,

far away,

never to return

again.

❤  ❤  ❤

Yesterday I was so distressed that I did not know what to do.
I was so out of answers and so low on human strength that it finally dawned on me...
The wall of pride I had crumbled down and I prayed a prayer to God that I will never forget:
God, please help me. Please give me your strength, because I cannot do this on my own. I am incapable and you are the only one who can help me.
And today, God filled me with His strength and I feel like I can do anything now.
(well, because with Him, I CAN do anything)

So...smile, because God is good. :)

Foods.

Mr. Noodle, Tuna snack-kits, rice, soynuts <<--THE BEST, Wheat thins, Fibre bars, Green tea, oatmeal, 4 boxes of cereal, and two bags of BBQ Rib flavoured chips

=

The best food cupboard ever. :)

Use.

So true. This is something I have definitely learned within this past month here at college. I have also stumbled upon the realization that God may be using me to work in somebody's life at this very moment. And the crazy this is, is that I may not even know it!

Looking back over the course of my life, I can instantly list all of the people who changed my life for the better; but I am not able to list all the lives of the people I have changed (or if I even have at all, for that matter). And I think this ignorance is a beautiful thing. Yes, it's encouraging to know that you have blessed somebody, but I know that if I was aware of my positive impact in people's lives then it would go straight to my head. And I deal enough with pride as it is! (that's a whole 'nother blog entry by itself!) Anyway, back to the whole purpose of this...

It is my new prayer that I would be open and obedient to God, so that He may use me to reach someone else. That's all I want! Is to be used! I cannot inspire, encourage, or change lives with my own strength. Only by God can this be done. He will always give me the courage, He will always give me the words to say, and He will always act in His own perfect timing!

Crayon Art.

This is what my roommates and I did our very first night here! Melted crayons with a blowdryer. :)

Spinach Pie.

Last weekend one of my good friends here at college and I baked a spinach pie together! And all I really can say about it is that it turned out AWESOME. I'm not the best cook out there, so for me to have created something like this and for it to have actually turned out, is a huge deal! And when we brought it to House-Church, it was a hit! There were no leftovers to be brought home, (it is bittersweet actually, because I would have liked to eat more than one piece, haha). Mmm...a flavourful mixture of chopped spinach, garlic, onions, and feta cheese between layers and layers of phyllo dough sprinkled with parmesan cheese on top. (that last part was my idea, thank you very much!)   :)

Before...

After! (excuse my awesome hair-do)

I think that I have finally found a church that I feel completely comfortable in and happy with. After 20 years of searching I have found it! My favourite part is after the church service, you have the option of going to a house-church of your choice. This is where the community breaks up into smaller groups by going to a house, indulging in a potluck of some sort, shares testimonies and prayer requests, and just has fellowship overall. I absolutely love it! I have made many friends through this intimate gathering!

So this last Sunday for our house-church, we had a pie themed potluck. So people brought pizza pie, garlic bread (pie), saskatoon-berry pie, strawberry rhubarb pie, and of course, my spinach pie. It was so fun and delicious!

Thank you Jesus for this wonderful house-church you have provided me with. :)