Is This Supposed To Be Funny?

I have been staring at this blank screen for too many minutes now. I don't know what to say. I'm very confused about life, about people, about situations, and about reasons why. I don't know what to do; I don't want to say the wrong thing, and I especially don't want to begin a new page of regrets. I just want things to be OK... nothing more and nothing less.

I said to my friend last night out in the pouring rain, "Lately, this is just God's sense of humour. It's as if he's playing a joke on me or something."
My friend replied with, "It's a test. God's testing you!"
"I will persevere!" I said with my fist held high (and I really did hold my fist high).

So yes, these past few days, no, MONTHS, I haven't been getting God's sense of humour. We're not on the same page in the book of Jokes. In fact, I think we're using completely different books. When he laughs a good-hearted laugh, I cry. When he smiles, I frown. It's as if him and I are on a blind date gone terribly wrong, and the awkward silence isn't getting any quieter.

Gods' trials are hard, but you didn't need me to tell you that. It's kinda funny how we pray to God for strength, patience, courage, stamina, and love ect. Well, there's no doubt that he's then going to give us a situation that will allow for us to use our God-given strength, patience, courage, stamina, and love. It only makes sense. But usually when these situations arise, we cry to God asking: "WHY GOD?! WHY ME?" Haha...at least, I know I do. That's my everyday routine.

It's so easy to make a huge deal out of nothing. My eldest and wisest sister always like to remind me to take things with a grain of salt. Right now I'm sitting here thinkin' "Man, there's gotta be more to life than this." I like to remind myself that things could be worse; that reminder works and calms me down...for a few short minutes. And then I blow things right out of proportion once again! Honestly, I just know I'm going to be old and gray sitting in my rickety rocking chair and not remember a thing from these testing young adult years (Partly because I'll be suffering from Alzheimer's disease). And as wrong as it sounds, I'm sort of excited for that day. Sort of... sort of not... Well, you know what I mean.

Would anybody like to bless me with a suited Bible verse or any words of encouragement for times like these? That would be lovely. Anyway, I'm starting to see the silver-lining in the sky. I can finally eat again without feeling like throwing up. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. My heart is slowing and my nerves are easing. Today will be a good day.

Remember...

God won't give me a mountain I can't climb.

God won't give me a mountain I can't climb.

God won't give me a mountain I can't climb.

God won't give me a mountain I can't climb.

God won't give me a mountain I can't climb.

God won't give me a mountain I can't climb.

God won't give me a mountain I can't climb.

God won't give me a mountain I can't climb.

God won't give me a mountain I can't climb.

God won't give me a mountain I can't climb.

God won't give me a mountain I can't climb.

...The fetal position; there's nothing quite like it.

1,2,3

That's it!
When I return to University again next year, I'm taking an accounting class. It's official.
The reason being: I am terrible with money, and I am terrible with numbers.
It's as if money and numbers like to double-team up against me and make me feel inadequate.
I hate adding. I dislike subtracting. I can't divide for the life of me. And don't even get me started on multiplication. Mathematics will be the death of me.
I can't believe I actually passed pre-calculus in high school (and there were definitely NO flyin' colors involved there)!
Ask me to spell a word. Ask me to correct your grammar (because I will, whether you like it or not). Ask me to whip up a limerick. Ask me if "i" comes before "e" (unless after c)! Ask me to write you an essay, an article, a book, ANYTHING. Heck, I will even attempt to recite the alphabet backwards for you.
Letters are my friends. Words are my posse. Letters, words, and Jennifer go together like peas in a pod. Soul-mates, one might say.

There's no room in this clique for money and numbers.

In Love With This Song.

My oh my, you're so good-looking
Hold yourself together like a pair of bookends
But I've not tasted all your cooking
Who are you when I'm not looking?

Do you pour a little something on the rocks?
Slide down the hallway in your socks?
When you undress, do you leave a path?
Then sink to your nose in a bubble bath?

My oh my, you're so good-looking
Hold yourself together like a pair of bookends
But I've not tasted all your cooking
Who are you when I'm not looking?

I wanna know
I wanna know
I wanna know

Do you break things when you get mad?
Eat a box of chocolates 'cause you're feelin' bad?
Do you paint your toes 'cause you bite your nails?
Call up momma when all else fails?

Who are you when I'm not around?
When the door is locked and the shades are down?
Do you listen to your music quietly?
And when it feels just right, are you thinkin' of me?

I wanna know
I wanna know
I wanna know

My oh my, you're so good-looking
But who are you when I'm not looking?

-Blake Shelton

In His Eyes.

"'Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart' (1 Samuel 16:7). Everyday there is a constant battle for people to look their best. One person is compared to the other by the way they dress or do their makeup or their hair. There is a definite competition between people, whether it is spoken or unspoken--it's a feeling you sense, especially when you are a teenage girl among thousands of other teenage girls in high school.

I have a skin disease. It is called psoriasis, and it is not a very common disease. It is not contagious, but it is hereditary. Patches of dry skin are randomly on my body, most commonly my elbows, scalp, and knees. I have it other places as well, such as on my back, around my ears, and on my chest.

Unfortunately, it's not curable. Dermatologists can give me an ointment that helps clear it up for awhile, but there is still no cure. I have lived with it for most of my life, inheriting it from my dad. I am the only one of three kids to be 'blessed' with the disease. It has been a constant struggle for me, my biggest insecurity.

Not always being able to put my hair up or wear certain cute clothes is something I face a lot. Being in a dress or a swimming suit can be really uncomfortable if I haven't been treating my skin for a while. Treating it is a pain because I can only put the ointment on at night. Going to bed greasy is not always fun and most of the time I am too tired to put it on. However, it is something I have gotten used to.

My biggest fear is that people will ask what it is (especially when it is really broken out, usually in the winter or when I'm stressed) Oddly enough, it tends to be the most difficult to tell people that I love or I am close to. I think it's because I am afraid that they might not love me as much when they find out about it.

My Mom always assured me that I was special, that God gave me this for a reason. In the Bible it says that God does not allow anything to happen to us that we cannot handle. As I have gotten older and grown stronger in my faith, I have realized it is not outer beauty that is important, but inner beauty--1 Peter 3:4 says, 'Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.' God cares more about what we look on the inside, rather than our outer appearance.

As life goes on, I am also aware that I should be very thankful for what God has given me. I could have a mental illness or be paralyzed. I could be beaten or sexually abused. I could be homeless or starving. I am thankful for the life God has given me.

My prayer is that God will use me as a tool to do His will. Maybe living with this skin problem could be a testimony to people who struggle with their insecurities.

Some of you might be reading this thinking that there is no way that you could ever think of yourself as beautiful. You may think that your insecurity, whether it be your weight, face, body shape, or something else, is not a gift from God. You are wrong--it is. God has made you beautiful in your very own way.

You are God's creation. He is the artist, and you are the painting. Use what God gave you to your best ability. Help other people feel better about themselves--maybe you understand what they are going through.

You also might be thinking that no one would ever love you because of the way you look. God will always love you. He sent His Son to die for you, and there is no greater love than the love God provides and is willing to give you everyday.

I will probably always live with this disease. However, I have learned to use the gift that God's given me to encourage others, and I am thankful for it.

In the end, it doesn't matter what man thinks. Outer beauty will always fade. The only thing that matters is what God thinks. You inner beauty is important to Him.

In His eyes, I am beautiful. You are too."

-Written by Hannah Holeman.

As I was cleaning out my room this morning, I found this article that I saved up from my pre-teen years, ripped out from a magazine and folded neatly at the bottom of a cardboard box. I decided to unfold it and type it out onto my blog, because I never want to forget this article. What Hannah wrote ...meant everything to me; and finding it again so many years later, it still does.

A New Day.

Have you ever dreaded the time of falling asleep?
You lie awake above your blanket, unwilling to wrap yourself in it; refusing to let it coax you into that familiar, comfortable state.
You do anything to keep from falling asleep. You cry. You watch television. You read. You clean. You write. You stare out the window at the stars. You cry some more of those sleek, hot tears.
You keep yourself as busy as possible for as long as possible because you know that falling asleep means that you're inching one step closer to the start of a new day.

A new day of same old, same old.
A new day of not believing in the things you used to believe in.
A new day of thinking of the people who don't deserve to be thought of.
A new day of misunderstandings.
A new day of hurtful words.
A new day of asking yourself how many times you're gonna make the same stupid mistake, over and over again.
A new day of stress.
A new day of slowly-disappearing innocence.
A new day of wondering if God just kind of ...forgot about you.
It pains to admit when the life you live between falling asleep and waking up is the life you'd rather live; when your dreams are better than your reality.

A few days ago I felt like this. I was scared to go to bed, and scared to wake up. All that kept running through my mind were the words: You're not cut out for this world. You're never gonna last. It's only gonna get worse from here. You'll never find what you're looking for, and it'll never find you. Yes, this was me for a few nights. But tonight's different. Tonight, it's gonna be OK.

It's OK.

Dear Jennifer,
You know what? People say things. People say alot of things. And they say these things, thinking that it'll never get to you. These people trust that their words are safe and sound in the new homes of their friends' ears.
What I've learnt, is that no matter what terrible things some people have to say about you, never stop being who you are. Don't change just so you can look like you're trying to prove something. Don't let their words get to you. Just be yourself. Be who you love to be, and do what you love to do.
It's OK to not be liked. It's OK to not have the ability to please everyone. As they say: "life goes on!"

Much Love, Self.

The Good, and The Bad.

As you can tell from my previous entry, I'm not feelin' so hot right now. Physically, I'm a wreck. My eyes are tired. My legs are sore from running. My skin hurts from too much sun. I haven't eaten anything remotely healthy in... well, much too long, and my body is starting to show it.
And, emotionally, I'm a wreck. I know this sounds pretty cheesy, but recently I've been realizing who my real friends are, and what makes a person a real friend. It sucks admitting to yourself who's not so real, and it sucks even more hearing yourself admit it out loud.
Sometimes I wonder, if I were to die today, would they even care? Would they have regretted the way they treated me?

So...just leave them. That'll solve all of your problems. Yeah, it would, but it's not that simple. You can't just walk away from certain relationships. Sometimes you're just tied down and can't get free.

I apologize for the tremendously depressing blog entry. But at the same time I'm not that sorry. I mean, this is my blog. My blog; I can write about whatever I so please.

These past few days I've been analyzing many of my relationships, and sorting them into imaginary piles. Piles titled: "The Good" and "The Bad". Fortunately, my "Good" pile is taller than I thought it was.

Then there's "The Bad". These are the relationships that make me feel horrible. They bring bitterness and jealousy into my life. They make me hate. They make me cry. They make me so angry. They're like a rain cloud constantly hovering over me. They make me feel unloved. They make me feel like I'll never be good enough. They make me question who I am. They pour unhealthy motives into my brain and my actions reflect it.

I'm not going to go into a detailed lecture on what classifies these piles, actually...I will. I know that healthy relationships are the ones that encourage you. They brighten your life. They make you smile, and they make you feel loved. They make you feel like you can be your complete self and still be liked for who you are. They give you a shoulder to cry on. They're always there for you. When they ask how you're doing they actually mean it. These relationships are completely honest with you, and never want for you to hurt. These relationships have good intentions. They're not vain in any way. These relationships are two sided and are always equal; the scale never tips too far to one side more than necessary. They know when to talk and when to listen.

And just a second ago, it hit me that a good relationship is everything described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud. It's not rude or self-seeking. It's not easily angered and keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.

I just want to rid my life of all my bad relationships...somehow. I've just gotten to the point when it's impossible to fake it any longer.

But I think at this moment in time, I need to focus on how thankful I am for being blessed with so many good relationships. These people in my life really have no idea how much I really appreciate them.

What I've also learnt from life experience, it's that on nights like these, you can't let yourself just sit around and mope. You have to do something productive; do something that makes you feel like you lived some today. So on that note, I'm going to clean the kitchen. And maybe attempt my tornado of a bedroom.

Good night everyone, and thank you for listening...err...reading.

I am dreading everything right now. Well not everything, but most things. I just want to go to bed and never wake up.

Dream.

The best thing ever happened to me! Honestly, in this moment, all of my hopes and dreams came true. The one thing I have ever wanted to happen, happened.

...and then I woke up. Darn you wonderful dreams!

Countdown.

10 things you wish you could say to 10 different people:
♥ You let me down, so hard. But I'll never tell you that.
♥ I'm so glad to have met you!! We had a connection right from the start!
♥ I love we're able to start right where we left off, every time.
♥ I'm sorry I can't be there for you right now.
♥ I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!!!!
♥ Thank you for always being there for me.
♥ I can't see us being friends in the future. We have nothing in common.
♥ I know I'm not the best daughter in the world, but despite this, I still feel your love everyday!
♥ I told all of my friends, even my Mom, that I'd marry you in a flash, but you suddenly disappeared.
♥ I'm sorry that I don't feel the same way you feel for me. I wish I did, but I...just don't.

9 things about yourself:
♥ When it comes to being on the stage, I love it; I absolutely love it. But in everyday situations, I hate being the center of attention.
♥ My blog is always on my mind. My wheels are constantly spinning trying to figure out what I should write about at the end of the day.
♥ I hate being awake in the middle of the night; it feels as if you're alive when everyone else is dead.
♥ Teeth are the first thing I notice about a person. Weird, right?
♥ Singing harmony is so easy to me!
♥ The music I listen to has so much of an influence on me. Lyrics can be so incredibly powerful. It can make me happy as ever; yet, it can make me as depressed as ever. (I always have to be careful what I listen to before work!)
♥ If somebody chopped my hair short, I don't think I could live with myself.
♥ I write to-do lists like it's going outta style, but I have unfortunately, never once completed a whole list.
♥ I hate telling people what to do. I once had to direct a play in English class, and ahhhh that was the worst.

8 ways to win your heart:
♥ This is something I try not to think about anymore.

7 things that cross your mind often:
♥ Hair.
♥ Love.
♥ Men.
♥ Body.
♥ My goals.
♥ God.
♥ My friends and family.

6 things you do before you go to sleep:
♥ Brush my teeth.
♥ Set a glass of water beside my bed
♥ Pull up the blinds so that the moon shines across my bed.
♥ Turn my phone off
♥ Worry about the rest of my life/cry.
♥ Read a good book.

5 people you couldn't live without:
♥ My family and my friends, and that's more than enough.

4 things you're wearing right now:
♥ tired eyes
♥ my High Valley "On The Combine" t-shirt.
♥ pearl earrings
♥ a ring that I never ever take off.

3 songs that fit your life perfectly:
♥ What do you want from me? -Jerrod Niemann
♥ You won't find this -Carrie Underwood
♥ I can't be bothered -Miranda Lambert

2 things you want to do before you die:
♥ Write a book
♥ Be found.

1 confession:
♥ When I'm home alone, I crank up my music and pretend that I'm either Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, Miranda Lambert, or the ladies of Gloriana, in concert. Embarrassing? Yes. Fun? Ohhh You have NO idea.

Angels.

If there's one thing I've always believed in, it's that God sends us angels. He places millions of these human-like creatures in every town and every country, with human-like names and identities, so that moronic-humans like me can get through the day.

This morning with an bone-dry tank of gas, I hightailed it to the nearest gas station. (actually that's a lie, it was the furthest one from my house haha) Before my parents left, they gave me step-by-step algorithmic instructions on how to dominate the ever-feared: Cardlock. I confess, I have always been very hesitant towards gas pumps. They scare me. I have visions of the tank overflowing and smelly gasoline spewing out the hole and the pump's brakes suddenly break so what was once a gas pump has now become pressure-washer, suddenly I'm inside a car-wash; I end up showering myself with purple and polishing the truck off, sitting in an intoxicating puddle of gasoline. I imagine myself as the starring role in Zoolander's freak gasoline fight.

Anyway, I let the machine read the card, I punched in my pin # and was told that it was now okay to "Use Pump". I approached the pump, grabbed the handle with a fake-confidence and set it inside the tank. I squeezed the handle. Nothin'. Squeezed it again. Nothin'. Again. Nothin'. And again. Nothing nothing nothing!!! I fiddled with the little metal contraption inside the handle. Nothin'. I even started talking to the pump. Nothin'. I threatened to start crying. Nothin'. I pressed in the handle until the machine timed-out. Pff!

I sat myself down in my truck and slammed the door behind me. I didn't know what to do. It was 10 AM on a Sunday morning. Anybody with a Cardlock knowledge would be sitting in church with their cellphones turned off, way off. I then started texting my sister whole lives two provinces away: "THE CARDLOCK IS NOT WORKING!!!"

She replied with, "Wow, you are stupid." Just kidding. She didn't say that, but we all know she was thinkin' it. As she started coaching me through the process, a white truck pulled up beside me. A man! A middle-aged male with many expected years of life experience was right outside my window! (so, just forget about my previous blog entry for a moment)

"Hi..." I said stepping out my truck, embarrassed as ever. "...can you help me?"

Yes, there's no doubt in my mind that this morning God sent me an angel. An angel who taught me that after you remove the pump, you're supposed to lift the thingy. An angel who even knew who my Dad was! Now I'm just praying I'm not gonna be the talk of the coffee shop this week...

Most would argue, "Jen, get real. It's a gas station! Somebody was bound to come around sooner or later. It's nothing but coincidence." All I can think is how sad it would be to live life believing that everything was just coincidence. To never believe in angels, God's hand, or that everything happens for a reason, is nothing but an empty, sad, and dry life. (kind of like my gas tank this morning) In case you didn't realize after a year of reading my blog entries, I am a dreamer and a believer.

So, now that I've allowed for a simple gas-pump experience to carry me away completely, let's get back down to shallow earth. I now have a new life goal: learn to pump gas independently. But if God wants to keep sending me his little gas jockey angels, then so be it!

Deep. Breath.

The transformation of thoughts to words is a beautiful thing; it gives fed-up people like me a chance to sugarcoat and lighten their offensive r-rated thoughts...

I'm considering gaining 230+ pounds, throwing out all of my make-up, and shaving my hair off. Hopefully that will eliminate all things men from my life --cause guys are shallow like that. (trust me, they flee from anything not-Hollywood)

Imagine never having to speak to another male in your life? Imagine if all men never took a second look at you? Imagine if you were just invisible around them? That would be NICE.

Who in their right mind would want something in their life that just makes them feel like they'll never be good enough? Not me.

Crazy Love.

If you see a 4x4 hightailing down the highway,
windows rolled down,
aviators over the eyes,
hand out the window,
blonde hair EVERYWHERE,
and Jason Aldean cranked,
Well...
that's me.

But for now, Harry Met Sally is on the television and it's like a heaven-sent!

My high heels and I are hangin' out with Michael Buble tonight. So don't wait up for me! ;)

One Simple Prayer.

God, if you can move mountains, make the blind see and the deaf hear; if you can turn water into wine, if you can give motion to the crippled, if you can walk on water, if you can rise from the dead... then you can do one simple thing for me. It's all I ask of you.

Take away my feelings for him.

Blink.

Last night I went to bed in depressed mood. Thus, making it difficult to fall asleep at a decent hour.
This lethargic and hopeless state of mind carried on through the night and into the morning. The last thing I felt like doing was going to work. I imagined in my mind what it would be like if I skipped work without any notice. I was granted visions of me, a sluggish ten-pounds gained mess, glued to the couch watching no-good-for-you tv shows like Pretty Little Liars and listening to despairingly sad music and eating mountains of artisan-cheese flavoured rice crackers while my boss and fellow co-workers are in an angry frenzy at work.
Yep, this vision did it for me. There was NO way I would EVER even CONSIDER skipping work EVER again. *shudder*
Twenty minutes before I planned to leave for work, I stepped in front of my full-length mirror. Sighhhhhhh. I didn't approve of what I saw staring back at me; my hair pulled back in a messy bun, a blank slate for a face, and dressed dark, as if I were about to attend a funeral. Great. I'm gonna be mistaken for a train-wreck when I get to work. Can't wait!
And then ...I blinked.
Without a thought in the world, I cranked up the bass on my speakers. I tore off my black top and exchanged it for a bright baby pink t-shirt. I buttoned on my American Eagle skinny jeans and smoothed my hair back into a girly high pony tail. I shimmered my cheek bones with bronzer and coated my lashes with dramatizing mascara. I slipped in my favorite pair of dangly earrings and smothered on the lip gloss. Before practically skipping out the door, I gave myself a deadly stare in the mirror. Now, YOU are lookin' good.
It was a weird moment. In the span of one second I went from "I am an ugly old rag." to "I love life!!!!" I always knew I was somethin' short of bi-polar!
I was so proud of myself. This morning I could have chosen to have a lousy day at work. I could have gone to work wearing black and tried to convince the world that I am a big piece of nothing, but instead, I chose to make this day wonderful. And that's exactly how it turned out! Work was great, people were great, and my mind-set was great.
So, here's to my bi-polar tendencies and to having a (hopefully) blissful sleep. :)

Highlight of My Day?

Me: "Mom, you'd better be very specific of which bags go to the thrift store and which bags don't go to the thrift store, because I am known to do some pretty stupid things."
Ten minutes later I back the car out of the garage. I not only miss the pavement and drive onto the lawn, but I drive over two solar lanterns, creating a glass ...EXPLOSION.
Do I really need to say it again? "I am known to do some pretty stupid things."
I once again thank God for blessing me with two patient and very forgiving parents. :)

While I was skyping with a good friend the other day, together we watched a video from the Mars Hill Church titled "Marriage and Men". So if you're a guy wanting some guidance on how to live your life a little better or how to treat your woman a little better, this is a great video for you! (Although, I'm pretty sure I lost all of my male readers after that blog entry I wrote a few days ago) And if you're a single girl like me, this video might help you raise your standards, just a little, in regards to finding a future mate. (it also made me realize how ready I am to NOT get married. Haha!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYBovk6MBEg

If you watch it, then ...great! If you don't...then that's OK too. But don't say I didn't opportune you!
Anyway, Chinese takeout is calling my name. Caio!

What to do...what to do...

To confront or not to confront?

To fake a smile or not to fake a smile?

To persevere or not to persevere?

To care or not to care?

To sit back and watch this childhood dream go up in flames or not to sit back and watch this childhood dream go up in flames?

To pull ones' hair out or not to pull ones' hair out?

To pretend or not to pretend?

To scream in pure frustration or not to scream in pure frustration?

To resign or not to resign?

To believe that yes, this is how friends treat each other or not to believe that yes, this is how friends treat each other?

To continue wasting ones' time or not to continue wasting one's time?

To cry or not to cry? (too late for that one...)

To admit that there's female drama in ones' life or not to admit that there's female drama in ones' life?

I can't believe I'm letting an issue as stupid as this one keep me up way past my 11:30 bedtime. This is ridiculous. Thank goodness for encouraging late-night text messaging; without it, I never would've spotted the slight glimpsing sparkle at the end of this tunnel. Ohhh yes, the day this slow and heavy shuffling train leaves this barren cylinder of a tunnel will be a GOOD day.

I think I just knocked Hamlet and his listening-skull out of the ball park.

Eleven was just a phase.

I'm going through a box of old notes and diaries that were stashed in my closet, and man, I found some of my diary entries from as far back as 1999! Kids say the darndest things!

November 11 '1999
"Today is rememce Day. I feel kind of sad because lot's of people died because they fighted in the war and people steped on land mines."

Dec. 22 '1999
"Hi! You know what! Why would one of my friends like ____!! He isn't a very good kid in school. He teases people. Same with ____! He thinks he is so funny."

'2000
"Hi! It's me again. I have have some news! K**** likes me, I can tell because he is always pushing me and smiling at me. I always say to my frinds that I hate him but I really do like him. I mean, he's funny, he's cool, and all that."

"Do you know what happened once? Well, it was at lunch time at school and K**** was wrighting notes to me saying "you suck" and all that. Then a note said 'you suck' it was on a piece of paper shaped like a heart then I unfolded it. I say 'K****!!' Just when I'm hold up the heart. He says that he never new that was a heart. Bye!"

"Everytime when K**** is on our slides that me and Kayla are on, they push us off and they get the slides. Then we go close to them in the bush so they can see us then I say to my friends 'hey guys! ssssssssssss' then we fake laghfe so that M******'s little brother comes and we push him and he falls on the ground. Ha! Ha! Bye!"

"Hi! know what I really don't like K**** very much. Plus I'm way too young to have a boy. I mean he's cute and all but I just like him a bit."

June 11 '2000
"I need to tell you about todays Passions episode. Well first Tabatha and Timmy were drowning in the ocean because they were having a prom. I don't even know what that means or is! Anyways, there having a prom on a big ship and there was a big storm. And Teresa was having fun with Ethan, Grace fell out of the boat somehow. And Chairoty was killing Megal because Tabatha was controling her. Charioty had red eyes and was choking her boyfriend Megal. We don't really know if Megal died because they end the show at the good parts."

May 22 '2001
"Dear Diary, please keep this a seceret. It's about a dream that I had. It was so cool. I sat and ate lunch with Leonardo DiCaprio!"

June 1 '2001
"...Then we boarded the bus and were on our way back to school. You know what? I prayed to God for a safe trip and I got one! So I thanked him. I guess God really is real. I'm glad I can be in Heaven with him."

July '2001
"Dear Journal, I'm calling you a journal because you are one. Anyways, how's it going?"

May 6 '2002
"Dear Elijah Wood, I'm just praying and praying that I will get to meet you, but somehow there is no hope. But you're just so old, 21, and I'm only 11. How can I ever marry you? It's just really sad for me. You probably like someone else. There are millions of people who love you, but how can I be chosen out of all those people?"

Haha...Don't judge me.

Pissed(at)MenSyndrome

In regards to health and body, this past week has NOT been so swell.

If I created a visual pie chart of my daily events, 3/4 of it would be titled as "EATING". (did I really have to use a pie chart as my example? Really??)

If I had kept all of my receipts from this past week, ALL of them would include the words: chicken snack wrap x30, vanilla milkshake, cookies, cereal, chicken fingers, ice cream, french fries, and sour cream & onion chips. (could I get any healthier?)

If I took a photo of myself at this very moment, I could pass for being 3...No, make that 4 months pregnant --minus the sweet, angelic motherly glow.

I even sent out a text message looking something like this, "HOW COME ALL I EVER WANT TO DO IS EAT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING?!

So, thank you HORMONES for consuming my every thought and action. Thank you for demolishing my every hope and dream of fitting into my bridesmaid dress. See you next month.

And...I think I just lost all of my male readers.

Deutschland! Deutschland!

My flight to Germany is officially booked.

Yes, this is really happening.

Things just got real.

And life is about to get a whole lot crazier, folks.

So watch out land of schokolade, beer, football hooligans... Jenni is about to set up camp.

:D

You are the best thing that's ever been...Mine.

Today Taylor Swift released her new single, called "Mine", and you can only assume that I was ESTATIC at eight in the morning. I just love her. The fact that she writes ALL her songs astounds me; and a song is only as good as its lyrics. Her words are her diary entries, poured straight from her heart. I only wish I could be so vulnerable with my writing. Oh well, I'm gettin' there... slowly. Slowly but surely. Taylor Swift has kept me dancing in my room, playing air guitar, and head-banging in the car since 2006, and all I can say is that I'm going to go absolutely insane when her new album gets released in October!!

You were in college, workin’ part time, waitin’ tables
Left a small town, never looked back
I was a flight risk, with a fear of fallin’
Wonderin’ why we bother with love if it never lasts

I say, “Can you believe it?”
As we’re lyin’ on the couch
The moment I could see it
Yes, yes, I can see it now

You remember, we were sittin’ there, by the water
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter
You are the best thing that’s ever been mine

Flash forward and we’re takin’ on the world together
And there’s a drawer of my things at your place
You learn my secrets and you figure out why I’m guarded
You say we’ll never make my parents’ mistakes

But we got bills to pay
We got nothin’ figured out
When it was hard to take
Yes, yes, this is what I thought about

You remember, we were sittin’ there, by the water
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter
You are the best thing that’s ever been mine

Do you remember all the city lights on the water?
You saw me start to believe for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter
You are the best thing that’s ever been mine

And I remember that fight, 2:30 a.m.
You said everything was slippin’ right out of our hands
I ran out cryin’, and you followed me out into the street

Braced myself for the goodbye
‘Cause that’s all I’ve ever known
Then you took me by surprise
You said, “I’ll never leave you alone”

You said, “I remember how we felt sittin’ by the water
And every time I look at you, it’s like the first time
I fell in love with a careless man’s careful daughter
She is the best thing that’s ever been mine”

Let the games begin.

I'm stressed out. I can't believe this! Who gets stressed out in the middle of summer? Who can possibly be stressed when the weather is warm, the flowers are flourishing, and the sun is shining?

Me. The answer to that question is me.

It's actually unfathomable how busy the months of August and September are going to be for me, and in case you didn't know, I am the Maid of Honor for a wedding in September, so I'm in the process of planning a few events.

I am a lover of lists. So can I just make a list of things happening from now until September 22? Thanks.

-Folklorama this weekend!

-Shopping for Bachelorette party goods.

-Birthday party!

-Michael Buble concert!!

-Taking one of my best friends out for supper on her birthday.

-Meeting with the Bombers merchandise guy for Labour Day details.

-Bachelorette party!!!! (planned by me)

-Create wedding slideshow.

-My town's fair weekend. (parade, fireworks, BBQ chicken, country music, mmm...)

-One of my best friends' birthday parties on the beach!

-Lingerie Shower (planned by me)

-Spending Labour Day weekend in Regina for the Labour Day Classic. (Go Bombers!!)

-Wedding Rehearsal Dinner

-The day before the wedding day. (this will be an interesting day!)

-Wedding day!!!!

-My sister is coming to visit for a week!

-My last week of work (so bittersweet)

-Packing up my room for moving day.

-Packing for Germany.

-Leaving for Germany.

So as you can see, I'm a busy girl, and it's insane as to how much work I need to take off. And that list isn't even the half of it. Most of my days are spontaneous, so imagine this list times two! I'd say that most of the stress is derived from my best friend's wedding. (planning parties and events has never, ever, been my thing. There's so much work that goes into it.) But I would do anything for that girl. :)

I just gotta remind myself to take it one day at a time and cherish moments like this; the moments I can stop and take a breath.

A New Friend.

So there's been this guy. I met him a few nights ago for the first time. It was an awkward, yet very cute first-meeting; romantic like no other.

So, what's the story? What makes this one so mucher greater than the others? Well...I caught him watching me through my bedroom window.

I was creeped out... majorly, until I saw him rest the palm of his hand against the glass. (It was the cutest sight to see--honestly, one of those straight outta a movie kind of moments)
The gesture was so romantic that I had to take a photo. So right after I snapped the photo, I turned off the lights, and pulled down the blind until just a crack was left for him to watch me crawl into bed and doze off, feeling safe and secure.

Good night, I said, peering up from my pillow.

When I awoke the next morning, he was gone. Even his palm-print disappeared. It was as if he was just a mirage of my imagination. I brushed it off, thinking that yes, all good things must come to an end.

And then, as the sun left the sky and the stars paraded through, as if all of my dreams were finally coming true, there he was! Sitting right exactly where we had met for the very first time. And boy, was he ever cute staring at me with those squinty, yellow and endearing eyes. Yes, I'm quite a sucker for those green-as-grass, slim-covered, chubby lookin' kinda fella's. His mysteriousness actually intrigues me. I mean, to be honest, I'm not even sure if he, is actually ...a he.

Never Truer.

"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said 'Journeys end in lovers meeting.' What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had.

I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said 'love is blind'. Now that is something I know to be true.

For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert.

Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back."

-The Holiday

The Breath You Take.

He looks up from second base dad’s up in the stands
He saw the hit, the run, the slide there ain’t no bigger fan
In the parking lot after the game he said
“Dad I thought you had a plane to catch”
He smiled and said “Yeah son I did”

Life’s not the breaths you take
The breathing in and out
That gets you through the day
Ain’t what it’s all about
You just might miss the point
Try’n to win the race
Life’s not the breaths you take
But the moments that take your breath away

Fast forward fifteen years
And a thousand miles away
Boy’s built a life he’s got a wife
And a baby due today
He hears a voice saying “I made it son
He said “I told you dad you didn’t have to come”
He smiles and says ”Yeah I know you did”

Just like it took my breath when she was born
Just like it took my breath away when dad took his last that morn

Life’s not the breaths you take
The breathing in and out
That gets you through the day
Ain’t what it’s all about
You just might miss the point
If ya don’t slow down the pace
Life’s not the breaths you take
But the moments that take your breath away
-George Strait